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IT’S OKAY! We’ll pretend it never happened. It will get lost in the KP forums forever…
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
I don’t know……… what would I even do with him if he survived?
(Besides get him married and all that.)
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
He can go with Joseph to that city!!! And be a missionary!!
Or he just continues as normal, except grieving for Asher… what does he even do right now? Go to school? Work? He could stay living with Sabina and the guys for a while.
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
Stop it.
Go away.
I literally have my finger hanging over the delete button for that scene.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
lololol
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Look, if you can get at least two more people on this forum to agree with you……….
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Do you think it’s fine as long as this is the last one……. (for a while.)
This appears to be what is moving the Ardentaians and some of the soliders to question who the Christians are.
I think part of the problem is that, yes, this is causing more people to become Christians, and that is good of course, but characters are disappearing. Aaron, Adrian, Eric, and Asher are all characters you allowed us to grow closer to, but now they are gone. Others have been saved, but are background characters, or have yet to play a larger role in the story (such as Julian and Leon). We’ve gone from following 7 characters (not counting Alicia, she hasn’t really contributed to the story. I’m tempted to take Darrian off this list as well) at the start of this book to 4 characters. And now, if you introduce someone new, I’m going to be hesitant to like him, in case you take him away as well. You tell us good is happening because of these deaths, but it doesn’t feel like it.
Needless to say, this comes off a lot of dark, with little light that is currently apparent. And this is what is depressing. We need some light now. Some hope for the characters. We are sitting here, seeing no end to this. I think the hope we are looking for is not that more and more people are being saved, but something that will stop the empire and put an end to all of this, so that Christians can be free to follow God again.
No. I think I just got it. It just occurred to me what we are missing.
Until the Leon and Julian came to tell Joseph of the town, your story was lacking something very important.
Your characters need a goal.
We don’t see a way out, because we don’t know where the characters are headed. What are they trying to accomplish? How do the character’s deaths hinder or help this? We need to see them struggling towards something specific. The only goal I see for the first part of this story is to survive. They keep on failing this. This is why we are depressed. But what if their goal was to spread the Gospel, and this was clear to us? Then when someone dies, it will feel more like a victory when the door is opened. Have the characters concerned with the spiritual state of their country and have a heart for their people. (You might be thinking your characters have already been like this. But so far, I haven’t seen much of it.)
When Joseph goes out to the town to attempt to cover its people, I think this will be clearer to us.
@hybridlore wants me to save Eric.
What are your thoughts?
I don’t know. You’re the author here, and I know you’re struggling to decide, but this is up to you.
Saving Eric would give us a little hope. But his death is what causes the citizens of the empire to start questioning what exactly is going on and to see through the lies.
Maybe what you should do is create a list. On one side, you put reasons to kill off Eric, on the other, put on reasons to save him. Then you can analyze which reasons are better. Use that to decide what benefits the story more.
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
Hey, all the reasons people wanted to save Eric could apply to Asher too. He’s also young. He looks innocent… lol. Make them react more to both of them instead of just the younger one, maybe?
OR highlight how hurt Eric is by Asher’s death in front of the crowd. That’ll make them see how much it’s affecting families and hurting children.
@Koshka @elivashet-pidyon @grcr C’mon y’all, let’s save Eric!!Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
Asher’s not THAT young. Adrian was younger then him when he died.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Hmm. I guess I was trying to cross over the LTBL goal into this without clearly stating that. It’s hard, because Joseph has a tendency to lean toward a survival mindset (no one can really blame him) and the story is his POV.
UGH, I can see the Eric thing both ways. I could still use his almost death as a “wakeup call” and it might give a little more hope to those of you readers who are feeling depressed.
7-4 isn’t bad at all. That’s only three characters, and none of them were the main character.
Ugh.
What do you as the reader want?
I’m looking for what is going to keep the reader interested and wanting to keep going, and i can work with the plot either way. That’s why I’m even asking instead of saying, “sorry. life is horrid in the Empire”
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Yeah, good point. Is there a way you could adjust his age, or is that set in stone?
Hmm… yeah, it could still work as a wake-up call, even if Asher’s not that young. To be honest, nineteen is pretty young to be executed though, especially if he (a.) wasn’t a soldier that betrayed their country, like Adrian, and (b.) has a younger brother who’s watching.
I think that something you could also add is Asher talking to the crowd more. Like Linus said, the Christians should have a goal—to tell others about God. Instead of having all the martyrs stand stoically for their death, maybe have Asher preach to them. That would make more of an effect on the crowd too, I think.
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
True. I’m not denying that he isn’t young. He’s just not shockingly young. Especially in that age and culture, he’s considered a man and could have a family and kids.
Eric is still a kid in there eyes.
And no, i can’t change the age because i’d have to do rewrites in the first book and I don’t want to. lol. plus, that makies him REALLY young earlier on.
maybe have Asher preach to them. That would make more of an effect on the crowd too, I think.
Like the Imperial officers would just stand by and let him.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Yeah. That makes sense.
Like the Imperial officers would just stand by and let him.
I know, but he could at least try. I think it would make his death more meaningful and give a bigger impact. But it’s up to you.
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
Oh good grief.
I’m gonna do it.
I’m gonna save him.
Eric’s gonna live.
How on earth did you get me to do that?
I can’t believe I’m going to do this.
You are dangerous.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
WHOOHOO!!!!! 🥳🎉
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
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