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You have written 63 NOVELS?!?! O.o
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
@hybridlore @linus-smallprint @koshka @keilah-h
2nd SECTION FROM TODAY
Sorry it’s really short. I have to leave. I’ll post more this afternoon or tomorrow, depending on when I get home.
Joseph lay on his bed, sobbing.
Noah had finally decided they could come out of hiding and carried him home. Now Joseph lay and cried. First Aaron, now Adrian. Would everyone he loved die? He couldn’t understand. He was young, frightened, and his heart was braking from grief as he thought of what would surely happen to Adrian.
The door opened and steps crossed the floor. Someone sat one the bed, and he felt a cool, smooth hand on his flushed face. The hand stroked his head, and he knew it was Sabina. He continued to cry, and she gathered him up in her arms and held him.
“Why Sabina? Why?” he wept.
“I don’t know, Joseph. I don’t know,” she replied in a choked voice.
“Will he die? Will God let him die too?” Joseph asked.
Sabina rested his chin against his head. “Maybe. I can’t say. But I know this; God has the power to save Adrian, if it is His will. If not, then He will walk with him through this last trial and bring him safely home,”
Joseph still shook from crying, but he relaxed slightly, and Sabina began to pray. “Father, be with us now as we wait to see what Your will is. Comfort Adrian, giving him strength, and help him to endure.”
Then she just sat there and held him, and they both cried together. They cried for Aaron, and for Adrian, and for Ardenta’s fall. Joseph cried for his father, and Sabina cried for her brother, Turin. And finally, Joseph fell to sleep, but still Sabina held him, rocking him gently as she whispered prayers for their country and for Adrian.
***
That evening the little family gathered around the table. Noah and Darrien had told a few of the other believers what had happened, and they had told a few others, and they a few more, until all knew that Adrain had been taken by the Empire. All over the city, the Ardantin Christians united in prayer for their young brother.
In the orphanage, the little boys joined hands with Noah, Darrien, Alicia, and Sabina. They prayed and prayed, and sometimes they cried. Every so often Noah or Darrien would read a passage from the bible, and then they would all pray again.
Joseph had never felt so much sorrow nor so much peace. He watched Sabina’s lips moving softly, her folded hands against her mouth. Across from her, Noah had his head tilted upward, his eyes closed and hands out in supplication. Darrian’s shoulder’s shook and his fist was clenched as he prayed in broken sentences. Alicia was holding Eric on her lap, her face hidden in his hair. Asher was sitting next to Joseph, his face very pale and his eyes wide with fear. Joseph reached out an arm and put it around Asher’s narrow shoulders. Asher looked up at him and smiled slightly.
As the night wore on, Eric, Asher, and Joseph fell to sleep at the table and were carried up to bed. As Darrien picked up Joseph and carried him to bed, the woke slightly. He could hear Noah and Sabina praying together, and for a moment he thought Aaron was captured, for this was how it had been. But no, Aaron was dead. It was Adrian who had been taken.
Noah carried Joseph upstairs and laid him in his bed. Joseph snuggled down into the blankets and watched through half open eyes as Noah left the room. Then he closed his eyes. Before he was fully asleep, a whispered prayer slipped from Joseph. “Please God, help Adrian not to be scared of the dark tonight. Help him to be brave.”
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Yes! I do, but only about 10 of them are salvageable. The others were my learning arc and I steal ideas and characters from them.
How did you know?
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
That is insane, girl. I have not even finished one. I think the furthest I’ve gotten is maybe nearly 30k.
Ah, that makes sense. But still. Congratulations on that 🎉
I was reading the forum where you posted the first book while I ate, so kind of stalking y’all 😅
If they were girls it would be easy! I just don’t know how guys “connect” and whenever I try to write it my brothers look like they’re going to throw up. They say I make them too girly in their getting to know each other, so I just kinda steer clear.
This was something you said in response to a critique and it had me dying 😂😂
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
That new section looks good. The end feels like a perfect transition to a scene with Adrian… is that what happens next?
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
even if we’re glad the character didn’t die, it often feels a little artificial.
While I agree with you that maybe killing off Adrian is the best course of action, especially considering this is supposed to be a realistic missionary story, I’ve also seen a story where it’s the opposite: They killed off a character because it “made sense,” but it messed with fans’ perception of the storyline and gave off quite the wrong message later on when some plot threads involving his death looked like they were tying together but were actually something completely different.
The death scene itself wasn’t the problem. It was how it was handled and what it accomplished, which wasn’t much besides the immediate consequences.
So while it’s interesting for some people (like you) to watch good characters die for the sheer sake of “it makes sense to the story universe”, it might also be a huge issue for others. Specifically, I agree with @hybridlore that if Adrian absolutely must die, make it different from Aaron’s death and have it accomplish something completely different. After all, it was Aaron’s death that led to Adrian being saved; if Julian being saved is the only thing accomplished by Adrian’s death, then it’ll start to seem like a repeat. (And readers are probably gonna expect Julian to die too within several chapters/the next book.)
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
ah yes, my struggles with the male sex and relationships. *sighs* Guys just don’t make sense sometimes. (and girls totally do because who would ever be confused by girl relationships and emotions. no one. Right?)
That new section looks good. The end feels like a perfect transition to a scene with Adrian… is that what happens next?
I know you’re really pushing for that….. but @linus-smallprint made it pretty clear that I should stick with Joseph’s POV and not do random POV changes when the book is a Joseph POV. Same as with LTBL and Aaron’s POV.
So while it’s interesting for some people (like you) to watch good characters die for the sheer sake of “it makes sense to the story universe”, it might also be a huge issue for others.
Oh no, I think you mis-understood me. I don’t like death scenes just for the sake of the world. I want the death or rescue to make sense for the world, but if the character dies it has to be for a reason and there has to be impact afterwords.
if Adrian absolutely must die, make it different from Aaron’s death and have it accomplish something completely different. After all, it was Aaron’s death that led to Adrian being saved; if Julian being saved is the only thing accomplished by Adrian’s death, then it’ll start to seem like a repeat. (And readers are probably gonna expect Julian to die too within several chapters/the next book.)
You two have some issues with trusting authors. I don’t deserve this at all. What have I ever done to warrant this?! (lol)
Okay, you do have to trust me and wait to see how this all plays out. We can circle back later if we need to, but for the moment if I tell you how his death or rescue is going to effect characters then it’ll spoil the story! 😉
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
@hybridlore @linus-smallprint @koshka @keilah-h
3rd SECTION FROM TODAY
I am on a roll!
Poor Linus. You’ll have so much catching up to do. Sorry.
Another long day passed in prayer and fear. Noah and Darrien had to leave for work as normal, but this time it was much harder for Joseph to see them go, and it seemed to be the same for the others.
The morning passed quietly, and Joseph slipped upstairs. He went to Adrain’s room and pushed open the door. Everything was neatly in place, and on the table, there was spread out the Bible and several pages of paper. His quill pen sat beside an open bottle of ink, and it seemed he had every intention of finishing what he had been working on.
Joseph crept over to the table and climbed up onto the chair. He carefully reached out and picked up the last page Adrain had been working on.
Joseph cradled the paper in both hands and read Adrain’s clear writing.
“Psalm 23
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
And I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.Oh Lord, guide me and guard me. Teach me your ways and show me your paths. Restore my soul and give me peace. Lead me in paths of righteousness for your name’s sake. Help me to trust You, no matter what happens. If I must face the valley of the shadow, then please be with me. Stay beside me and let me feel You near me. Comfort me and guide me. You have given me rest and blessing even in the presence of my enemies, and I know You are faithful. Lord, help me keep my eyes on You and my mind on things above, not on this world. When I fall, Lord, take me home to dwell with You, forever.”
Joseph rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand and carefully set the paper down. He curled up in the chair and stared at the desk, his eyes traveling over the ink, quill, papers and books. He wished Adrian was there. “Why did You let them take him?” he asked softly. He sighed. “I wish I was Aaron. Aaron would know. Aaron wouldn’t be so scared.”
Steps sounded on the stairs, and Joseph looked around. The door opened and his heart leapt. “Adrian?” Even before the name had left his lips, he saw it was not.
Sabina came to his side and put an arm around his shoulders. “How are you doing?”
Joseph’s eyes flooded with tears. “I want Adrian to come back!” he said in a trembling voice. “I don’t understand! Why doesn’t God go and save him? I know He can!”
Sabina dropped to one knee at his side. “I don’t know Joseph. But you are right, He can. And maybe, He will. Or maybe He is going to call Adrian home.”
Joseph wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and swallowed back more tears.
“Just think,” Sabina continued, softly. “If he does die, Adrian must only face one last trial before he is free and safe. No one will ever hurt him again, and he will be with God,” her voice had sunk to an awed whisper, and she was no longer looking at Joseph. “He will never face pain, or sorrow, or fear again. He will be free and safe. He will truly be home.”
“Do you want him to die?” Joseph asked. His voice wasn’t accusing, it was honest and full of pain.
“No,” Sabina replied. “He has become so special to me. He’s a dear brother like Noah and Darrien. He is one of our little family, and it would hurt me so terribly to lose him. Yet, if he does die, I will know that it was God’s plan, and that Adrian is now safe with Him. God has brought me to a place where I can see beauty even in death. I know there is a dawn in the other side of this night.”
Joseph didn’t reply. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and looked at the desk again. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow…
Sabina hugged him, and the two stayed there in silence for a long time. At last, Sabina spoke. “I came up here because I need to get more flour to make bread. I was going to take you boys with me. I would rather not leave you three alone right now, and I think all of you would rather come. Alicia has gone to visit one of the sick women in the church, otherwise she would stay with you.”
Joseph nodded and stood up. He took Sabina’s hand and the two hurried downstairs.
Outside, Joseph, Asher, and Eric walked close to Sabina. They came toward the center of the city where the marketplace was. The square was packed with people buying and selling. As he wound his way through the crowd behind Sabina, Joseph looked over his shoulder and saw the great white Pantheon gleaming in the sunlight. Its high towers rose into the air and its brilliant walls were embellished with interacted carvings and designs.
But to Joseph it was not beautiful. It was evil. The nearer he was, the more Joseph knew that this place was full of wickedness. He could feel the darkness pressing down on him, making a sickening feeling twist inside of him. He turned away and hurried to catch up with Sabina.
At that moment, a loud trumpet call broke the stillness. A man was began shouting, and Joseph spun about. Soldiers were shoving the crowd aside and lining on either side of a path leading to the steps of the Pantheon. The crowd was pushing toward the scene, and Joseph felt them pulling him. He twisted and someone ran into him. He fell to the cobblestone street and barely avoided being kicked. He scrambled up and saw Sabina. She was carrying Eric and holding tightly to Asher’s hand. “Sabina!” he yelled, but she couldn’t hear him.
Joseph ducked and dodged through the people, trying to get to her. He was shoved out of the way, and he stumbled. Someone else pushed him and he ran into a young man. The stranger turned and grabbed his arm. Joseph looked up and nearly cried with relief. “Darrien!” he exclaimed, clinging to him.
Darrien grabbed hold of his hand. “Where’s Sabina?”
Joseph pointed, and Darrien turned, touching the shoulder of his companion. Joseph saw it was Noah, and he felt dizzy with relief. The two young men pushed easily through the crowd, Darrien still holding Joseph’s hand. They finally made it to Sabina, and she looked up, her eyes flooding with relief when she saw Noah and Darrien had Joseph. There was shouting and talking, and Joseph couldn’t think. He covered his ears with his hands and heard his heartbeat pounding in his ears. He pulled his hands away and looked up. Noah was leaning close to Sabina, shouting to be heard above the noise. “What’s happening?”
“I don’t know!” Sabina yelled back. She set Eric down, and the six-year-old grabbed her leg.
Noah laid a hand on Sabina’s shoulder, his dark eyes filled with worry. He leaned close, and Joseph couldn’t hear what he said. Sabina pulled back, her face paling.
Joseph looked up at Darrien. The young man glanced back over his shoulder, and then at the soldiers lined up only a few paces away from them. Then he looked at Noah.
Joseph turned to look at the soldiers, and fear crept through him. Is it a trap? Are the soldiers going to capture us all?
Suddenly, a hush fell over the crowd, and Joseph stood on tiptoe, trying to see what was going on. “People of Ardenta,” a voice rang out.
Everyone turned, and Joseph saw the man at the top of the temple steps. He was a high-ranking officer, and a chill raced through the boy at the sight of him.
“Today,” the man continued. “I have come to warn you of a dangerous enemy, and a traitor to both Ardenta and the Empire. He has betrayed this country and the Empire, to which you belong. He was once a soldier– loyal and honorable. He protected you from great evil, but it was all a lie. He was a traitor! Do you know what he has done?”
Joseph literally felt the entire crowd lean closer and hold their breath.
“He has committed sacrilege and abandoned the gods of your country! He has turned and followed a new God, and by doing so, he has betrayed you, and his deeds will bring great destruction upon all Ardenta!”
The crowd hissed and cursed, and some cried out in fear.
Joseph saw Sabina’s hand fly to her mouth, and Joseph and Darrien both paled. Noah leaned toward his friend. “Are they mad?” he asked, quietly. “They are Ardentans! These are not their gods, and these are not their soldiers!”
Joseph didn’t understand why they were upset, but a cold fear crept over him at their reaction. And then came a dark and deep dread. A feeling of evil he could not shake. Something was here. Something very, very wicked was here. It was in this place. it was watching him. It was pleased by what was happening.
Joseph twisted this way and that, trying to find the thing. He saw nothing, but still that feeling would not leave him alone. It was like breath on the back of his neck or a whisper in the shadows. It was there. He knew it was there. But he wasn’t sure what it was.
The man was holding up his hands for calm. “Peace!” he shouted. “Do not fear. We have captured this traitor, and today he will be brought to justice. He sought to destroy you, but today you will witness us destroy him. He was a son of the Empire, but he turned his back on you. We will not even spare one of our own if he seeks to destroy you. Take heart, for we will protect you. But be warned, for none shall be spared if they betray you.”
The crowd roared their agreement.
“You’re all mad!” Noah yelled. “You are Ardentans! You are not of the Empire!”
No one heard him over the roar of voices, and Sabina laid a hand on his arm, trying to get him to calm down. Joseph saw her lips moving, and thought he heard her say something about “the children” but he couldn’t tell. There was too much noise.
Darrian had covered his face with his hands, and Joseph watched him fearfully. He looked back at the people around him, who had been worked into a frenzy. What’s happening? What are they going to do?
At that moment, the yelling intensified and turned to jeering. Joseph twisted and turned, trying to see what it was. Then, between the two rows of the soldiers, he saw, and despair filled him. Two soldiers were walking toward the Pantheon, and between them was Adrian.
“No!” Joseph screamed. He let go of Darrien’s hand and bolted.
“Joseph! Come back!” Darrien yelled, but Joseph couldn’t hear him. He raced toward the soldiers, pushing, shoving, and ducking; desperate to get to Adrian. Joseph reached the line of stiff guards and looked between two of them. He saw Adrian again and he reached out a hand, a cry braking from his lips. “Adrian!”
Adrian looked his way, his face smeared with blood and dirt and his shirt torn and stained. The next moment he had pushed between the guards and stumbled into the pathway they had cleared.
Joseph up at Adrian and saw his face was filled with pain and fear, but also courage and hope. Tears filled his Joseph’s eyes, and raced forward, throwing his arms around Adrian. Adrian pulled free an arm from one of the surprised guards and hugged Joseph tightly. “I’ve got you,” he whispered.
Someone grabbed Joseph by the back of his vest and began dragging him back. Joseph screamed and grabbed hold of Adrain’s bleeding and bruised hand. “Joseph!” Adrian said, firmly.
Joseph stopped struggling and looked up. Adrian gave him the faintest smile. “It’s alright Joseph. It’s alright.”
The next moment Adrian had been yanked roughly away and one of the guards struck him, sending him stumbling to one knee. They dragged him up again and shoved him forward.
Joseph looked down at his hand and saw it was smeared with blood. A sob caught in his throat and tears spilled onto his palm. He wrenched away from the soldier who held him. The man made a grab for Joseph, but the boy was quick, and he slipped into the crowd once more.
Running along behind the guards, he came to a place where he could see Adrian again. The young man’s head was high, and his shoulders were squared. Joseph stood straighter and clenched his hands into fists
Movement caught Joseph’s attention, and he turned. Someone was dodging through the people, and they were moving out of his way. He came closer, and Joseph saw the flicker of a uniform. The next moment, the man dashed between the guards and ran for Adrian. He threw off one of the guards holding Adrian and grabbed hold of the young soldier. “Adrain no! Just give up! Please!”
Joseph couldn’t hear what Adrian said, but by now the angry guards had regained their wits. Two grabbed ahold of Adrian, one striking him hard across the back of the head. Adrian cried out and Julian’s hand went for a dagger at his belt. The next instant he was seized by two guards and dragged away from his brother. Adrian twisted to look back. “Julian, stop! You’ll only get yourself killed. Remember what I told you!” he yelled.
Julian ignored him. He twisted and fought, trying to break free. “He’s an imperial soldier you fools! He’s one of us, not some enemy spy! You can’t kill him! He’s one of us!”
The two soldiers who held him seemed to be trying to reason with him. Joseph saw Julian twist under the arm of one, breaking his hold. An officer dashed past Joseph and hurried toward Julian. He reached the young man and grabbed him, yanking him back. Julian struggled a moment, but the Lieutenant had an arm across his chest and the other had twisted Julian’s hand that held the dagger behind his back. after a moment Julian let the dagger clatter to the ground and the two guards stepped back, leaving him in the hands of the Lieutenant.
The crowd was wild now, and many Ardentans were yelling curses at Julian and cheering the other soldiers on. Their hatred for their conquerors had been fed day by day, and now they were ready to pour it out on anyone and anything they possibly could.
Someone shoved Joseph away, and he stumbled and fell, scraping his hands and knees on the cobblestones. When he stood, he could no longer see Julian, for there were too many people in the way.
He heard the jeering and taunting all around him. The crowd was yelling for Adrian’s blood, and the soldiers were all too ready to feed their lust for violence. Joseph saw Adrian again, standing at the foot of the white stairs. He saw a soldier drive his first into him, and Adrian’s legs buckled. Another blow fell and Adrian went down. Joseph could no longer see him, and all hear could hear were the screams of hate around him. Joseph put his hands over his ears and sobbed.
Someone knocked him down again, and he stayed down, crying brokenly, his knees pulled to his chest and his arms over his head. Someone picked him up and he looked about in bewilderment. It was Darrien, and his face was pale and streaked with tears. He put an arm around Joseph, pulling the boy close.
Joseph didn’t know how long he stood there sobbing against Darrien, but it seemed like eternity. Then the shouting grew louder, and Joseph forced himself to look. Two soldiers were dragging Adrian up the steps. With a jolt of terror, Joseph wondered if he was dead. The soldier’s flung Adrian down, and he slowly tried to push himself up on his arm. One soldier kicked him, and he fell back, one leg trailing over the steps.
Joseph could see the uneven rise and fall of Adrian’s chest as he struggled to breathe. He lay on his back, looking up at the bright sky above them. Even from far away, Joseph could see a sort of light in Adrian’s face, and he suddenly wondered what the young soldier could see at this moment.
One of the soldiers stepped forward, unsheathing a sword. He dropped to one knee and held his sword with both hands, the tip hovering just above Adrian’s chest.
Joseph’s breath choked in his throat, and he froze, unable to breathe. The crowd had gone silent, and no one moved. The soldier raised his blade slowly over Adrian and paused, the sword glinting cruelly at its height. Darrian’s hands flew over Joseph’s eyes. “Don’t look,” he whispered, his voice choked with tears.
Joseph pressed his hands over his ears and spun, hiding his face against Darrien’s side. A scream of pure anguish tore from him. Darrien’s arms wrapped around Joseph, and the boy kept his face hidden, shaking with sobs.
He heard shouting again, and all around him Joseph, could feel that deep, dark presence of evil. He wanted to get away. He had to get away.
Darrien picked him up and Joseph pressed his face against the young man’s shoulder. At last, the soldiers began to break up the crowd. Joseph felt Darrien move, and he looked up one last time as he was carried away from the scene of death.
At the top of the Pantheon, he saw Julian on his knees, cradling his lifeless brother in his arms.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
I’m so, so sorry to all of you who loved Adrian! I loved him so much too!! He is a dear, dear character of mine and close to my heart. Believe me, I cried again, even though this is my 4th time through this draft.
But Adrian is safe and he’s home!
(And honestly, he’s only a fabrication of my imagination, if that makes you feel any better.)
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
@hybridlore @linus-smallprint @koshka @keilah-h
Does anyone want to see a Joseph or Adrian aesthetic board?!?
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
LOL.
Oh 😂 Sorry about that. I wasn’t thinking about the POV shift at all. I guess with Adrian in so many of Joseph’s scenes, I forgot that it’s just Joseph’s POV. @Linus is probably right, you should keep it consistent.
I think you meant to tag @keilah-h up there, because those were her words.
You two have some issues with trusting authors. I don’t deserve this at all. What have I ever done to warrant this?! (lol)
1. You killed off Aaron.
2. You imprisoned Adrian by the same people who killed Aaron!
3. You said, and I quote, “I love stories where good characters die. It’s so refreshing”Just teasing. I’ll try to trust that you know what you’re doing. And hey, it’s a good sign for your book if you’ve got a bunch of angry fans scared for your characters.
(Now, I’m off to read the next section! 😁)
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
I don’t even know what to say… If you couldn’t tell I posted that before I read the new section.
I don’t even know if I want to see an Adrian aesthetic board anymore 😭😭😭
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
Are you for real crying, or just your emojis?
I’m sorry. I know it’s sad.
You were so bubbly in the previous post, and now you are so sad. Part of me feels really bad, and the other part of me is wickedly gleeful.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
here, this will help.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Not really crying—but not because I’m not sad. I just don’t really cry that much, even for some of the saddest books I’ve read. I kind of want to though.
You were so bubbly in the previous post, and now you are so sad. Part of me feels really bad, and the other part of me is wickedly gleeful.
I was half convinced you were going to save him! 😭 If I had remembered, you said in the new RP that Julian had just lost his brother and so that was raw, but that didn’t come to my mind until right now.
Adrian was my favorite! And now he’s gone and poor Joseph… 😭 and Julian. 😢🥺
Your *not actual* book has been officially thrown across the room.
But yeah, I’d like to see your moodboards.
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
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