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I’m flexible, so whenever everyone else is ready to read the next book is fine with me. And is it about Leon and Julian?
K, here’s the characters section.
CHARACTERS
~Which character(s) did you find the most compelling/relatable/believable and why?
Joseph, because he’s the main. 🤪 But no, really, we got to see all his inner struggles, so he seems the most developed and relatable.
~ Were there any character that need to be more engaging? If so, how would be some good ways for me to do that?
I think Stephen and David blended together a lot for me, because we didn’t get to see much of them as individuals, I feel like they were just kind of clumped together for a lot of the book. Maybe by just giving more description and individual character traits, or letting us see them by themselves for a scene or two.
~Where the characters believable?
I think so.
~Did they have good, individual personalities, or were they clones?
Like I said, Stephen and David kind of blended together for me, but I think everyone else was good, except maybe Asher and Eric, at times. Maybe it’s just brothers lol.
~ Were the relationships between characters well-developed and meaningful?
I think so.
~ Were there any characters you wanted to see more of?
Stephen and David. 🤪 I also loved reading about Sabina and the orphans, and when Joseph came to visit them, so maybe that?
~ Did any characters feel unnecessary to the story?
At times, the minor characters, like some of the Cadwicks ( I know you were going for a big family vibe, but there was a lot of them.) The only kids who were really memorable were Quin, Stephen, David, and Amelia. And then possibly some of the church members (but a church has got to have members!) I think what made them feel unnecessary is that we only got to see them once or twice, and then they didn’t really matter after that.
~Did Joseph feel like a new character, or was he a dark-haired, tall Aaron?
At times, both. His character arc was different (Aaron’s was more about his own pride and faith, while Joseph’s is more about fearing persecution and that he wouldn’t be strong enough.) but I don’t know if the average reader will be as clued into that as we are (We’re writers, plus we have the inside info from you xD). I think the age and stage of life played a big factor–at some point, they were both young men without parents there, who left their homes to go and spread the Gospel, became major church leaders, fell in love with godly women, adopted orphaned boys, and suffered for their faith. There are a lot of resemblances. Maybe Linus will have some tips on how to make their characters more distinct.
INTP 🧡 Homeschooler 🧡 WIP: The Color of Hope
Oh no!!! That’s terrible!!! That makes me want to cry for you!
Yay! I’m so glad for the feedback! Thank you again so much for doing this!
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
STORYLINE
~ Was the plot solid and engaging?
~ Did the pacing feel consistent throughout the book? If not, where did it lag or feel dull?
I feel like these two kind of go together. The pacing, I felt, was not very consistent. Sometimes we would be skipping over weeks or months, sometimes we would get slow, slice-of-life scenes, and sometimes we would get executions and persecution. As a result, the plot felt sort of meandering at times. It’s hard because you want both enough scenes with the characters that we know who they are and there isn’t just narration for half the book, but you also want to keep the pacing more consistent and not just random scenes everywhere. This is probably the biggest issue that I would point at. Lots of space in between important sections was just glossed over (and at times even important sections) but to include it all would take much more than one book, and probably bore the reader. I think it’s worth considering which are the most important parts of the book and how they will affect Joseph (the main character) and his character arc. Ones that stand out to me are, of course, the imprisonment and near-execution at the end (which is the climax), his marriage to Amelia and adoption of Beric, his decision to go out and plant a church, Asher and Eric’s arrest, and Adrian’s execution. If you go back over the book and try to fill in scenes where we told you there was too much telling, maybe instead of adding another scene, consider if the information is necessary to the reader. Maybe instead of a long, fluid narrative that fills in all the blanks, scene breaks and shorter time jumps would work better.
I don’t know. Maybe some of that is helpful, maybe not. You can experiment with it and decide what you like best, I just know that that was something we talked about a lot through the sections.
~Was there anything that seemed unbelievable or forced?
Not really. The ending, where the army arrives just in time to save them, was a bit (cliche? I don’t know if that’s the right word. You know how it is when an author rescues their characters just in the nick of time.) I’m not saying you should change it –you did foreshadow it and throw hints in there leading up to it– but if I had to pick, that’s the part that felt a little unrealistic. But it happens all the time in fiction–and letting them die instead would NOT be an improvement.
~ Were there any plot twists or surprises that stood out to you?
Adrian’s death. 😓 Amelia’s
plaguepregnancy (but I totally called it!)~ Was the ending fitting and satisfying?
I think so.
~ Were any parts of the story confusing or difficult to follow?
Not really.
~ Were there any unresolved plot threads you wish had been dealt with in this book?
Maybe to see what happens with the Cadwicks’ uncle who turned them in?
~~ Was the balance between action, dialogue and description smooth in the story?
I think there was a little more dialogue than the other two. Maybe adding a little more description and movement to whoever was speaking would help a little bit to differentiate and give more personality to the characters too.
INTP 🧡 Homeschooler 🧡 WIP: The Color of Hope
Wow! This is soooo helpful!
Hmm, I find it funny that you think the ending thing feels a little un-realistic. I wrote it after reading of five different situations in different countries where something like this happened to Believers who had been arrested. XD
I guess the Bible is correct when it says God moves in mysterious ways. And besides, I did kill Aaron.
But yeah, I get what you mean about the in-the–nick-of-time-rescues. Don’t worry, I tend to steer clear of those. 😉
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
THEOLOGY/MESSAGE
~ Any theological concerns for the story?
I don’t think so.
~ What would you say my world view was?
Christian? XD. (Again, I don’t really know what kind of answer you want here.)
~ What would you say was the message of the story?
God will give us strength when we are weak and help us have the courage to stand up for Him.
~Were the characters’ struggles dealt with effectively?
I think so.
~What are your thoughts on Joseph’s relationship with God?
I think it was good. He does a lot of talking to other people about his struggles and fear, but that’s fine–I think it just shows part of his personality. I think if I was in his position, I would pray more about my fears and be less inclined to share them with others. But it really just goes to show their character.
EXTRA
~ What was your favorite part of the book overall?
I really liked the scenes with Adrian, as well as the scenes with Sabina and the orphans. 🤪
~What was your least favorite part?
I can’t think of a specific one, maybe just the less interesting scenes. Maybe the building of the church stage (that sounds bad, but for some reason I just wasn’t that engaged with it.)
~Who was your favorite character?
Joseph, Amelia, Beric, and Sabina.
~Who was your least favorite? (if you have one)
Probably just the characters I couldn’t really relate to because I didn’t know enough about them. Or the soldiers.
~Is there anything that you would say needs to be changed?
Not really anything that I haven’t mentioned.
~ Which scenes would you want to see illustrations for? (Yes, I’ve decided to illustrate these!)
That’s exciting! How many illustrations are you planning on doing?
Okay, the scene with Joseph, Sabina, and Beric holding the baby at the end. The soldiers arriving to stop them right as they’re about to execute Joseph. Sabina and Joseph trying to give food and blankets to Beric and the orphans. Joseph, Adrian, Asher, and Eric playing. Sabina holding her wedding dress in the beginning, and then giving her wedding dress to Amelia later. Just suggestions 🤪
~ What would you say the target audience of this book would be?
I would compare it to the Wingfeather Saga, Blades of Acktar, and the Ilyon Chronicles, maybe. Probably the YA section at a library. Overall, Christian teens, young adults, or maybe families looking for a read-aloud.
~ Any predictions for the next book? Who are you guessing the MC(s) will be?
Oops, well, I said Leon and Julian. If not them, Beric.
~ Any other thoughts
Nope! Good job, Ellette! This is so exciting!
INTP 🧡 Homeschooler 🧡 WIP: The Color of Hope
Oh no!!! That’s terrible!!! That makes me want to cry for you!
I know. I was so mad.
Hmm, I find it funny that you think the ending thing feels a little un-realistic. I wrote it after reading of five different situations in different countries where something like this happened to Believers who had been arrested. XD
I guess the Bible is correct when it says God moves in mysterious ways. And besides, I did kill Aaron.
But yeah, I get what you mean about the in-the–nick-of-time-rescues. Don’t worry, I tend to steer clear of those. 😉
Not unrealistic in the way that I could never see it happening in real life–it’s still believable, especially with the foreshadowing up to it. But if I had to pick an answer for that question, I would say that.
I’m glad I could be helpful–I hope none of my feedback is too harsh or comes over wrong. I know it’s hard to receive critiques sometimes. Hopefully it actually helps the story improve if you apply any of it. Thank you for posting the sections and all–I enjoyed reading it!
INTP 🧡 Homeschooler 🧡 WIP: The Color of Hope
No, not harsh at all! This is perfect!
Not sure how many illustrations yet. I think I have 20 for the last one.
Your guess has been noted, but no answers will be given.
Thank you so much!
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
@ellette-giselle wow! What an ending! I loved the descriptions of the different soldiers’ uniforms and stuff for some reason, and I’m so glad you didn’t kill them off. (I agree with @hybridlore that them dying would’ve worsened the book; it would’ve felt like Aaron’s story all over again. Speaking of which, I’m glad you brought the topic of him back up when the Vendalian talks to them. Also, your country names are really cool.)
I love the illustration idea! All of Hybrid’s idea for illustrations are good. This is gonna sound like a weird ask, but if you ever do a guidebook like I suggested, you should totally draw each of the countries’ peoples and have a short section about their cultures.
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
I’m so glad you liked it! Yes, one was a Stephen ending and one was a Daniel! lol.
I loved the descriptions of the different soldiers’ uniforms and stuff for some reason
Oh so do I! Honestly, I was thinking, “Keilah is going to like this,” as I was writing the descriptions! lol
This is gonna sound like a weird ask, but if you ever do a guidebook like I suggested, you should totally draw each of the countries’ peoples and have a short section about their cultures.
I was actually planning on doing just that!!! Great minds think alike! A
nd fools never differ.I was planning on drawing all the uniforms and putting them in the back!
Speaking of which, I’m glad you brought the topic of Aaron back up when the Vendalian talks to them. Also, your country names are really cool
Ah yes, Peter. Do you remember him from the very beginning?
Wow! Glad you like the names!!
btw, do you think if you have time you would be able to take a stab at any of my questions I posted? No pressure if you can’t.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
btw, did you think I was gonna kill them?
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
@ellette-giselle haha really? I’m glad you and I had the same idea! I’d love to see the drawings when you’re finished with them!
I don’t remember Peter too well. But that could just be because it was a long time ago that he was last mentioned. It doesn’t matter, he fit right in even if I thought he was new.
I was on the fence about them dying. I was like “Well, she killed her first main character so….” but then I was like “But having it repeat would be a little disappointing.”
If anything, I was thinking it would just be Beric and Joseph who would die and maybe you’d keep the others alive for another book or something. I’m happy to be proven wrong lol
I’ll have to do the questions tomorrow. You’ll just have to remind me hehee
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
I’ll send them as soon as I draw them. I’m finishing up illustrations for LTBL, so it may be a little bit.
On the fence is just where I wanted you as a reader!!
Will do! I’ll remind ya!
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
(Okay I guess I’ll tag you to bring this to the top as a reminder.)
Good morning!
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Still working my way through your last sections. I am at the part where they just finished finding a verse for each letter in the alphabet. (That was kind of a fun game. You had me go and check the ESV for verses that start with ‘X’)
When Amelia started feeling unwell, I kind of suspected she might be pregnant.
It’s always the uncles who are evil. Stepmothers and uncles, every time.
Messenger of the gods appearing in a circle of light? That’s creepy. Why does it always have to be circles?
So the Emipe is focusing on persecuting Christians again. Does this mean the activity of the outside war had died down?
As much as it is not good that the whole gang was arrested, this does help freshen it up from the previous book.
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
Woah! You hit me with a lot. *goes and re-reads sections to see where you are*
Okay.
When Amelia started feeling unwell, I kind of suspected she might be pregnant.
Yeesh! It looks like we were wrong.
Okay, why is that? Was it just because that seemed logical, or because you thought I was above killing a girl, (I’ll have you know I’m not. lololololol) or because Amelia brought up wanting a child in her letter to Sabina? If I struck that part of the letter, would you have been caught off guard?
It’s always the uncles who are evil. Stepmothers and uncles, every time.
uhhhh….. I think i might have to disagree. I’ve written a lot of evil characters who are not stepmothers of uncles.
But yes, it’s hard to have a non-evil stepmother…… though uncles can go both ways.
Btw, did his motivations seem realistic?
Messenger of the gods appearing in a circle of light? That’s creepy. Why does it always have to be circles?
*shrug* That’s what that type of culture often believed.
I actually don’t know why, but circles seem to be a thing with magic, false gods and witchcraft and such things. I mean, have you ever heard of someone appearing in a box of light?
So the Emiper is focusing on persecuting Christians again. Does this mean the activity of the outside war had died down?
Maybe.
Or maybe the Empire needs to distract the attention of the Ardentans so as to keep from having an uprising within.
Or maybe not.
One never knows.
As much as it is not good that the whole gang was arrested, this does help freshen it up from the previous book.
Yeah, that’s kinda my line of thought.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
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