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My Doctor Who novella sample. What do you think?
@daeus, @graciegirl, @that_writer_girl_99, @lady-iliara, @dragon-snapper, @catwing, @jane-maree, @kate-flournoy, @salome01w4g, @Any more Whovians out there?“We’ve changed course.”
“What do you mean we’ve changed course?”
“I mean we’ve changed course, Alfred.”
Alfred Davison puffed frustratedly. “Well don’t! I want to go home!”
“I didn’t do it!”
“Then who did, Doctor?” asked Kristina Justin looking at her with concerned, brown eyes.
The Doctor clutched her wavy brown hair nervously. “A tractor beam perhaps? Or maybe the coordinates got tweaked by accident again…” She was almost talking to herself as she started fiddling with the TARDIS controls.
“Well change it back! I don’t have all day, you know,” said Alfred.
“On the contrary,” said the Doctor, “you’re on a time machine…”
“Shut up and change the course back!”
The Doctor sighed and commenced on finding the coordinates to planet Earth, where she was to take Alfred and Kristina home. Both had not intended to climb aboard an alien time machine. The Doctor had rescued news anchor Kris in a Dalek attack, and college student Alfred had accidentally mistaken the TARDIS for an interactive exhibition piece in a museum. She had always meant to take them back home, but then they were caught in a Time Eddy and couldn’t escape for what seemed decades. Finally they could go back without any distractions. But then the TARDIS had suddenly veered off course and the three travelers felt the abrupt change in direction as it suddenly jerked away from the course for Earth.
Now they felt it again, albeit not so abruptly like before, as the Doctor rapidly yet smoothly steered the TARDIS back towards the planet. “All right, we’re back on track,” she muttered, still punching buttons and pulling levers.
“Thanks, Doctor,” Kris sighed with a relieved smile, “I’m glad to be off this ship soon.”
The Doctor finished tweaking the console and looked up at Kris with a wide, kind grin. “Well, I’m also glad we met. Once I’ve taken you home we’ll have to do something together.”
A wave of apprehension appeared on Kris’ face.
The Doctor added with a chuckle, “And don’t worry, we’ll stay on Earth.”
“Humph,” said Alfred.
Just then, it happened again. The trio were nearly swept off their feet and everything shook as the TARDIS suddenly changed direction.
“Now what?!” exclaimed Alfred.
“What are we going to do?” cried Kris.
The Doctor said nothing. She didn’t seem to be concentrating all of a sudden.
Alfred grew more and more impatient. “Doctor!”
No answer. She was starting to feel dizzy. The room seemed to spin. She was dimly aware of her two companions yelling at her. She closed her eyes hoping that everything would stop spinning, but it didn’t seem to work. She had a sudden sensation of falling. Then all at once she found herself in a very dark cavern-like place. Or maybe it was a building. Whatever it was, the walls were barely visible, and the ceiling – if there was one – was engulfed in pitch darkness. There was no color or distinct pattern anywhere.
Suddenly, an unfamiliar voice penetrated the impregnable silence. The ground shook. “Doctorrr…” The voice was powerful and gentle, deafening and quiet, clear and inexplicable. “Doctorrrr…”
She was confused. “Wh-who are you?” she breathed.
Instead the voice whispered,“I havve finallly found youu, Time Lordd.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” asked the Doctor.
“It meanns,” replied the voice, “thatt I hhave found youuu.”
A smirk played at her face despite her fear and fatigue, wondering whether or not it was a complete coincidence that she had had almost the same conversation with Alfred in the TARDIS. The TARDIS! Where was it? Where was she? Were Alfred and Kris still there?
“Yourr ffriendss arre ssafe,” reassured the voice as if it knew what she was thinking.
“What do you want?”
“I amm cappturing youu and yourr shipp. There iss no escappe for youu! Unlesss you solvve my riddle.”
“A riddle? What’s going on? Are you a troll? Am I crossing the bridge that you live under?”
“Justt lissten to thhe riddlle. Thhis iss itt:” It paused as if to give a feeling of suspense. Then it spoke, “Thirrteen plus ffive equalss what?”
“Well, eighteen, of course!”
“It iss not aas eassy as thatt, Time Llord.” The Doctor noticed that every time the voice said “Time Lord,” it seems to relish in it. “Youu willl have too vissit my pplanet to ssolve the ridddle.”
She resisted the urge to groan. She dreaded the moment when she had to tell Alfred and Kris that they had to take yet another impromptu detour. “What planet is it?” she sighed.
“It isss callled Taranar.”
“Where is Taranar?”
No answer.
“Hello?”
“Youu havve arrivved, Time Lorrd,” announced the voice.
And with that, the cave started getting brighter, and the Doctor felt like she was rising into the air. She felt gravity of the outside world pulling down on her once again. And before she knew it, she was gazing up at Kris and Alfred’s frightened faces from the floor of the TARDIS.
“Oh, Doctor, are you okay?” Kris looked on the verge of tears.
“Yes, I’m okay. How long was I unconscious?”
“Not long,” said Alfred, “By the way, we seemed to have landed somewhere.”
What? She shot up onto her feet, hurried up to the console and pressed a few buttons. Alfred was right, they had landed.
“According to the databank,” said Kris reading off one of the screens on the console, “This planet is called Taranar.”
“Taranar! That’s the planet I was dreaming about!”
“Dreaming?”
“Yes, I had a dream where someone told me I had to solve a riddle on Taranar. At least, I think it was a dream.”
“Well,” said Alfred, “if we’re on Taranar of all places, then it can’t be a dream, right?”
She nodded, then added, “Therefore, if it’s not a dream, it’s time to explore.”
Kris and Alfred groaned. “Must we?” said Kris.
“Well, unfortunately the only way to get off this planet and go home is to solve the riddle, and I will need some help.” She made her way to the door that led to the outside world.
“What’s the riddle?” inquired Alfred.
“The voice said, ‘What’s thirteen plus five.’”
“Eighteen,” her companions replied together.
“That’s not the answer in this case. Very unsatisfying, isn’t it?”
Kris sighed. “Well, if exploring the planet is the only way to get back home, then let’s go.” She joined the Doctor by the door. Alfred gave a disgruntled huff, then followed them out.You can pronounce it however you want.
@Dekreel nice! You’ve done a great job with this. *thumbs up*
And congrats on your guess, I am indeed a mild whovian. xDWriting Heroes ♦ Writing Hope // janemareeauthor.com.au
@dekreel I like it, even though I know nothing about Doctor Who! 😉👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻😃
👰🏻🦊💥
ENFJ-T. Arbitrary. Greet at your own risk. *trips on a rock*@jane-maree Thanks! Actually most of the people I tagged aren’t Whovians, but still! Another Whovian friend! 🙂
@lady-iliara Thank you! Glad you like it! Now go watch the show!! 😉You can pronounce it however you want.
Hey guys! So I’m going to reuse an OLD thread and post my updated story snippet for you guys to critique. To make it clear, this is my Doctor Who fan novella. You don’t have to be a Whovian to read it. I’m excited about it because I recently started changing it to first person instead of third. Here is what I have so far!
@theacornman @pickupyourpenandwrite I need British critiquers because this story has characters from Britain, and I don’t know exactly how they word things over there. So you two feel free to change my dialogue 😀@inkling-for-christ @silverclaw-bonnetfolly @graciegirl @that_writer_girl_99 <– Whovians! 😀
Annnd @aislinn-mollisong @rochellaine @skredder @jenwriter17
You can pronounce it however you want.
@dekreel In explanation: Fizbin is the crazy card game Kirk made up to distract the guards when he and Spock were locked up in A Piece of the Action. He distracted them with making up confusing rules and then knocked the cards off the table so that the guard would pick them up. That way he could knock the guard over the head and they could get away… now do you remember? 🙂
"Sylvester - Sylvester!"
@rochellaine OHHH that’s right! I love that part! 😀 😀
I didn’t know that was an actual game though O-O
What is your favorite TOS episode? My two favorites are Piece of the Action and The Trouble with Tribbles
You can pronounce it however you want.
@dekreel Well, it’s not really an actual game. I was joking when I asked if you could play it. 🙂 But some fans play it. Here is the Wikipedia article about it.
My favorite TOS episode…um…I can’t really pick one. I do love how cute Kirk is in the end of The Trouble with Tribbles. He just looks so exhausted he doesn’t even put up a fight when the tribbles tumble down on him. 🙂 I found his longsuffering faces adorable, though I usually don’t like Kirk overly much.
Bread and Circuses is the episode in which the Son of God is mentioned. I liked that one a lot. It was a really good interpretation of the Roman world and the Christianity which caused its fall.
"Sylvester - Sylvester!"
@rochellaine Hehe, IKR. I like Kirk, but I hate how romantic he is.
Like, DUDE, CAN’T YOU JUST STICK TO ONE GIRL AND CUT IT OUT?!?!
You can pronounce it however you want.
@dekreel I rather enjoyed the story. I did have a slight bit hard time figuring out who was talking in spots, but overall it was pretty fun. The Doctor getting right back up, as if nothing happened, after being unconscious was perfect.
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
@skredder Haha, thanks! I’m glad you liked it!
Do you think you could tell me (or show me) where you were confused about who was talking? Feel free to point them out in comments and I’ll change them! Or just tell me here X)
You can pronounce it however you want.
@dekreel Sure thing! First was at the beginning. It took me a wee bit to figure out there were three people in the conversation. And when they were talking about being on Pekkore. I think that’s about it.
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
@skredder Makes sense. I’ll see if I can make it more clear 🙂
You can pronounce it however you want.
It is lovely dear! Sorry that was weird…… But seriously its great, I was a little confused where Kris came in but then you said they went to the museum, so that kind of cleared it up.
@silverclaw-bonnetfolly Thank you! Are you saying the story is weird…?
Kris actually came from the recording studio of a news channel, but Alfred came from museum, if that’s what you mean.
You can pronounce it however you want.
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