Home Page › Forums › Fiction Writing › Critiques › Novel Critique Requests › The Veil of Night– second book in The Flames of Hope Saga
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November 18, 2024 at 10:32 am #190156
WOAH. Time jump. But I love the new side plot. Although, Joseph is basically becoming Aaron now, like Linus has mentioned. I wonder how you could change his circumstances to make it feel completely different from Aaron. But anyway, great job! 👏 I’ll listen to the song later and let you know what I think.
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
November 18, 2024 at 10:36 am #190157Yeah! I’ve found them all between the Sight and Sound YouTube channel and Pandora (Spotifi has them too) I can send some album links if you want.
haha, I bet they are.
Okay then! I’ll make sure to tag you, though you’ll want to read the chapters I’ve posted or else this’ll make no sense. lol.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
November 18, 2024 at 10:39 am #190158Yes, it is a time jump!!!! If it’s too jolting, I may split the sections into parts. I’ll see what Linus says.
Uh, no, he’s not. Aaron was a missionary. Joseph is looking to become an elder. It’s two different things. He wants to be Aaron, but he can’t. That’s not what he’s been called to do.
And I’m not really sure how much more different i could make it. I mean, I am writing a missionary-type saga. Joseph is picking up where Aaron left off, but he’s got his own story.
If that makes sense.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
November 18, 2024 at 10:42 am #190159Ah, I’ve found the ones on YouTube… we don’t have Pandora or Spotify though so… ☹️😕
Alright!! I’ll read them when I have the time. 💛
INTP.
November 18, 2024 at 10:43 am #190160How many did you find on YouTube? I know they planned to upload all of them.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
November 18, 2024 at 10:47 am #190161It looks like nine… counting their Miracle of Christmas one. Daniel, David, Esther, Samson, Moses, Ruth, Jonah, Jesus… (oh, I like the Jesus soundtrack too.)
INTP.
November 18, 2024 at 10:51 am #190162No Noah?
Well That’s almost all of them. Right?
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
November 18, 2024 at 10:55 am #190163November 18, 2024 at 10:57 am #190164Well, it’s a lot to listen to. You;’ll have to tell me what you think after you’ve heard all the ones you haven’t listened to before.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
November 18, 2024 at 11:00 am #190165November 18, 2024 at 11:03 am #190166What do you mean by splitting the sections into two parts?
I think it’s fine as long as you don’t end the last scene abruptly and put like a marker, like “six years later…”I don’t know, just with Joseph feeling called to go off alone to a different city where basically no one is a Christian… I understand it is a missionary story. Maybe someone else from the church could go with him? Maybe because Joseph is so young, Darrien and Noah decide he needs a partner? Idk. Just something to distinguish his mission from Aaron’s in the first book. I know it’s already been written, so I guess we can just see how similar it feels. Linus will probably have some better critiques 😂
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
November 18, 2024 at 11:05 am #190167I mean like having a page in there that says, “Part 2” Like in the unabridged Little Women.
Maybe someone else from the church could go with him? Maybe because Joseph is so young, Darrien and Noah decide he needs a partner?
Someone’s jumping the gun.
How about you just hold your horses and wait and see. lololololol.
(It may be that this is what is going to happen. 😉 )
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
November 18, 2024 at 11:19 am #190168Okay, then yes, that’s makes sense.
LOL. Okay, I’m sorry for interrupting your story. I’ll just sit here quietly and wait for the next segment. 😂
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
November 18, 2024 at 11:23 am #190169LOL. Okay, I’m sorry for interrupting your story. I’ll just sit here quietly and wait for the next segment. 😂
Oh no problem! Sorry if I came across like you were interrupting me. I really do value feedback, even if I have a bad tendency of defending my darling books. lol.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
November 18, 2024 at 11:27 am #190170No, I’m just teasing you. XD.
Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis
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