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Please, please, please don’t kill Eric or Asher! I will be very sad if you do. I will sue you.
Flaz: *yawns* Did the sun just come up? In the west?
Oh.
Wow.
I didn’t even know you were reading.
Hmmm.
Why shouldn’t I kill them?
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
You shouldn’t kill them because they don’t deserve it.
And it’d be very uncalled for.
And because I really like them.
(I am reading—I’ve caught up and all—I just don’t really have anything to say.)
Flaz: *yawns* Did the sun just come up? In the west?
Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life.
~J.R.R. Tolkien.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
@hybridlore @linus-smallprint @koshka @keilah-h @elishavet-pidyon @grcr
NEXT SECTION
Sorry it’s so short.
Joseph woke. For a long moment he lay, trying to figure out what was happening and where he was. He had been so exhausted he didn’t even remember lying down. There was an odd sound, a sound he knew he had heard many times before, and for some reason he was sure it meant something wrong.
With a start, Joseph fully woke and tumbled out of bed. He flew for the door and stumbled down the stairs. He knew that sound.
Sabina was sobbing.
Joseph raced into the kitchen and jerked to a stop. Sabina was sitting at the table, her face in her hands, crying brokenly. Noah and Darrien stood on the other side of the table, expressions of grief and despair on their faces. Alicia was standing in the corner, her hands over her mouth.
Joseph stepped into the room and walked slowly toward Sabina. He came to her and wrapped his arms about her shoulders. Sabina grabbed his arm with a trembling hand.
Joseph looked up fearfully at Noah and Darrien. “What happened?”
Darrien looked away.
Noah spoke quietly, his voice braking in sorrow. “Something is about to happen. Everyone has felt it. The soldiers have been on edge… we all knew something was about to change, and I had held on to the hope that it was for our good. Now, we can only dread the change to come.”
Joseph held Sabina tighter. “Noah, tell me what happened.”
Noah looked up at him, his eyes bright with tears. “One of the boys of the church came to Darrien and me. He said that he had seen Asher and Eric and had followed them in hopes of catching up to speak with Eric. He said they were stopped by a patrol of soldiers. He doesn’t know what was said, but Asher and Eric… they were arrested.”
“No!” Joseph cried. “No, no, no, no!” he eyes flooded with tears, and he pulled away from Sabina, staring wildly at Noah and Darrien.
With a cry he spun and slammed his fist into the table with such force that pain shot through his hand and up his arm. “God, why!” he yelled. “Why them! Why Asher and Eric! They’re just boys! Why didn’t You save them? I know You have the power to do so, so why won’t You! So many have died! Do You even care?”
Joseph slipped to his knees and rested his head against the bench, weeping violently.
Someone laid a hand on Joseph’s back, and he felt Sabina’s arms go around him, but he did not look up, nor did he care. His heart was breaking all over again, and the pain and despair was unbearable.
No one knew how long they stayed there, and Joseph listened to the prayers of the only family he had left. He was hurt, angry, and confused.
At long last, Joseph finally lifted his head. Everyone was sitting at the table, and the five stared at each other in silence. Finally, Joseph spoke. “What do we do now?”
Darrien ran a finger along the cracks in the wooden table. “We pray and wait.”
“There is no hope?” Alicia whispered.
“None, unless the Lord works a miracle,” Noah replied.
Sabina nodded and looked down, tears running over her face. “My poor boys. Oh God give them strength!”
Joseph stood up and walked from the room. He had to be alone.
Alone in his bedroom, Joseph sat at the desk and stared at the wall. He couldn’t think, and his head was spinning with the shock. He slipped back into memories, remembering again the games he, Asher, and Eric used to play. At last, his mind turned to the events of that morning. He had laughed with Asher, talking excitedly about the progress they had made. They had horsed around with Eric and caused Sabina to chase them outside. He and Asher had worked together, copying page after page of scripter. Then they had run out of paper. The fateful trip was hastily planned, and Eric begged to go too, unknowingly forfeiting his life. Joseph could almost hear them laughing now, and he remembered the door opening and closing— closing behind the only brothers he had ever known.
Forever.
Tears came again, and Joseph cried quietly, his face hidden by his hands. In nineteen years, he had experienced more death, pain, and suffering then he ever thought possible. “Oh God help me,” he whispered. “I can’t bear it! Please don’t take them. Please not them.” Joseph lifted his head. “Father, I need You! I need Your help! Give me strength to face this pain. Oh Lord, be with them, whatever is to come. Oh God protect them.”
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Oops! I figure ya’ll be the wrong people folk!
🏃♂️💨
You will love what you spend time with.
Ha! I got it right!
😢😢 Please tell me Eric and Asher don’t die too. There is too much death in this book. 😭
WE ARE REVIVING THE PROTECTION SQUAD! *steals Joseph, Julian, and Sabina from Ellette*
Eeellllllleeeeeeetttttttte………
Why shouldn’t you kill them? Well, because it’s getting redundant. I love your story and your characters. The setting has a unique feel of its own and the characters are compelling to say the least. However, unless you have a brand-new absolutely unseen point to make with more death, it may not be the best decision. It’s like using the same description or plot twist three times in the one chapter. By saving someone instead of martyring them, you can keep your audience in suspense because literally anything could happen. Hope is a better enticer than dread.
Anyway, that’s my two cents. Use it as you like. I hope Joseph gets a few more hugs and Asher and Eric fulfil their character arcs splendidly.
You have listened to fears, child. Come, let me breathe on you... Are you brave again? -Aslan
Drat.
KP isn’t letting me know that y’all responded!
Grrr.
Hmm, it looks like I really stirred it up around here. lol.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Something was about to happen that would change everything.
Why was I expecting this to be something positive? It kind of made the event feel like a slap. (Ouch. I’m feeling Josephs pain.) Unless I misunderstood what this event ended up being?
It also feels more tragic because of how casually Eric and Asher headed out. It was just a normal day.
Sabina carefully picked up the last paper— the one with the single verse— and looked at it. “Oh, how true,” she whispered, tears filling her eyes. “If only we could everyone about Him! Oh Joseph! How many die without ever hearing the name of God?”
I think you missed a word. “If only we could tell everyone about Him!”
“God, why!” he yelled. “Why them! Why Asher and Eric! They’re just boys!”
Okay. I know this is probably due to the sudden aging, but this statement is odd because Asher is now older than Aaron and Adrian were when they were arrested.
Other feedback on this section.
For many sections in your book, you tend to say ‘the weeks past’ + a summary of the events that took place within those weeks. I like how for these sections, you didn’t do that. You put us in the scene with Eric and Asher to help us catch up with them instead of simply telling us what they had been up to. You did still give us some summaries, but you flowed into it more naturally, such as using Asher’s blisters to tell us he had been assigned to be a smith’s apprentice. (You could even have Joseph ask Asher how his new job is going.) I feel more like I’m part of the events when you do it this way.
Why was I expecting this to be something positive?
You should know me better than that.
It kind of made the event feel like a slap. (Ouch. I’m feeling Josephs pain.)
Perfect! That’s exactly what I wanted.
It also feels more tragic because of how casually Eric and Asher headed out. It was just a normal day.
Ah yes. Poor boys.
Ah, thx for catching the missing word.
Okay. I know this is probably due to the sudden aging, but this statement is odd because Asher is now older than Aaron and Adrian were when they were arrested.
Hmm, I want to say Aaron was nineteen, though Adrian was seventeen.
Asher is nineteen, but Eric is only fifteen.
For many sections in your book, you tend to say ‘the weeks past’ + a summary of the events that took place within those weeks. I like how for these sections, you didn’t do that…
I feel more like I’m part of the events when you do it this way.
Aw thanks!!! I don’t think I even chose to do that intentionally. I felt like it helped the plot to move better if I just summarized with “a week passed…”
Thanks for saying something. I’ll keep an eye out.
Okay, question.
In case you haven’t noticed, I have a couple girls freaking out on here. They are all saying not to kill Asher and Eric because it just feels redundant.
I’m not sure if that’s true, or if they are just doing everything they can to save the boys because they like them.
So, being a cold-hearted author for the moment, what are your thoughts?
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Okay. So you are coming off as a little cold-hearted, but there is something this section did for me that you may be all right with.
This section established the fact that no one is safe.
Protagonist, side-character, mentor, or any of them could suddenly be captured and killed. There is no plot armor. I thought before that you would preserve some characters. But this made the threat of the Empire all the more real.
Remember after your first book, you were asking me what direction I wanted Joseph to go? I suggested that he might become hesitant to grow too close to anyone unless they are taken away from him. I’m starting to feel that way myself. Just as I get warmed up to a character, he may be snatched away.
So cold-hearted? Perhaps. A slap in the face? Definitely. But this is a wake-up slap to the reality of the character’s situation. You are making me feel the danger and what it would be like to live in this empire all the more. So I would not say it is redundant.
thanks so much for this feedback.
im not going to say anything so as not to shed light on which path i take, but i will say that it was extremely helpful knowing your thoughts.
thanks again!
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Ok, I will say that I enjoyed how it was carried off in this section. I agree with what @linus-smallprint said about that. It reminded me of The Healer by Dee Henderson. (A book about facing the grief of a broken world.) Very good.
What I say is redundant is the fact that it feels like more characters are dying than those who are escaping. It’s discouraging, which I understand is probably part of your set up. However, I wanted to say that there’s a fine line between “all is lost” and “here we go again”. I’m no longer surprised when a character is taken/died. In fact, I was expecting it any time now. That’s not good.
You have listened to fears, child. Come, let me breathe on you... Are you brave again? -Aslan
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