- This topic has 477 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 1 day, 10 hours ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Why did that post twice?
whatever.
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
Here is something from a document I found helpful for coming up with blurbs.
Five-Sentence Story
1. The balance: the normal world. What is normal? Who is our hero? What does he normally do? Suzy walks down the street with her dog.
2. The unbalance: something happens that upsets the normal world. It must be an event—something has to happen to the central character that you set up in the balance. The dog breaks the leash and runs into the park.
3. The quest: the central character does something to restore the balance; he attempts to make the world go back to normal. It must be an action done by the central character and directly related to restoring balance. Suzy runs into the park yelling, “Fifi! Come back!”
4. The crisis: something happens that prevents the quest from working. It must be an action and it must be directly related to the quest (something new can’t happen). A policeman grabs Suzy and says, “You can’t run on the grass.”
5. The new balance: a new balance of some sort is put into place. It must resolve the crisis and it must be new. It cannot end with the original balance; we have gone on a journey and must end in a new place. Suzy and the policeman gaze into each others’ eyes, fall in love, get married, and buy a dog. (But wait! What about Fifi? Fifi’s story does not need to be resolved, because it’s not Fifi’s story: it’s Suzy’s story.)
Now the difference is you will want to end it on a hook to pull the reader in. So no new balance will be introduced. The most important of these five for your blurb are the first four.
I will use an old story idea I had called Adventureless as an example. (I did write a draft for this, but it did not quite work out like I had hoped it to. I would like to come back to it some day.)
The Balance:
All his life, David has wanted to have an adventure. It seems almost like a curse. An exciting adventure is always around the corner, but it retreats into the shadows when David arrives. No matter how hard he tries, something will get in the way, and he remains stuck in his boring, overly normal life.
Character introduced? Check!
Do we know what his life looks like at the start of the story? Check!
The Unbalance:
When David meets a group of explorers, led by Warren, a legend and David’s hero…
Start of the plot introduced? Check!
The Quest:
…he insists on joining them.
Main Plot introduced? Check
Protagonist taking action? Check
The Crisis (or in this case, the hook):
But David soon discovers that more is going on than it seems. The explorers talk about the fate of the world, and somehow they are central to saving it. Will this finally be the adventure David is looking for? Will he be able to help Warren fight dangerous threats? Or will his curse of missing adventure rob him of this quest as well?
Obstacle introduced? Check (though this obstacle was introduced earlier. I am just reintroducing it to let the reader know what the biggest threat to David’s quest for adventure is.)
Unresolved, so that the reader wants to know more (if this appeals to them of course)? Check
I hope you find this helpful.
Yes, I think this will help.
Thank you so much!
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
@keilah-h @theshadow @whalekeeper @linus-smallprint
new section!!!
The days passed, and the people of Ardenta waited in eager anticipation for the Sabbath. They longed to see each other, to hear from Aaron, and to be united in worship once again. At last, the week’s end came.
Early in the morning, before the sun or soldiers were up, the people walked quietly through the streets to the old hospice. There they gathered and quietly greeted one another, talking in low voices. When everyone had gathered, Aaron opened the meeting in prayer. Then they sang for a little while. After that, Aaron led them in study, telling them of the early churches and reading from one of Paul’s letters. The sun was up by the time they closed with prayer and songs, and then quietly slipped home. This would become the new routine, and the people waited excitedly for this weekly meeting where they could fellowship and find strength and hope.
The week’s time of prayer concerning the idea of an orphanage was coming to a close. Aaron still wasn’t sure where he stood. The thought of the poor war orphans tore at him, yet he also felt like his hands were tied. How could he help the children when the soldiers hardly let men who already had jobs work? If Aaron had a good supply of money and a steady job, he would feel more inclined. As it was, he wasn’t sure if he was ready to take the plunge when there was nothing to catch him if the water got rough.
Aaron and Noah began going out each day in search of work, but they found nothing. Everyone was trying to stay low, and no one trusted the two strangers. Especially Aaron. Once they saw that he resembled one from the Empire, no one would speak to them.
“You should try on your own,” Aaron suggested one afternoon, as the two walked down a main avenue.
“Maybe, but I’d feel better if we were together,” replied Noah.
“I’ll be fine,” assured Aaron, guessing his friend’s concern. “Even if they did take me as a spy, no one would dare hurt me with the soldiers around.”
“I’m more worried about the soldiers,” replied Noah. “They won’t take kindly to a foreigner here. They may think you’re a Vendailian spy.”
“Not if I stay low,” grinned Aaron. “I’ll be fine.”
Noah looked uneasy. “Well, alright, but only if you promise to stay out of sight.”
Aaron nodded and turned to take a side-street.
“Aaron, tonight we’re going to decided about the orphanage.”
Aaron stopped and looked back. “I know. That’s part of why we need to find work today.”
The rest of the afternoon Aaron trudged along the streets. He tried everything from the blacksmith to the scribes. No where could he find work. At last, as the sun was setting, Aaron made his way toward home. He kicked a lose rock across the street, feeling very dejected. “God, I need Your help! I know You want me to care for these orphans, but I can’t do that if I don’t have steady provision.”
Trust Me.
The voice was the same one Aaron had heard in the aftermath of the battle. It wasn’t a voice heard, but a voice felt.
“I am trusting You,” Aaron replied. “I just am waiting until You give me the provisions to do what You’ve asked of me.”
Trust Me.
“But I am,” argued back Aaron. He was starting to feel a little irritated.
At that moment, Aaron heard a sneeze. He started and looked up. He was in one of the darker backstreets, and the sun had just about finished setting. Aaron looked up and down the street both ways, but he saw no one. Aaron took a few steps forward, and his eye caught a slight movement. A large stack of empty crates stood outside the back of a shop, and Aaron was sure he had seen movement there. Moving carefully, Aaron approached the crates. He carefully pulled two of them aside, and the next moment he came face to face with the source of the movement. Two little boys were sitting on the ground, the elder with his arms about the other. Their faces were dirty, their hair was tangled and their clothing was torn. Neither of them had shoes, and the eldest had one foot bandaged with some strips of ragged cloth.
Both boys started in fright when they saw Aaron, and he jumped a little himself. The three stared at one another warily for a few moments. Then, Aaron slowly crouched down. The older boy drew back and moved in front of his brother. “Hey, it’s alright,” soothed Aaron. “I won’t hurt you.”
They just watched him with distrust clear on their faces.
“Where’s your family?” whispered Aaron.
“Haven’t got one,” snapped out the older boy.
Aaron nodded, expecting the answer. “You two shouldn’t be out here all alone. Come home with me. There are two wonderful young women at my house who will take care of you, and there’s a little boy who’s longing for some friends.”
The older boy shook his head hesitantly.
“It’ll be winter soon, and the soldiers are out here. You can’t stay like this,” Aaron argued gently. “Come with me for tonight, and if you don’t like it then you can leave the moment you want to.”
The boy considered this. It was clear he didn’t fully trust Aaron, but he was also clearly afraid of the soldiers. “The moment we want to leave?” he asked.
Aaron nodded. “The moment. And I’ll make sure you have a satchel of food to take with you.”
The littlest boy coughed several times and sneezed again. Aaron leaned forward and laid a hand against his head. “You need to come, he’s running a high fever,” Aaron said, anxiously. “Please trust me.”
The boy hesitated a few moments longer, and then nodded. Aaron picked up the younger brother.
“Be careful with him,” ordered the older boy.
“I will,” promised Aaron. “What’s his name?”
“Eric.”
Aaron carefully settled the boy in his arms, and Eric laid his head against Aaron’s shoulder. He was much lighter then he should have been, and Aaron glanced down at him anxiously. “It’s alright Eric, I’m taking you home now. Just hold on little fella.”
Aaron nodded to the older boy, and the two of them, began walking down the street. Aaron glanced down at the child by his side, and a smile pulled at the corner of his mouth. Alright Lord, now I’m really trusting you.
It wasn’t long before Aaron arrived home. “Get you get that door for me?” he asked the older boy.
The child nodded and opened the front door. He and Aaron stepped into the entry, and Aaron pushed the door shut with his foot. “Sabina, Alicia, can you come here a moment?” he called.
Steps sounded from the kitchen, and the two girls appeared. Sabina dropped her dishtowel and hurried forward. She gently took the Eric from Aaron’s arms and began murmuring comforting things and she stroked his forehead.
“Girls, this is Eric and––” Aaron broke off and looked at the other boy.
“Asher,” finished the boy.
“You two come right upstairs with me. We’ll get you both a warm bath and I’ll see what Joseph has by way of extra clothing,” said Sabina. “Alicia, would you go prepare the bedroom across the hall from Joseph’s? Aaron, would you go start heating some water? You can get Noah and Darrien to help.”
“Help with what?” asked Noah, coming down the stairs.
“Aaron brought us two new boys to add to our family,” replied Sabina. Her face was glowing and her eyes sparkled.
Aaron smiled at her enthusiasm as she hurried upstairs with Alicia and the boys.
“Well, it’s clear which side of the line you chose” remarked Noah, when they had gone. “Though I do remember something about disusing this at dinner before we did anything.”
Aaron laughed and shrugged. “I didn’t mean to bring them home, but I just couldn’t leave them.”
“Well, I have no problem with it. It’s just practical Darrien you’ll have to convince,” Noah chuckled.
“I see we have a new addition to our family,” Darrien broke in as he came down the stairs.
“Two new additions,” corrected Noah. “It was Aaron who brought them home.”
“Taking a leap of faith our we?” asked Darrien, arching an eyebrow. “You know none of us have work.”
“Yeah, but I just really felt like God was telling me to trust him,” replied Aaron.
Darrien slapped his shoulder. “Well, trust Him we will. Now, what can we do to help the girls?”
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
@ellette-giselle ooh things are going in a new direction! So Aaron and his friends are taking in all the children whose parents were killed in the war?
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
@ellette-giselle very cool!!
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
I just read the last section. I don’t have too much to say about it, but it was good!
When you say you don’t have much to say, you mean it. lol.
Don’t you find it a little funny that Aaron is the one to bring the kids back after being the strongest opposer of the idea?
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
@keilah-h @theshadow @whalekeeper @linus-smallprint
New scene!
Asher and Eric were only the first of many war orphans who found shelter in the orphanage. On the second day of the two brother’s arrival, a girl came by saying her mother had felt led to give them some children’s clothing and she hoped Sabina could find someone who needed them. After that, the gifts continued to pour in, and not a day went by when the little group was hungry, thirsty, or lacking clothing. The more children who sought refuge, the more gifts God sent to them. Aaron was humbled and encouraged by what he saw.
One morning, Aaron came downstairs before anyone was awake. He sat at the table and read his Bible for a time. Then, he opened his journal and flipped to a blank section. Opening his ink jar, he dipped his quill and began to write. Aaron made two headings, one on each page, and then filled in the space below.
Lord Please
Provide food for us today.
Provide a new dress for Mary
Provide shoes for Asher, Amon, and Joseph.
Give Darrien, Noah, and I work
Keep the soldiers away from here
Heal little Elise’s cough.Lord Thank You For
Bringing five new children off the streets
Healing Eric
Giving us this building
Providing the money we needed for market
Sending fresh bread last week
Providing clothing for Asher and Eric
Every day after that, Aaron updated his lists. Many things from the ‘Lord Please’ list we moved to ‘Lord Thank You for’. Keeping his lists in order was a blessing and encouragement to Aaron. Every day he felt discouraged, he looked at the list of answered prayers and knew that God would provide.
By the end of the month, there were twenty five children racing about the orphanage and playing in the street outside. There was hardly enough room for them all, and Aaron began to wonder how many more children it was physically possible to cram into the building. It was around that time that Aaron began having Darrien and Noah lead the meetings. The young men did not want to at first, feeling inadequate in the task, but Aaron reminded them that he alone could not do much, and he would not be there forever. Others must rise to help him and to take his place. The weight of leading the church was not any easy task to bear, and it was not for alone. They agreed, and Noah led the first Sabbath after their conversation. He studied hard, talking with Aaron and sharing his ideas with him. He was clearly nervous, but when the day arrived, Aaron couldn’t help but notice that Noah looked calm and ready. As Aaron listened, he was filled with awe witnessing such faith in action. He felt the same the next week when it was Darrien’s turn. Aaron thanked God that he had been the messenger used to help bring these young men to Christ. He was sure they would become powerful lights in the world of darkness.
So the days and weeks slipped away, and life seemed to go on much a before, except for the very present knowledge that they were prisoner in their own city. Two more months passed, and Aaron, Noah, Darrien and Sabina worked hard, caring for the orphaned children and helping those in need. They now had thirty children in their care, and Aaron could hardly move through the rooms without tripping on them.
One evening, after all the children were in bed, Aaron called an emergency counsel in the kitchen.
“We really must find some way to give the children a real home,” he began when they had gathered.
“I agree,” said Noah. “This isn’t ideal living conditions for any of them. It’s only a few steps above the street with the little amount of room in here.”
“Finnick is fifteen. In a few years he could find a place of his own,” offered Sabina. “Alda and Edith are both of marrying age. I’ve noticed Arlys keeps glancing at Edith on the Sabbath.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” laughed Darrien.
“He’s dropped by a couple times on errands that he can never remember,” explained Sabina, as if that made all the sense in the world.
The three young men looked at her with raised eyebrows.
“He’s interested in her,” said Alicia.
They nodded slowly and looked at one another with raised eyebrows. Aaron shook his head. “That doesn’t fix anything. Even if the girls were married today that’s still only two of thirty.”
“It looks like we need to pray for them to find good homes,” remarked Noah.
Aaron nodded. “That’s what I’ve been thinking. I can’t see any other way.”
“But they can’t just go to anyone!” exclaimed Sabina.
“No, of course not. We’ll only let them go to those we trust,” replied Aaron.
The five prayed together, and then dispersed for the evening.
Two days later, there was a knock on the orphanage door. It was just after supper, and Noah went to answer it. He came back with a couple from the church. Sabina and Alicia gave them water and offered some bread while Noah went to find Aaron and Darrien. Soon they were all gathered about the table.
“What can we do to help you?” asked Aaron.
“Well, we had an important question,” began the man. “You see, Rachel and I have been praying that God would bless us with a child. All at once, last night, His answer came to us.” He glanced at his wife and she smiled, wrapping her hands about his arm. “We were wondering, would there be any way that we could adopt an orphan child or two? We don’t have to take the ones you have here, but perhaps if you ever ran out of room…”
“Oh Mr. Sandson!” cried Sabina, clasping her hands.
“This is an answer to prayer,” exclaimed Aaron, at the same moment, while Noah shook the confused man’s hand vigorously, and Alicia kissed Rachel on the cheek.
After the initial excitement died down, Aaron explained. “We have been praying for the last three days that God would provide homes for the children. There are thirty of them here, and this building hardly holds that many rambunctious youngsters.”
They talked for another hour or so, and then the couple went away. The next morning they returned to meet their children. They had offered to take three, and Sabina chose the ones who needed the most love and attention.
After that, many more couples and families came to take children. In three weeks time their were only five children left in the orphanage. Then, Noah returned with six more that he hd found in an alley. So the cycle began again, and it was a rare day when there were less then ten children in the home. In innocent and simple faith, many of these children learned to cling to their Heavenly Father, and rely on Him for all their needs, just like the adults in their lives.
Sabina loved all the children, and she had a special place in her heart for each one. She had a natural gift in caring for children, and it was sweetened by her love for Christ. All the children loved Sabina and ran to her for everything; in joy or sorrow. Alicia served best in the kitchen, and while Sabina cared for the children, she provided the meals that nourished and strengthened them. Noah, Darrien, and Aaron were also well loved, and the young men taught, helped, guarded, and guided the children. It was with great joy that they saw them taken into loving homes where they would be raised to walk with God.
Each morning, Aaron spent time in prayer and study, and he always had something new to transfer to the list of answered prayers. However, as time passed, the prayer for work remained unanswered.
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
Are you using a normal arc structure/your own structure based off what you know about arcs? Or just thinking through the arc as you write?
“Everything is a mountain”
I’ve already written the whole book. This is my fifth draft actually, and I was looking for reader reaction as well as some thoughts from y’all on structure and character since you are authors. Once I post everything on here, I’m passing this off to my editor.
why do you ask?
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
@ellette-giselle FIFTH draft? Wow!!
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.