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I’m no longer surprised when a character is taken/died. In fact, I was expecting it any time now. That’s not good.
Is it though? I mean sure, in modern storytelling that is a thing to reserve for smacking readers with, but could the fact that no one is safe almost be a shock in in of itself? Maybe I’ve read too much from early church history, but more people died than escaped, and that’s the feel I do want. I have read several books that follow this pattern (they were older books. You don’t see that happening so much in new books) I feel like we’ve forgotten what it used to mean to follow Christ. As a pastor I admire once said, “the problem with modern American Christians is no one is trying to kill them.”
anyhow, Plus, my literary goal is to scare the reader when Joseph comes under threat. I want it established now that I can and will off him and any moment if I so desire.
I did prewarn it would be dark. 😉
thank you very much for the feedback. I valued it enough to consider major changes to the plot later on, (which I don’t think anyone has gotten me to do that before. lol.😆)
so thank you.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
@hybridlore @linus-smallprint @koshka @keilah-h @elishavet-pidyon @grcr
NEXT SECTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joseph sat at the table and stared at his plate. Noah and Darrien had already eaten and were pulling on their boots. They knew the hard day of work they had ahead, and they had been able to eat
Sabina put her arm over Joseph’s shoulder and bent close to him. “Joseph, please eat”
“I can’t,” he replied softly.
“You’ve hardly eaten for two days. It’s not good for you. You’re growing pale, and one of these days you’ll drop while you’re working. Please have something
Joseph just shook his head, a tear trickling down his face.
Before Sabina could try again, there was a loud pounding on the door. Everyone jumped and went ridged. Darrien walked to the door and opened it. He stepped into the street, closing the door behind him. A moment later he was back, a strange look on his face. “They are calling everyone to the city’s center. The soldiers are out there, and they are banging on doors and ordering people out into the streets. We had better go before they make us.”
Sabina hurried to the stairs and called for Alicia.
Joseph got to his feet but paused, looking over the kitchen. “Will we come back?”
“I don’t know,” Darrien replied grimly. He slung his work satchel over his shoulder, and Noah finished tying his boot with a quick jerk and knot. Joseph tugged his own boots and quickly fastened them as Sabina hurried to get hers.
The five walked quickly to the door and stepped out into the crowded the streets. They moved with the strong current of the crowd, staying as far away from soldiers as possible. Joseph had linked his arm in Sabina’s, and he kept her close to his side, his eyes alert for danger. Noah had his hand on Alicia’s shoulder, and Darrien kept near them. Between the three tall young men, Sabina and Alicia were practically invisible.
They were in the city center now, and Joseph turned his back on the Pantheon with a shudder. Too many times, those steps had run red with the blood of those he loved, and he couldn’t bring himself to look at it. He glanced at the faces about him. Everyone seemed confused and they were all looking for answers.
The soldiers strutted about like bantam roosters next to the tall and graceful Ardentans, shouting orders and shoving people this way and that.
Joseph saw the crowd moving aside for several officers and the governor of the capital. Joseph felt unease growing inside him. The governor didn’t leave his palace, except for very special events. The governor ascended the steps of the Pantheon, and Joseph slowly looked up, his mouth dry with dread.
The governor held up his hands and the crowd went silent. He hesitated a moment, artfully building the tension. Then, he spoke. “People of the great state of Ardenta, province of the Empire, today marks a time of new beginning. Today, by the grace of the gods, everything will change, and Ardenta will prosper as never before.”
There was a long silence, and Joseph found himself holding his breath.
“Today, the gates of every village, town and city will be thrown wide open! You will return to your homes, if you wish. You will farm the land; you will travel and trade where you will within Ardenta!”
Joseph’s heart leapt, and all around him were cries of surprise and joy. Soon cheering started, and Joseph hugged Sabina, almost laughing with relief and joy. Someone pounded him on the back, and he looked up to see Noah. Joseph felt tears stinging his eyes and he didn’t wipe them away. He caught hold of Sabina and hugged her again. “Sabina, I’ll take you back to the country! We can all go and farm again! You can run barefoot in the grass and wade in the streams… it’ll all be as it once was!”
Sabina laughed, tears spilling down her face. She kissed Joseph’s cheek and hugged him back. “Oh, thank you God, thank you God,” she whispered.
Joseph turned and kissed Alicia’s cheek. “The minute we get out I’ll pick you and Sabina each a huge bouquet of flowers,” he promised.
All around them the people were pressing in all about, cheering and shouting. Noah nearly crushed Joseph in a hug, and Darrien slapped his shoulder. Joseph turned to Sabina and swept her off her feet in a spin. “Oh, my goodness Joseph! Put me down, you rascal!” She laughed.
“A new time of peace and prosperity is upon us,” the governor called, but no one was really listening.
The Governor continued. “There are some who would like to see this peace turn to strife and your prosperity to devastation. If they have their way, you will never leave this city.”
Gasps rippled through the crowd, followed by angry shouts.
Joseph slowly set Sabina back on her feet, all the laughter gone from his face. Around them, a tense silence had fallen over the square.
“Do not fear,” the Governor went on. “Today, we will show these troublemakers and ruin-seekers what Ardenta is made of! We will show them that we are not frightened by them or their God.”
Joseph sucked in a sharp breath, and a stab of horror tore through him. “Oh God, no,” he breathed.
The governor smiled, his eyes glinting. “We have captured two of these dangerous enemies, and today they meet their fate. This day, their blood seals Ardenta’s future of glory!”
The soldiers shouted and soon the crowd was whipped up in a wild frenzy of cheering. Joseph was slowly shaking his head, tears starting in his eyes. “No, no, no, oh God…” Turning, he saw several soldiers moving through the crowd. Above the heads of the soldiers, he could see the dark hair of an Ardantin.
The next moment, he was stumbling as the people in front of him scrambled aside, and a wide path opened.
Joseph looked up and caught sight of Asher and Eric. A sickening shock of grief and horror stabbed into him.
The crowd had fallen deathly silent, and the only sound was the steps of the guards and their captives. The people were stunned by the Eric’s youth, and Joseph could see the looks of shock slowly turn to ones of guilt and anger. Some began to murmur and the tension in the crowd grew dangerous.
Eric was stumbling, his face pale and weary, his hand clasped tightly in his brother’s. Asher’s mouth was bleeding, and he walked with a limp. His eyes were fixed straight ahead, and his expression was set.
Joseph turned away; his teeth clenched. How can You let this happen! He looked up again and caught Asher’s eye. Asher nodded to him and then tilted his head upward. Joseph knew Asher would gladly give his life for his Savior, but everything in him cried out against it. Not them. Please Lord, not them!
The two captives had now reached the steps of the Pantheon. One of the guards shoved Eric and the boy stumbled. Asher caught him, and Eric looked up at his brother. Joseph saw Asher’s lips move but couldn’t hear what he said. The guard next to him cursed and struck the Asher, but Eric nodded.
The two brothers climbed the steps, hand in hand, the guards flanking them on either side. They came to the top, and the soldiers stepped back, leaving Asher and Eric standing alone in front of the Governor and his officers.
The only sound was the lazy flapping of the Imperial standards. The crowd had fallen deathly silent.
Joseph’s breath was slicing between his teeth and his heart was pounding. “Oh God help them, please help them!”
The governor spoke, his voice cutting through the silence. “Asher and Eric Edris, you have been arrested on charges of treachery and rebellion. What have you to say?”
“I deny the charges,” Asher replied. “We have committed no treachery. All we did was refuse to offer libationsto idols.”
“You have acted in rebellion toward the gods of your country,” the Governor shot back.
“They are not the gods of Ardenta, and they are not our gods! They are nothing,” Asher replied.
“The gods hate men like you. There will be punishment, and you will bring destruction upon this land unless you die,” the governor spat. “Will you turn from your rebellious path?”
“No!” Asher cried.
The governor turned to Eric. “Will you?”
“Never,” Eric replied, but his voice trembled slightly.
A sob broke from one of the women at the sound of his young voice.
“Let them go!” came a shout.
Joseph looked around him at the people. They were angry, and it was clear only a few still sided with the governor in this matter.
“Show them mercy!” a woman pleaded.
“Surely you can see the difference between political enemies and a child!” a man yelled.
The governor looked at the crowd. He could see he was losing them, and his hold over the people would soon be broken. He looked back at Asher and Eric. Joseph knew the governor felt no pity for them, but he would do what he must to keep control. “The people have asked for mercy on your behalf, and I am inclined to grant it,” he said. He motioned to Eric. “The boy may go free, but the other is old enough to understand his actions.”
Angry murmurs still rose from the crowd.
“However,” the Governor hastily continued. “The Empire is a land of mercy, so I will drop the death sentence for the elder, though he must still face punishment.”
Joseph sucked in a gasping breath of relief. Asher hugged his brother, and Joseph could see his hand’s shaking.
“I will grant mercy… on one condition,” the governor continued. “Hail the gods, and you are free.
All the hope that had filled Joseph instantly fled. Asher froze, and Joseph could see his hands tighten about Eric.
The people held their breath.
“It is a simple thing,” the governor said. “A few words, and you are free to live. You are free to go home. Both of you. I will drop all charges. Is it so hard a thing?”
Joseph clenched his teeth. He could see Asher and Eric were both wrestling with the temptation, and Joseph knew that it must be a fierce fight. All at once, a shout broke from him. “Don’t do it!”
It was as if a spell was broken.
Asher whipped toward the square, and Joseph saw that he knew who had spoken. Eric’s head snapped up, and Joseph saw the determination on his face. The governor and his men were looking toward the crowd, trying to spot the one who had spoken.
Joseph stared up at his friends, his eyes flooding with tears. “Don’t do it,” he whispered. “Don’t do it.”
Asher straightened and turned to look at the governor. “A simple thing, you say. Yes, physically it would be a simple. It would be infinitely easy. But there is nothing simple about turning my back on my God and selling my life to the devil. I will not do as you have asked.”
Eric nodded. “Asher is right. We can’t.”
One of the guards struck Eric a savage blow, and the boy fell to his knees with a gasp of pain. Asher dropped down to one knee beside him. The governor sneered at them and spoke; “So be it. You will both die here and now, so that this country may be forever safe from your ways.”
Asher looked at the soldiers, pulling his little brother close.
Joseph sucked in a sharp breath and covered face with his hands unable to watch. There were several shouts, and soldiers started yelling. He heard one cry cut of sharply, and then a long, horrible silence. Tears flooded his eyes and slipped into his hands. At his side, Sabina was weeping brokenly.
A strong hand fell on Joseph’s shoulder, and he choked down a sob. “It was not in vain,” Noah whispered, huskily.
Even in that moment, Joseph knew he was right. Asher and Eric were safe, and many Ardentans and soldiers alike had been shaken by their courage and faith. Perhaps this moment would finally wake the people from their blindness.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
“Today, the gates of every village, town and city will be thrown wide open! You will return to your homes, if you wish. You will farm the land; you will travel and trade where you will within Ardenta!”
Ah. So there was a positive event in there. This is what you were referring too.
“Let them go!” came a shout.
Joseph looked around him at the people. They were angry, and it was clear only a few still sided with the governor in this matter.
“Show them mercy!” a woman pleaded.
“Surely you can see the difference between political enemies and a child!” a man yelled.
Hmm…. What’s happening here? Could this plant a seed of curiosity in them to wonder what the boys believed and cause them to question the Empire more?
Even in that moment, Joseph knew he was right. Asher and Eric were safe, and many Ardentans and soldiers alike had been shaken by their courage and faith. Perhaps this moment would finally wake the people from their blindness.
I guess we will see.
Hmm, wow, must have really sobered you. No comment on the amount of exclamation marks. lol. After I posted it, I looked back and was like, “wow, there’s a lot.” lol.
And no comment on the fact that I offed Joseph’ best friends.
Ah. So there was a positive event in there. This is what you were referring too.
Yes, and I have a question for you at this point. Did you, as the reader, feel even some of the wild switch of emotions that Joseph went through at this point?
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Hmm, wow, must have really sobered you. No comment on the amount of exclamation marks. lol. After I posted it, I looked back and was like, “wow, there’s a lot.” lol.
*Goes back to look.* 15?!? *Calls a doctor.*
And no comment on the fact that I offed Joseph’ best friends.
You’ve already killed off his father and two very close friends. There wasn’t much hope for them. I had already accepted from the previous section that they were dead.
Yes, and I have a question for you at this point. Did you, as the reader, feel even some of the wild switch of emotions that Joseph went through at this point?
Kind of. I did get a little hope, but when the mood switched I thought, “Okay. Here we go again. Do we have to be here for this?”
Kind of. I did get a little hope, but when the mood switched I thought, “Okay. Here we go again. Do we have to be here for this?”
Oh.
I thought you said to go ahead and kill them.
Do you think it wasn’t good?
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
I thought you said to go ahead and kill them.
Yes, I did in a way. But that doesn’t mean I like to read about the executions. It does get depressing. Especially since we have to be there for it again. At least this time, the crowd reacted differently.
I sure don’t enjoy it.
Do you think it’s fine as long as this is the last one……. (for a while.)
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
No no no no no!!!!!! 😭😭😭 Why are you doing this to me, Ellette? 😢
Can’t you just… save Eric?? 😭 They said he could go free…
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
i don’t know.
Maybe.
I’ll think about it.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
@hybridlore wants me to save Eric.What are your thoughts?
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
That would make it more interesting, instead of just having more characters die off we’d get to see Eric struggling with his brother’s death.
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
Oh shut up.
You’re actually going to convince me to save him.
lolololol.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
HA! I actually have a chance?
Please, please, please…. 🙏 🥺 Think of all the scenes you could write!
Lolol
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
But I already submitted it this way. I can’t change it now, KP won’t let me edit that post……………
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
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