- This topic has 494 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 3 weeks, 2 days ago by
.
-
Posts
-
I’m only a little bit eager for you to read this because as soon as you are done I can send it to me editor……. no pressure
Ah, Okay.
Do you want me to tag you again if you have not responded by Thursday, in case for some reason you don’t get the first tag?
Sure. Just give me until the evening Alberta time before you send a reminder please.
Sure thing!
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
The next morning, Aaron was so sore he could hardly walk. He staggered downstairs and found Alicia in the kitchen, fixing breakfast. Sabina was upstairs getting the little children dressed. Alicia looked up when Aaron entered. “Good morning, Aaron.” She nodded toward the table. “Sabina left that for you.”
Aaron walked over and picked up a brown hat made of corse fabric. It was a traditional working class cap, and Aaron had seen a few Ardentans were them. He tried it on, making sure his hair was fully covered. “How does it look?”
Alicia smiled. “It looks great. I hardly recognize you.”
“It feels much better then a heavy cloak,” Aaron remarked.
“Sabina stayed up almost all night making that for you,” Alicia told him.
Aaron smiled, touched by her kindness. Steps sounded, and Aaron turned around as Sabina entered the room. She looked at Aaron and grinned. “You look wonderful.”
Aaron bowed with an exaggerated flourish. “Thank you, my fair lady.”
Sabina laughed, but then her eyes took on a more serious expression. “Aaron, promise me you’ll be careful.”
“I will, Sabina,” replied Aaron.
Sabina looked at him a moment, and then shook herself. She turned and began to help Alicia with breakfast. Aaron took off his new hat and fingered the edge as he watched Sabina. He hoped that it really would be enough to hide him from the eyes of the Imperial soldiers.
***
The days passed, slowly for Aaron and his friends. The labor was harsh and never ending. Day after day Aaron bloodied his hands on rough stones and strained every ounce of strength he had hauling away large boulders. When at last a broken building sight was cleared, the crew packed up and moved to the next place. Aaron noticed that several neighborhoods near the wall had been decimated, but the men of the Empire seemed to show little interest in repairing homes. They were more concerned with large buildings.
Buildings like the Great Hall.
When orders were given for the destruction of that marvelous structure, a wave of horror seemed to sweep through the workers. The Great Hall had been a jewel of the city–– even more renown then the palace. And, for the Christians, it had become something more. It was the place where they had first heard Aaron’s message of hope, and had joined in worship together. Aaron desperately wished that there was some way they could repair the building. For him it held found memories of Turin, and it was the place that he had baptized so many. The place Sabina had come to faith. However, there was nothing to be done. To repair the building would take more effort then constructing a new one, and the Empire had no interest in doing things the hard way.
As Aaron and Darrien worked with some of the men to haul pieces of stone from the water of the fountain, Aaron remembered the day Joseph had been baptized. After Joseph had come the baptisms of so many others. It was here the new believers gathered in worship as the city lay under siege. Aaron glanced over at Darrien and saw a grim expression on his friend’s face. Aaron turned away. Oh Father, please give us hope, give us light in this darkness, water in this desert. He and Darrien threw their full wight into moving another broken boulder.
At that moment, water spurted up, nocking them over with it’s force. Aaron surfaced, coughing and shaking water from his eyes. He quickly snatched his cap from the water and shoved it down over his head. Aaron looked around and saw Darrien come up a little ways away. The young Ardantin shoved his hair back from his face and looked with open-mouthed wonder. Aaron followed his gaze, and his eyes widened in shock.
Water was spiraling up in a crystal plume, spinning as it rose. All at once it curved down and began to drench the men and boys clearing stones from the waist-deep water. Everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to watch. A few boy’s whooped and thrust fists into the air. “The fountain has come back! Ardenta will one day be free!” shouted one.
“Like the fountain she will rise up!” yelled another.
Aaron didn’t hear them. As he watched the spiraling water, a passage sprang to mind. ‘You make springs gush forth in the valleys; they flow between the hills… May the glory of the Lord endure forever; may the Lord rejoice in His works, who looks on the earth and it trembles, who touches the mountains and they smoke! I will sing to the Lord as long as I live; I will sing praise to my God while I have being. May my meditation be pleasing to Him, for I rejoice in the Lord. Let sinners be consumed from the earth, and let the wicked be no more! Bless the Lord, O my soul!’
Aaron smiled and lifted his hands, throwing back his head and letting the water splash onto his face. Laughter filled him, and Aaron felt real and true joy. Father, You never forget me, You are always here. You help me, guard me, and strengthen me. Thank You for this reminder. You are in control, and may I always remember that and praise You–– the God of the earth, the One who makes springs in the deserts.
Unbeknownst to Aaron, two men stood in the shadows, watching. One was a young Lieutenant, his helmet tucked under his arm. The other, was an Imperial foreman. The Lieutenant seemed on edge, and he scanned the crowd warily, watching several of the Ardentan young men shouting to one another and yelling about the fountain and freedom. “You need to do something,” he said in a low voice.
“If there’s an uprising, it’ll give us leave to kill them,” replied the foreman.
“My troops are weary of the bloodshed, and we need these men,” retorted the Lieutenant. His eyes swept the scene again, and something caught his attention. The Lieutenant turned his head to watch a figure standing by the fountain, his hands lifted upward. His eyes narrowed. “Put an end to it. Now.”
The foreman nodded. He turned to go, but then swung around. “What of the fountain? It is clearly a sign.”
The Lieutenant watched the rising water for a moment, and then gave a sharp nod. “I will report this at once.” With that, he turned and strode swiftly from the room.
***
That night, Aaron found a few moments to talk with Noah before they collapsed into bed. “How are things going?”
“Fairly well,” replied Noah. “I have a few of the Ardantin soldiers in my group–– young men who have trained to protect this country since they were boys. They put up a bit of a fight now and then. Nothing big, just little shows of defiance. They do things in their own time and have a habit of acting as though they are obeying orders only because they want to. Today we were warned that any more rebellious actions would be punished. It seemed to calm them down a little, but they’re smoldering.”
Aaron shook his head slowly. “Don’t they know what the Empire will do if provoked?”
“I don’t think they care anymore,” replied Noah. “Aaron, their life has been spent in protection of this city. They failed. And not only that, but the Ardantin royal line was wiped out right in front of them. I don’t think they see a reason to live.”
“Have you tried talking with any of them?” Aaron asked.
“Yes, but they aren’t eager to listen.”
Aaron was quiet for a moment. Then, he looked up. “What about you? How are you doing?”
Noah sighed. “Alright. I miss the days we used to all three spend together, but I am growing more used to it. It has driven me to rely on God in a way I didn’t have to before. Every day, He becomes closer, and I have begun to turn to Him as my only friend out there. He has comforted and strengthened my in a way no man every could. My only regret is that my words have fallen of deff ears, and it seems many of these young men are on the brink of getting themselves killed.”
Don’t give up,” Aaron encouraged him. “Isaiah 55:10-11 says ‘For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall My word be that goes out from My mouth; it shall not return to Me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.’ If you speak to others the words God puts in your heart to speak, then they shall not go out empty. You may not live to see it, but fruit will come, so never give up. Keep telling them Noah.”
“Thank you Aaron, I am glad we spoke,” replied Noah. “I was growing weary of this and I was starting to wonder if there was even a point, or if I should just save my strength and keep my mouth shut.”
“You are not the only one Noah, I have felt that way before,” Aaron said quietly. “You have witnessed many of my moments of despair, but there have been so many more. I struggle with doubt and a sinking hopelessness. And worst of all is my struggle with not knowing everything that is going to happen. I hate not being able to see my way through, and those times often try my faith. Let’s both pray for one another about this.”
Noah heartily agreed. After a moment, he spoke. “I heard Darrien telling the girls about the fountain.”
“Yes, it was quite a surprise,” grinned Aaron. He proceeded to relate to Noah the events of the afternoon.
“What did the soldiers do?” wondered Noah.
“For a time, nothing. Then all at once the foremen came rushing at us, yelling for everyone to get back to work. I’m not ashamed to say their on-slot scared me. I was afraid they were going to do something dreadful. However, nothing bad happened after that, and we continued work as normal.”
“I’m glad God protected you and Darrien,” Noah said. “I pray that he will continue to do so.”
Aaron nodded. He stood up, but Noah’s voice halted him.
“Something is going to happen, Aaron. I feel it.”
Aaron faced him. “What do you mean?”
Noah hesitated a moment. Then, he looked up. “I have a feeling that something might happen to one of us. I don’t know why, but there’s just this strange shadow that seems to hang over this city. I fear the day ahead will be dark ones. Perhaps even darker then the fall of Ardenta.”
***
The days passed, and Aaron longed to be able to spend more time with Sabina, and also the Christians in the city who were struggling under the hand of the governor. But most of his time was taken by work. It was several weeks before Aaron, Darrien, and the others left the sight of the Great Hall. The fountain was now contained by a wall and floor for the time being, though it was rumored another building would be constructed there.
Each Sabbath, the little band continued to meet in the old hospice, but never at the same time. Sometimes it was in the dark shadows of night, and sometimes in the early hours before dawn. They were all extremely careful, and so far the soldiers had not returned.
Aaron began to relax. For the first week, Noah’s words had haunted him. However, after they moved on from the place the great Hall once stood, he began to forget what his friend had said. So far everything was better then they had hoped. Yes, the forced labor wasn’t pleasant. However, it provided the money they needed to care for the remaining ten children in the orphanage. The early morning and late night meetings were not ideal, but the Believers were still able to meet and worship together, and that was what mattered. Aaron decided that life in the besieged city was not as bad as they had feared.
Then, everyone found out what was to replace the Great Hall.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
@ellette-giselle I’m still reading, I just don’t have anything to say right now. Which is probably a good thing, as it means your plot is sound and there isn’t anything in the story that might trigger me.
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
Well that’s a relief! lol.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Aaron walked over and picked up a brown hat made of corse fabric. It was a traditional working class cap, and Aaron had seen a few Ardentans were them.
I am curious what this hat looks like. Is this one of those flat hats, with a brim that goes over the eyes?
Oh Father, please give us hope, give us light in this darkness, water in this desert. He and Darrien threw their full wight into moving another broken boulder.
At that moment, water spurted up, nocking them over with it’s force. Aaron surfaced, coughing and shaking water from his eyes.
Nice! Aaron clearly was not expecting to literally receive water.
Unbeknownst to Aaron, two men stood in the shadows, watching. One was a young Lieutenant, his helmet tucked under his arm. The other, was an Imperial foreman. The Lieutenant seemed on edge, and he scanned the crowd warily, watching several of the Ardentan young men shouting to one another and yelling about the fountain and freedom. “You need to do something,” he said in a low voice.
Is this the first time you have left Aaron’s perspective? It does seem a little strange to be suddenly reading from someone else’s point of view. This would work better if you had already been jumping in and out of different character’s heads, but it is out of place here. If you are writing the book from Aaron’s perspective in third-person limited, you should stay with it.
This part could easily be rewritten by Aaron vaguely noticing the guard leave out of the corner of his eye but ignoring it due to his joy. We don’t need to know this conversation as when the reader sees the guard leave, he will know something is up. I was already thinking that the guards would react this way when the boys shouted their excitement over seeing the water flow.
Noah hesitated a moment. Then, he looked up. “I have a feeling that something might happen to one of us. I don’t know why, but there’s just this strange shadow that seems to hang over this city. I fear the day ahead will be dark ones. Perhaps even darker then the fall of Ardenta.”
Ominous. Which means he’s probably right.
Then, everyone found out what was to replace the Great Hall.
The Monastery of Spinjitzu
Yay! The tag worked!
I am curious what this hat looks like. Is this one of those flat hats, with a brim that goes over the eyes?
I’m not sure. This is what it looks like:
Is this the first time you have left Aaron’s perspective?
Yessssss………. but I was thinking about doing it in the next section and wanted to do it more then once. Plus, the Lieutenant may or may not be a kinda important character at some point……..
However, I could rewrite it and do what you suggested if it’s distracting as a reader. Then I’ll write the next scene different then I originally had it.
The more I think about it the more that makes sense.
Ominous. Which means he’s probably right.
Aren’t you smart.
The Monastery of Spinjitzu
Nice guess. Wrong culture.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
@ellette-giselle @linus-smallprint
The Monastery of Spinjitzu
will I never be rid of the influence of Lego ninjagoI’m joking btw, it’s not a bad Lego theme (I mean the TV show gets really dark sometimes but besides that, I’m talking about the theme itself)
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
also yep, I’m here, just reading.
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
Okay. That’s not the hat I had in mind. What I was thinking of is probably too modern for your book. I was picturing more of the hat that Kalmar wears in Wingfeather Season 1, because that was what came up when I searched ‘traditional working class cap’.
(Also, just so you know, I noticed that a lot of people tagged me yesterday, but I have not been getting notifications for most of them. If I’m ever taking to long to respond to something, feel free to tag me again.)
Righto.I should post as soon as I can after you or Keilah responds, so if you don’t get tagged I guess take a look.
Here is another LONG section!!!
Aaron straightened slowly at the sound of the whistle that called for the work day’s end. His shoulder’s ached horribly and his raw hands burned. The callouses couldn’t form fast enough before he tore his hands open on more sharp rocks. Aaron joined a group of young men receiving pay. One of the foreman’s men gave a few coins to Aaron and then shoved him toward a street. “Hurry up! Get moving!”
Aaron walked down the street and paused at the end, waiting for Darrien. The young man soon joined him, and the two started for home in silence, too weary for words. They were passing near the old hospice where they held meetings, when Darrien grabbed hold of Aaron’s arm. “Look.”
Aaron turned and saw something on the door of the building. “Come on. let’s go see what it is.”
The two friends crossed the street and stopped at the building. Aaron laid a hand on the notice nailed to the door and read silently to himself.
By decree of the Governor and by the power of the Empire
any and all religious meetings of any kind are here by banned unless lead by a
priest or learned man of the order of the servants of the gods.
Any violation of this order will be punished by fines, imprisonment,
and or public punishments of other nature. Any and all meetings in violation of
this edict are to be reported immediately. Any who alert the Imperial soldiers of such illegal activity will be rewarded.
The occupants of said meetings will have no protection from violent measures
taken by the imperial guard.
All leaders of such meetings will be subjected to severe punishment.
I, governor of Ardenta, do set my word and seal to this. Let it be so.
Aaron and Darrien looked at each other in horror. “Why would they do that?” asked Darrien. “We never harmed anyone or anything! we weren’t even late for work!”
“I don’t know,” Aaron replied in a low voice. “We need to talk to Noah about this.”
“Your not––” Darrien broke off, as if afraid of the answer to his question. “We will keep meeting, won’t we?”
Aaron faced his friend. “Of course. But not here. That just wouldn’t be wise. No, we’ll have to find another place. Come on, let’s go talk with Noah.”
The two young men turned and ran down the street, their weariness forgotten in the wake of this new calamity. When they arrived, Sabina met them at the door, a child on her hip. “Thank God your back,” she said wearily. “I’m so sorry, I know you two must be exhausted, but I’m at my wits end. The little ones are in sore need of someone to play with, but I’ve got to finish supper!”
“Of course we’ll hang out with them,” Aaron said, taking the child in his strong arms. “Well how are you little lady?”
She laughed and hugged him, her tiny arms going tightly around his neck. Aaron hugged her back with one arm, while carefully freeing himself from the chokehold with his other hand. “Let’s go find the rest and see what games we can play,” Aaron told her said. He looked over at Sabina and added, “I need to talk to you and Noah when there’s a chance.”
Sabina looked worried. “Nothing’s wrong I hope.”
Darrien and Aaron exchanged looks. “Nothing of immediate danger,” Aaron replied carefully.
“I’ll tell Noah when he gets home, and we’ll send the children to bed early,” Sabina decided.
Darrien looked at her sharply. “What do you mean ‘when he gets home’? He should have been back before us.”
“No, he hasn’t come yet,” Sabina replied. “I wouldn’t worry. They may have had to work late,” said Sabina.
Aaron nodded. “Well, let us know when he gets here.”
While this had been going, on the toddler had managed to get her little chubby fingers entwined in Aaron’s hair. Now she pulled on it. “Ow!” exclaimed Aaron, and she squealed with delight. “That’s not very nice,” Aaron told her, trying to untangle the little hand that was closed in a tight fist. The child gurgled with delight and pulled again. “Hey, stop that,” Aaron said, gently. He knew she was too little to really understand, but he tried anyways. “Alright, come on, let go please.” Aaron finally got free and shifted the girl to his other hip. Sabina was laughing and Darrien had a wide grin on his face.
“You boys have fun,” Sabina sang out as she hurried back into the kitchen.
“Aaron!” yelled a voice from down the hall, and Joseph collided into him, throwing his arms about Aaron’s waist. “Your home! Come play!”
At his shout, the other eight children tumbled outside, laughing and shouting with delight. Aaron passed the little girl to Darrien. “Watch your hair,” he warned with a laugh. Then he grabbed Joseph and swung the boy up onto his back. Joseph wrapped his arms tightly about Aaron’s neck. “Hey! Looser!” choked Aaron, and Joseph let go, thrusting his hands into the air and letting out a war whoop that echoed down the street. “Giddy-up, Aaron!” he yelled.
Aaron grinned and galloped off into the house. The rest of the children scattered, and then raced after him, laughing and calling for their turn.
It was about an hour later that Sabina stepped into the main room and found Aaron the dragon in desperate battle against a cohort of young warriors. One of whom, was mounted on the back of the noble horse Darrien, who was doing his best to move on hands and knees at the demanded speed of “faster then wind!”
Aaron was roaring fiercely, but he was far outnumbered, and fire breathing seemed to have no effect on the ambitious young warriors as they dove on him, trying to pull him to the ground.
Eric raced at Aaron and he grabbed the boy, tumbling him to the floor and blasting fire in his face. Eric wiggled free and jumped back at Aaron. “You’re dead!” howled Aaron.
“No I’m not,” replied Eric, jumping on Aaron’s back.
“I blasted you with fire. In the face!” gasped Aaron, grabbing Joseph and tumbling the boy to the floor.
Eric wrapped his arms about Aaron, kicking against the floor to climb higher. “The fire didn’t do anything!”
“What!” Aaron laughed, breathlessly. “Eric, you’ve been burned to a crisp.”
“No, I haven’t,” Eric retorted matter-of-factly. “God saved Daniel’s friends when they were blasted with fire. He saved me too.”
Aaron opened his mouth, but he couldn’t think of a good response to that one. Joseph dove on top of Eric, and the added weight drove Aaron to the ground. He lay on the floor laughing as the boys wrestled each other over top of him.
“Supper,” called Sabina.
“Supper!” cried Joseph, his head popping up from a tangle of arms and legs.
“Come one!” yelled one of the girls, who had formerly been a captive of the dragon. She jumped over Joel, who was lying on the floor, and ran for the dining room. “I’ll beat you all!”
That was an end to the wrestling, and the beginning of the nightly race to the dinning room. Aaron rolled over and lay on his back, panting for breath. Darrien looked down at him, grinning. “I think this dragon was quite thoroughly trounced.”
“You be the dragon next time and see how well it goes for you!” Aaron exclaimed, breathlessly. “What’s a dragon to do when God is protecting all the knights from fire?”
“Well, I suppose it’s not entirely Biblical for the dragon to win in the end,” shrugged Darrien.
Aaron made a face at him.
Darrien laughed and offered him a hand. Aaron took it, letting his friend pull him up. Aaron winced, pressing his fists against his lower back. “Oh man, they just about did me in.”
“I know what you mean,” Darrien replied, rubbing his shoulder. “Those little fellas are heavy!”
The two entered the dining room as the last scramble for the benches ended. Aaron took his place across from Sabina and she smiled at him. Alicia was sitting beside her, an arm around the littlest girl to keep her from tipping backwards.
Darrien gave the blessing, and soon the children were eating hungrily. As Aaron dished up a bowl for Asher, he glanced around. “Where’s Noah?”
“He hasn’t come back,” replied Sabina, handing a slice of bread to Joel. “I thought it best to let the children eat and get them to bed. He’ll come soon.”
Aaron looked toward the hall with a worried expression. “I hope so.”
When the children had eaten, Alicia and Darrien did the dishes while Aaron and Sabina got the children into bed. Aaron was in charge of seeing the boys got their faces and hands scrubbed clean, and somehow they ended up all getting drenched. After mopping up the spilled water on the floor, Aaron took the boys to get ready for bed. “Aaron, can you help me with my laces. They’re in a knot!” cried Asher.
Aaron knelt on the floor and helped the boy untie his vest. While he was still working at the knot, Joel stumbled into him. “Aaron! I’m stuck!”
Aaron paused to free the boy from his shirt. “There you go. Now go see if Asher can help you find your night clothes.”
After a few more mishaps, Aaron had the seven boys tucked into bed. “Alright, let me make sure no one vanished,” He said, standing in the hall between their two rooms. “I see Eric, Asher, Joel, and Martin in here.” Aaron turned and looked into the other bedroom. “And here are Joseph, Simon, and Walter.”
Sabina stepped from the girl’s room and smiled at Aaron. “They’re all tucked in.”
“Tell us a story!” cried Eric.
“Yes, please tell us a story,” agreed Walter.
Aaron groaned and lowered himself to the floor. “Alright, one short story.”
The children cheered.
Aaron thought a moment. “How about I tell you about Joshua…”
When Aaron finished his story, almost all the children were asleep. He quietly shut the doors, whispering goodnight. Turning, Aaron hurried downstairs. He found Sabina, Darrien, and Alicia in the kitchen. “Where’s Noah?”
“He’s not home yet,” replied Sabina.
Aaron looked over at Darrien. Their was a strained expression on his friend’s face, and he was tapping his knee with a nervous finger.
Aaron looked toward the window. “It’s much to dark for them to still be working.”
“Do you think we should go out and look for him?” asked Darrien.
Aaron shook his head. “We have no idea where he was working, and we can’t risk looking all over during curfew.”
“Curfew! That’s what happened!” exclaimed Sabina. “They were late getting off shift, and Noah didn’t want to risk getting stopped for being out after curfew, so he’s spending the night with some of the others from church.”
“Yes,” nodded Alicia. “That must be it.”
Darrien and Aaron exchanged a worried glance.
At that moment, there was a sharp nock on the door. Aaron started and Darrien scrambled to his feet.
“Is it Noah?” exclaimed Sabina.
“Girls, I need you to stay here,” instructed Aaron. That knock didn’t sound like Noah’s, and something seemed wrong. Aaron walked down the hall to the door, followed by Darrien. Aaron hesitated a moment, and then pulled open the door. A young man was standing on the steps, glancing nervously down the street. He jumped and turned when the door opened. “Are you Aaron?”
“Yes,” Aaron replied slowly, wondering what was coming next.
The stranger fidgeted a moment, glancing up and down the street. Then, he stepped closer. “Noah’s at the fountain. I just thought you should know.”
“The fountain?” asked Darrien. “You mean where the Great Hall used to be?”
The young man nodded and stepped back.
Aaron stepped forward. “Wait, why is he there? What happened?”
The stranger hesitated a moment. Then, he spun and took to his heels. “Wait!” called Darrien, moving to run after him.
Aaron grabbed his friend’s vest. “Let him go.”
Darrien stood and the two listened to the steps echoing down the street. Aaron let out a slow breath. Turning, he leaned back inside. “Sabina, I need my cloak.”
Sabina ran down the hall, holding the cloak. Aaron took it from her and threw it over his shoulders, yanking the hood up over his head.
“Where are you going?” asked Sabina.
Aaron grabbed his boots from by the door. “Something happened to Noah. I’m going to go find him.”
Sabina grabbed his arm. “No Aaron, please don’t go out there!”
Aaron gently pulled free of her hold. “I’ll be careful, Sabina. Noah needs help.”
Darrien finished lacing up his boots and quickly got to his feet. “I’m coming with you.”
Aaron nodded and yanked on his own boots. “Sabina, lock the door, and you and Alicia need to stay in the kitchen with the window shut. Don’t open the door for anyone unless it’s us.”
She nodded, biting her lip.
Aaron got to his feet and hurried down the front steps. “We’ll be back soon.”
Sabina nodded and stepped inside. Aaron waited until he heard the bolt slide across the door. Then, he and Darrien turned and ran down the street. The two young men stayed in the shadows, careful not to go anywhere a curfew guard might spot them. They slipped passed patches of light thrown by dim lanterns, neither making a sound.
Aaron could feel dread tightening in his chest with every step they took. Oh Lord, please help us! Please protect Noah. Please don’t let anything terrible happen.
At last, the two came in sight of the wide open space where the Great Hall once stood. The ground was covered with shadows cast from the torches lit on the walls, and the lanterns in the streets. Aaron bit his lower lip, looking out over the dark space. The only sound was the splash of the fountain, now contained by a stone wall.
“Where is he?” hissed Darrien.
Aaron shook his head, unsure. At last, he took a step forward.
Moving softly, the two stepped into the open ground and started toward the fountain. They were about twenty paces away when Aaron saw something. It was nothing more then a darker patch of shadow by the fountain, but he quickened his pace. A moment later, Aaron broke into a run. Coming to the fountain he dropped to his knees with a gasp of horror.
Noah lay on his back beside the fountain, on arm over his chest, the other flung to the side. His vest had been stripped off and lay on the ground a few paces away. “Noah!” whispered Aaron.
There was no response.
Aaron shook his head against his despair, “Noah, come on! Answer me!”
Darrien came to his side and drew up short, a look of horror crossing his face.
Aaron felt like he couldn’t breath. He leaned forward and touched Noah’s hand.
It was cold.
Aaron jerked back. “Nonononono! Oh God, please!”
Darrien had fallen to his knees beside Noah, tears blurring his eyes. He laid a hand on his friend’s forehead, and then recoiled. “Aaron, his face is burning hot. I think he’s alive!”
Aaron looked up quickly as Darrien laid his head against Noah’s chest. “I can feel him breathing.” Darrien sat up. “We have to get him to safety.”
Aaron touched Noah’s shoulder and then drew his hand back, warm and sticky. “Darrien, there’s blood.” Without waiting for his friend to respond, Aaron yanked off his cloak. “Help me get him up.”
Together the two pulled Noah to a sitting position. Darrien held him steady while Aaron flung the cloak over him. Then Aaron pushed his shoulder under Noah’s arm. “On three.”
Darrien pulled Noah’s other arm over his own shoulders and nodded.
Aaron braced. “One, two, three.”
They hauled Noah to his feet and Aaron grabbed the fountain to steady himself. Noah was limp, his head hanging low and his eyes closed. A shuddering breath jerked from him, and he flinched slightly. “Come on Darrien, we have to go,” whispered Aaron.
Darrien nodded, and together they half dragged half carried Noah back toward the street. Slipping into the shadows, the two made their way toward home. Aaron and Darrien had to pause often to catch their breath and get a better grip on Noah, who did not stir the entire time. When they reached the orphanage, Aaron felt like he was about to collapse. Darrien reached out and pounded on the door. “Sabina!” he called.
Aaron winced as the sound echoed in the street. Oh Lord, don’t let the wrong person hear it.
They waited in a tense silence. Aaron’s legs burned and his arms started shaking. He wiped sweat from his face with a shoulder.
At last, the door cautiously opened. “Aaron?”
“Sabina, it’s us,” panted Aaron. “Let us in.”
Sabina flung opened the door and gasped. “Oh Aaron, is that Noah!”
“Let us by,” panted Darrien.
Sabina scrambled out of the way, as Darrien and Aaron dragged Noah inside. Sabina shut the door and the two young men half carried half dragged Noah up the steps to their bedroom. Sabina grabbed a candle and Alicia appeared with a lantern.
Aaron and Darrien lowered Noah onto the bed, and Darrien collapsed into a sitting position, gasping for breath. Aaron leaned against the wall, panting. Alicia set the lantern on the table, and Sabina lit the other candles in the room. Aaron looked to where Noah lay on the bed and started. Noah’s face was ashen and streaked with blood, sweat, and dirt. His was breathing unevenly and shudders raced through him. Aaron bent over him, grabbing his shoulder. “Noah talk to us! Tell us what’s wrong!”
Noah didn’t move.
“Come on Noah!” Darrien cried, dropping to his knees by the bed.
“Noah, what is the blood from!” demanded Aaron.
“Come on, help me get him up,” urged Darrien.
Aaron grabbed hold of Noah, bracing a hand against his friend’s back. Noah reeled, his head snapping back and a cry braking from his lips as his whole body shuddered. “God not again!” he gasped. “Please not again!”
Sabina’s face had gone white, and Alicia was gripping her arm.
“Hold him steady,” Aaron ordered Darrien. He quickly tore off the cloak over Noah’s shoulders. Noah gasped, throwing an arm up as if to shield himself from a blow. Darrien cried out in horror. Aaron scrambled to his feet and looked at Noah’s back. A sickening stab of fear tore through him.
Noah’s back was covered in blood and crossed with deep wounds. Aaron couldn’t move, and he felt he could hardly breath. Sabina had turned away, covering her eyes with her hands and Darrien had gone white.
Finally, Darrien found his voice. “Sabina, Alicia, hot water and bandages. Now!”
The two girls ran from the room.
“Help me lay him down,” Aaron said.
Darrien flung the blanket and pillow from Noah’s bed, and carefully the two lowered him down on his chest. Aaron knelt by the bed. “Oh Noah,” he breathed. “What happened? Tell me, please!”
Noah didn’t respond, and Aaron laid a hand on his head. “Noah you’re safe.”
In a few moments Sabina returned with bandages and salves, and followed shortly after with hot water and a cloth. Darrien took the bowl from her and dipped the cloth into the hot water before carefully pressing it against Noah’s back.
Noah jerked, his fists clenching.
“Aaron, hold him still,” commanded Darrien.
Aaron grabbed hold of Noah, his eyes blurring with tears. Sabina stood by Darrien, her face white and drawn as she tried to help him. Alicia was sitting on the floor crying softly. Father please help him. Aaron prayed silently. His mind was spinning. How did this happen? What happened?
Darrien pressed the cloth against Noah’s upper back. A cry tore from Noah and Aaron felt him shudder. Tears spilled down Sabina’s face, and a sob caught in her throat.
Darrien’s eyes were filled with grief and anger, and his face was grim as he continued to work.
“What could have happened?” Aaron whispered. “Do you think he fell or… or got trapped somehow?”
“No,” Darrien replied in a low voice. “I have seen wounds like this before, but never have I seen them so deep or numerous. These are the cuts of a whip.” As he spoke his eyes flashed. “These were not meant as a punishment for laziness. No these are cruel, and they are final.”
Aaron shuddered. “But who? Who would have done this, and why?”
“Who?” Darrien snapped, looking up at him. “The men of the empire, that’s who. Why? Because they are cruel and full of hate.”
“But surely they weren’t unprovoked,” began Aaron. “Surely there must have been a mistake.”
Darrien shook his head, his teeth clenched. “They don’t need a reason, Aaron. We are little better then slaves. I don’t know what happened, but whatever went on out there, they were trying to kill him.”
Aaron closed his eyes as the room spin. “Oh God,” he gasped. “Oh Lord, please help us.”
Darrien and Sabina gently rubbed salves over Noah until his back glistened with herbs and oil. “We need to move him,” Sabina managed in a choked voice. “This bed is wet with blood and water.”
Aaron and Darrien pulled Noah up, but he didn’t make a sound. He had slipped back into the deep unconsciousness they had found him in.
“Move him to my bed,” said Aaron.
They did so, and Sabina saw to it he was as comfortable as possible. Alicia stripped the stained bedclothes from Noah’s bed and hurried downstairs with them.
“Should we try to bandage them?” Aaron asked, hoarsely.
Sabina shook her head. “The air is good and the bandages would cause a higher chance of infection.”
The three stood in silence as the candles flickered, casting shadows on the walls and making the room feel like it was dancing. The shadows, Noah’s raspy breathing, and the blood stained hands and clothing of the three made the room feel eery, as if something terrible had occurred. Something dark and secret. Oh Father, what is going to happen to us? Aaron asked silently. Someone tried to kill Noah, we are no longer allowed to worship You legally, and the city grows darker. A shadow sweeps over this kingdom. Bring us light! Please help us now! Show us what to do!
At last, Darrien spoke. “This is what I have feared for a long time. The empire hates us–– especially those of us who serve Christ. They have banned our meetings, they have tried to kill Noah… it’s not the end.”
Sabina started. “Banned…” her words trailed off.
“We don’t know if that was why they hurt him,” Aaron replied, hoping against all hope that it wasn’t because of Noah’s faith.
Darrien turned to look at him. “Why else Arron? Noah is calm and cool headed. He is patient and a hard worker. What reason do they have to hurt him except that he does not serve their gods?”
Aaron bit his lip. If that was so the none of them were safe, not him, Darrien, the children, Sabina…
“It’s not over Aaron,” said Darrien in a low voice. “This is only the beginning.”
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
In this chapter, I felt more drawn into your story than I had before. Remember a while back when we were asking you to show us what life was like running an orphanage, wanting to get to know the kids more? You’ve done it here.
I felt the fun of playing with the children, I felt the worry for Noah and the foreboding of dread. Not explaining fully what happened to Noah is also a good choice. I want to know why someone attempted to kill him. I do have guesses, but there is an air of mystery and suspense as the reader wonders, ‘What’s next?’.
Life in the orphanage was also well-balanced with what was going on outside of the empire in this section. Earlier you tended to focus on one over the other which made it seem like the empire was no big deal at times.
My only constructive advice for you in this chapter is that you misspelled ‘Aaron’ in the second last paragraph.
Well done! Keep it up!
“What!” Aaron laughed, breathlessly. “Eric, you’ve been burned to a crisp.”
“No, I haven’t,” Eric retorted matter-of-factly. “God saved Daniel’s friends when they were blasted with fire. He saved me too.”
This is so true of young children.
Oh my goodness. Thank you so much!!
I am so, so happy! I felt like I was doing what you said, but each time you told me to do it again, and it was one of those things that was just out of reach.
I ended up deleting what I had written for this section after I read it to see where it was going, and then I just went for it. I think that has to be the best way.
That and the fact that the kids just really came alive for me today.
This is so true of young children.
Yes it is! Tell me about it! Then you don’t know what to do, because there is no way you can contradict that, yet if you don’t the game loses all it’s rules. lol!
Well done! Keep it up!
I’m so happy I’m going to cry!
I’ve almost given up so many times. Thanks for sticking through it and reading what I post!
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
btw, I’ve got to know.
Did you think Noah was dead?
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.