- This topic has 6 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 3 years, 1 month ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Mila was screaming. The ropes about my wrists bit when I tried to move, holding me helpless in the blackened snow. I twisted my head to find her, but all I could see was the boot of a marauder.
More screams. I had to do something!
I could do nothing.
Tears pricked at my eyelids, but crying wouldn’t help anything. I blinked them away.
“Take me, It’s me you want!” I yelled up at the boot. “She doesn’t know a thing!”
The boot kicked, and I slid a few feet, ice and blood in my mouth.
But the rope tightened and frayed, surely not the newest of its kind. I twisted and jerked, ignoring the burning fibers.
“Club him good, Lech, but don’t kill him.” They wanted me alive? This was getting worse every moment. Then I heard Milla scream again.
“Leave her out of this!” Suddenly the cords broke, and I rolled to my feet, searching for a weapon.
They were after me now. Ten Novak warriors after a lad. Milla was curled up on the ground, her eyes pleading with me, but I couldn’t do what she wanted. I wouldn’t run. Yet.
I launched myself into the man called Lech just before he swung at me. He was heavy and might have kept his feet, but I wasn’t a Kaminiski for nothing. We hit the ground with a crunch. I, being prepared, leaped away unharmed, his mace in hand.
I charged the next man. He must have thought I meant to attack him with the mace, which was exactly what I wanted him to think. Untill I threw myself to the frozen earth and shot between his legs.
Milla was right behind him, still huddled in the snow.
I helped her to her feet, and then we ran, for even two Kaminiskis can’t fight off nine armed men when they’re only seventeen and eleven.
And this, good sir, is why that band of men is beating down your gate.
You have listened to fears, child. Come, let me breathe on you... Are you brave again? -Aslan
Feel free to tag as you like! Sorry, I have a habit of forgetting half I meant to say till after I’v posted something!
You have listened to fears, child. Come, let me breathe on you... Are you brave again? -Aslan
*Smiles at the names*
I love the ending! I may change ‘Milla was curled up on the ground,’ to ‘I could just see Milla curled up on the ground,’ or something like that. But then again, I don’t know.
First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
Fork the GorkOk, yeah! Thanks, that probably works better, and might help limit the reader to the protagonist’s view point. Anything else? 🙂
You have listened to fears, child. Come, let me breathe on you... Are you brave again? -Aslan
*OOO, FLASH FICTION I SEE?!* Oh I love it! If you want comments on editing, I have a lil note:
“I charged the next man. He must have thought I meant to attack him with the mace, which was exactly what I wanted him to think. Untill I threw myself to the frozen earth and shot between his legs.
Milla was right behind him, still huddled in the snow.
I helped her to her feet, and then we ran,”
Right here feels a little like the man they were dodging disappeared magically, instead of chasing them or something. Idk, it just had me reading it twice.
This is so cool tho! I love the emotion.
Thank you so much! Yeah, I see. In my mind’s eye I see him standing there a moment perplexed while all the other Novak warriors chase the kids… But I didn’t make that very clear did I? 😉 I’ll work on that!
Thank you again!(and yeah, a lot of my ideas center around emotion)
You have listened to fears, child. Come, let me breathe on you... Are you brave again? -Aslan
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.