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Agape love is actually much harder than eros. Why have eros when you can have agape? Abused wives do not have eros, but they can have agape. Strive for the best.
I blog on story and spiritual things at mkami.weebly.com
Well yeah, but If I could have a gold coin and/or a silver coin I would take both.
Say, how about the phrase, “Love at first acquaintance”. Still pretty hard to believe, but more realistic.
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Kudos to that! I’d choose both too. However, sometimes (unfortunately) it’s one or the other. But, yeah, you’re right about the acquaintance thing.
I blog on story and spiritual things at mkami.weebly.com
Well as I said, in my opinion you can’t just look at somebody from across the room and say “I choose to love you romantically no matter what your character.” The same applies, I think, for love at first acquaintance. If I’m right that is supposed to be love the first time you meet somebody, correct? I just don’t see how you can meet somebody once and fall in love with them. If we’re talking agape love then sure! That’s totally possible. Either way it’s just a difference of opinion.
But let’s see, if we’re talking about writing love at first sight in books then what stops us from falling into the same stereotypical black hole the rest of the writing community is in? It seems that kind of plotline is based more on feelings than actual love.
Opinions?
HC
Lets just say it would have to be a very long first acquaintance.
If your’e going to use such a plot of love at first sight/acquaintance, that’s ok, but you will have to show the realistic consequences. You really can’t know very much about somebody just by seeing them.
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Lol yes that’s exactly what I thought!
The topic of consequences is very intriguing. I hadn’t thought of using the “love at first sight” plotline but showing consequences to it.
Good thoughts!
HC
I used to think that there couldn’t be such a thing as “happily ever after”. I was tired of seeing how entertainment (books and movies etc.) were portraying happily ever after endings. After all, the typical Disney and Jane Austen “happily ever after” is never heard of in real life so it can’t be possible right? As I said, that’s what I used to think, but then I was talking with a friend a few years ago and she proposed to me this idea. Consider the story of two godly young people who are married with the understanding that they want to be a couple that glorifies the Lord in all they do. Do they assume that their marriage will be perfect? No. They understand that they are two humans, able to sin. And even though the divorce rate is enormously high around the world, imagine the couple persevering even though there is trials and strife throughout their married years. They remember that the persevering now will be worthwhile in the end because by honoring God in this way, they will be one day, if not from the blessings in this life, be rewarded for obeying the Lord. Could it be possible that we could label this “happily ever after”? Hmmm, in my opinion it stills sounds questionable, because we know that trials and strife are not really “happy” times. But think about the “ever after” part of the phrase. A Christian couple will not just consider the happiness they had here on earth, but they look forward to the day that they will live happily ever and thereafter with their Creator. Now there’s a story worth being told! So perhaps the phrase in question has a yes/no answer. If asked, is there such a thing as “happily ever after” I would say yes! In Christ there is. But if asked if every married couple will live “happily ever after” I would have to say not. Just some thoughts on the phrase! So far I haven’t seen this idea portrayed in a fiction book nor have I thought much on how to incorporate it into a story. That would be a totally different plot line than we typically see!
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That is very insightful, Rolena! What a wonderful way of looking at the phrase “happily ever after”. Trials, while not fun, may still produce joy which I believe is a deeper “emotion” than happiness. You can be joyful in your tribulations because you know God will never leave you nor forsake you and because you know he has a plan. Not always easy but entirely possible. 😀
Thanks for sharing!
HC
Pet peeves in romantic literature.
1. Synonymous use of crushes/love at first sight. Yeah, that’s not love. That’s over-idealizing someone from a distance, often enough. I think this can be used very well as the flaw in the beginning of a character arc (for example, Q in Paper Towns, about Margo) But it can’t be the driving force for why [blank] is in love with [blank]. There needs to be more than “that stranger, [blank,] on the bus is cute and reading my favorite book. I think I should marry [blank], since this is a sign and we obviously have so much in common.”
2. A happy ending = everybody is paired up. Erm, no. Like the end of the second Percy Jackson series (nobody hate me. Love the series, love the characters, didn’t love this specific way it played out.) Everyone found someone to romantically love in or by the last chapter, and that was significant of a ‘happy ending.’ Really? how it felt: “Defeat all the bad guys and save the world, yeah, that’s pretty good. Oh waait, there are still single MCs! Yeah sorry, there can’t be a happy ending with SINGLES left dawdling around. I’ll pair you up before the book ends, don’t worry.”
2. Aaand as others have said. It’s not endearing when this is the case: ‘Wow, how sweet! You think a conventially gorgeous person is pretty! No way, that’s just precious!’ I want to see them slowly learn to love the smile lines on a face, and the knobbiness of knees. I want characters that find poetic beauty is short eyelashes or big hands or scars from when they got burned as a child. LEARNED GORGEOUSNESS. Qualities that become attractive because they represent the soul inside. Not just, ‘wow. that person is hot. how thoughtful of me to notice and respond accordingly.’ Because that’s not really loving them, that’s just common mutual attraction, and is not properly ‘aw’ worthy, IMO.
4. Badly written love triangles. If you are choosing between two people over the course of an entire book, you either don’t actually love either one, you shouldn’t love them, or they shouldn’t love you, a.k.a they probably deserve better.
oookay that’s probably enough rambling for now… (I HAVE MORE THOUGH XD)
In conclusion.
I mean, I understand these things, and these things are common enough mistakes in real life, which is why they get away in books so often. But the problem is, many writers glorify these mistakes. They don’t use the misunderstanding or romantic immaturity as a character flaw in the beginning of a character arc, something that the character learns from or improves on. Instead, they use it as a prevalent and perfect feature throughout the entire book, never correcting or amending the incorrect thought process of the characters which cannot constitute ‘true love.’Emma out xP
For my parents, it was love at first sight, and it seems to have worked out pretty well for them. 😛 It depends on if you have a mature and accurate understanding of love. Rebecca agreed to marry Isaac without even seeing him once.
But yeah. I don’t know if I can think of a single love plot that portrayed the way things should be done, at least not in American stories. It’s usually always very self-motivated. And I don’t think you need to include graphic romance to write a love side-plot.
And I absolutely hate love triangles.
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OrpheusAudioAcademy.comIf that’s how it was with your parents then that’s lovely but I have to say that they must be one of the very few exceptions for I don’t see it working very often. 🙂
I agree, it is usually very self motivated and American stories do tend to focus on feelings rather than anything more solid. That’s why I say it’s unrealistic. They focus on the the senses more.
Another problem I see is the characters seem to always be desiring to “touch” or “embrace” the other, even before they marry. I say they should be praying against such desires lest they enter into temptation.
HC
I agree. They are probably the exception rather than the rule. 😛
Right, love at first site in American culture usually means two people find each other physically attractive, and that’s it. Whoopdy-doo. How rare this occurrence is. It is truly destiny that has brought you two together! Not. 😛
Right, if the characters are Christian, it would be nice to actually see them abstaining from claiming each other prior to marriage.
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OrpheusAudioAcademy.comRight, love at first site in American culture usually means two people find each other physically attractive, and that’s it. Whoopdy-doo. How rare this occurrence is. It is truly destiny that has brought you two together! Not.
American stories do tend to focus on feelings rather than anything more solid. That’s why I say it’s unrealistic. They focus on the the senses more.
Yes. I agree, this is def. a problem.
Now there’s a really romantic story, what if somebody was blind and they got talking to somebody else and fell in love with their heart instead of their looks. There was a movie where two people fell in love over letters and a book (one of my favorites actually.) Why can we write this same kind of thing?
HC
I am by no means an expert, or even an adept at anything romance. Therefore I don’t write it.
However, I do have a couple thoughts on why it sucks. (Not having read the topic, cuz hundreds of long posts…maybe I’m repeating someone. That someone is probably an awesome person.)
1. Romance in books sucks because there are people like me who are not even adepts are anything romance, but think they are because they’re read/seen a lot of it, which in turn was written by people who did the same thing. It’s like telephone, except there was no clear message at the beginning.
2. Romance in stories sucks because the authors want romance because they feel romance should be in it. I specialize mainly in the adventure type book…(as opposed to The Man Who Learned Better, or actual romance). I can count on one closed fist how many adventure books I’ve read where the romance felt right. It never serves purpose to the story.
Like everything, it needs to be part of the overall thrust of the events of said story. How would you feel about a subplot that took up chapters of the book that was all about the main character finding the perfect sandpaper for his ornate door, and in the meantime, he was taking out the Dark Lord Evil Dude. It would be stupid. Romance needs point to be relevant.
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