Home Page › Forums › Fiction Writing › Critiques › Novel Idea Critiques › WIP: Let There Be Light, Book 1 of The Flames of Hope Trilogy
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September 25, 2024 at 2:13 pm #186288
You’ll have to read more to find out. lol
Oh completely. In the actual book they are in a completely different font and are indented. KP wouldn’t let me indent them, so I guessed Italicizing would have to do.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
September 25, 2024 at 2:13 pm #186289btw, yay! I got a reaction out of you!
lol.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
September 25, 2024 at 2:22 pm #186293@ellette-giselle lolllll
I mean, if I don’t have anything to say, that means it must be good, right????
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
September 25, 2024 at 2:22 pm #186294also congratulations on the book you published!
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
September 25, 2024 at 2:24 pm #186296Silence could also mean it’s so bad that you can’t even find something to say.
haha!!!
Oh, thank you so much!!!
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
September 25, 2024 at 2:30 pm #186297@ellette-giselle Not likely with me, usually. If I don’t like something, I’m quite vocal about it.
You should see me yelling at the screen while playing Minecraft or something and my creatures aren’t going where I want them. LOL.
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
September 25, 2024 at 2:31 pm #186299and you’re welcome! I’m almost finished with my tenth book. It’s a picture book, so not much in the way of like drafting and writing and stuff.
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
September 25, 2024 at 2:32 pm #186300Haha! Good to know.
So then, since you said something, does that mean your aren’t happy? Maybe a little stressed?
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
September 25, 2024 at 4:04 pm #186316Do you really want me to answer that question?
Well, if I had a physical copy of the story, I would know. But I suppose this could spoil weather or not Aaron survives. I know this is a trilogy, but book two could pick up with Sabina or someone else.
My Dearest, Dearest, Darling Sabina,
Tomorrow I am going to die.
I thought for a split second that he would end the letter like this. That would have been blunt and harsh. Good thing he did continue for Sabina.
Aaron’s reaction was a good one. Firm until the reality of his situation confronted him. This felt realistic and struck a cord so I ended up feeling for him.
September 25, 2024 at 5:15 pm #186318Well, if I had a physical copy of the story, I would know. But I suppose this could spoil weather or not Aaron survives. I know this is a trilogy, but book two could pick up with Sabina or someone else.
that’s a possibility.
I thought for a split second that he would end the letter like this. That would have been blunt and harsh. Good thing he did continue for Sabina.
No kidding!!
Aaron’s reaction was a good one. Firm until the reality of his situation confronted him. This felt realistic and struck a cord so I ended up feeling for him.
Thank you. That is exactly what I want. I’m very glad it worked out that way.
after one of my friends started crying over the rough draft and melting the words on the paper I had pretty high hopes for this scene. 😉
so, do you think he’s going to die, or do you believe he’ll get out of this?
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
September 26, 2024 at 10:47 am #186334after one of my friends started crying over the rough draft and melting the words on the paper I had pretty high hopes for this scene. 😉
Hee hee. I know that feeling.
so, do you think he’s going to die, or do you believe he’ll get out of this?
At this point I could see it going either way. It seems your main thing for Aaron is trust in this stroy, but I think he can learn that either way. If he does not escape, he will learn to trust God no mater what the cost. If he survives, he will be reminded that God looks after him and perhaps see some of God’s goodness resulting from this.
I think he does have a chance at escaping. The guard’s surprise at his trust in God felt like a hint that the guard would change his mind, but maybe not.
September 26, 2024 at 10:51 am #186336No, wait, your not supposed to be one yet! Grrrr. (Explanation: I told myself I would get the next scenes fully edited and cleaned up before you or Keilah got on and commented on my WIP. I failed. lol)
Hee hee. I know that feeling.
Oh dear.
I hope it has nothing to do with your currant WIP.
Interesting thoughts on weather or not he’ll get away. All of them are the dots I wanted you (the reader) to connect and the points I wanted you to get. So, good job me. XD. And good job you for being a smart human being. (Haha!)
I’ll post the next part soon, so don’t run away please!
lol.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
September 26, 2024 at 12:35 pm #186347I’m sorry it’s so long. I hope no one is reading this on their phone, because then it would seem REALLY long. There just wasn’t a good place to split this up.
So, picking up where we left off at the end of Aaron’s letter.
My Dear Joseph,
I don’t know how to begin this; It is so hard to say farewell. Dear little one, how I will miss you. Joseph, I have been called to lay down my life for Christ. I know that this is not the end, and I will live with God forever and one day we will meet again. There is joy, yet a bitter-sweat joy, for I am sorry to leave you and the others. Joseph, do you remember that day in the Great Hall? You were the first to come to me; the first to believe. Oh Joseph, your faith is strong; so strong. I love you so much, and it has been such a joy to watch you grow stronger in Christ. Joseph, on the day I left and came here to Ardenta, my father told me something. He said he was proud of me, and he told me to remember that no matter where I was, what happened, or who did what, I was never fatherless. Now, I will say the same to you. Joseph, I am proud of the young man you are growing into. I know you have given your life to Christ, and there is nothing better; nothing that would make me more proud or bring me more joy. Joseph, no matter where you are, what happens, or who does what, you are NEVER fatherless. Cling to your Father in heaven, and He will guide you. Walk in His ways without looking to the right or the left. Joseph, you once told me you wanted to be just like me. Well, all men must die. I will die tomorrow, and though you may strive to follow in my steps, I asked that you would do something better. Follow in Christ’s steps. He must be your Leader, for He is the perfect, undying Captain and King. He will never leave you and never fail you. Walk in His shadow, as I have striven to do. Try to be just like Him in everything. Look up to Him and He will lead you. He will always be with you, and He will never leave you. I believe God will call you to do much for Him, and all I ask is that you heed that call and follow Him in all that you do. Lead the other children by your example and be a servant to them.
Joseph, I don’t want to frighten you, but you must know the truth. This is a cruel and dark time that we live in. I wish so much that I could be there with you, helping you, leading you, praying with you, preparing you, but I can’t. However, I need you to understand something. God is taking me from you now, but that does not mean He will leave you to face this world alone. He will raise up men to guide you and encourage you. And, even if He doesn’t, I know that God will never leave you. When you come face to face with any trils, He will be standing there with you, and if you fall, he will carry you home. Just hold fast and stand firm in the faith. He will lead you safely through the shadow of death and into everlasting life.
There is one last thing. Joseph, I won’t be able to be there with Sabina. So, am asking, will you please take care of her for me? I know you are young, and I don’t expect you to care for her the way a grown man would be able to, but would you please help her? Can you try to comfort her when I am gone, and will you please pray with her? I love you both so much, and I feel better knowing that you will be together.May the Lord bless you and keep you; may He make His face to shine upon you and give you peace.
I love you my dearest boy. Farewell until we meet again.Aaron Dalvarian
Aaron rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand and blinked tears away. He sat for some time,
just staring at the page. At last, he slowly turned it over and took up his quill again. Somehow, now that he had done it twice, writing seemed easier. But what he had to write was just as painful; maybe even more so as he realized how many were dear to him; how many he must say goodby to.My dear brothers in Christ, Noah and Darrien,
As you will know by now, it has come down to the point where I must choose between God or man. I have held fast to Christ, and now I will pay with my life. It is a strange thought, knowing that you will die and are powerless to stop it. I confess it frightens me. I do not wish to die, but if called upon to lay down my life for my Savior, then I will, for I can never turn my back on God.
I ask you both to carry on what I have started. You are strong in Christ, and you are full of the Spirit of God. I know you will both lead well, and I have no fear that my death will leave the believers stranded without strong. Godly leaders. Continue to train up young men to take the roles of leaders in the church; shepherds and teachers of the people. Ezra and Arden have shown strong faith and have applied the teachings of Scripture to all that they do. They are humble and full of courage and the Holy Spirit. Do as I did with you. Watch them both, have them teach while you listen, and if they are the young men I believe they have become, then they will soon be ready to join you. The others improve with each day and are not far behind. All save Jethro. He seems to fall behind the others, and often he questions foundational things. I am in no way condeming him for this, but he must stand firm in the faith before he can lead others. Please help him to understand this. Point him constantly to God and His Word, but be careful to see that he is standing firm in Christ before you allow him to lead. God’s Word says, “Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness. For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body.” Perhaps God has called him to something else besides teaching. I ask that you would pray with him and encourag him. I spoke with him once, mentioning that there are other ways to serve the Lord and they are no less important or crucial. He seemed surprised and perhaps a bit doubtful. I pray that you would continue to help him see that just because he wants to serve God doesn’t mean that he has to lead.
So many memories have come to me as I pen this. We have been through much together; so much. You are both strong men of God, and I thank Him for every moment we had together. We have faced trials and joys alike, and we have stood strong together in Christ. Now I must leave you both, and that fills me with great sorrow. But I leave to go to my true home, and for that I cannot help but feel a strange sense of joy and excitement. This life is dear to me. There are so many that I love and wish I could have spent more time with. But, if that is not our Father’s will, then I must be content to give it up and let go of this life. I want to thank you both for all that you have done. You have been dear brothers and both of you have been their to encourage me and point me to Christ in my darkest moments. I believe God used you both to help prepare me to face this final trial. Thank you both.
Stay strong, encourage the people, make no compromise with evil, and walk in the way God has set before you. May God bless you both. Take heart and have courage. He will never leave you or forsake you, no matter what you face. Trials will come. Pain, sorrow, and death will come. But He will be with you through it all. Hold fast to Him and remain faithful to the end. Now we must pass through the refining fires of this life, but then we shall be pure as gold. Draw closer to God and to one another. Help each other and stand firm together. Hold fast to your faith, be bold and courageous. Ask the Lord to give you strength, faith and aid. He is faithful to do so. Lean on Him and He will hold you up. Cling to Him and He will never let you go. Farewell for a time. I know I will see you again, perhaps soon, perhaps after a long time. But whatever comes, stay true to our Father in heaven.Your brother in Christ,
Aaron Dalvarian
Aaron let the page dry and then turned over a new one. He shoved his hair back from his eyes and stared down at the blank paper. “Oh God, why must it be so hard? Please give me peace!”
Aaron’s hand shook a little as he picked up his quill and set to work once more.
To My Dear Little Friends, Asher and Eric,
My dear boys, I hardly know where to begin. I wish with all my heart that I could have seen you one last time and spoken to you both face to face. The battles I have faced were long and hard, but now they have come to an end. Tomorrow I will face my last fight, and Christ will have His victory through me. I will stand before my King and see Him face to face. All this time I have trusted Him and believed in Him. Now I will finally see Him. The glorious moment when faith is turned to sight. I know it will be worth whatever they do to me. I’m afraid, but Christ is giving me strength. He is here with me, helping me as I face this final battle. When I fall, He will carry me, and by His strength I will stand firm. My boys, this world is dark, and the Empire hates those who call Christ their Lord. I don’t know what will happen in the future. But, if called upon to meet a similar fate as mine, I charge you both to remain faithful. Hold fast to Christ and cling to Him in the storm. He will be your rock and fortress. Asher, Eric, I know you have both last your earthly father to the war, but I want you to always remember that you are never fatherless. I lost my own father. I know the pain you face. Yet, we have been given a perfect Father, and He will never leave us. He loves you, and He will give you comfort and strength. I pray you will always follow Him. I am proud of the young men you are becoming. No matter what happens, flee from all temptation, for the devil longs to claim you as his own. You belong to Christ and you are sons of the King of kings. Live accordingly. Remember, no matter what happens, the victory has already been won, and we are more the conquerors through Him who loved us.
Farewell, Asher and Eric. Until we meet again.
Aaron
Aaron set down his quill and leaned back, supporting himself with his hands. His gaze drifted to the window where the light of the moon streamed in and bathed the cell in silver. Aaron smiled slightly and sat up, letting his hands rest in his lap, but keeping his eyes on the light. He rubbed a hand over his forehead and let out a deep breath. “Father, I’m so overwhelmed. I know that my life is safe in Your hands, yet there is something deep inside me that is filled with horror at the thought of what I must face. Why is it so hard to give up this life when I know I will go to my true home and live forever with You? I know I am Yours, yet I am still afraid. When I think of what will happen, there is a tightness in my chest and I feel as through someone is choking me. Terror stabs me like a knife and doubt strikes me over and over…” Aaron bowed his head and drew in a shuddering breath. Why is it so easy to tell those I love that I am sure of God’s faithfulness and my salvation, yet when I think of what will come, I am terrified? How can I give them encouragement with such surety, but the moment I face my own battle I begin to doubt? It was then that a strange thought came to him; a burning desire to read Matthew 14. He couldn’t remember what the chapter was about, only that he wanted to read it. Aaron picked up his Bible and flipped through it to the place. His eyes instantly fell on verses 22.
‘Immediately He made the disciples get into the boat and go before Him to the other side, while He dismissed the crowds. And after He had dismissed the crowds, He went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, He was there alone, but the boat by this time was a long way from the land, beaten by the waves, for the wind was against them. And in the fourth watch of the night He came to them, walking on the sea. But when the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” and they cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.”
And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.” He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” Jesus immediately reached out His hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”
Aaron let out a long breath. “Father I am afraid. Dread fills me, and I have no strength. Please Father, take my fear and grant me Your courage, take my dread and replace it with Your Spirit, take my weakness and give me Your strength. Oh I love You Father, I love You with all of my heart. Help me now! I am afraid, I have turned my eyes from You to the sea and I am sinking in it. Take my hand and pull me up. Hold me close and don’t let me go! I have stepped out on the waves, but my gaze is not on You alone. I find myself looking at the waters around me, for they are dark and eager to take my life, and I fear them. Lord save me! Oh Father save me. Turn my eyes back to You and hold me now. I have doubted–– please strengthen my faith. Father I give myself fully and completely to You. I let go of this life and I let go of control and desires. I am Yours alone, I submit to Your will. Do with me what You wish; only give me the strength I need. Bring me home.”
***
All that long night, Aaron stayed awake reading his Bible and praying. He had never felt so close to God, and the nearness seem to grow with the coming of the dawn. He felt safe and secure–– filled with peace and faith. His eyes were open to new things, and the more he read his Bible the more he understood. He seemed to be filled with a deeper strength of understanding then he had ever known, and Aaron was sure it was God’s gift to him. He was certain his heavenly Father had opened his eyes and enabled him to see and understand more then he had ever dreamed.
Aaron read and read, hunger burning inside him and a desire for truth and strength filling him. He spoke often to the Lord, thanking Him, asking for His help, or sometimes just talking, as a son to his Father. Aaron felt as though he was coming home after a long journey, and he began to tell God everything about it, as if he was telling his earthly father about what he had done, seen and learned. He had never felt God’s presence so strongly as he did now. The moon set and Aaron could no longer read, so instead he prayed.
Then, the sun began to rise.
Splashes and ribbons of color filled the sky, and the golden light of the sun began to touch the horizon. Aaron watched in silence, knowing this was the last sunrise he would ever see. The pure brilliance and majesty of it sent chills down his spine.
Aaron looked at the door, wondering when they would come. He stood up and walked to one side of the room, and then back to the patch of light under the window. He sat down, and then stood up again. He paced back and forth and then stopped where he had started. He stood still, looking up at the light of the rising sun. Aaron ran his hands over his face and then sat down slowly. He stared at his Bible and journal lying on the dirty ground before him, remembering the last thing he had read before it grew too dark to see. It was 2 Timothy, and the words of the letter from Paul to the young man still spun about in Aaron’s mind. “I have fought the good fight and finished the race,” he whispered into the darkness.
He opened his journal and turned to a blank page. He lifted up his quill and wet it in the ink. Aaron paused with it poised above the paper, unsure of how to put his thoughts into words. He let out a long breath and then began, writing from his heart, not his mind, letting the words flow from him and into the ink on the paper. He wasn’t sure why, but he felt overwhelmed, and not entirely by fear or grief. He felt a great sense of completion and accomplishment. He had made clear to himself and to the world what was going to happen and what his choice would be.
My Darling Sabina,
It is morning. This was the day when we would have wed had God not had a greater plan for us. I love you Sabina, so much, but you know I love our Heavenly Father even more. Today I would have made you my bride, but instead I now prepare to seal my faith with blood. I am going to my true home Sabina, so you mustn’t weep for me. I will be with Christ.
Sabina, when I wrote to you before, I was filled with fear and doubt. But now, that has all but passed from me. I have never felt so close to our Savor as I do now. He has filled me with His Spirit and His peace. The nearness to Him is almost unbearable–– not in a bad sense, but because I can hardly fathom or grasp it! I have never felt this way before. It is though I feel Him holding me close, like my father did when I was a child. I see with clearer eyes, I feel more strongly–– oh I cannot explain! it is wonderful, Sabina. Overpoweringly wonderful! It is a foretaste of Heaven, and I have a wild desire to finally come to Him. To come home. He has filled me with strength, Sabina, He has surrounded me with His peace; He is holding me close; He is calling me home.
Stay strong Sabina. Hold fast to Him, for He will never let you go. Today Sabina, I will face all of the soldiers of the Empire, and most likely the people of Ardenta. It is there that I will make one strong and final confession of faith, and seal it with my life. I do this with both joy and sorrow, but I do it with my eyes on my Savior, not on the waves and the storm of this world. I will walk this stormy sea to Him, and never shall my eyes stray from His face. ‘Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil, for You are with me.’ Today I make those words my own as I pass through the valley of the shadow. He is with me Sabina. He always has been, and He always will be. I will serve no other but my God, I will not bow to idols or make compromise with evil, and if that puts me in the fire, then I rejoice, for He is with me and He will never let me go. I have one wish, and it is that by my death others will come to life in Christ. I pray God uses my death for His glory, and His alone. Sabina, I hear the guard coming for me. It will all be over in just a short while, and then I will be home at last. I will hold fast to Christ, I promise to be true to the end. Farewell until we meet again and stand together, face to face with our Savior and Father.I love you Sabina.
Aaron
Aaron set down the quill as the steps drew nearer. He blew on the writing and then put away the quill and ink in the satchel Sabina had given him. He waited until the key was grating in the lock before closing the book and shoving it into his satchel along with his Bible. He didn’t know how Sabina, or any of the others would ever get the things, but it had felt good to write the letters, and he prayed someday they would be read by those he wrote them to. The door opened, and Aaron started to his feet and spun about. The young guard who had let Sabina talk to him–– the one who had asked the question last night, was standing there. The two looked at each other and said nothing. At last, the guard spoke. “It’s time.”
Aaron nodded and the guard stepped into the cell, a small coil of cord-like rope in his hand. Aaron offered no resistance as the guard drew near. The young man grabbed Aaron’s arm, half expecting him to cry out or fight, but Aaron remain calm. A moment of fear filled him, but was quickly chased away, and Aaron let out a slow breath. The guard twisted the rope about his wrists and Aaron winced slightly.
The guard spoke from behind him. “So, it’s really worth it?”
Aaron smiled slowly, though pain flickered through his eyes as the guard tightened the rope. “Yes. It is completely worth it.”
“Why?” asked the guard, knotting the bonds.
Aaron flinched. “I willingly lay down my life and seal my testimony of faith with my own blood for my God. He has given me life, and laid down His own so that I might live. He saved me, and I will follow Him wherever He leads, even if it is through the shadow of death.”
“But how can you do that for one of the gods? They don’t deserve that. They can’t!” he added almost desperately.
“I do not do it for any false gods. I do this for the One true God who died for me so I might live. He payed the price for my sins, He has given me life. Death is truly only a shadow I must pass through, for there is everlasting life with Him waiting for me. Can you say the same?”
The guard did not reply, but he finished the knot with a sharp jerk, proving Aaron’s words had made some affect, if only to cause a seed of doubt to spring up in his mind about his gods. The guard laid a hand on Aaron’s shoulder and pushed him a step forward. Aaron paused a moment and turned to look at the guard. “Do you remember the girl you brought to me?”
“Yes,” the guard replied curtly.
“Will you please keep that satchel for me and give it to her if ever you see her again?” Aaron asked in a low voice.
The guard looked at the satchel lying on the floor. He bent and picked it up and opened it. He began to rifle through the contents while Aaron watched, silently praying that he would not give it to the Imperial officers. At last, the guard looked up and nodded, sliding the satchel over his shoulder. He gripped Aaron’s arm and lead him out into the hall.
As Aaron walked along the torchlit passage, he felt a slight shadow of fear, but strength and peace overpowered it. They ascended the steps and walked through several more passages and halls; going steadily upward. Aaron took his mind off of everything and spoke silently. Father, be with me now. I trust You, I give myself to You, may Your will be done. They stepped from the halls and came to a wide entry and two open doors. Aaron could see daylight streaming in, and he could the hear shouting and talking of many people. The guard paused and looked at Aaron. “Are you ready, or do you need a moment?” he asked.
“I am ready,” Aaron replied.
The guard glanced up and down the hall, and then motioned to an open door. “Their is an altar there. The least I can do is pour out a liberation for your soul.”
Aaron smiled and shook his head. “I have no need of that. I have been speaking to my God this whole time, and He has heard my cries. I am safe within His hands, and His blood has already ransomed me.”
The guard looked confused. “How? You have no candles or incense, let alone an offering. How can you speak to one of the gods without such things?”
“All God asks for is our hearts. I am one of His chosen elect. He died for me, and I believe it. That is enough.” Aaron replied. “He promised He would never leave me, and I know He never will. He is right here beside me, and He will always listen when I call on Him.”
The guard looked at him with curiosity, clearly having never heard of such a thing. Aaron smiled at him, and then lifted his eyes upward. “Father, I know You are here with me. I know you will never leave me, and you always here me when I call. I am Yours, Lord. Use my death for Your glory. Give me the strength to remain faithful and fill me with Your Spirit. Your will, not mine, be done.” he prayed, speaking aloud not only for himself but for the benefit of the young guard who stood listening.
There was a moment’s silence, and then the guard spoke. “Aren’t you afraid?”
“Slightly,” replied Aaron. “But not much.”
The guard looked up at him. “Your face is pale.”
“Is it?” Aaron asked quietly. “I know I am weak. I don’t have the strength to face this on my own. But the Lord is strong, and He will carry me home.” He met the guard’s eyes. “I am ready.”
The guard nodded, yet was more unwilling then Aaron. He sighed and took Aaron’s arm, leading him down the hall toward the doors. It seemed strange to Aaron, as if he was living in a dream. He felt the sunlight on his face and blinked a moment in the brightness. Then he was descending the steps.
There was a crowd below, soldiers pushing back the people who were shouting and pleading, or jeering and cursing. Voices of anger, malice, sorrow, triumph, and beseeching all mixed together. But Aaron barely noticed. He heard sounds, but they did not make sense to him, nor could he comprehend the meaning of the words. But very clear and very loud was the sound of his and the young guard’s steps on the cobblestones, and the sound of his own breathing. They walked through the path cleared by the soldiers, and Aaron kept his gaze straight ahead, not looking at the people on either side of him.
They were making their way across the courtyard to the great white Pantheon, now fully completed, it’s pillars and buttresses gleaming in the light, and the polished white steps reflecting the gold of the sun. Aaron saw men dressed in long white cloaks, and he saw the imperial official who had interrogated him. They were drawing closer, and Aaron could see the evil glimmer in the official’s eyes. There were several other guards standing on and around the steps, and their armor flashed in the light.
They were at the foot of the wide stairs now, and Aaron took a deep breath. He moved to take a step, but something caught his attention; a voice rising above the crowd and reaching his ears. “Aaron!”
Aaron turned and saw Sabina reaching out a hand toward him over the shoulders of those in front of her. Noah was standing to her right, Joseph in his strong arms, and Darrien was behind Sabina, a hand on her shoulder. Aaron looked into Sabina’s tear-filled eyes and smiled at her. She smiled back as tears slid down her cheeks. Aaron set his shoulders and turned away from her. He ascended the steps with firm strides, the guard still gripping his arm.
Aaron came to a stop on the wide landing with white pillars holding up a roof over their heads. It was here that the official stood. The guard let go of Aaron, and when Aaron glanced at him he saw the young man’s eyes were filled with fear. Aaron gave him a reassuring nod and then looked over the young guard’s head to Sabina. The guard turned and saw her. He looked back one last time at Aaron and then hurried down the steps.
The crowd had fallen silent, and all eyes were fixed on Aaron. The official nodded to two of the guards and they stepped forward. They grabbed Aaron roughly and slammed him to his knees on the white stone floor. Aaron winced as the blow jarred through him. One of the guards held him down while the other stepped back. Aaron looked up at the official. They were facing each other, but parallel to the steps so that the crowd below could see them both. There was dead silence, and nothing moved save a light breeze. The the breeze strengthened into a wind, and dark clouds covered the sun, turning the gleaming white building to a dull grey. Aaron felt the wind bite his bare arms and blow his hair back from his face. He braced himself against it and focused on the man in front of him.
“Aaron Dalvarian, you have placed yourself at odds with the Empire. You entice others to follow the ways of your God, not the gods of the Empire–– the only gods that Ardenta shall serve. I have shown you mercy, and even offered you a position with the Empire, but you have scorned both. I will ask again, at the bidding of the Governor, will you turn from this rebellion and join us?”
“No,” Aaron replied. “I cannot serve your gods, and I will never turn my back on the One True God.”
Aaron heard the sound of a blade sliding from it’s sheath and he felt a shiver run through him, but he refused to look back. In the distance, thunder rumbled and lightning flickered.
“Come Aaron, give this foolishness up,” the official encouraged. “Think of the long life before you. Think of your betrothed. If you will not do it for yourself, then join us for her sake.”
“No!” came a cry from the crowd. All heads turned to see Sabina watching, her face white and streaked with tears. “No Aaron, don’t do it! Hold fast to Christ! Do not think of me, it is to Him your life belongs. Stay true to the end!” she was trembling, but her words were steady and loud, and Aaron saw the love and courage in her eyes.
“Stay true Aaron, you are almost home!” called out Noah.
“Don’t give in!” cried Darrien.
Aaron felt peace wash over him, stronger then the whipping wind. Hearing such faith and courage strengthened him, and he felt God’s presence more then ever. He looked straight at Sabina.
Sabina looked up at him. “I love you, Aaron!”
The official raised his hand, and silence fell. He looked at Aaron. “Will you do it for her?”
“No,” Aaron replied.
“Then you are charged with treason against the Empire and sacrilege against the gods,” the official announced. “Do you dare deny the charges?”
“If that is what I means to worship God, then no, I gladly accept them,” Aaron replied firmly.
The soldier behind Aaron cursed under his breath. The officer nodded, and the soldier yanked Aaron’s head back, laying his throat bare to the knife he held in his other hand. Aaron’s breathing quickened, but he didn’t speak.
“Will you give in for the people of Ardenta who look to you as their leader?” the official asked
“No,” Aaron replied firmly.
The cold steal of the knife pressed against his throat and Aaron felt the bite of the blade’s edge, ready to take his life. A shudder of terror ran through him and he sucked in a sharp breath, closing his eyes. Father help me, he cried out desperately from his heart. Don’t let me go, don’t let me go…
Through the fear, Aaron felt peace and strength flood him, and in that moment he completely let go and submitted entirely and once and for all to God. Through it all, Aaron heard the voice of the official, trying one last desperate time to win a powerful tool to wield for the Empire. “It is in your hands now. Let your next words be one’s of submission, or they will most certainly be your last.”
Aaron’s lips were shut tight and his breath was slow, though slightly uneven. Father hold me now. It is over, I have done it.
There was no sound. Even the gathering storm held back the thunder, and the wind went absolutely dead as all of Ardenta held it’s breath while the forces of evil battled with one young soldier of Christ.
I have run my race, fought my battle; it is finished. Aaron felt as through the strong arms of his Father were about him, and in his heart he could already hear the whisper of His Savior’s words, “Well done…”
Aaron drew in one final breath, and the last words he would ever speak sounded loud and clear over the silent crowd. “Never! I belong to God, and Him alone will I serve until death.”
***
The rain came down steadily, and all of Ardenta was cloaked in darkness from the black clouds. The streets were empty except for at the Pantheon. There, at the top of the steps, a girl cradled a youth in her arms, weeping softly. Rain and blood mingled and ran down the white steps, staining them crimson.
Leaning against a pillar, a young man stood guard over the pair, his eyes watchful.
The girl leaned close to the one she held, dark hair, now drenched with rain, slipping over her face and falling against his chest. The young man’s blond hair dripped with water, and blood stained his black leather vest. The girl leaned forward until her cheek touched his. She whispered softly, repeating his name over and over.
The young man who stood guard watched with tear-filled eyes. Suddenly, movement arrested his attention, and he moved forward as a soldier stepped from the shadows. The Imperial Soldier paused, seeming taken aback to see the tall Ardantin. He hesitated a moment, gripping a leather satchel in both hands. The two stood in silence. At last, the young guard spoke. “He said to give this to her.”
He held out the satchel and the Ardantin took it. “When?”
“Before he died,” the guard replied. “Earlier this morning.” He looked at Sabina, gently rocking Aaron as the rain drenched them both. He turned back to the tall Ardentan. “He said that it was worth it. I can’t understand it, but it seems as though it was. When we stood in the hall together, he spoke to his God. When he looked at me his face was pale, but his eyes… his eyes where shining with a light I have never seen before.” He stopped short and looked up at the Ardentan. He turned quickly and made to leave, his face flushed and his eyes downcast.
The Ardentan reached out and laid a hand in his shoulder. “Wait. What is your name?”
The guard looked back, his eyes frightened and ashamed.
“I am Noah,” the Ardantin told him.
“My name is Adrian,” the young guard replied, meeting Noah’s eyes for the first time.
“You know… you knew Aaron?” Noah asked huskily.
“Yes,” the guard replied. “Did you?”
“He was like a brother. He was a brother,” Noah said. He looked over at Sabina and Aaron.
Adrian followed his gaze. “Was she special to him?”
“His betrothed,” Noah replied, softly. “They would have been wed today.”
After a long silence, Adrian spoke. “Where will you lay him?”
“Outside the city, with the ones who died in the war. We’ll sneak out tonight after curfew and get out under the cover of––” Noah broke off suddenly, and his face paled a little as he looked at Adrian.
Adrian stared back at him, and then looked at Aaron. “Well then, tonight a group will be permitted to go out of the city under my protection, and no questions will be asked.”
Noah shook his head. “I don’t want you to put yourself at risk.”
Adrian smiled slightly. “I have friends.”
Noah was quiet for a moment. Then, he looked at Adrain. “Thank you,”
Adrian nodded.
Noah looked back at Sabina. “She needs to come inside,” he murmured to himself.
Adrian nodded, and then spoke haltingly. “After we… we bury him, could I… would you let me… may I talk to you?”
“About what?” Noah asked, warily.
Adrian’s eyes darted nervously, and he took a step closer, dropping his voice. “I want to know more of what Aaron believed.”
Noah smiled through the pain and sorrow. “Yes,” he said, squeezing Adrian’s arm. “I will tell you everything.” He gave Adrian a nod and then turned and walked slowly over to Sabina. Noah stood beside her and laid a hand on her shoulder. “Sabina.”
Sabina looked up at him, her eyes filled with tears.
“Sabina, it is time to go. You must come home or you will get sick. Please Sabina. The children need you.”
Sabina nodded slowly, dragged back from her grief by the thought of the little boys she loved. She looked back at Aaron and a sob caught in her throat. She put her hands over her face and began crying harder. “Oh Aaron, my dear Aaron,” she whispered. “He was so brave Noah. So brave. He stayed true to the end…” her voice was lost amid a fresh outburst of tears. Noah dropped to one knee and put an arm about her shoulders. Sabina pressed her face against Aaron’s chest and sobbed.
At last she lifted her head, sucking in a trembling breath. She looked at Noah, her eyes pleading with him to help her understand. To help her bear it. Noah held out the satchel. “Aaron asked one of the guards to give this to you.”
Sabina took it and pressed it to her chest. She looked over her shoulder, following Noah’s glance. Adrian was standing in the shadows, but he nodded to her.
Sabina looked back at Noah, still holding the satchel close and rocking slightly. Noah laid a hand on her shoulder. “Sabina, it’s time to go. Adrian is going to get us through the gates so we can… so we can bury him.”
Sabina nodded again and looked down at Aaron, his head resting on her lap. “I don’t understand,” she whispered. “But he told me he also often didn’t understand things God called him to do. But if he hadn’t done them, then you and I wouldn’t be where we are now. All of Ardenta would be different. He brought us hope. He brought us the truth. And now… and now he has gone home, just like Turin.” Sabina looked down at Aaron’s pale face, streaked with blood and rain, yet full of peace and even a touch of joy. Sabina bent and gently kissed him, her eyes closed but tears still slipping through her dark lashes. Then she whispered softly, her lips brushing against his. “I will love you always, Aaron Dalvarian. I promise here and now that I will strive to stand firm as you did. I will serve God with my whole life, and no one will ever sway me. I know God will be with me as He was with you. He will hold me fast, and He will give me strength.”
Sabina closed her eyes and let out a long shuddering breath. She allowed Noah to gently move Aaron onto the stone floor and draw her to her feet. She swayed slightly and Noah put a supporting arm about her. Sabina looked up into the rain and closed her eyes. It seemed as though the whole world wept with her, and she was both comforted and distraught by it. “Oh Father, Father, help me now,” she said softly. “Guide me as you did Aaron. Help me to follow you as he did. Pour out Your Spirit on me and those of us who believe in You. Help us now. We need You, Lord. We need You!”
“Yes Father,” Noah whispered. “Help us now, for we are only beginning to understand what it means to belong to You. We have only had a taste of what is to happen. Help us to hold fast to our faith and stand strong for You.”
Sabina drew in a shuddering breath. “Father, help us now, and bring us home. Bring us home to You… bring us home.”
***
7 years later……
Sunlight blazed down on the road and the fields surrounding them. A slight breeze rustled the crisp golden stocks of wheat and corn as they dipped under heavy burdens or complained in raspy tones, begging to be harvested.
Along the dirt road walked two young men. They wore the traditional black boots, dark-grey bloused pants, and black leather vests of Ardenta. Their bare arms and faces were tanned by the sun, and their hands were rough with years of hard work. The elder was in his later twenties, and the other was seventeen. The two walked with steady, purposeful strides, yet still at an easy enough pace for talking. And they were talking together, the elder’s face grim and the younger’s knit with worry. “It is a risk,” said the elder.
“I know,” replied the younger. “But I am willing to do it. You don’t have to continue on with me, but I must. I have prayed long, and I know that this is what I must do.”
“I will not try to sway you then,” replied his friend. He smiled, a far away look in his eyes. “You are so like him.”
“Who?”
“Aaron,”
The young man smiled, his eyes lighting up. “Do you really think so?”
The other nodded. “Yes, I do.”
“That was always what I wanted since the day I met him, Noah.”
Noah smiled down at him. “I know,” he said softly. “He would be proud of you, Joseph.”
“I can hardly believe it was seven years ago,” Joseph said in a distant voice. “I still remember him as if we spoke just a few hours ago, and I remember that day as clear as if it was yesterday. I recall feeling sick with terror, holding tight to you as you held me in your arms. I remember the look in Aaron’s eyes, and I remember thinking–– young as I was–– that Aaron was not as scared as I was. In fact, there was so much courage and faith in his eyes, that I was strengthened. It was that day when I felt God drawn near to me. I remember Darrien carrying me home in the rain, and I sat on his lap and listened to him pray, and felt him cry. God seemed to come and hold me in His arms as Darrien was doing. But the difference was, as I grew, Darrien’s arms never came about me in that way, but God’s seems to tighten His hold and draw me nearer.” He looked up at Noah, tears in his eyes. “I will never forget Aaron. I can’t wait to see him again. To hear his voice and see his smile.”
Noah nodded and dropped his arm over Joseph’s shoulders.
“But,” Joseph continued. “Even more so do I long to see my Savior’s face. To look upon my Father, and to hear Him say, ‘Well done.’ That is what I want most in all the world.”
The two continued in silence for some time. Then Noah spoke. “So much has changed. So much has happened.”
“I know,” Joseph agreed. “It has been such an answer to prayer that we are now allowed to travel from town to town, village to village, and city to city without much hinderance.”
Noah nodded. “But the border is still as locked down as ever.”
“More so,” Joseph replied.
“It is strange,” mused Noah. “When we were free, we wanted nothing to do with strangers. Now we morn the fact that we can not travel from our land and no strangers can enter it.”
Joseph smiled. “Just think, if Aaron had delayed, refused God’s call, or had come too soon. It all would have been so different.”
They were silent again. Then Joseph asked a question he had been thinking of for some time. “How is Darrien?”
Noah sighed. “I don’t know,” he said, rubbing a weary hand over his eyes. “He went through a lot. He was near death when they finally released him. Thank God they only arrested him on suspicion or he never would have come back to us. Sabina is caring for him, and she is doing it well, but I don’t know if he’s going to make it.”
Joseph bit his lip and stared out across the fields. “I can hardly fathom the courage and faith displayed by so many. Some seemed weak, yet when put to the test they have prevailed.”
“Jethro,” Noah said absently.
Joseph nodded. “And the others. It still brakes my heart to think of them.” He shook his head slowly. “My greatest fear is that when called upon, I will not be able to do as the rest have done.”
Noah nodded slowly. “I once thought I would never have the strength. The day I was almost killed for refusing to help build the Pantheon I truly understood the promises God has made throughout Scripture. The pain was no less, nor was the threat of death and the struggle to survive. But, He filled me with His strength. He gave me the words to speak and the strength to endure and not give in to what they demanded of me. I believe all of us have felt the doubt that haunts you now, and I believe none of us will understand the strength God will give until the time comes. We must follow Him in faith and He will grant us the strength and courage to do so.”
Joseph was silent for a moment. “Before we left, Sabina told me some of the conversation she had with Aaron before he died. She told me that he too had been afraid, and he had even doubted a little, yet he had called upon God. He clung to Christ, and God had given him the strength he needed to endure.”
“It is so amazing, the Empire has sought to wipe out Christianity from our land. Even after seven years of imprisonment, arrests, punishment, killing, and threats, we have not only endured, but there are more of us then ever. It has caught the attention of friend and foe alike. Adrian may have been the first to ask questions, but is certainly not the last.”
They had come to the top of a hill, and the two paused–– adjusting the leather packs they carried on their backs. They looked out over the planes below to a town nestled among the wheat and corn fields. They were silent for a long time, watching the Imperial flag that fluttered lazily over the gates. That flag marked every town, village, and city of Ardenta, and it was a reminder that they were no longer free. Joseph’s eyes narrowed when they came to rest on a shrine to the goddess of the harvest, built beside one of the fields. A few farmers were even now moving about it, laying down the first handfuls of grain. “This town is mired in idolatry,” he said in a low voice.
“It has been reported to be one of the worst,” Noah agreed. “Almost the whole inhabitants follow the vile ways of the Empire and worship the false gods the try to force upon us.”
“It is a town in desperate need of truth,” Joseph replied
“That’s what Aaron would have said,” Noah smiled. “Well, at least we know one family is faithful, otherwise they would not have called for us.”
Joseph nodded. “It will be good to encourage them.”
Noah looked over at his young friend. “It is reported the Empire has eyes and ears all over this town. You will have to be careful, for here you will face opposition from the men of the Empire and our own people.”
Joseph looked back at little town. He took a deep breath and hitched his pack higher on his shoulders. Then, he turned to Noah. “God will be at our side. Come my brother, it is time to begin the adventure He has set before us.”
THE END
Well, I’m hoping for lots of feedback and comments, not only on this section but on the book as a whole. If y’all would be so kind.
If all is favorable and there is nothing drastic I need to change, then I’ll pass this off to my editor!
Thank you both so much for sticking with me through this!
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
September 26, 2024 at 1:56 pm #186359No, wait, your not supposed to be one yet! Grrrr. (Explanation: I told myself I would get the next scenes fully edited and cleaned up before you or Keilah got on and commented on my WIP. I failed. lol)
Because you asked me whether or not Aaron I thought Aaron would die and I assumed it would be answered in the next section, I thought you would wait until I had answered. So I hopped on here as quickly to answer so that you would give us the next section sooner. I also don’t have early morning classes on Thursdays, so I was able to get on here sooner.
Okay, so that is it.
Well, I’m hoping for lots of feedback and comments, not only on this section but on the book as a whole. If y’all would be so kind.
I’ll comment on just this section for now and try to give you feedback for the book in general later. Would you mind putting the entire thing into one document and sharing the link? That would make it easier to browse through the whole thing. Also, if you have some questions for anything specific, please send them.
Okay, let’s get into this section then.
So Aaron held on to the end, and he learned to trust God, no matter what the cost. A good completion to his arc, though sad.
My Darling Sabina,
It is morning. This was the day when we would have wed had God not had a greater plan for us. I love you Sabina, so much, but you know I love our Heavenly Father even more. Today I would have made you my bride, but instead I now prepare to seal my faith with blood. I am going to my true home Sabina, so you mustn’t weep for me. I will be with Christ.
I would almost move this last letter to where we are reading from Sabina’s perspective (or is it Noah’s, I’m not sure.) The reader has just read a lot of letters, and despite the emotion, it slogs on a bit. The reader is also impatient to know if Aaron dies or not and will be distracted by that question. If the letter is read after, the reader will be more willing to pay attention.
Perspective change works here. It does not seem weird at all, considering Aaron is unable to narrate anymore.
7 years later……
Since this is a Trilogy, I was not expecting that.
So book two picks up with Joseph then?
September 26, 2024 at 2:13 pm #186360Not your fault at all. I just lost my own personal race.
Yes, I can send the whole thing in just one sec. I’m going to lock it down tho, just because KP is somewhere anyone can get onto, so you won’t be able to do anything but read. Not even copy and paste. Hope you don’t mind.
So Aaron held on to the end, and he learned to trust God, no matter what the cost. A good completion to his arc, though sad.
Thank you. You hit the nail straight on the head, which is perfect.
I would almost move this last letter to where we are reading from Sabina’s perspective (or is it Noah’s, I’m not sure.) The reader has just read a lot of letters, and despite the emotion, it slogs on a bit. The reader is also impatient to know if Aaron dies or not and will be distracted by that question. If the letter is read after, the reader will be more willing to pay attention.
It’s no one’s perspective, really. It’s more of broader areal view. You don’t really get people’s thoughts and such, just what’s going on.
Okay, interesting. You are the first person to ever say that. Everyone else has really enjoyed that final letter. However, if it’s better I can move it. But, Sabina is in no place to be reading at the moment. So, this letter actually wouldn’t show up until the second book when Sabina gets a POV in the very beginning. Do you think it would be better to shift it to book two. It would be Aaron’s last letter, and it would be unread. So, the reader would know he wrote it, but never know what it says until Sabina reads it.
However, if it needs to be in this book then it’ll have to be where i put it.
Perspective change works here. It does not seem weird at all, considering Aaron is unable to narrate anymore.
No kidding. lol.
Since this is a Trilogy, I was not expecting that.
So this is an interesting little piece of narrative, because book two actually picks up the night Aaron died, though it hits the seven year mark about a quarter or less of the way in. Side note, this was a stand alone book for an entire year, but it wouldn’t leave me alone. I knew I had to write more. So I did. then two years after the second book I did the third and fourth. It’s actually a Saga now because the last book hit 1200 pages and I realized that no one would want to read such a long book, so I split the last one into two parts. However, it happens to be a book shared by two different characters, so I think it’s okay that it got split into two parts.
So book two picks up with Joseph then?
Yes! It’s Joseph’s story!!!!
And, warning, it’s dark. The first part is told from the perspective of a child, so… yeah. It’s bad. Plus, things just get really, really bad. Aaron’s death was just the beginning.
Okay, I’ll shut up now.
Would you be interested in seeing the cover for Let There Be Light?
It’s not published yet, so I am still open to any thoughts on the design, though I am positively going with this style of cover.
Also, would you be willing/interested to help me with the rest or the Saga, or are you fed up with it. lol. (Or too busy. That’s a valid one too. haha)
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
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