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Awesome!
Thank you so much! This feedback has been amazing!
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
“I was there, Noah.”
“You were where?”
Aaron clenched his fists tightly. “I was there when he died.”
Noah turned to face him. “Wait, when who died?”
“Turin.”
There was a long silence, and then Aaron pressed on. “I watched him die, Noah. I knelt by his side and I couldn’t do anything as he bled to death in the street.”
“Why didn’t you tell one of us?” asked Noah.
Did Noah not know that Turin died? I’m confused by his confusion.
I can’t remember, did Aaron write in his journal in an earlier section?
I think this section works for Aaron as well. I did not feel unrealistic to me. It’s funny how he does not even realize what he is doing, and yet, we make that mistake all the time. He definitely needed Noah to help him out. Aaron is now ready for the next challenge.
It feels like we are about to head into the climax. (I’m guessing this is the Reward (Seizing the Sword) part of the Hero’s Journey) Is this assumption correct?
Noah knew he was dead, he just didn’t know that Aaron was there when he died. Does that section need to be re-written to make that a little clearer? He’s not confused, he just was asking Aaron why he didn’t tell them that he had to see it happen. That’s rough, you know? You can’t just bury that one.
Yes, he did write in his journal near the beginning, but stopped during all the craziness.
Awesome!
Hmm, a climax is coming, but it’ll take a little more to build up to. I think some mini climaxes as we raise the stakes will be more in the near future. Right now would be an entire set change as the stage is taken over by the Empire. Aaron’s whole world is about to start looking very different.
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
@keilah-h @theshadow @whalekeeper @linus-smallprint
At last, the curfew was slowly lifted and the citizens were allowed to return to a more normal life. Never were they allowed to leave the city. The Imperial soldiers began causing problems, turning families out of their homes to accommodate the Officers. All of the large building taken to quarter the soldiers. It was clear they would be staying for some time.
Besides this, the people were mainly left alone. Life seemed to slowly slide back to normal, except that a shadow of fear hung over the country. There were many places unfilled; empty chairs at the table, empty spots by the fire, empty places in a family, and empty hearts in the survivors. So many had fallen in the last battle for the city. Running to aid their country, strong and brave, many still in their youth, they had gone into the fight. So many went, so few returned.
A week passed with what peace could be found in an occupied city. In that time, Aaron saw most of the families from the village move out of the building, into houses that could not be any bigger then a room, but were at least their own. They all promised never to loose contact, and most returned at times to speak with those who stayed behind.
One evening, Aaron was sitting by the fire with his Bible open on his knees. He had turned to the psalms once again, and he had his journal ready at his side. This passed month he had taken to turning the psalms into his own prayers, and he was beginning to feel peace. The answers were there, before him. All he had to do was trust his heavenly Father.
A shriek startled Aaron and he leapt to his feet. Hurrying from the room he took the stairs two at a time. Aaron pushed open Joseph’s bedroom door and found the boy curled up on his bed sobbing. Aaron hurried in and sat down beside Joseph. “Hey, it’s alright,” he soothed.
Joseph continued crying and Aaron rubbed his back. “Hush Joseph, you’re alright.”
“They w-were after father!” choked the boy.
Aaron glanced toward the door, hoping Joseph’s crying wouldn’t wake the others sleeping upstairs. Turning back to Joseph, he picked him up and carried him from the room. Back downstairs, Aaron sat down by the fire once again, Joseph on his lap. “You’re alright, it was just a dream.”
Joseph cried a little longer and then grew quiet. “I miss him,” he whispered.
“You father?”
Joseph nodded. “Mama too. I never had anyone else… now they’re gone.”
Aaron hugged Joseph. “I miss my parents too,” he said, gently. “Do you know what my father used to tell me?”
“What?” asked Joseph.
“He told me that God is my Father. I will never be alone and never be fatherless because he is always with me. Can I pray with you?”
Joseph sniffed and nodded.
“Father,” began Aaron. “Please comfort Joseph. Help him to sleep peacefully tonight. Take away his fear and guard him from all attacks of the evil one.”
The two were silent for a time, and when Aaron looked he saw Joseph was asleep again.
Aaron smiled and picked up his Bible to continue reading. Joseph’s little body was warm, and his breath against Aaron’s neck was gentle. It wasn’t long before Aaron set down his Bible and closed his eyes, deciding to rest for just a few moments.
Aaron woke when steps sounded on the stairs. He blinked and looked about in surprise. He was sitting by the fire, which had burned low in the night. Joseph was still sleeping on his lap. He looked up and saw Sabina come to the doorway. She smiled when she saw them there. “Someone is an early riser.”
“More like a never-went-to-bed-er,” chuckled Aaron.
Sabina moved to the window and opened the curtains. Light filtered into the room and Aaron squinted. Sabina turned, and her eyes took on a sad look. “Was he having nightmares again?”
Aaron nodded.
“Poor little thing. He’s had them almost every night.”
“He has?” wondered Aaron.
“You’ve spent a lot of time away in the evening, and when you came back you slept hard,” she reminded.
Aaron sighed. “I wish we could do something for him.”
“Prayer is the only thing that will help him now.”
“But so would a stable home,” said Aaron. “When my parents died, it was only because of the man God brought as a father into my life that I have become the man I am now.”
Sabina nodded. “I’ve been thinking about that. We have this whole big building, and the only people here are you, me, Noah, Darrien, Alicia, and Joseph.”
“I wouldn’t call it a huge building,” chuckled Aaron.
“There’s bedrooms upstairs and downstairs,” she replied.
“Alright, go on.”
“Well, Joseph can’t be the only war orphan here,” began Sabina. “There must be hundreds in this city. What if this building became a refuge to them. A home where we would care for them, protect them, teach them, and then give them into the care of good families, or else keep them with us until they are grown.”
“An orphanage?” asked Aaron.
She nodded.
Aaron frowned thoughtfully and leaned back in his chair. Joseph stirred and murmured something before going back to sleep. “It would be difficult. I’m not sure how we would provide for them, and even if we could, they would need a lot of care.”
“I’m ready for that,” smiled Sabina. “I adore children, Aaron. I’ve been talking with Alicia and I feel God has put this on my heart, but I wanted to ask someone wiser and older then me.”
Aaron smiled. “I’m not much older then you, and as for wiser… well I don’t have nearly as much wisdom as a wish I did.”
“But what do you think?” she pressed.
“Let’s talk to Noah, Darrien, and Alicia about it,” suggested Aaron.
That morning after breakfast, the five gathered around the table while Joseph played alone. Alicia, was one of the girls from the village. She was a little older then Sabina and had the longest black hair, which she always wore braided around her head. She and Sabina had become good friends while in the capital.
Sabina laid out her idea for the four of them. When she finished, everyone was silent. At last, Darrien voiced just about the same worries Aaron had.
“Providing for them is something that may not be as hard as it seems,” said Noah. “We are bound to find work once the soldiers settle down and stop causing trouble. And, I’m sure others from the village would be willing to give us things that will help. I honestly think this is quite a good idea.”
Sabina smiled at him, and Aaron could see she was very happy to have support.
“I think it’s a good idea too, but Aaron and I are trying to be practical,” put in Darrien.
“We’ve already started,” said Alicia. “Joseph is an orphan, and we are taking care of him.”
“Yes but he’s just one,” objected Aaron.
“Would two be such a big deal?” she pressed.
Both Aaron and Darrien shook their heads.
“Three?”
Again they agreed it would not.
“Just because we have an orphanage doesn’t mean we’ll get a dozen children. There are orphans out there, but it’ll take time to find them. They’re probably scared right now, and if they’re smart they’re hiding from the soldiers.”
“It would just be a few at a time,” agreed Sabina. “These children are lost, and they need us.”
Aaron looked at Darrien, who shrugged. He turned back to the girls and Noah. “I don’t know, this would be a big step. We need to pray about it first.”
“Agreed,” said Noah. “How long?”
“Let’s say a week,” suggested Aaron. “At the end of the week we’ll meet back and compare thoughts.”
The others nodded, and Darrien suggested they close the time in prayer. They did, and then the five separated to go about the tasks of another day in captivity.
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
@keilah-h @theshadow @whalekeeper @linus-smallprint
One afternoon, Aaron was sitting on the edge of his bed, studying his Bible, when Noah stepped into the room, a Bible in his own hands. “Aaron, can I talk to you?”
“Yeah sure,” said Aaron, motioning to the bed.
Noah sat down. “Aaron, I was reading through the Bible, cover to cover as you suggested, and I came across two things that have begun to worry me.”
Aaron turned to give Noah his full attention, noticing the earnest expression on the young man’s face. “The first one confuses me,” began Noah. “In the Old Testament, the people offer sacrifices for lots of sins, and there is a whole book almost solely dedicated to that. If it is so important, then why don’t we do it?”
Aaron nodded in understanding. “Do you remember that the wages of sin is death?” he asked.
“Of course,” replied Noah.
“Well, someone or something had to die for every sin committed. Instead of the sinner, an animal–– a perfect unblemished one–– died in the person’s stead. Now, this was before Jesus Christ came to earth. Not only did the animals have to die, but the people had to remain separated from God, unable to speak to Him except through priests or prophets. Then Jesus came, and He–– a man who committed no sin, the perfect Lamb, the Son of God–– died in all of our stead. He forever canceled the debt of sin and all we must do is believe that and give our lives to Him. Not only this, but the Holy Spirit of God will come into us and we can now speak to God without a priest or prophet. He becomes so close to us that we can tell Him anything anytime. He draws near to us and we to Him because of Jesus’s sacrifice. Because Jesus died, God sees us through the purity of His Son’s blood, and no longer do our sins stand between us and God. That is why sacrifice is no longer needed. Jesus paid it all; then, now and forever. Do you understand?”
“Yes,” replied Noah, smiling. “I do, but I can hardly believe it! Each time you tell me something new about Jesus or God the Father, I love them more. I can’t help it! I have never been so free, so secure, so loved.” he laughed. “Do you know what Aaron, I am more free now, in a captured city, then I was when I lived wild, ruling the world with a turn of the dice.” He smiled quietly. “I was one of the best you know. I became so good at gambling that I didn’t even need to cheat, though I knew ever possible way how. I became good because I wanted to feel accepted. I craved to be noticed, wanted, and needed by others. I never thought I would be loved, but I pushed that longing aside for fame and glory. I used to rule the world. I could go where I wanted, do what I wanted, I was master. I won whatever I set my mind and hand to. I didn’t care about the money, and I spent it recklessly or lost it. It wasn’t money that I lived for. No, it was the fear in my enemies eyes, and the worship of the people. In every city every girl chased me and made laughing love with me. Every man turned and slipped into the shadows, unwilling to suffer yet another defeat, while the boys worshiped me as their hero.”
“I always thought you had military training. You are very skilled with the sword,” said Aaron.
“At first I learned the way of the sword so I could duel,” replied Noah. “Then, I learned in self-defense. Many a sore looser became a hateful enemy. That was all I lived for; the thrill of the game. That is, until I met you. I went from king of the game, ruler of the world, the alluring, dashing, debonair villain, to a child of the one true King. I tell you Aaron, the glory that I once had, it is nothing, nothing, to what I have now. I live my life serving the One who died for me. I am no longer serving myself, yet I have never had more purpose and joy then I ever have.” he looked up at Aaron for the first time. “He loved me; one who had wasted the life He blessed me with, living in a world of sin. He died for me, He rescued me and made me His own. He gave me a new life and a purpose.”
Aaron smiled and laid a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “I have a feeling that God will use you to do something great for Him, Noah.”
“I don’t care if it is great,” replied Noah. “I just want to serve him with all my heart. Even if, at the end of my life, no one knows my name, I will be content because He knows my name, and I have lived for Him.”
Aaron looked at his friend thoughtfully. “Noah… I don’t really know what to say. You surprise me in so many ways, and you humble me as well.”
“You do the same to me,” laughed Noah. “I think I’m beginning to understand the meaning of iron sharpens iron.”
Aaron grinned. “So, what was the other question?”
“Oh, right,” said Noah, flipping the pages of his Bible. “It says here, in the Ten Commandments recorded in Exodus 20, ‘Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your male servant, or your female servant, or your livestock, or the sojourner who is within your gates. For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.”’ We used to meet and worship every morning, but after the attack we stopped, I have felt that we need to do this again, but then when I read this I was sure that we must set aside a day to worship the Lord. Doesn’t this commandment say as much?”
“It does indeed,” agreed Aaron. “I am ashamed that I neglected this and even forgot it amid the turmoil we have faced. We must set aside the seventh day for worship, and as the New Testament commands, we must gather together to worship and learn. But where? That is the question. Where could we gather? The Great Hall has been taken for the quartering of the Imperial army.”
Noah nodded. “This building is too small for all the believers to gather.”
“There’s another thing,” Aaron continued thoughtfully. I wonder, would we be stopped if we tried to use a public building for worship? We know the Empire is a place of many gods, and I doubt they would take kindly to this.”
“Babylon was a land of many gods, yet that did not stop Daniel and his friends,” replied Noah.
“No, of course not, and I am not saying that it should stop us. I am only wondering where would be the best place to meet with this in mind,” replied Aaron. “There is no need to stir up conflict and the lower we lie the better. At least for now with the soldiers so on edge.”
“What about the Green?” asked Noah.
“What is that?”
“It is where we drilled before the fighting started.”
“No, that wont do, the Imperial army has weapons and horses there,” objected Aaron.
“Oh, I know!” exclaimed Noah. “The old hospice! It was going to be torn down, but with the fighting, we never got that far. It is a huge one room building, with windows, a good roof, and plenty of space. It is also in a secluded place in the city.”
“That’s perfect,” said Aaron. “Now we need to make contact with everyone and tell them.”
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
@linus-smallprint @ellette-giselle
I’m kind of bored and I just wanted to pop in on this conversation cuz I find it really interesting!
If my brother were to accuse me of not caring (which might actually happen), I would get even more frustrated because I would want to care more, but find myself unable to.
YES THIS IS SO ME! I mean I’d definitely care about losing someone, but I’ve felt this way about other things like relationships. I want to care so bad! But it makes me frustrated because I literally can‘t.
Why must everything have to be fixed!? lol. We girls just want to be cuddled and sympathized with. We do NOT want a solution. In fact, we often hate the idea of a solution because then we feel like you guys are just viewing us as a problem to be fixed.
HUH??!?! NOOOOO I agree with Linus…I want a solution soooo bad! I want a guy to tell me exactly how to fix my problems…(maybe that’s why it’s easier for me to make friends with guys)
This makes no sense to me.
I AGREE SO MUCH WITH YOU!!! like why would you ever want to be sympathized with…I just want someone to take it away from me! And then I get frustrated and more upset when the person I tell can’t tell me how to fix it.
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333I also forgot that you guys talked about this on this thread so I posted a different reply in the other topic.
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333While I am more emotional objectively than Linus, being a girl teen and all, I do not like sharing my feelings or even physically expressing them through tears. I am an extremely private person and I do not like to look for sympathy from anybody; it makes me feel guilty. I tend to cry in private.
One side of me would like to be comforted, but another side of me also wants to find a solution to my emotional problem without going to anybody. I look outside of myself and at my emotions, as if looking at someone else, so I don’t have to feel anything.
Yes, this is a coping mechanism, but even at the healthiest of times, I tend to both have emotions and analyze them from afar to look for solutions. It’s a very weird feeling tbh. I think it’s my way of being emotionally aware.
This is so me. Like this is exactly how I am!!!!
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Glad to see someone else feels the same XD Life is hard, that way.
“Everything is a mountain”
yeahhh it can be really hard sometimes :/
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333One evening, Aaron was sitting by the fire with his Bible open on his knees. He had turned to the psalms once again, and he had his journal ready at his side. This passed month he had taken to turning the psalms into his own prayers, and he was beginning to feel peace. The answers were there, before him. All he had to do was trust his heavenly Father.
I think you meant, ‘This past month he had…’
“Well, Joseph can’t be the only war orphan here,” began Sabina. “There must be hundreds in this city. What if this building became a refuge to them. A home where we would care for them, protect them, teach them, and then give them into the care of good families, or else keep them with us until they are grown.”
“An orphanage?” asked Aaron.
I like where this is going. Getting George Muller vibes here.
He smiled quietly. “I was one of the best you know. I became so good at gambling that I didn’t even need to cheat, though I knew ever possible way how. I became good because I wanted to feel accepted.
An idea for an earlier section. This is completely optional. When Aaron walks into the town, he sees people looking up from gambling games, giving him suspicious stares. I am thinking of something like in Tangled when Rapunzel and Eugene walk into the Snuggly Duckling pub (except Turin won’t be taking Aaron there to scare him into giving up). Perhaps he spots Noah gambling and later recognizes the young man when he and Darrien bring Aaron the Bible they found.
“Oh, I know!” exclaimed Noah. “The old hospice! It was going to be torn down, but with the fighting, we never got that far. It is a huge one room building, with windows, a good roof, and plenty of space. It is also in a secluded place in the city.”
Underground church time.
I think you meant, ‘This past month he had…’
Is it? That one ALWAYS gets me. I can never figure out a way to remember which is which. grrr. Grammar is gonna kill me. Btw, I can’t get over the fact that we keep correcting each others grammar. lol
I like where this is going. Getting George Muller vibes here.
It’s not like I love George Muller’s story or something like that……
Aaron has a dose more practicality and a dose less of faith then George.
An idea for an earlier section. This is completely optional. When Aaron walks into the town, he sees people looking up from gambling games, giving him suspicious stares. I am thinking of something like in Tangled when Rapunzel and Eugene walk into the Snuggly Duckling pub
I’ve never seen Tangled, but I like the idea.
Underground church time.
Spot on.
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
Is it? That one ALWAYS gets me. I can never figure out a way to remember which is which. grrr. Grammar is gonna kill me. Btw, I can’t get over the fact that we keep correcting each others grammar. lol
That’s the whole point of getting others to read it. Sometimes someone else can see your grammatical errors better than you can.
Aaron has a dose more practicality and a dose less of faith then George.
Yes, that occurred to me, but it is a good challenge to increase his faith.
@keilah-h @theshadow @whalekeeper @linus-smallprint
Ok, all y’all who have stuck with me through all of this, I have a question.
Is anyone willing to help me write a blurb? I keep trying and nothing sounds write? Anyone have ideas or examples?
Also, I’ll try to get another section tomorrow. I’m a little distracted with the publishing process of another book that I just got back from my editor. Yikes. I need to finish this up because she is ready for LTBL and I am certainly not ready to give it to her!!!
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
@keilah-h @theshadow @whalekeeper @linus-smallprint
Ok, all y’all who have stuck with me through all of this, I have a question.
Is anyone willing to help me write a blurb? I keep trying and nothing sounds right? Anyone have ideas or examples?
Also, I’ll try to get another section tomorrow. I’m a little distracted with the publishing process of another book that I just got back from my editor. Yikes. I need to finish this up because she is ready for LTBL and I am certainly not ready to give it to her!!!
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
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