The Veil of Night– second book in The Flames of Hope Saga

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  • #190618
    Ellette Giselle
    @ellette-giselle
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      @hybridlore

      I’ll play this game

      for now.

      Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God

      #190622
      Linus Smallprint
      @linus-smallprint
        • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
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        @ellette-giselle

        “And these are my children. The youngest is Beth, and following are Elise, Andrew, Quinlan, Ruth, Amelia, Stephen and David.” – Book II

        Aaron glanced up at him. “Hello Andrew, how are you doing?” he asked, motioning to the ground beside him.

        Andrew sat down. He was a few years younger then Aaron, but he was just as tall. He shoved a wave of black hair from his eyes and stared at the ground. “Aaron, why is this happening?”

        “I don’t know Andrew, and I won’t pretend I do. But, I know that God knows, and He will never leave us. That is enough,” replied Aaron.

        “Really?” asked Andrew, studying Aaron’s face. “Is that really enough for you? You don’t care what happens?” – Book I

        Are these Andrews one and the same?

        “Turn them in!” Noah exclaimed hotly.

        Since you decided that Ardantinans are only suspicious to outsiders, but trust each other, this is a big shocker to Noah.

        “Yes,” Joseph replied. He held it out, and Stephen touched It with hands that shook slightly. He held his breath as he took the Bible from Joseph, cradling it in his hands and gazing down at the pages. He looked up, laughter in his eyes. “It is!” he cried. “It is!”

        Sometimes it is easy to forget what a blessing it is to have easy access to Bibles for everyone. I own 3 and can easily look up several different translations on the internet. This reminded me that this is not the case for everyone. This family is starving for God’s word. This was a good scene.

        That night, Joseph and Noah stayed up late talking. Noah would be leaving in the morning, and Joseph wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. He understood the need for Noah top go back, and he himself had no intention of leaving this town. The only thing that sweetened the parting was the friendship of the Caddicks. Joseph knew he would not be alone here, and for that he was grateful.

        Sorry, I think I might have missed something. Why is Noah leaving? I thought he was going to stay as long as Joseph.

         

        Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.

        #190641
        Ellette Giselle
        @ellette-giselle
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          @linus-smallprint

          No, not the same Andrew. (How did you remember him? I even forgot that was the other guy’s name. lol.) Should I change the name in the first book? That Andrew was an older teen, while this Andrew is like nine or ten.

          Sometimes it is easy to forget what a blessing it is to have easy access to Bibles for everyone. I own 3 and can easily look up several different translations on the internet. This reminded me that this is not the case for everyone. This family is starving for God’s word. This was a good scene.

          Thank you. I know what you mean. I feel like– in an odd way– people like us have it too easy. Maybe if the only Bible we had were the verses our sisters overheard and wrote down in their journals, we might value the Word of God a little more and actually see it as the gift it is.

           

          Sorry, I think I might have missed something. Why is Noah leaving? I thought he was going to stay as long as Joseph.

          No. So, I don’t know how it works in your church, but in ours we have teaching elders, and there are four of them. This is kinda the setup I have with Noah and Darrien. They are teaching elders along with a few others, but they can’t just pack up and leave for good. It would be like if one of our elders just left. They have responsibilities and commitments in the church they are in. Joseph doesn’t. Noah only came along to help him until he found the other believers and was settled in. Now he’s going back to the church and orphanage in the Capital.

          Does that make sense?

          I think they had this conversation a few scenes ago, but that was also the time everyone was riled up about the Asher/Eric thing, so it could have gone unnoticed.

          Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God

          #190642
          Ellette Giselle
          @ellette-giselle
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            @hybridlore   @linus-smallprint    @koshka   @keilah-h    @elishavet-pidyon   @grcr

             

            NEXT SECTION!!

            Joseph returned to the Caddicks and committed himself to the work the Lord had called him to. Mr. Caddick, David, and Stephen were eager to dive into the training Noah and Darrien gave to the other young men seeking to lead in the church. Not only did the three learn from Joseph, but Joseph learned from them. As they studied together, they grew closer in their walk with God and with one another.

            Each member of the family set about reading the Bible from cover to cover, and the older children read aloud to the little ones who could not read for themselves. Joseph constantly found one or other of the Caddicks at the desk that had been set up in his room, asking him to explain something or show them where to find the answers.

            At first Joseph was overwhelmed, but through prayer he found strength and wisdom, and he grew to love the sound of a knock on his door, or the call of his name.

            After two weeks spent with the family, Joseph began to feel more at home, and he started to relax into this new way of life.

            That all changed when Stephen and David came to find him one morning.

            Joseph was reading his Bible before coming down for breakfast, when there was a knock on the door. “Come in,” he said, looking up to see Stephen and David. The two young men entered, and for a moment no one spoke. At last, Stephen glanced at his brother.

            David took a deep breath. “Joseph, you have done so much for our family, and we cannot thank you enough,”

            He paused, and Stephen took over. “Joseph, this town is full of idolatry. People die without God every day. We must try to change that. We must tell them about our God and our faith. Will you help us?”

            “We are ready to do whatever is asked of us, even if we are called to die for our faith. Just help us know the best way to begin,” David urged.

            Joseph looked from one to the other. He was moved by their strong faith and love for others, but he couldn’t deny his longer to have a time of safety and peace. He shook the thought aside. “Of course I will help you. This is the reason I came here. Your family has made everything so wonderful and homelike, that I have not started the work I should have.”

            The brother’s grinned.

            “So, tell me; are there any other Christian in the town that you know of?” Joseph asked.

            “No,” David replied. “None that will admit it. But there are many who try not to take one side or the other. We could start with them.”

            “Alright,” Joseph agreed. “What’s your plan?”

            “We want to invite a few at a time to Sabbath meeting,” Stephen told him.

            “Is there a place we could have it?” Joseph asked.

            “The meeting?” David asked. “Here, of course.”

            “David, that will put your family in a lot of danger if someone tells the guards,” Joseph said.

            “We know, we already spoke to father and mother, and they told us they have prayed, and they are going to hold the meeting in our home,” David said.

            “Very well then,” Joseph agreed. He didn’t like it, but there was nothing he could do. “If that is what they feel the Lord telling them to do, I will not argue.”

            “Stephen and I must go, or we’ll be late for work,” David said, looking out of the window. “We’ll speak to three of our friends who sway back and forth over the issue. We’ll see if we can get them to come.”

            The two left, closing the door behind him. Joseph lent forward, his elbows on his knees, and his hands folded. “Father God, protect Stephen and David, protect us this Sabbath, and bring more to you.” Joseph stood and walked to the window. He saw Stephen and David starting down the street, talking and laughing together. Joseph slowly shook his head. Why can’t they be happy with the way things are? Why must they go and tempt the soldiers like this?

            Joseph clenched his fists. What’s wrong with what they’re doing? They are doing exactly what Aaron would have done, and what you’re too afraid to do.

            Joseph turned away and let out a slow breath. “Coward,” he whispered.

             

            ***

             

            When the Sabbath came, everyone gathered in the living room. With them were three young men whom David and Stephen had asked to breakfast. Joseph closed his eyes. “Father, guide my words today, speak to us, and teach us.”

            He took a deep breath and opened the Bible. He had planned on a parable, but the Bible opened in John, not Mathew, and when he looked down, he saw the familiar words of a verse he had memorized long ago. Joseph cleared his throat and read.  “‘For God so love the world, that He sent His only begotten Son, so that whosoever believes in Him, will not parish, but have eternal life.’”

            He looked up at the faces around him. The trusting, excited and joyful expressions of the family, and the terrified yet curious gaze of the three young men. He smiled and all at once he knew what to say.

            Starting from the beginning, Joseph laid out the entire story of the Gospel for the three guests. As he continued on, their expressions changed from fear to deep interest and even hope. When Joseph closed the time in prayer, the three thanked Mrs. Caddick for the meal and hurriedly left. Joseph was slightly disappointed, but he knew to rush things would be a mistake. I trust You Lord. I have done what I can.

            The week passed, and the next Sabbath, as the family prepared for breakfast, there was a knock on the door. The three young men were back, and they wanted to hear Joseph again. This time, they had questions.

            The next morning, to everyone’s surprise, two of them were back, and they wanted to talk with Joseph. After a long talk, one of them accepted Christ, while the other asked to come back and continue the conversation. Joseph had never been so thrilled in his life. One of the young men asked to bring his family, and Mr. Caddick eagerly agreed.

            The next week, all three young men were back, and one had brought his father, mother, and sister.

            Slowly, day by day, week by week, the Church was being rebuilt. Some had been former Christians and came to hear of repentance and redemption. Others had never been Believers, and they came seeking truth. More and more believed, and by the end of two months, the little church of four families and a small group of single young men and women gathered in the Caddicks’ home, and Joseph felt as though he had conquered the world. “Look what God has done,” he would continually say to one or other of the Caddicks.

            However, something was troubling Joseph. While living in the town, he had not gotten a job. He was of age, and the Caddicks could use the money. He had decided to talk to David and ask where he and Stephen worked, but in all the excitement of the first two months, he had forgotten.

            The next morning, Joseph pulled David aside and asked him. He discovered the brothers worked with a team who farmed the land around the city. The grain was all taken by the Empire, but they were paid a small sum and could buy it back, as well as buy a few other things here and there.

            Joseph was disgusted by the unfairness of it all, but he was willing to do all he could. He talked to David and Stephen about it, and soon he was ready to join them.

            Joseph loved his first day in the fields, for it brought back fond memories of the first home he had ever known. He was saddened and angered by the shrines built to the goddess of harvest that seemed to be everywhere he turned. At one moment he felt a strong urge to go and knock one down, but that act would only get him killed, and for what? A loss of anger— through righteously fueled.

            That day, he came home with blistered hands and aching arms, but a cheerful spirit. It had been good to work the land again.

            The next Sabbath, Mrs. Caddick was nearly brought to tears when all the girls and women who came to the meeting brought food to share at the breakfast table. After breakfast, they all gathered in the living room to hear Joseph teach. The quiet singing had just ended, when there was a knock on the door.

            Everyone froze, faces paling. A small boy began to cry but his mother shushed him.

            Joseph caught David’s eye across the room. He looked at the people and put a finger to his lips. Then he rose and walked quietly from the room, David close behind.

            The two walked down the hall and reached the door. Joseph put a hand on it and paused, looking at David. Another knock sounded, scaring them both. David was a little white, and Joseph was sure he looked no better, David nodded, and Joseph opened the door.

            Two men in dark, hooded cloaks stood outside. “We were told this was the home of John Caddick,” one said.

            “Yes,” David replied. He looked at Joseph, but Joseph was staring at the stranger. There was something about the voice…

            “We were told he would be here. My companion and I––” he broke off with a cry of surprise. “Joseph Conway! What on earth are you doing here?”

            “Leon!” Joseph exclaimed, leaping forward to embrace his friend. “And Julian too! I haven’t seen you in ages!”

            “Careful there, Joseph, don’t get us caught,” Leon warned with a laugh.

            “Well, why don’t you both come in,” David said, his voice filled with relief seeing Joseph knew them.

            The four entered, and Joseph closed the door behind them. Leon and Julian pushed back their hoods, and David started in fright.

            Joseph hurried to straighten things out. “David, this is Leon and Julian, former Imperial soldiers, and now soldiers of Christ. They travel the entire kingdom, spreading God’s word over every part of it they can. Julian, Leon, this is David, John Caddick’s eldest son.”

            “A pleasure to meet you,” Leon said, holding out his hand. After the three shook hands, Leon turned to Joseph. “But what are you doing here?”

            “After you and Julian told us of the message Stephen gave you, I felt God calling me here, so I came as soon as I could,” Joseph replied.

            “Then you are the two Stephen spoke to that night!” David exclaimed.

            “Who is Stephen?” Julian asked.

            “David’s younger brother. He was the one who climbed the wall to tell you of their need,” Joseph said. “Come,” he added, motioning down the hall. “We have just begun our Sabbath meeting. Please come and join us.”

            The four reentered the room and were met by startled fright from those gathered. David hurriedly made introductions, and soon everyone was settled down again, and the meeting commenced.

            After the time of worship, the people trickled away to go home or begin work. Mrs. Caddick made Julian and Leon sit down to breakfast and then sent Amelia and Ruth upstairs to prepare a place for them to sleep. Joseph spent a few moments with his friends before hurrying out the door after David and Stephen.

            The day seemed to drag forever, but at last work was done, and the three hurried home as fast as they could. Joseph found Julian and Leon on the floor playing with Andrew, Elise, Beth, and Quinlan–– who got home an hour earlier than the others. Joseph smiled as he watched them laughing together. He knew it must have been a very long time since Leon and Julian could relax and have fun.

            Joseph hurried into the kitchen to wash up, and entered just in time to see Stephen drop a kiss on his mother’s cheek. For a moment he just stood and watched them, and his heart ached for the time when he had done the same to Sabina. Will I ever see her again? Is she safe? Is she alright? What is happening back home?

            He stood, his head slightly bowed, lost in thought. Suddenly, he felt an arm about him and looked up to see Mrs. Caddick. “And how is my other boy today?” she asked, kindly.

            “Very well, Mrs. Caddick,” Joseph replied, his homesickness washed away by her motherly tenderness.

            “Good,” she said, with a smile. She moved away to the fire where dinner was cooking, and Joseph hurried to wash his hands.

            After supper, everyone gathered in the living room to here from Julian and Leon. The two told of their travels, and how things had become much easier now that the cities were opened.

            “Have you been home yet?” Joseph asked after a time.

            “No, we were on our way there, but we felt the Lord was calling us to stop here, and we decided to see if any had come to the Caddick family,” Julian said. “Is there something you would like us to take there or bring back for you?”

            “Would you be able to carry a letter?” Joseph asked.

            “Of course,” Leon replied. “We plan to leave in the morning, if that is alright with you,” he added, looking at to Mr. Caddick.

            “Stay as long as you want,” he replied. “Our home will always be open to you.”

            “Thank you,” Leon said. “It has been a long time since we were welcomed into any home besides the orphanage.”

            Talk continued, but Joseph’s mind began to wonder, and when he went up to his room, he had almost his entire letter thought out.

            Joseph sat down at his desk with a quill, ink and parchment. He thought for a moment longer, and then wet his quill and began to write.

             

            My Dear Sabina,

             

            I hope this letter finds you safe and well. I miss you terribly, and sometimes I get so homesick I think I must come running home to you. The Caddicks are very kind though, and God always uses one of them to lift me out of my despair. The other day it was little Beth with a kind word, and yesterday it was Mrs. Caddick with a gentle hug. I feel very accepted among them, and they treat me like one of the family. Still, nothing will ever replace that feeling of home I get whenever I think of you and the house in the capital.

            I suppose I should tell you about the family. Mr. Caddick is a strong leader in his home, and I admire him greatly. He works hard and makes sure his family is well provided for I am sure he would lead well in the church. Mrs. Caddick is always making sure everyone is well fed and comfortable. She is kind and very caring. David is the eldest at 25. He is quieter than most of the siblings and spends a good deal thinking through things. I think he will make a strong leader in the church. Stephen is 22. He is a kind young man and is very talkative. His love for God is as strong as his brother’s. He too, will make a good leader. Amelia is 18. She is very sweet and gentle, and very compassionate. She is a hard worker and is always looking for ways to please her siblings. Ruth is 15. She tries to mimic her sister in everything and is always full of laughter. Then comes Quinlan, (Quin) who is 13. He is so much fun, and very joyful. He laughs a lot and is always looking for ways to make others laugh and enjoy themselves. He has so much energy, that I’m surprised he doesn’t bring the house down. Andrew is 12. he is shyer then all the other boys, but once you get to know him, he is very charming and funny. Beth is the youngest at 4. She is a dainty little thing, and her brothers dote on her like knights to a princess. She is very sweet and seems to always know when someone is disheartened or sad. You would like them, Sabina. You should come and visit us! Of course, that’s a silly thought. It’ll have to be me that comes and visits. I wouldn’t want you to travel out her on your own, and Darrien and Noah wouldn’t let you if you tried. It really is much too dangerous. I’ll come soon. I promise. But right now, I need to stay.

            The church is rising again, Sabina! It is so wonderful! More and more people come, and now we have four families and several single young men and women. I know that doesn’t sound like a lot, but before it was only one family. Everyone is so eager to get their hands on a Bible. I will soon need more.

            Sometimes I feel so inadequate teaching the people, especially when I train up Mr. Caddick, David and Stephen, who are older than I am. Sometimes they understand something that I never did, and I worry that perhaps I wasn’t the right one to teach them. Yet, they tell me they learn so much from me, and I know they wouldn’t lie about it. I was so sure this is what God called me to, and that feeling has not changed. Still, there is doubt, and I begin to wonder if I am enough. Can God really use a man like me to bring salvation to a whole town? I’m scared Sabina. I haven’t even worked up the courage to speak of my faith outside of our small circle of Believers. I have heard a little of what happened to some who were taken prisoner, and the fear in the eyes of those who speak of it is enough to terrify me. Can I go through that? I don’t think I’m ready. Oh God help me! I don’t think I could do it!

            Still, the church is growing stronger, and stronger. David and Stephen continually put me to shame by their boldness. They say they are ready to go out and speak of Christ to the unbelievers, and I am too terrified to say I will go with them. What is wrong with me? I was supposed to come here and bring this town back to Christ, yet those of the town are braver than I am!

            I don’t know what to do. I continue to seek God in prayer and teach among the believers. And seeing the church grow as it has is truly strengthening. I am excited to see what God will do. How have things been in Darvora? How is Asher? Is he doing better? Is Eric still causing trouble in the kitchen? How are you? What has been happening in the church? Have any of the young men I was studying with begun to teach? Tell Asher, Eric, Noah, and Darrien that I miss them all desperately.

            I pray for all of you every day.

            May God be with you, dear Sabina.

            Joseph

            Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God

            #190646
            hybridlore
            @hybridlore
              • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
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              @ellette-giselle

              Yay, Leon and Julian are back! 😁 Great section. It did kind of gloss everything and not show it personally, but that’s okay as long as your go back to more immediate-feeling scenes, if that makes sense. Joseph’s character is good. I’m glad he feels afraid and guilty for his fear. He feels human.

              INTP 🧡 Homeschooler 🧡 WIP: The Color of Hope

              #190649
              Linus Smallprint
              @linus-smallprint
                • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
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                @ellette-giselle

                No, not the same Andrew. (How did you remember him? I even forgot that was the other guy’s name. lol.) Should I change the name in the first book? That Andrew was an older teen, while this Andrew is like nine or ten.

                When I reread your book, I remember coming across him and wondering who he was supposed to be and why you were introducing him by name (since most of your named characters have a larger role than just one scene). This was also a scene I referenced for Aaron seeming more mature than you needed him to be.

                Now he’s going back to the church and orphanage in the Capital.

                Does that make sense?

                I think they had this conversation a few scenes ago, but that was also the time everyone was riled up about the Asher/Eric thing, so it could have gone unnoticed.

                Ah, okay. Makes sense. Yeah, kidnaping a couple of boys does tend to distract from the rest of the story.

                Joseph turned away and let out a slow breath. “Coward,” he whispered.

                Don’t do it, Joseph. Look where growing depressed when comparing one’s self to others is getting Eric Humler!

                Slowly, day by day, week by week, the Church was being rebuilt. Some had been former Christians and came to hear of repentance and redemption. Others had never been Believers, and they came seeking truth. More and more believed, and by the end of two months, the little church of four families and a small group of single young men and women gathered in the Caddicks’ home, and Joseph felt as though he had conquered the world. “Look what God has done,” he would continually say to one or other of the Caddicks.

                I feel like you are moving too fast again. I’m not there, rejoicing with the growing church, because you are summarising again. And since starting up a church is part of Joseph’s main goal, I want to take some time and witness it. It would be good to zoom in and be there for some of these moments.

                “We were told he would be here. My companion and I––” he broke off with a cry of surprise. “Joseph Conway! What on earth are you doing here?”

                It’s a small world after all.

                 

                 

                Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.

                #190652
                Ellette Giselle
                @ellette-giselle
                  • Rank: Chosen One
                  • Total Posts: 2459

                  @linus-smallprint

                  Ah, makes sense about Andrew.

                   

                  Don’t do it, Joseph. Look where growing depressed when comparing one’s self to others is getting Eric Humler!

                  Yeah, you tell him. (I find it so funny that our characters have similar traits and struggles. I was totally thinking of your Eric when I was editing this scene.)

                  I feel like you are moving too fast again. I’m not there, rejoicing with the growing church, because you are summarising again. And since starting up a church is part of Joseph’s main goal, I want to take some time and witness it. It would be good to zoom in and be there for some of these moments.

                  UUUGGHHHH! Why?????

                  *sigh* *sobbing* *takes deep breath*

                  Okay, do I really need to do that? I feel like it’s holding up the plot! I had a super fast beginning that just hit hard with the whole Adrian thing, and then everything slowed down, and now I want to move on and get to some other big things in Joseph’s life.

                  I don’t even know what to write for these scenes that I didn’t already write in LTBL with Aaron. I feel like it’s going to be too similar.

                  idk. Do you think I really need to slow down with that?

                   

                  It’s a small world after all.

                  lol.

                  Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God

                  #190653
                  Ellette Giselle
                  @ellette-giselle
                    • Rank: Chosen One
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                    @hybridlore

                    Yep! They’re back!!!

                     

                    Good, I’m glad Joseph feels human.

                    Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God

                    #190656
                    Linus Smallprint
                    @linus-smallprint
                      • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
                      • Total Posts: 679

                      @ellette-giselle

                      Yeah, you tell him. (I find it so funny that our characters have similar traits and struggles. I was totally thinking of your Eric when I was editing this scene.)

                      This is not the last time this is going to happen. Well as they say, ‘great minds think alike.’ Or as my dad says, ‘Fools of a feather flock together’.

                      Okay, do I really need to do that? I feel like it’s holding up the plot! 

                      The reason I want to see it is because I feel that it is part of the plot. Josephs’s main goal is to build a church in this town right now.

                      How to make it different? You could keep a focus on Joseph. How are people joining the church impacting Joseph’s attitude of feeling he is a coward? How tence does he feel about watching the people come in? Is the fact that some former members of the church turning them in haunting him in the back of his mind? Does he feel relieved when they are converted, not just for their sake, but also his own? What does he do when the Caddicks immediately want to move onto sharing the gospel with the next family, but he feels he needs a break? Does he slap himself in the face in an attempt to knock some sense into himself? Does he start to grow more comfortable as more people join without incident, or does he only become more depressed about his own attitude?

                      One thing setting the Caddicks apart from Joseph is that they are starving for the truth and want to share it. They have accepted the danger, while Joseph is still struggling with it. With Aaron, he always had people depending on him and his trust, which forced him to be strong on the outside. Joseph instead is with a family that has stronger faith than him. While Aaron struggled with becoming what people thought he was, Joseph struggled with comparing himself to the Caddicks. This may result in him being more self-centred on his own problems than those of others.

                      Also, think of different reasons why people do or don’t want to hear about Christ. In LTBL, lots of people listen out of curiosity, but this is not always the case. From the way you have describe the people who are invited over, I would not expect this to be the case. They are people who don’t want to be involved, so if they are told that they are invited over to learn about Christ, they will lose interest. Do some come just because they are promised free breakfast? This may create some problems. They won’t be interested in saying a blessing or listening to the reading of the Bible. They will just want to eat and leave, then maybe come back for another free breakfast later. Joseph and the Caddicks will have the challenge of breaking through that. What other reasons that you have not used before might people show up for this?

                      You don’t have to give us the whole thing. Even zoneing in on one or two characters would do the trick, then summarising the rest.

                       

                      Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.

                      #190673
                      Ellette Giselle
                      @ellette-giselle
                        • Rank: Chosen One
                        • Total Posts: 2459

                        @linus-smallprint

                        *sobbing because I feel overwhelmed.*

                        *Takes a deep breath*

                        Okay. I get it. You’re right.

                        Again.

                        I actually thought I was getting somewhere, and we are hardly a quarter of the way through the Doc!

                         

                        Okay, I’ll tackle this next week because I’m out of town over the weakened. It’ll give me some time to think.

                        Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God

                        #190725
                        Linus Smallprint
                        @linus-smallprint
                          • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
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                          @ellette-giselle

                          *sobbing because I feel overwhelmed.*

                          Sorry…

                          Okay. I get it. You’re right.

                          Again.

                          Hey, you make it sound like I’m a know-it-all author and am rarely wrong. That is not the case. You have corrected me a few times. And you should see the amount of changes between my first and second drafts because of all the things that were not working.

                          I actually thought I was getting somewhere, and we are hardly a quarter of the way through the Doc!

                          But you are! We’re moving forward in the story, Josephs’s character is developing well (even if he is currently struggling with himself), and we’ve met the Caddicks, and their fun. The story is picking up! Just because something isn’t working doesn’t mean the whole book is ruined. Don’t let this discourage you!

                          Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.

                          #190747
                          Ellette Giselle
                          @ellette-giselle
                            • Rank: Chosen One
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                            @linus-smallprint

                            well, thank you for the encouragement. I may be a silly emotional person, but your last post just made me feel like this might not be as bad as it looks. ☺️

                            I know you’re not a know it all. You’re just smart, know what you’re doing as a fellow author, and have an outside view of the story, so you’re probably rarely going to be wrong. It’s pretty impossible to get a readers point of view when you know the whole story backwards and forwards and know all the back and side story. lol. It often takes someone outside to point things out.

                            thank you truly for the encouragement. It helps so much to know that this actually is going somewhere.

                            okay, I’m ready to tackle this when I get home. Currently I’m in the car, otherwise I’d be ready to start now.

                             

                            Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God

                            #190886
                            Ellette Giselle
                            @ellette-giselle
                              • Rank: Chosen One
                              • Total Posts: 2459

                              @hybridlore   @linus-smallprint    @koshka   @keilah-h    @elishavet-pidyon   @grcr

                               

                              Okay Linus, I put that part in that you suggested. I plan on having it just after Stephen and David bring their friends, and I left part of that in this section so you can get the flow. I hope this fixes the problem you mentioned.

                               

                              Thoughts Anyone?

                               

                              When the Sabbath came, everyone gathered in the living room. With them were three young men whom David and Stephen had asked to breakfast. Joseph closed his eyes. “Father, guide my words today, speak to us, and teach us.”

                              He took a deep breath and opened the Bible. He had planned on a parable, but the Bible opened in John, not Mathew, and when he looked down, he saw the familiar words of a verse he had memorized long ago. Joseph cleared his throat and read.  “‘For God so love the world, that He sent His only begotten Son, so that whosoever believes in Him, will not parish, but have eternal life.’”

                              He looked up at the faces around him. The trusting, excited and joyful expressions of the family, and the terrified yet curious gaze of the three young men. He smiled and all at once he knew what to say.

                              Starting from the beginning, Joseph laid out the entire story of the Gospel for the three guests. As he continued on, their expressions changed from fear to deep interest and even hope. When Joseph closed the time in prayer, the three thanked Mrs. Caddick for the meal and hurriedly left. Joseph was slightly disappointed, but he knew to rush things would be a mistake. I trust You Lord. I have done what I can.

                              The week passed, and the next Sabbath, as the family prepared for breakfast, there was a knock on the door. The three young men were back, and they wanted to hear Joseph again. This time, they had questions.

                              The next morning, to everyone’s surprise, two of them were back, and they wanted to talk with Joseph. After a long talk, one of them accepted Christ, while the other asked to come back and continue the conversation. Joseph had never been so thrilled in his life. One of the young men asked to bring his family, and Mr. Caddick eagerly agreed.

                              The next week, all three young men were back, and one had brought his father, mother, and sister.

                              One afternoon, Joseph came into the sitting room and found Beth on the floor, a Bible cradled in her lap. She looked up as Joseph entered. “Joseph, will you please read to me?”

                              “Of course,” Joseph replied. He sat down on the floor and leaned his back against the wall. Beth clambered into his lap and carefully put the Bible in his hands. “This is my very favorite story ever,” she said.

                              Joseph smiled and opened the book. “Do you want me to read something in particular?”

                              Beth thought a moment. “I want to hear about when Jesus was a baby.”

                              Joseph nodded. “I like that part too.”

                              Beth snuggled back against him, and Joseph flipped through the pages to the Gospel of Luke. “Where should I start?”

                              “With Mary,” Beth replied decidedly.

                              Joseph cleared his throat to read. Just then, Andrew came into the room. “Are you reading?” he asked, eagerly.

                              “Yes, I was going to read to Beth,” Joseph replied. “Am I needed somewhere?”

                              Andrew shook his head. “Ruth, come quick!” he called. Then he scrambled to Joseph’s side and sat down.

                              Ruth and Amelia hurried to the door, and they saw at once what Joseph was doing. Ruth hurried to sit on his other side, and Amelia settled down beside her sister.

                              Joseph glanced around the room. “Are we all here?”

                              “Yes, mama went to the market, and the boys aren’t home from work yet,” Amelia replied.

                              Joseph nodded and began.

                               

                              “‘In the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God to a city of Galilee named Nazareth, to a virgin betrothed to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David. And the virgin’s name was Mary. And he came to her and said, “Greetings, O favored one, the Lord is with you!” But she was greatly troubled at the saying, and tried to discern what sort of greeting this might be. And the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God.  And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call His name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. And the Lord God will give to Him the throne of His father David, and He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of His kingdom there will be no end.” And Mary said to the angel, “How will this be, since I am a virgin?” And the angel answered her, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be called holy—the Son of God. And behold, your relative Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son, and this is the sixth month with her who was called barren. For nothing will be impossible with God.”  And Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” And the angel departed from her…’”

                               

                              Joseph continued to read through the account, the Caddick children listening in perfect silence, drinking in every word he spoke. When Joseph reached the end of the passage, Ruth let out a long breath. “Can you imagine what that would have been like?”

                              “What?” Joseph asked.

                              “To hold God.”

                              “What do you mean?” Joseph wondered.

                              “If Jesus was also God, then that means when Mary held Him as a baby, she was holding God in her arms,” Ruth replied.

                              Joseph was silent. At last, he spoke. “I suppose I never thought of it like that.” He shook his head slowly. “No Ruth, I can’t imagine it.”

                              “I would have liked to see the angels,” Andrew said. “Father says they are great warriors and messengers of God. I wish I could have seen them all singing.”

                              “No wonder the shepherds were terrified,” Ruth grinned.

                              “It must have been the most beautiful music man had ever heard,” Amelia added, softly.

                              Joseph nodded. “I would have liked to see them too. It would be comforting to know what sort of warriors are protecting me.”

                              “But God says He will send his angels to shield us, so as long as we believe that God is telling the truth, we don’t have to see them,” Ruth pointed out.

                              Joseph nodded. “You’re right, Ruth. And God never lies.”

                              “I wish I could have seen Baby Jesus,” Beth said.

                              “I wonder if He was the most beautiful baby in the world,” Amelia mused.

                              Joseph thought a moment. “I’m sure He was to Joseph and Mary, but I don’t know if he was an extra beautiful Baby. The prophesies about Christ said that He wouldn’t be someone to look at, but rather a common man.” Joseph flipped through the Bible. “Here, in Isaiah; ‘For he grew up before him like a young plant, and like a root out of dry ground; he had no form or majesty that we should look at him, and no beauty that we should desire him.’”

                              Amelia nodded slowly.

                              “I still would have thought He was beautiful, because all babies are beautiful,” Beth said.

                              Joseph chuckled.

                              “To think of Jesus giving away everything to come live here— and as a helpless baby!” Amelia said, suddenly. “He didn’t have to, you know.”

                              “What do you mean?” Joseph asked.

                              “He’s God. He could have just come as a man. But he chose to humble himself so completely that he became a helpless baby,” Amelia replied. “He went from King of kings— from being God himself— to being born in a stable.”

                              Joseph nodded. “I think about that often, and I still can’t grasp it.”

                              “Do you know what I was thinking?” Amelia asked.

                              “What?” Joseph replied.

                              “I was thinking about how brave Mary was.”

                              Joseph looked at her in surprise. “How do you mean?”

                              “Well, you read to us the other day from the section where God gives the people laws— Numbers of Leviticus, I think?” She looked at Joseph questioningly, and he nodded.  “Anyways, the punishment for committing adultery was death. Who ever heard of a girl becoming pregnant by the Holy Spirit? Mary was the first that this ever happened too! Of course, the prophesies said the Messiah would be born to a virgin, but no one would ever think that Mary was the mother! They would have suspected her of committing adultery for sure. Mary was just a girl, like Hope or me. And then, the angel comes and tells her she is to be the mother of the Messiah, and on top of that, she isn’t going to be married when she has Him! Mary asks how it’s possible because she has no husband, which is a very logical thing to ask. But, after the angel tells her that God will do it, her response is, ‘I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.’ She doesn’t ask, “How are you going to keep the people from killing me?” which would have been my first question. And her village would have found out for sure! But all she says is, I am God’s servant, let His will be done.”

                              Joseph nodded slowly. “I can’t say I would have responded the same way she did. I would have most certainly asked how God was going to protect me. And, I don’t know everything, but I don’t think it would have been wrong of her to ask for protection. David did all the time, and so did many others. God even encourages us to pray and ask things of Him. Yet, in that moment Mary displayed a beautiful faith and simply said, let God’s will be done.”

                              They were silent, each lost in their own thoughts.

                              The door opened and steps sounded in the other room. “It sounds like the boys are home,” Ruth said.

                              Amelia nodded, but they still didn’t move.

                              A moment later, Mr. Caddick came to the door. “Hello children, what’s this?”

                              “Joseph is reading to us!” Beth exclaimed, scrambling off Joseph’s lap and running to her father.

                              “Is he now?” smiled Mr. Caddick, swinging his daughter into his arms. He looked over at Joseph. “I have someone for you to meet.” He motioned with his hand, and a man came to the doorway. “This is Ezra Sullavan. He and I got to talking, and I think you need to talk with him. I’ve invited him to dinner and family worship, and I told him you would be more than willing to answer his questions.

                              Joseph had gone stiff at the sight of a stranger, and now he carefully closed the Bible and stood up, moving slightly in front of the girls and Andrew. “Perhaps We should go to the tavern?” he asked, carefully.

                              “What? No, Ezra shall eat with our family tonight,” Mr. Caddick replied.

                              Amelia had gotten to her feet, and now she stepped around Joseph and came to Ezra. “Good evening, Mr. Sullavan, how are you?”

                              “Very well, miss,” he replied, hurriedly taking off the cap he wore. Andrew joined his sister and held out a hand. “I’m Andrew Caddick, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

                              Ezra smiled and shook his hand. “The pleasure is mine, young Andrew.”

                              Joseph forced himself to step forward and shake hands with Ezra, “Good evening, sir, I’m Joseph Conway.”

                              “Good evening to you,” replied Ezra.

                              “I’ll have supper in a moment, and Mama should be home soon,” Amelia said. She motioned to Ruth, and the two girls hurried into the kitchen.

                              “Joseph, will you join us?” Mr. Caddick asked.

                              Joseph nodded, and the three sat down in the sitting room together. Andrew came and stood by his father’s chair, listening intently.

                              Ezra fidgeted with his hat, and Joseph clasped his hands tightly together. If Ezra loses his temper, or… or doesn’t believe what I’m saying, it’s over. We’re done.

                              Mr. Caddick seemed fully relaxed, and he smiled at Ezra. “You said you had some important questions?”

                              Ezra nodded and glanced at Joseph. “Well, you see…” he trailed off, bouncing his knee up and down and twisting his hat in his hands. “Well… I never was much for strange ways, and I don’t believe in the gods of the Empire. However, I do believe in surviving. I’ve seen what happens to those who rebel against the Empire, and I want no part in it. However, John here tells me that there’s something better then surviving life on this earth.”

                              Joseph swallowed, but his throat was dry. He nodded for Ezra to continue. Come on Joseph, get ahold of yourself! He needs help! But all Joseph could think of were the soldiers dragging Aaron away or beating Adrian in the street just a few feet from him. Joseph felt his palms sweating, and he carefully rubbed them together. Every time, Joseph! This happens to you every time! What is wrong with you?

                              Ezra was staring at the floor, and he twisted his hat into a tight coil. “Life is pretty dark, and I want to know if there’s something better than what it has to offer.”

                              Joseph nodded. “There is,” he said, his voice a little hoarse. He cleared his throat and carefully wiped the sweat from his hands against his pants.

                              At that moment, the door crashed open. Ezra jumped, and Joseph started to his feet, gripping the arm of his chair so tightly his hands went white.

                              “Hello father! I didn’t expect you home so soon!” Quin exclaimed as he bounded into the room.

                              Mr. Caddick turned in his chair with a smile. “Good afternoon, Quin. Come and meet our guest.”

                              Quin came over and held out a hand. “Hello sir, I’m Quinlan Caddick.”

                              “Ezra Sullavan,” replied Ezra, shaking Quin’s hand a little weakly.

                              Joseph sank back in her chair and let out a slow breath. He would have scolded Quin for scaring them, but he didn’t want the others to know he had been frightened.

                              Ezra had dropped his hat when Quin startled them, and now he bent and carefully picked it up, his hand shaking slightly.

                              Quin sat down on the floor beside Joseph’s chair and cupped his chin in his hands, waiting expectantly.

                              Mr. Caddick glanced at Ezra. “Boys, why don’t you go wash up for supper.”

                              Andrew and Quin nodded and hurried from the room.

                              Ezra relaxed a little, but still twisted the hat in his hands. He looked up at Joseph.

                              Joseph was still getting over the scare, and he couldn’t remember what they had been saying. “I’m sorry, I’m afraid I forgot the question.”

                              “I want to know what there is besides making the best of this life,” Ezra replied.

                              “Ah, well, there’s Christ,” Joseph replied.

                              “And why is He special?”

                              Pull yourself together! Lord help me know what to say. Joseph leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees. “Well, for you to understand that I have to go back to the beginning.” As Joseph spoke, he found himself relaxing, and his shoulders lost their stiffness. Soon his words were flowing easily, and each one came the moment he needed it. Ezra was leaning forward now, his eyes locked on Joseph’s face.

                              When the door opened again, Joseph hardly noticed. David came to the doorway and nodded to his father. Then he returned to the kitchen.

                              After nearly two hours, Mrs. Caddick came into the room and spoke softly to her husband, Mr. Caddick nodded and waited for a lull in the conversation. Then, he spoke. “Ezra, Joseph, would you two be willing to take a moment to share a meal with us?”

                              They both nodded and hurried into the kitchen. The children were all there, and they hurried to their seats. David slapped Joseph’s shoulder as he passed, and Joseph gave him a smile. He sat down between Stephen and Quinlan and looked to Mr. Caddick.

                              After everyone had been seated, Mr. Caddick gave the blessing. As the family passed dishes and ate, Joseph noticed Ezra beginning to relax. Joseph looked at the faces of the Caddick children, and he watched as the easily welcomed Ezra and treated him as though he was part of the family. Oh, to have their naive innocence again. To go back to a time when I didn’t know the evil men are capable of, he thought. But then, he paused. Their church was torn apart by the Empire, and they too watched people die. They lived through the siege and fall of Ardenta. Stephen and David were threatened by people they once called brothers and sisters in Christ. Joseph slowly shook his head. It’s not naivety, it’s Christ-like love and true faith.

                              Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God

                              #190887
                              hybridlore
                              @hybridlore
                                • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                                • Total Posts: 1760

                                @ellette-giselle

                                I like it a lot! The only things I noticed were that you included the long excerpt from the Bible again… most readers already know the Christmas story so I don’t think you need it in there. Then, also, when Amelia was talking about Mary, some of the tenses seemed wrong. Like, maybe it should be in past tense? Idk. And last thing, is Ezra a soldier? That was kind of unclear. It seems like he was from what Joseph was thinking, but then it didn’t say. Otherwise, great job! 👏

                                INTP 🧡 Homeschooler 🧡 WIP: The Color of Hope

                                #190889
                                Ellette Giselle
                                @ellette-giselle
                                  • Rank: Chosen One
                                  • Total Posts: 2459

                                  @hybridlore

                                  I know I included a longer passage, but that is something that I think I’m going to do in some situations. I want to have God’s word very clearly there, backing what I’m saying. I do have the scripture passages indented in the actual book, so it will be easier for a reader to just skim if they wanted.

                                  Okay, I can work on the tense.

                                  No, Ezra is a fellow co-worker of Mr. Caddick. However, he has plenty of opportunity to turn the family for braking the law. I’ll see if the others also have this question, and if they do I’ll make this a little clearer.

                                   

                                  Thanks for the thoughts!

                                  Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God

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