Home Page › Forums › Fiction Writing › Critiques › Novel Critique Requests › The Veil of Night– second book in The Flames of Hope Saga
- This topic has 138 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 8 minutes ago by Ellette Giselle.
-
AuthorPosts
-
November 13, 2024 at 10:34 am #189737
And then I go and hide because I feel like Koshka is going to have it out for me.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
November 13, 2024 at 11:11 am #189738Ellette, if you kill off Adrian too… 😭😤
"Be careful, for writing books is endless, and much study wears you out." Eccl. 12:12
November 13, 2024 at 11:24 am #189739That’s it.
That’s all you have to say? Nothing about my skilled word choice and flowing verbs!
(lololololol 100% joking!)
Are you getting attached to Adrian?
Btw, there was your Julian/Adrian confrontation. Did it go how you expected?
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
November 13, 2024 at 11:28 am #189740Nope. Nothing. One reaction to that scene.
Yes, I am getting attached to Adrian! He is so sweet to Joseph! And I am not satisfied with the confrontation. They need another scene. *plops down stubbornly* I really love brother dynamics … 😅
Anyway. You CANNOT kill Adrian too. 😖
"Be careful, for writing books is endless, and much study wears you out." Eccl. 12:12
November 13, 2024 at 11:33 am #189741And I am not satisfied with the confrontation. They need another scene. *plops down stubbornly* I really love brother dynamics … 😅
ME TOO! I love brother dynamics.
So what your saying is, Julian didn’t yell at him enough and should do some more?
lolololol.
Poor Julian, he must be so hurt and confused.
Anyway. You CANNOT kill Adrian too. 😖
why? what’s stopping me?
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
November 13, 2024 at 11:45 am #189742Exactly!! Jk. Kind of. I think we need Adrian/Julian by themselves. Unless that’s not realistic for what they would let a prisoner do… idk.
I know! Poor Julian. And now he thinks his brother is going to die..(which he CAN’T!)
why? what’s stopping me?
I WILL! 😤 Anyway, you already killed off Aaron. Don’t do this to your readers. Your book will get thrown across the room. He needs to be rescued. Maybe Julian should help him escape.
"Be careful, for writing books is endless, and much study wears you out." Eccl. 12:12
November 13, 2024 at 11:46 am #189743Anyway. I need to go do some school but I found the old forum where you posted parts of the first book, so I’ll be catching up on that later.
"Be careful, for writing books is endless, and much study wears you out." Eccl. 12:12
November 13, 2024 at 11:49 am #189744Ah, well, we don’t always get our way.
Don’t do this to your readers. Your book will get thrown across the room. He needs to be rescued. Maybe Julian should help him escape.
lololol,
I wouldn’t throw my books across the room. I love stories where good characters die. It’s so refreshing after all this impossible happily ever after on earth for everyone we might have liked plus some.
Anyway. I need to go do some school but I found the old forum where you posted parts of the first book, so I’ll be catching up on that later.
Oh nice! I’m excited to see what you think.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
November 13, 2024 at 12:24 pm #189748I love stories where good characters die. It’s so refreshing after all this impossible happily ever after on earth for everyone we might have liked plus some.
😳😳😳😳
You love stories where good characters DIE???
Ok, I see what you’re getting at. Every story doesn’t need to be a happy ever after, but it shouldn’t be depressing either. I don’t want to read a book where all my favorite characters die.
(You already killed off Aaron. Isn’t that enough for you?? 😭)
Oh nice! I’m excited to see what you think.
Yeah, I’ll let you know! From the first couple of chapters, I can tell that your writing has improved a lot. It’s also so weird to see Sabina as like, rude. XD
"Be careful, for writing books is endless, and much study wears you out." Eccl. 12:12
November 13, 2024 at 12:36 pm #189749(You already killed off Aaron. Isn’t that enough for you?? 😭)
*gasp* how dare you! I never killed Aaron. The Empire did.
So there.
But honestly there are times when you can’t get around it. I’m not killing characters just to be depressing or violent. I’m doing it for good reasons. Plus, I have to follow the rules of my world. Adrian was at high risk of being captured, and the longer he delayed in the city the more of a risk it would be. He should have gotten out at once and run for the boarder, but he changed his plans when he took into consideration the fact that this would mean his brother would never know the truth of why he ran. So, he stayed to try and wait it out, and thus heightened the risk he was under.
Aaron was actively teaching something opposed to the beliefs of the Empire. It was inevitable that he and the Empire would have a clash, and when they did it would be Aaron who was at a disadvantage. Not only is he not much of a soldier, but he’s pitting against the entire Imperial army. Of course he would lose. And, the only way for him to get out alive would be to join the Empire. They are not going to let him run loose causing them problems in their newly captured city. He had the choice to help them or be silenced.
Joseph is traumatized because that is what happens in any world when a ten year old boy watches someone he loves get murdered.
I mean, there are rules to the world and things I can’t avoid. It’s when authors brake the rules that things start getting cheesy, and even if we’re glad the character didn’t die, it often feels a little artificial.
Is any of this making sense?
I can tell that your writing has improved a lot. It’s also so weird to see Sabina as like, rude. XD
THANK YOU.
Haha! Yes, Sabina was a little bit of a pill back then. 😅
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
November 13, 2024 at 12:43 pm #189750I get what you’re saying. But unrealistic things can happen in stories. Maybe God’s not done with Adrian yet. I don’t know what his death would accomplish that Aaron’s didn’t —besides *maybe* changing Julian’s heart. But that could be just as easily done by Adrian’s capture.
It feels redundant to me. Aaron and Adrian are so similar —even their names and appearance (I think)— so it makes me wonder what was the point of having Aaron even be added to the book if you’re just going to kill him off just like Aaron. (I know you said the Empire did it, but you could have saved him. 😢)
It’s when authors brake the rules that things start getting cheesy, and even if we’re glad the character didn’t die, it often feels a little artificial.
Yeah, but fiction isn’t meant to be completely realistic. Things happen in stories all the time that would never happen in real life. Ultimately, I think you need to decide what fits your story best, and what will promote the most character growth and get your story to where it needs to be.
(I’m fighting so hard for Adrian. 😂)
"Be careful, for writing books is endless, and much study wears you out." Eccl. 12:12
November 13, 2024 at 12:59 pm #189751(I’m fighting so hard for Adrian. 😂)
I know, and the sad/funny thing is that it doesn’t matter what you say, this is the 4th draft, so whether he dies or not is already decided and isn’t changing.
Maybe God’s not done with Adrian yet.
Your right.
But maybe He’s ready to call this young soldier home.
I don’t know what his death would accomplish that Aaron’s didn’t —besides *maybe* changing Julian’s heart.
Well, I suppose you’ll just have to trust me when I look into the future of each character and can know how Adrian’s death or escape will affect my characters.
And no, Adrian and Aaron are two very different people.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
November 13, 2024 at 1:01 pm #189752Okay, now I’m dying to read the rest. 😂
"Be careful, for writing books is endless, and much study wears you out." Eccl. 12:12
November 13, 2024 at 1:08 pm #189753lovely.
This is just where an author wants her reader.
And, because I am a nice author, I will give you a little gift and go edit up the next section and post it, all for you yourself.
🙂
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
November 13, 2024 at 1:09 pm #189754*quiet fist pump* Yesss…
"Be careful, for writing books is endless, and much study wears you out." Eccl. 12:12
-
AuthorPosts
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.