WIP: (A.D. 60. Two friends in Ancient Rome.) Questions

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  • #182046
    Ellette Giselle
    @ellette-giselle
      • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
      • Total Posts: 1540

      @savannah_grace2009


      @theshadow

       

      ALTERNATE ENDING!!!

      Julius lowered his head, but beyond the taunts of the voice, he could feel something. It was like the warmth of the sun’s first rays creeping into the courtyard. It was a tiny, tiny sliver of peace. Julius found himself looking back at Marcus and Flavia. I was there for them. A voice whispered in his heart.

      “Julius!” thundered a voice.

      Julius jumped and turned. Nero was on his feet, glaring down at him. There was a look of thinly vailed fury on his face. “Julius, give me your answer now. Say no, and you are free to go. Say yes, and I throw you to the lions.”

      Julius opened his mouth, but no words came.

      Nero leaned forward. “Give. Me. Your. Answer.”

      A lion roared loud enough to shake the sand beneath Julius’ feet, and a voice whispered, I am here.

      Julius closed his eyes. taking in a deep breath, he raised his head. Lord, I believe that You can hear me, because I believe You are there.

      There, surrounded all of Rome, standing face to face with the Emperor, with death waiting at his back, Julius made his choice.  Oh Lord, Forgive me! Please forgive me! Help me now as you helped Marcus. It’s over…  In that moment, Julius felt more strength and peace then he had ever imagined. Everything around him seemed to fade, as if it no longer mattered. As the rest faded, the knowledge that he was not alone grew stronger.

      Julius spoke, his voice clearer and more confidant then it had ever been in his life. “Yes, I do. I believe in the one true God! He is the One above all, and I will call upon Him to my dying breath. Do what you will, He is with me.”

       

       

       

       

       

      OK, there you go. That would be the end. Let me know if you like it better then the first one.

      Also…….. does anyone want to see the cover?

       

      Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God

      #182055
      Sara
      @savannah_grace2009
        • Rank: Chosen One
        • Total Posts: 2539

        @ellette-giselle

        I like that!!!!!!

        YES I WOULD LOVE TO SEE THE COVER

        Lukas&Livia
        #Lalbert
        Sef&Chase
        #HOTTOLINE
        LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333

        #182058
        Ellette Giselle
        @ellette-giselle
          • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
          • Total Posts: 1540

          @savannah_grace2009

           

          So keep that version?

           

          OK, here is the cover!!

          Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God

          #182067
          Trailblazer
          @trailblazer
            • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
            • Total Posts: 648

            @ellette-giselle

            Sorry I’ve been MIA… I just started a YWAM school this week so I’ve been really busy and haven’t had time to read anything on here. I’ll try to get to it sometime if I have a chance! If you need me just tag me so I see it and hopefully can get back to you sooner!

            "Real love is for your good, not for your comfort." -Justin Whitmel Earley

            #182068
            Ellette Giselle
            @ellette-giselle
              • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
              • Total Posts: 1540

              @trailblazer

              Ok, no problem. I finished the whole book, so You’ll just have to scroll through and read the chapters. there are 16 of them.

              Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God

              #182075
              TheShadow
              @theshadow
                • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
                • Total Posts: 330

                @ellette-giselle

                Thank you! Yeah, after the help I got with this, I feel like I could try anything on here and I would have help no matter where I got stuck, because so many of Y’all are on here!

                Yeah, everyone on here is really helpful.

                OK, there you go. That would be the end. Let me know if you like it better then the first one.

                I loved it!!! That was great!!

                And I just saw the cover. ITS SO GOOD!!!!!!

                I was wondering if either of you would be interested in giving me some feedback on the first book in The Flames of Hope Trilogy. If you don’t have time, that’s fine. However, you helped so much that I completely trust y’all, and that one is my pet, so it’s saying a lot. lol. It’s been through 3? maybe 4 founds of edits, so it’s going to be a lot smoother then this last one. I would love critical feedback, thoughts as a reader, and then any grammar, spelling, etc. that you notice and would be willing to mention. I have a structural editor who’s going to look at it, so I wouldn’t need you to go through trying to find all the edits as much as just anything that you notice as you read. As authors, I would want more of story structure/character/plot edits. Anyone want to do that? 😀

                Yes, I would love to!!!

                "No! Monkeys should have pets, all monkeys should have pets!"

                #182076
                Ellette Giselle
                @ellette-giselle
                  • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                  • Total Posts: 1540

                  @theshadow

                  I loved it!!! That was great!!

                  Haha. You happy now.

                  And I just saw the cover. ITS SO GOOD!!!!!!

                  Thank you!!!!

                   

                  Yes, I would love to!!!

                  Wonderful! I’ll create a new WIP and tag you!

                  Also, I just dropped a couple scenes on the Chat Chat if you want to take a look. It’s the book I’m currently working on revising.

                  Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God

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