Home Page › Forums › Fiction Writing › Critiques › Novel Critique Requests › The Veil of Night– second book in The Flames of Hope Saga
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November 21, 2024 at 11:25 am #190304
I’ll try to send something in as soon as I finish formatting my magazine and get it sent out. I’m almost done!!!!!!
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
November 21, 2024 at 11:29 am #190306November 21, 2024 at 12:21 pm #190307I finished the magazine!!!
Okay, now to get to work.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
November 21, 2024 at 1:26 pm #190308@hybridlore @linus-smallprint @koshka @keilah-h @elishavet-pidyon @grcr
WARNING:
There has been a change in the rapid time jump. It is now a bigger time jump, and Joseph is 19. Sorry about the whiplash any of y’all are experiencing after that. lol.
NEXT SECTION!!
“Joseph, do you think the gates will ever open?”
Asher and Joseph were sitting on the roof swinging their legs over the edge and looking up at the stars.
Joseph lifted his shoulders in a shrug.
Asher began peeling open one of the many blisters on his hands. After turning eighteen, he had been assigned to be a smith’s assistant. Joseph had been disappointed, for he hoped his friend would be sent to work with him at the wheelwright’s shop.
After a moment, Asher pushed Joseph playfully. “What’s wrong?”
“Hmm?” Joseph wondered vaguely.
“You’re thinking about something, what is it?” Asher persisted.
Joseph shrugged.
Asher elbowed him. “Oh, come now.”
Joseph shook his head and sighed. “I can’t stop thinking about what Leon and Julian said.”
Asher arched an eyebrow. “You need to give me more than that.”
Joseph smiled slightly. “It’s that town, Asher. There’s a family there who desperately needs help! I can’t shake it, but for some reason I feel like God is telling me to go to them.”
“How are you planning on getting out?” Asher wondered.
Joseph sighed. “I don’t know, Asher. That’s what the problem is. I think God is telling me to go, yet there is no physical was that would even be possible.” He swung his legs despondently. “I wish I was Aaron. He would have known what to do.”
“Maybe, maybe not,” Asher replied. “Aaron was just a man, after all.”
Joseph shook his head. “No, Aaron would have known.”
Asher let the matter go and turned to look toward the city gates. “They have to open someday. Ardenta is farmland, they must know that.”
Joseph shrugged again.
Asher’s shoulders hunched unhappily. “I wonder what it’s like out there. All the fields must have gone back to the wild after all these years. Everything we worked so hard to build is gone. Why are they doing this to us? How could it benefit them?”
“The Empire is rich; it doesn’t need our country. They just want it to show their power. They know how much we love our land, and so they have shut us out of it and let the wild take it over again. It’s just because they’re cruel.”
Asher shoved his hair back from his forehead and straightened. “Well, there’s no use thinking about it.”
Joseph didn’t reply.
Asher glanced over his shoulder and then lowered his voice. “Joseph, if you find a way to get out, I’ll help you in any way I can.”
Joseph looked up. “Will you come with me?”
Asher hesitated. “I don’t know, Joseph. I don’t think that’s what I’m meant to do.”
Joseph looked surprised. “But Asher, what better thing could you do?”
Asher looked down at his hands. “God says not all are called to teach. His body has many things it must do. Not everyone can be a hand.” He lifted his shoulders. “I just don’t feel called to teach.”
“Then what will you do?” Joseph asked.
“I’m not sure what will happen in the future,” Asher said.
Joseph nodded in agreement. “But what do you want to do?”
Asher smiled, and his face flushed a little. “I want to get married.”
“To whom?” Joseph asked.
“I don’t know yet,” Asher replied. “But I know that’s what I want. I want to get married and raise a family who loves and follows God. And, if possible, I want to be a farmer again.”
Joseph was silent. What Asher longed for sounded wonderful, yet Joseph wasn’t sure if he was called to that life. God seemed to be leading him in a different direction, yet Joseph didn’t want to leave everyone he loved.
Asher seemed to sense his thoughts, for he rested a hand on Joseph’s shoulder. “Whatever the future holds, just see to it that you are following God. He’ll take care of the rest.”
“Asher, Joseph, are you up here?”
The two turned as Eric stepped out onto the roof. “I thought I might find you here.” He sat down next to his brother, and Asher mussed his hair with a playful hand. At fifteen, Eric was not old enough to be assigned to a labor team, and Sabina wanted to keep him home as long as she possibly could.
“What have you been up to today?” Asher asked him.
“I finished copying the Old Testament,” Eric replied.
Asher lightly punched his shoulder. “Good for you!”
“That reminds me, I’ve got to finish up the chapter I was working on this morning,” Joseph said. He got to his feet and gave Asher a hand up.
Eric scrambled up, and the three headed downstairs.
***
It was two weeks before Joseph turned twenty.
Something was about to happen that would change everything.
Joseph was upstairs copying another Bible. It was his and Asher’s day off, and they were taking full advantage.
Someone knocked on the doorframe, and Joseph looked up. Asher was leaning against the doorpost. “How are you on paper?”
Joseph looked at the stack on the desk and then pulled open a drawer and shuffled some things about inside. “Looks like this is all I’ve got.”
“Well, I’m out, and I’m low on ink too,” Asher said. “I think I’ll walk down and get some more.”
“Do you want me to come with you?” Joseph asked.
“I’ll be alright,” Asher replied as he turned to leave.
“Just hurry up, they’ll be closed soon,” Joseph called after him.
“Where are you going?” Eric asked as he bounded up the stairs.
“To go buy more paper and ink,” Asher replied, counting out a few coins he had in his pocket.
“Let me go with you,” Eric pleaded.
Asher pushed the money back into his pocket. “I really don’t need help.”
“I know that,” Eric replied. “But I don’t get to see you very often now that you’re working all day.”
“Alright,” Asher grinned, messing up his brother’s hair with a friendly hand.
“I’ll see you both later,” Joseph smiled.
He heard the two brothers clatter down the stairs. There was a murmuring of voices and a burst of laughter from Sabina. Farewells were called, and the door opened and closed.
Joseph continued to work away, copying page after page. Soon he began to grow weary, and no longer did he really understand what he was copying as much as he was merely going letter by letter, trying to force his aching hand to create smooth and rounded letters. His neck was stiff, and he paused to look up, blinking his eyes which had begun to water from the strain. He looked down again, and nearly jumped back in surprise. There, right before his eyes, seeming to spring out at him, was a verse he had just finished copying.
“Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” How then will they call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in Him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching?
Joseph slowly shook his head. “What are You trying to tell me?” Immediately, the town Julian and Leon had spoken of came to mind. “Do you want me to go there? But how? When?”
Steps sounded on the stairs, and Joseph looked up as Sabina came to the doorway. “How are you doing?”
“I’m well,” Joseph replied.
Sabina stepped into the room, a plate in one hand and a cup in the other. “It’s hours after lunch. Aren’t you hungry?”
“Yes, I am now that I think of it,” Joseph said with a grin.
Sabina offered him the plate and set the cup on the desk. Joseph began to eat, and Sabina leaned over his shoulder to study his work. “You’ve gotten far.”
Joseph nodded; his mouth too full to respond.
Sabina carefully picked up the last paper— the one with the single verse— and looked at it. “Oh, how true,” she whispered, tears filling her eyes. “If only we could everyone about Him! Oh Joseph! How many die without ever hearing the name of God?”
Joseph nodded. “That question has not ceased to torment me since Julian and Leon last visited. There must be a way! But how?”
Sabina put a hand on Joseph’s shoulder. “God will show you the way.”
“Perhaps,” Joseph replied. “But I feel so confused.” He set the empty plate on the desk and drank from the cup of water. He looked up at the papers wearily, and his hand ached at the mere thought of more writing.
“Joseph, you should rest,” Sabina said.
He didn’t really hear her, for his thoughts were elsewhere. In his mind, he was on the way to that little town.
“Joseph.”
“Hmm?” he replied absently.
Sabina reached out and gently cupped his face in her hands, turning it toward her. “Joseph, listen to me; you must get some rest. You worked later than anyone else last night, and you were up hours before dawn. This is not good for you. If you wear yourself to the breaking point, you won’t be able to do anything, and you will only make more work for others!”
“I know, but it must be done! I feel so useless trapped here in this city. When I work on this, I feel like I’m doing something,” Joseph said.
“‘It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for He gives to His beloved sleep.’” Sabina quoted.
Joseph smiled, and Sabina knew she had won. She kissed his forehead and picked up the plate and cup. “Now go lay down and rest your eyes.”
Joseph stood up, and gripped the back of the chair, bringing a hand to his eyes as a wave of dizziness swept over him. “I see you were right. I do need rest.”
Sabina gave him an I-told-you-so look, and Joseph laughed. He walked over to the bed and collapsed on it, pulling the blanket around himself and closing his aching eyes.
When Sabina came up a moment later to see if he wanted more water, she found he was already asleep.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
November 21, 2024 at 1:29 pm #190309More, please?! You can’t leave me with this:
Something was about to happen that would change everything.
And then not say what it is!! 😤
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
November 21, 2024 at 1:37 pm #190310Maybe.
What do you THINK is going to happen?
If you give me an answer I might give you more!
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
November 21, 2024 at 1:39 pm #190311Something is going to happen to Eric and Asher… 😢 Am I right?
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
November 21, 2024 at 1:47 pm #190312Oh that would be dark.
hey, I’m the one asking questions. not answering them.
lololol.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
November 21, 2024 at 1:50 pm #190313I wouldn’t be surprised.
Lol.
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
November 21, 2024 at 1:51 pm #190314@ellette-giselle You’re so secretive! What are you hiding? 🤨 XD
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
November 21, 2024 at 1:55 pm #190315You’re so secretive! What are you hiding? 🤨
Wouldn’t you like to know.
Sadly, I have to jump off now, so I won’t be able to post the next section! I have some stuff I need to get done today.
Maybe I can get it to you this afternoon. Otherwise, you’ll just have to try to get to sleep tonight. lol.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
November 21, 2024 at 1:57 pm #190316No worries. Have fun. I’ll be eagerly awaiting your return. 🤗
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
November 21, 2024 at 2:18 pm #190317I haven’t read the story thingamagiggley (I postulate n reckon that’s what this here forum thingy is for), but I hath a very important question to query.
Hath thou fed thy pet orangutangally? Nay? Welp, mayhap ye shouldest go n do it before he roars in rage and remorse, then tears up the typewriter writing woefully woefilled words. 😢🦧💔
You will love what you spend time with.
November 21, 2024 at 2:23 pm #190318@power ehhhh????
I don’t believe she has an orangutangally. I would say I have one, but to refer to a tooth-filled crocodile-tailed trained killer or any of six twenty-foot dragons as an “orangutangally” would be asking to be savaged.
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
November 22, 2024 at 8:23 am #190325I’m sorry, what?
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
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