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Oh, I almost forgot!
That section you just read has some HUGE changes for Joseph. What are your thoughts on where he has just arrived spiritually? Any thoughts on the connections he’s starting to make and the fact that he’s seeing the truth?
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Okay, why is that? Was it just because that seemed logical, or because you thought I was above killing a girl, (I’ll have you know I’m not. lololololol) or because Amelia brought up wanting a child in her letter to Sabina? If I struck that part of the letter, would you have been caught off guard?
I think it was a combination fo the letter and how Amelia was protesting at the beginning that she was not having plague symptoms.
Btw, did his motivations seem realistic?
Thnk so. I think this could work better if we actually see this being a problem for the empire. What if there were signs of people hoping in God being harder to control?
That section you just read has some HUGE changes for Joseph. What are your thoughts on where he has just arrived spiritually? Any thoughts on the connections he’s starting to make and the fact that he’s seeing the truth?
The way he makes connections is good. I have had similar experiences with some of my own struggles with my own sin. So yes, this does make sense why he goes from tormented to encourager.
By the way, I like this book more than the first. Joseph feels more real and relatable to me than Aaron.
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
I think it was a combination fo the letter and how Amelia was protesting at the beginning that she was not having plague symptoms.
hmm. Okay, do you think I should take out that part in the letter? Or should I just leave it and let the reader be happy that they guessed a plot twist or else shocked that they didn’t see it.
The way he makes connections is good. I have had similar experiences with some of my own struggles with my own sin. So yes, this does make sense why he goes from tormented to encourager.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s feeling at the end of the line and then it all clicks. lol. Glad it makes sense.
By the way, I like this book more than the first. Joseph feels more real and relatable to me than Aaron
ack! You’re the second person to say that!
Hmm, Aaron feels more real to me, but that might be because he and I have a far similar personality. That’s funny that people are liking Joseph better! lol. However, Joseph wouldn’t be the same in the readers eyes without book 1.
*shrug* Idk, Aaron will always be special to me, but I’m a strange person… and we’re really alike… so I guess he might be a strange character. lol.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
hmm. Okay, do you think I should take out that part in the letter? Or should I just leave it and let the reader be happy that they guessed a plot twist or else shocked that they didn’t see it.
One more thing I should mention. Another reason I saw this is because I took a break between when Amelia first starts feeling unwell and when she screams she has the plague. If I had continued, it wouldn’t have occurred to me that she could be pregnant. I think it is fine. And when she did think she had the plague, I thought my suspicions were wrong. So leave it in.
Hmm, Aaron feels more real to me, but that might be because he and I have a far similar personality. That’s funny that people are liking Joseph better! lol. However, Joseph wouldn’t be the same in the readers eyes without book 1.
Joseph getting discouraged because he is comparing himself to others is something that is quite relatable to me, so I think that is part of why I’ve connected to him more.
Okay. I’m going to see if I can get another section of yours read today!
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
One more thing I should mention. Another reason I saw this is because I took a break between when Amelia first starts feeling unwell and when she screams she has the plague
Okay then, I’ll just leave it.
Joseph getting discouraged because he is comparing himself to others is something that is quite relatable to me, so I think that is part of why I’ve connected to him more
huh. Interesting. That’s not really anything I’ve had a hard time with, so I find it harder to connect I guess. lol
I can’t wait to hear more feedback!
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
@ellette-giselle oh my stars and shadows I forgot to answer your questions!!!
I think I had the tab open, forgot what I was doing, and closed it.
*the oof intensifies*
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
Haha! You’re good!
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
You still willing to do those questions?
I’m walking an odd line here…….. I don’t want to pester, but you told me to remind you, so I don’t know what to do! 😂
If you don’t want to then no problem at all!
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
@ellette-giselle I do, I just keep procrastinating cause that’s me. lol.
Remind me what page they’re on, and I’ll do it when I don’t have animation work to do. Which might be around 2 today when my brother has tutoring. But I don’t know.
Either way, I’ll do it today!
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
Wonderful! lower end of page 36
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
@ellette-giselle all righty!
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
Finished it!
I’ll get to answering your feedback questions later. I may take a month to reread the story again first. (*Goes and steals all sections of the book so I can read them offline*).
But for now, here is some initial feedback on the last bit:
I think the climax and the build-up to it were well done. As cliche as rescue arriving at the last minute is, this allowed us to see that Joseph, Beric, and the rest had overcome their fear and would hold onto their faith no matter what. At the same time they were saved from death. If Ardentan had been liberated any sooner, we would not have seen Joseph was willing to die. Tension was there as well. I would have thought they would die if I had not accidentally seen some of the replies after this chapter. (Whoops.)
So Peter is back.
This did feel like an ending, so I’m unsure what direction you will take the next book.
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
YAY!!!!!! I’m so excited to hear feedback!!!!!!
I’m so glad the rescue worked! I wanted a Stephen story and a Daniel story. The Daniel ending may be more cliche, but it’s just as true as the Stephen one.
Yup, Peter is back. I know his whole story and I wish I could have had more of it in, but Joseph and the others only got to touch his life briefly, so the reader will have to be satisfied with that.
Hmm, no guesses on the next book? Interesting.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Finally getting to this!
Characters:
~Which character(s) did you find the most compelling/relatable/believable and why?
I think they all were pretty good.
~ Were there any character that need to be more engaging? If so, how would be some good ways for me to do that?
Uhhh…..If there were any, I don’t remember. (I have a terrible memory for this kind of thing.)
~Were the characters believable?
Yes, very.
~Did they have good, individual personalities, or were they clones?
They had distinct personalities. While I might not be able to tell you everyone’s names, I could go off their personalities.
~ Were the relationships between characters well-developed and meaningful?
Seemed like it. I’m bad with this thing myself though, so I’m not a good judge.
~ Were there any characters you wanted to see more of?
Hmmm…….
~ Did any characters feel unnecessary to the story?
Not that I remember. You incorporated them all really well.
~Did Joseph feel like a new character, or was he a dark-haired, tall Aaron?
I feel like they did have some big similarities, but that could be explained away by 1) Joseph being trained and effectively raised by Aaron and 2) your writing style.
Storyline:
~ Was the plot solid and engaging?
I’ll be honest with you, I’m not too big on these kinds of “fictional biography” stories. It’s not your fault nor does it have anything to do with these books specifically, it’s just my preferences tend to lean toward the fantastical over the hyper-realistic. But this story was solid enough to keep me grabbed at least. It doesn’t exactly take much to do that for me though, so again I’m not a good judge.
~ Did the pacing feel consistent throughout the book? If not, where did it lag or feel dull?
I do think sometimes the pacing is slower, and sometimes it’s faster, but that could be expected in a slice-of-life like this one.
~Was there anything that seemed unbelievable or forced?
Not really. Nothing that stood out.
~ Were there any plot twists or surprises that stood out to you?
I was on the fence about them dying, but that was about it.
Amelia’s baby wasn’t a big surprise to me, but that’s because when I marry a pair of characters, I always make them have a kid eventually. So it wasn’t surprising cause I do it all the time.
~ Was the ending fitting and satisfying?
Yes. You basically subverted the expectation that the previous book set up.
~ Were any parts of the story confusing or difficult to follow?
No, I think it was pretty straightforward the whole way through. Although I don’t exactly remember the earlier chapters. If this was a first draft, good on you, cause it’s pretty solid for a first draft.
~ Were there any unresolved plot threads you wish had been dealt with in this book?
I don’t think so….? but again, I don’t remember.
~ Was the balance between action, dialogue and description smooth in the story?
I’d have to read through the whole thing again with no interruptions to figure that kind of thing out.
Theology/Message:
~ Any theological concerns for the story?
Not really.
~ What would you say my world view was?
Not sure what you mean by that, other than the obvious Christian themes interwoven.
~ What would you say was the message of the story?
Hmmm……Again, I’d have to read it over again and pick it apart to get the message.
~Were the characters’ struggles dealt with effectively?
If the satisfying ending is anything to go by, yes….?
~What are your thoughts on Joseph’s relationship with God?
Better than mine, if that’s any comfort.
Extra:
~ What was your favorite part of the book overall?
I’m really bad with this stuff lol. I always say “all of it.”
~What was your least favorite part?
Didn’t really have one that I could remember.
~Who was your favorite character?
Hmmm….I like Sabina in this one. But considering Joseph and Amelia were the main couple, they kinda have to get some recognition too.
~Who was your least favorite? (if you have one)
~Is there anything that you would say needs to be changed?
Not that I remember.
~ Which scenes would you want to see illustrations for? (Yes, I’ve decided to illustrate these!)
hmmmm……When I draw scenes from my stories, they’re always the most impactful ones. Or when a new character is being introduced and they might be important later, I might draw a portrait/full-body sketch of them to put alongside their description
~ What would you say the target audience of this book would be?
Tweens and teenagers probably. Really young kids might not fully understand all of it.
~ Any predictions for the next book? Who are you guessing the MC(s) will be?
No predictions! Although some theories/ideas for the next main characters:
-Joseph’s friends he grew up with (their names were Asher and Eric right?)
-Beric, maybe? If you wanna continue with the “next protag is the child of the previous one,” although that might get annoying
-Someone back in Aaron’s country (Vendalia, right?) watching all these events unfold form that country’s point of view
~ Any other thoughts
Nope! No problems or questions.
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
thank you much!! This is super helpful!
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
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