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Okay, that’s two against me.
Glad you like the map!!
I’ll take a look at that section and see what I can do by way of trimming a few things up………
what do you think, @linus-smallprint ?
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
@ellette-giselle If you can’t find any way to trim it down, I’d rather you keep the whole thing than delete it entirely.
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
Glad to hear that!
I wouldn’t delete this, I need it for Joseph’s arc and to really set the whole stage. But, I’m glad you liked it enough for it to be a keeper weather I can trim it or not.
Btw, completely off topic, You’re 15? Right?
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
@ellette-giselle 17, almost 18. Remember how I was making a big deal about Sabina getting married that young because I could barely imagine getting married at my age? lol
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
*cough cough*
I knew that.
*wince*
Sorry i forgot! Okay, so I have an older age range. Good.
I would definitely like some advice (maybe later on) in how to classify these books. I was thinking YA, but that could include 13 or so year olds, and the violence level in these books might be to high for that. I mean, they are kinda dark in the dark parts. If that makes sense.
So, anyhow, I’d like some thoughts on that, though the 4th book is the one with two….. three…… ? scenes that are kinda darker then the rest.
I don’t like to write darkness for the sake of darkness, but evil does happen, and it is good to show that God can still touch those places and still has power over those things, (but yet not be unnecessarily graphic.)
That was a ramble.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Sounds good! Yes, I think I get what you’re saying about Divine Election, but I don’t really know how it would change evangelism for me. Either way, God wants us to share Him with others. Ultimately, He knows who is going to accept that gift or not, but that doesn’t change the way we should approach it, right?
I’m also pretty blatant with gospel message in my stories, so, yeah, that’s something you may have to get used to. Especially since this is a missionary story. lol.
No worries girl, haha. I just wanted to let you know what I was thinking while I read it. It is totally your decision (that should be between you and God) whether or not you want to be really blatant or lead others to the truth more subtly. And also, it really depends on what the story is about.
That would be great if you could share the link with me! I can’t guarantee when I will be able to get through it all and critique it but I will definitely try.
I am sixteen. 😊 (And yes, @keilah-h, I am a girl, lol.)
WE ARE REVIVING THE PROTECTION SQUAD! *steals Joseph, Julian, and Sabina from Ellette*
@ellette-giselle not a ramble! At least you’re rambling about your writing and not about something random…..as I do quite commonly…..
eheheheheh you remember THOSE conversations which I’m NOT gonna bring up on this forum after this lolllllAnd I think 13 is fine tbh. Your books are actually not that bad in terms of violence so far.
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
Yeah, well “so far” is the key term, my girl.
We’ll see.
Either way, God wants us to share Him with others. Ultimately, He knows who is going to accept that gift or not, but that doesn’t change the way we should approach it, right?
I don’t think it should, but I’ve seen some people go at it like They are the ones saving people rather then God working through them. Does that make sense?
16, nice. So a late teens to early twenties range. Nice. This is about what I’m aiming for.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
I would say Christian Fantasy YA. The classification system nowadays is not really about content and mostly about the age of the protagonist, as MANY YA books now have graphic violence, extreme language, and sexual content but are still classified as YA because the main character is a teen or young adult. Some libraries also have a new adult section, which might be fine too. (Not that I’m saying your books are anything close to that—just pointing out that content is not a large issue when classifying books anymore, at least from what I’ve seen.)
WE ARE REVIVING THE PROTECTION SQUAD! *steals Joseph, Julian, and Sabina from Ellette*
Sorry, I keep missing you 😅
Yeah, I get what you’re saying. It’s a fine line between knowing God is ultimately in control of who comes to believe in Him, but also knowing that He wants to use us to lead others to Him.
WE ARE REVIVING THE PROTECTION SQUAD! *steals Joseph, Julian, and Sabina from Ellette*
Yeah, the classification system is kinda trash nowdays. You’re right.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Ha, you’re good! I keep missing you too.
Yes, agreed. That line was actually one of my MCs main struggles in the last book. Though he didn’t realize that until someone pointed it out to him.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
@ellette-giselle Believe me, these stories are marketed for 8-year-olds:
- Wings of Fire (dragon series I read once with a good deal of violence. One character’s death is so graphic the writer didn’t even describe it, although that was in a side story that I didn’t read though cause it didn’t grab me.)
- Warrior cats series (LOTS of war and bloodshed. Main villain is slashed to death in the final book of the first arc and it’s described in a decent amount of detail how he fought for his life before succumbing)
- Hunger Games
- Harry Potter (I never said I supported reading those last two, only that from my research they have some violence and stuff like the level you seem to have)
- Lord of the Rings, I seem to remember it had a good deal of battle, plus scary stuff like the Barrow Wight
The difference between your books and all these books (except MAYBE Lord of the Rings?) is that you’re not writing dark for the sheer sake of it, you’re writing dark so the light shines through. So personally, I think that since you have a GOOD and REALISTIC reason for including characters being killed and tortured and what not, only the most sensitive of 13-year-olds-and-up will have any problems with your writing.
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
You’re not wantonly throwing bloody battle scenes in. You’re writing a realistic impression of a story.
Remember the missionaries to that one South American tribe that were brutally murdered, but the survivors came back to that tribe to continue the mission? Stories like that are what your writing reminds me of. This sounds really weird, but without the bloodshed and its repercussions, the story probably wouldn’t have been as impactful as it was. God’s glory still showed through in the midst of the tragedy, and that’s what you’re trying to do.
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
Lol, I was wondering when you would start wanting the backstory.
This is a good opportunity to see how someone who has not read Book I can understand this book. Like it or not, some people will start to read your series with Book II, III, or IV. Remember to provide the context for these readers so that they will be able to understand what is going on in this story without the context of the previous book. I know it’s annoying. But it could mean the difference between someone reading the entire series or dropping it right away because it is too confusing. (Unless you don’t care about this of course). Alcatraz Smedry sympathizes with you.
I would definitely like some advice (maybe later on) in how to classify these books. I was thinking YA, but that could include 13 or so year olds, and the violence level in these books might be to high for that. I mean, they are kinda dark in the dark parts. If that makes sense.
A weird fact that I learned. If your character is still young (like 20 or younger I think), subtract 2, and that is what people are going to assume your target audience is. Even if that is not your intention. Take, for example, Ender’s Game. At the end of the book, the character is 11, so some people want to label it as a children’s book because it’s obviously for 9-year-olds. (There is no way I am handing this book to children.) So by that logic, Book one of your series, Ellette, is aimed at 15-16-year-olds and book two is aimed at 8-9-year-olds. You don’t need to change any of your character’s ages, just don’t be surprised if people start making assumptions about your target audience due to this.
what do you think, linus-smallprint ?
I’m a little torn. I think most of the conversation you have is alright. Josephs’s questions flow naturally, and Noah takes the time to respond. However, the whole bit about free will and God’s sovereign choice doesn’t flow as well. I think part of this is that Noah says he doesn’t know at first, but then proceeds to give a long and detailed answer. You say you need to establish early on to help some other scenes later on make sense, and I don’t know what these scenes will look like yet, but is this really necessary now? Could you bring this topic up later? Many books take their time to establish some of their main points. Sometimes the characters even come to belive the wrong thing before they learn the truth. (just include some foreshadowing that whatever the other thing you put in is wrong). Prehapes Noah just simply doesn’t have an answer at the moment and tells Joseph to trust that there is one.
Also, to help freshen up this conversation, see if you can work in some details about the location they are in. The only thing you told us Joseph saw was a ‘glimpse of green fields’. (Unless I missed something again, like how I missed that Joseph was eating porridge for breakfast and my mind defaulted to a bowl full of yogurt-covered pretzels in milk instead. (My mind was in a weird place then)) This will make this dialogue a little more interesting.
Also, I am a Calvinist, and I do agree with what you said here.
When he reached the kitchen, Joseph found Sabina sitting at the table with a leather satchel in her lap. She was staring down at it, her finger’s tracing the buckle that held the strap closed. There were tears in her eyes, and her face was slightly pale. Joseph stepped into the room, and Sabina must have felt someone there for she looked up quickly. “Joseph, good morning!” she exclaimed cheerfully. She quickly brushed away the tears and stood up, slipping the satchel onto one of the high shelves. “Come sit down and have some breakfast. You must be hungry.”
Going back to our discussion on that quick glance into Sabina’s Point of View: I think what you have here is enough to show us that Sabina does miss Aaron, but tries to be strong for Joseph.
Otherwise, the section is good. I was a little worried that Joseph would be stuck in the same grief for longer, but I feel that this conversation with Noah is starting to push him forward, even if it causes him to take some steps backward into thinking how weak he is.
I’m now paying more attention to the maps than when you first showed them since I now know the locations better. They look good. I always imagined the Empire coming down from the North for some reason. But now it makes more sense why Vendailia was not involved in the war at all. One thing, I’m not seeing any bodies of water in the land. Are there any rivers that flow through here? Also, did you use Inkarnate?
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