The Show Don't Tell Me Rule

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  • #58726
    Aislinn Mollisong
    @aislinn-mollisong
      • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
      • Total Posts: 445

      @daeus Hey, can you possibly look through this? I know you’re busy and all, but I honestly can’t tell if I’ve been “telling” too much. If you could just skim through this, it would be appreciated. Thank you!

      https://docs.google.com/document/d/1M9wPbE-ElWr1tqtDjqACHUxumE_sj25pTx-bLkvwX7s/edit?usp=sharing

      ENTP, Aether-borg Hero with cape obsession and fascination with swords.
      https://forums.theaetherli

      #58736
      Anonymous
        • Rank: Wise Jester
        • Total Posts: 95

        @sam-kowal, okay so if I have the sentence

        The Baby squealed. that is telling but if I say Baby James squealed raucously ass his mother wearily entered the room. Is that showing?

        #58741
        Sam Kowal
        @sam-kowal
          • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
          • Total Posts: 635

          @inkling-for-christ Well… ‘the baby squealed’ is telling what happened but it’s not emotional telling, which is what limits the story. Your second example is certainly more descriptive, but sometimes you’re not going to want that much detail or your story will be extremely long.

          I would focus on the emotional telling, for example, you wrote

          ‘Baby James squealed raucously as his mother wearily (more of a telling word) entered the room.’

          could be combined with your first sentence to say

          ‘Baby James squealed raucously, and his mother sighed and slumped her shoulders (showing weariness) as she entered the room’

          Does that make sense?

          *Giarstanornarak tries to melt chair*
          Also, Daeus has 22 turtles in his signature.

          #58744
          Anonymous
            • Rank: Wise Jester
            • Total Posts: 95

            @sam-kowal, Thanks!

            Hey @daeus, @sam-kowal, @aislinn-molisong, @deekreel,  @emily, @supermonkey42, @epicaddie2 @alia, @audrey-caylin, @kate-flournoy, @that_writer_girl_99

            Thanks for chiming in…so I had an idea that I’ve been brainstorming and I want to run it by you before I make a fool of myself…You know the ALS Ice Bucket challenge from a few summers back? What if we had our own community-wide challenge? The focus to bring awareness to would be the Show don’t tell rule. The way it would work is x nominates y to either write a sentence or few showing or telling. The trick is the nominator would not only nominate a person but also give a setting for example;

            Challenge: tell

            Setting: the feeling of winning a race.

            Then the nominee would have to do the challenge and then nominate someone else.

            My goal with this is to help not just the few of us who have been in this thread but the WHOLE of Kingdom Pen. If I can get at least five voices of approval then I will create a thread for this if not then I know i’m being a goof

            #58745
            Kate Flournoy
            @kate-flournoy
              • Rank: Chosen One
              • Total Posts: 3976

              @inklings-for-christ I think that’s a fantastic idea! I probably won’t be able to chime in much, but otherwise, go for it. 😀

              Alia
              @alia
                • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                • Total Posts: 1253

                @inkling-for-christ, I think its a fantastic idea. I could definitely work on this area of writing.

                WIP - Decisions
                Kapeefer til we're old and grey

                #58747
                Joy
                @dekreel
                  • Rank: Chosen One
                  • Total Posts: 2305

                  @inkling-for-christ  That’s not a bad idea! Go for it!

                  Questions: Who would I be nominating? Or would you be nominating me? And we’re nominating people to make stories that show/tell, right?

                  This sounds cool!

                  You can pronounce it however you want.

                  #58751
                  Joy
                  @dekreel
                    • Rank: Chosen One
                    • Total Posts: 2305

                    Wait… @daeus, you have a show-don’t-tell course?! Where do I find it?! 😀

                    You can pronounce it however you want.

                    #58752
                    Anonymous
                      • Rank: Wise Jester
                      • Total Posts: 95

                      @dekreel,

                      as the starter, I will nominate someone (probably the first five to respond to my idea).

                      You and everyone else will nominate someone you know in the forum. There are SO MANY  of us and I only know a few people but if each of us nominates a person then we get the whole community involved. Yes, You would nominate someone to make a sentence, or paragraph showing or telling. It doesn’t have to be too long. Its sort of like the You know you’re a writer if… In fact, if this takes off we may even make a GIANT  story mixing showing and telling  with each person giving 1-2 sentences

                      #58753
                      Joy
                      @dekreel
                        • Rank: Chosen One
                        • Total Posts: 2305

                        @inkling-for-christ  I see. Thanks! Well, I’m in, it sounds amazing!

                        You can pronounce it however you want.

                        #58754
                        Anonymous
                          • Rank: Wise Jester
                          • Total Posts: 95

                          @dekreel,

                          Yes, @daeus does have a course and I completed it. (It is one of the BEST  writing courses I have taken). I included the link to the site in the first post of this thread. until the seventh the course is free. also, the first post has the original email I (and possibly others) received.

                          #58768
                          Daeus
                          @daeus
                            • Rank: Chosen One
                            • Total Posts: 4238

                            @inkling-for-christ I might not have time to be involved, but I think this is a great idea.

                            🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢

                            #58786
                            Ben Powell
                            @supermonkey42
                              • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
                              • Total Posts: 273

                              @inkling-for-christ Go for it!

                              A Kapeefer for life!
                              Compendium of KP Literature: kapeeferliterature.wordpress.com

                              #58820
                              Anonymous
                                • Rank: Wise Jester
                                • Total Posts: 95

                                Here me giving this whole showing thing a try. How did I do?

                                Walking down the dusty, damp street Jarred aloud the loose pebbles to scuff the toes of his boots. Regret had seized him shaming him for the cross words he had said earlier that day. With a shaky hand, he dug in his pocket for the only thing he had left. His fingers fumbled as he drew out the slip of paper. Squinting at it he saw he’d have to move to a light source to read the words. ‘why should I even read this?’ the thought nagged him like the tag on the back of his shirt. Tightly he wadded up the paper and threw it as hard as he could. It rebounded off the wall and landed in a pile of rubble. “swish” Jarred spun around like a top. there was nothing there “swish, crack” again he wheeled and then the lights went out.

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