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*Straightens sunglasses*
I’d say don’t kill the boys. You could bring them close, scare the living daylights out of the others, but don’t kill them.
I expected them to get captured and killed. It felt like “here we go again”. So many characters by this time have been killed, that it was almost…boring? Change things up. Let their fight for survival actually matter this time. Even if they walk away with scars, set someone free.
Another thing. Why would you kill them? If you’re just taking both boys out because you don’t know how else you’re going to continue the story, then their deaths are pretty much pointless. Why do you have these characters at all? What impact do these characters make on your MC, the book’s point, the general plot? Aaron’s death was impactful, because it mattered. It was the culmination of his arc, of his personal story.
Death is powerful, but life is stronger than death. Make their lives matter even if they don’t get much screentime.
First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
Fork the Gork@koshka YES. Thank you.
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
*GASPETH*
*Throws confetti*
*Offers you a medal of honor for your bravery in the Character Protection Squad service*
First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
Fork the Gork*graciously accepts confetti and medal* Thank you, thank you very much.
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
okay!! Fine!! I give in.
I’ll rewrite that whole scene tomorrow.
y’all win.
*slams down pencil in despair.*
it actually won’t hurt the plot much, and you are actually making sense.
fine. I’ll do it.
they go free. Both of them.
I can’t believe I’m doing this.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
having hybridlore on the protection squad is scary! Why did I ever tell her about it?
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
YESSSSSS!!! We convinced you!!! 🙌🙌
Thank you, thank you, thank you!! I can’t wait to see the new scene! 😁
having hybridlore on the protection squad is scary! Why did I ever tell her about it?
Because you wanted me to kidnap all your characters. MWAHAHAH.
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
@ellette-giselle you could have one or both of them get really, really close to death, and everyone thinks they’re dead, but then someone notices them still breathing or something, and they rush to save them.
I do agree with the others that letting them die was kinda getting old. Them dying was……sorta tolerable for me, but it was like the third public execution in two books, and it was a little repetitive. Plus yes, I expected it to happen now.
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
WHAT???!!!
*Undignified squealing commences*
Oh, she is kinda scary. I think she’s done a good thing though. She deserves the medal.
First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
Fork the GorkAlso, I am working on a short story for the prompt, it’s just gotten a little delayed (I decided to totally scrap my first idea in favor of another one Thursday. It’s been interesting)
First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
Fork the GorkDon’t rub it in.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
@hybridlore @linus-smallprint @koshka @keilah-h @elishavet-pidyon @grcr
ALTERNATE NEXT SECTION!!!!!
Please be honest as y’all read this, because saving the boys is going to be a HUGE change. However, I think it may be the right one, and some interesting things happened that makes me think so. However, I am still on the edge, and I want to know in your honest opinion which direction seems best to take. (of course we all love Asher and Eric, but what fits best with what you have read of the story.)
And this is just going to be y’all’s opinion, and I may make a different decision then you think I should, but it really will help me to know what you think.
Joseph sat at the table and stared at his plate. Noah and Darrien had already eaten and were pulling on their boots. They knew the hard day of work they had ahead, and they had been able to eat
Sabina put her arm over Joseph’s shoulder and bent close to him. “Joseph, please eat”
“I can’t,” he replied softly.
“You’ve hardly eaten for two days. It’s not good for you. You’re growing pale, and one of these days you’ll drop while you’re working. Please have something
Joseph just shook his head, a tear trickling down his face.
Before Sabina could try again, there was a loud pounding on the door. Everyone jumped and went ridged. Darrien walked to the door and opened it. He stepped into the street, closing the door behind him. A moment later he was back, a strange look on his face. “They are calling everyone to the city’s center. The soldiers are out there, and they are banging on doors and ordering people out into the streets. We had better go before they make us.”
Sabina hurried to the stairs and called for Alicia.
Joseph got to his feet but paused, looking over the kitchen. “Will we come back?”
“I don’t know,” Darrien replied grimly. He slung his work satchel over his shoulder, and Noah finished tying his boot with a quick jerk and knot. Joseph tugged his own boots and quickly fastened them as Sabina hurried to get hers.
The five walked quickly to the door and stepped out into the crowded the streets. They moved with the strong current of the crowd, staying as far away from soldiers as possible. Joseph had linked his arm in Sabina’s, and he kept her close to his side, his eyes alert for danger. Noah had his hand on Alicia’s shoulder, and Darrien kept near them. Between the three tall young men, Sabina and Alicia were practically invisible.
They were in the city center now, and Joseph turned his back on the Pantheon with a shudder. Too many times, those steps had run red with the blood of those he loved, and he couldn’t bring himself to look at it. He glanced at the faces about him. Everyone seemed confused and they were all looking for answers.
The soldiers strutted about like bantam roosters next to the tall and graceful Ardentans, shouting orders and shoving people this way and that.
Joseph saw the crowd moving aside for several officers and a man wearing the Governor’s cloak. Joseph felt unease growing inside him. The Governor didn’t leave his palace, except for very special events. The Governor ascended the steps of the Pantheon, and Joseph slowly looked up, his mouth dry with dread. Joseph looked twice, and his unease was mixed with confusion. This man was not the same Governor who had stood there and ordered the deaths of Aaron and Adrian— Joseph would never forget that face. No, this was a different man.
It seemed Joseph wasn’t the only one who had come to this conclusion, for murmurs rippled through the crowd.
The man held up his hands and the crowd went silent. He hesitated a moment, artfully building the tension. Then, he spoke. “People of the great state of Ardenta, province of the Empire, today marks a time of new beginning. Today, by the grace of the gods, everything will change, and Ardenta will prosper as never before.”
There was a long silence, and Joseph found himself holding his breath.
“One week ago, the Governor of Ardenta was suddenly taken ill and died.”
Joseph forced himself to swallow. Were they going to be punished for the Governor’s death?
The man continued. “I now stand before you as your new Governor, and I say that the gods have spoken. They have called for a time of change and of prosperity.”
Joseph tightened his hold on Sabina’s arm. He felt trapped, and he glanced over at the soldiers.
The new Governor paused, and the square held its breath. Then, he threw out his arms and cried, “Today, the gates of every village, town and city will be thrown wide open! You will return to your homes, if you wish. You will farm the land; you will travel and trade where you will within Ardenta!”
Joseph’s heart leapt, and all around him were cries of surprise and joy. All at once the cheering started, and Joseph hugged Sabina, laughing with relief and joy. Someone pounded him on the back, and he looked up to see Noah. Joseph felt tears stinging his eyes and he didn’t wipe them away. He caught hold of Sabina and hugged her again. “Sabina, I’ll take you back to the country! We can all go and farm again! You can run barefoot in the grass and wade in the streams… it’ll all be as it once was!”
Sabina laughed, tears spilling down her face. She kissed Joseph’s cheek and hugged him back. “Oh, thank you God, thank you God,” she whispered.
Joseph turned and kissed Alicia’s cheek. “The minute we get out I’ll pick you and Sabina each a huge bouquet of flowers,” he promised.
All around them the people were pressing in all about, cheering and shouting. Noah nearly crushed Joseph in a hug, and Darrien slapped his shoulder. Joseph turned to Sabina and swept her off her feet in a spin. “Oh, my goodness Joseph! Put me down, you rascal!” She laughed.
Joseph hugged her tightly. “Oh, thank You God, thank You God,” he whispered.
***
That day, the Governor called for a holiday, and celebration began in the square. It wasn’t long before things got wild, and drink began to flow freely. Joseph, Noah, and Darrien carefully got the girls out of the square, and the five made their way down the empty streets toward home. When they were safely inside, hugs we handed out all over again, and then the five gathered to thank God for His kindness.
Even in that moment of deep joy, Joseph felt the lack of Asher and Eric’s presence, and their absence sobered him. The other’s seemed to feel it too, for there was a shadow of sorrow under the laughter.
Later that evening, Joseph crept up the stairs to his room. It was painfully quiet there, and memories of shouts, laughter, and friendly jokes filled his mind. He sat down on his bed and closed his eyes. “Oh God, what is it you want me to do? Ask me anything, only please make my path clear so I may follow it as so many others have done before me.” He looked about, and seeing his Bible lying on the table by the bed, picked it up. “Please give me an answer. Direct me clearly Father, that I might set foot on the road you have prepared for me.”
Joseph flipped open the Bible and read the first passage that caught his eye.
‘“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”’
Joseph read and reread the verses, letting them sink deep into his heart and committing them to memory. “Light,” he whispered. “I am a light, and I must be a light to the world.” He got to his feet and hurried to the desk. He pushed a stack of papers aside and grabbed his journal. flipping it open, he grabbed a quill and dipped it into the ink on the desk. Then, he carefully wrote three words.
I am Light
He stared at it for a long moment, and then continued to flip through the Bible, his eyes searching for more.
‘And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”’
Joseph grabbed his quill and wrote again.
Go
Teach
He will be with me.
He looked down at the Bible again. “One more, Father, give me one more.” he said. The pages turned, slipping from his fingers, as Joseph moved farther into the New Testament.
‘“How then will they call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in Him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!”’
Joseph picked up his quill and wrote the last words.
How are they to hear?
How beautiful are the feet of the one who peaches the good news.
Joseph looked down at the words for a long, long time. At last, he let out a deep breath. “Alright Lord, I’m ready. Just show me how!”
Steps sounded on the stairs, and Joseph turned. Noah came to the doorway and paused. “Can I come in?”
Joseph nodded.
Noah came to his side and laid a hand on his shoulder. “I know how you feel. I wish they were here.”
Joseph nodded again, sucking in a sharp breath. He wiped his eyes and looked down at his journal.
“Is there anything I can do?” Noah asked.
Joseph shook his head, sniffing back tears. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand again and looked up at Noah. “I’ve been talking to God,” he said a little hoarsely. He cleared his throat and continued. “He wants me to go to that town Julian and Leon spoke of.”
Noah didn’t laugh, nor look incredulous. He firmly believed in God’s power to speak, and if Joseph said He had, then he believed him. “Did He say when to go?”
“I think now, as soon as I can,” Joseph replied.
“He already opened the gates for you,” Noah said.
“I know,” Joseph agreed. “Whatever this new Governor is intending to do by opening those gates, God has used his actions to make a way for me. Oh Noah, I’m even more sure of it! I have never been so sure of what I must do! God has never made my path so clear. I will go. I must.”
“Did God say to go alone?” Noah asked soberly.
Joseph shook his head. “I don’t think so. He didn’t make that clear to me.”
“Then I think I will come with you. I believe the Lord is telling me to. This verse has continued to haunt me day and night, ‘“How then will they call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in Him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written, “How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!”’ I think God wants me to go with you.”
Joseph stared at Noah; his mouth open in astonishment. “Noah! It has been the same with me! And look! Tonight, when I asked for guidance, God gave those verses to me!” He pointed excitedly to the Bible on the desk. Noah leaned over his shoulder and read.
He looked at Joseph and smiled slowly. “Then so be it. Let’s pray about it and sleep. Tomorrow we will make plans.”
Joseph nodded eagerly, but something caught in his throat. He turned away.
Noah laid a hand on Joseph’s shoulder. “Is it what I think?”
“I just can’t leave without knowing their fate. If they are to die, I want to be there. I want them to know they aren’t alone,” Joseph whispered.
Noah sighed and nodded. “I don’t feel right leaving Sabina and Alicia with no one but Darrien to care for them. We have a hard enough time surviving as it is.”
“But they need help! Those people are all alone and they need someone to lead them…” Joseph trailed off and shook his head. “I feel so torn.”
At that moment, there was a loud knock on the door.
Joseph started to his feet and looked at Noah, his eyes full of fear.
Another knock sounded, and the two scrambled into the hall and raced down the stairs. Sabina and Alicia were in the hall, and Darrien was moving toward the door.
“Girls, wait!” Noah called, but they had already followed Darrien.
The door opened, and the next instant Joseph heard a shriek. He pushed past Noah and jumped the last three steps. Then he tore down the hall to the doorway.
Alicia was sitting on the floor, both hands over her mouth. Sabina was standing frozen, her eyes wide, and Darrien had taken two steps back. Joseph looked up and saw two young men in the doorway. One was leaning against the other, his head low. It was too dark to see them clearly, but Joseph felt a chill run down his spine.
One of the young men looked up, a cheeky grin on his face. “We’re not ghosts or any such nonsense, we’re just starving.”
Joseph reeled back with a cry, staring wildly toward the door.
“Oh Lord,” Noah whispered from behind him.
Sabina snapped out of her daze with a half scream. She threw herself at the boys, laughing and crying hysterically.
One of the young men leaned against the door frame, while the other caught Sabina in a hug. “It’s alright, we’re alright.”
“Eric?” Joseph gasped.
The next moment he had rushed forward. Asher looked up wearily and gave him a wide smile. “Evening Joseph.” Whatever else he was going to say was lost as Joseph hugged him. “Oh Asher, oh Asher, I thought you were dead!”
“I thought so too,” Asher laughed. Then he broke off, coughing. Joseph moved to get his shoulder under Asher’s arm. “Are you hurt?”
“They weren’t exactly friendly,” Asher replied with a wince.
The next moment Noah was there, hugging Asher tightly. Then he and Joseph helped the young man into the kitchen.
Soon Asher and Eric were seated at the table while Sabina and Alicia cared for them. Eric didn’t want to be bandaged and cleaned up, he just wanted food, and so Alicia gave up and let him have it.
Asher was in worse shape, and he quietly submitted to Sabina’s care. Joseph stood beside them, his mouth part way open, staring from one to the other. He could hardly believe this was real and wasn’t just some dream.
Sabina was cleaning a nasty cut on the side of Asher’s face, and she spoke softly. “What happened?”
Joseph thought she was referring to the wound, but Asher started from the beginning. “Eric and I ran into some soldiers, and it wasn’t long before we were arrested. They wanted to know where we meet for worship and who our leaders were. They got nasty, but Eric didn’t tell them anything, and neither did I.”
Sabina faltered in her work. Then she leaned over and kissed Asher’s forehead. “Your brave boys, both of you,” she whispered.
Asher smiled up at her.
“But how did you escape?” Noah asked.
“We didn’t,” Asher replied.
“Then how…?” Darrien motioned between the two of them.
“This is very good soup, Alicia,” Eric said. “May I please have more?”
Alicia hurried to refill his bowl.
“Well,” Asher began. He flinched as Sabina found a deep gash across his shoulder blade. “Well Eric and I were asleep and—”
“You were asleep?” Joseph asked in shock.
Asher smiled slightly and nodded.
For a moment there was silence, and Joseph stared at his two friends. How on earth did they sleep in a place like that? How were they not sick with terror?
Sabina began cleaning the wound on Asher’s shoulder, and he hissed through his teeth.
“Get him something to drink,” Sabina ordered.
Darrien hurried to obey, and Asher took the offered water with a whispered thanks. He drank and then resumed his story. “Well, we were asleep when the guards came and woke us. I thought for sure everything was over, and I tried to say something to Eric to encourage him, but they didn’t give us a chance. They dragged us out of the fort and across the courtyard. That was when I realized it was night, and I wondered if they planned to end us quietly without anyone knowing. We got out into the streets, and they let us go. They said something about a new governor and political enemies being released because of the holiday. I don’t really know what they were talking about. Eric and I didn’t believe them for a second, but then they turned around and left. So, after standing there a few minutes, we started home.”
“We would have been here sooner, but Asher fainted,” Eric added through a mouthful of bread.
Asher scowled at him. “One of my least favorite moments of the whole thing, and I would appreciate it if you would forget about that.”
Joseph choked on a laugh, tears running down his face. He moved and hugged Asher and Eric again.
“What a miracle,” Noah whispered. “Our God is a powerful God!”
“Indeed, He is,” Asher agreed. “And He receives glory through Stephens and Daniels alike.”
“For our sake, I’m very thankful you were Daniels,” Darrien smiled.
“It is preferable,” Asher agreed with a chuckle.
“Alicia dear, would you give me just a teeny bit more?” Eric pleaded, holding up his empty bowl.
Alicia moved and wrapped her arms around Eric, kissing the top of his head. Eric wiggled free. “Displays of affection have a proper limit, you know.”
“Yes, but that all changes when you come back from the dead,” Joseph replied, giving him a friendly push.
“Dinner has it’s limit too,” Alicia added.
“Oh, that’s just brutal,” Asher laughed.
“Very well,”” Eric sighed. “I shall bare the displays of emotion for tonight, but by tomorrow hugs will be limited to once a month.”
Noah laughed and hugged Eric.
“Alright, enough!” the boy howled.
They all laughed, and Alicia filled his bowl again. “Are you ready to eat, Asher?”
“Maybe a little,” he replied, wincing again.
“I think this one may end up needing stitches,” Sabina murmured, eyeing the wound on his shoulder blade.
“Your probably right,” Asher replied. “That was one of the last ones, and it was after the officer lost patience with me. If I’d received that one sooner, I would have bled out for sure.”
“As it is, he fainted,” Eric reminded.
Asher kicked him under the table. “I would like you to think up a new word, or else forget the whole thing,” he warned jokingly.
“My poor boys,” Sabina whispered.
“I’m alright, really. I don’t really feel the pain much, not with the excitement and joy of being here,” Asher told her.
“Come, let’s pray,” Noah encouraged. “We need to thank God for this miracle.”
They gathered around the table, laying hands on Asher and Eric. “Oh Lord, thank You,” Noah began. “Thank You God for setting Asher and Eric free. Thank You for sparing them and keeping them safe. Thank You for giving them strength and courage while in captivity. Please heal them and strengthen them. Keep us safe Lord and help us to trust You. Thank You for opening the gates, and for giving us a new Governor.”
“Yes Lord,” Joseph whispered. “Oh God, thank You. Thank You.”
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
YES! Much better. Thanks so so much!
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
No, you can’t just say that. Give me a literary reason why I should do this rather then the other one. Why is this better?
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
1. It gives the reader more hope in a happy ending.
2. It’s more interesting because you play on the past events of the book to make readers think Asher and Eric will die, but then defy the stereotype, keeping them on their toes.
3. It saves Asher and Eric. 🤗
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
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