The Ground Is Lava Poem

[Rosey Mucklestone]

Tell me what you guys think. 🙂

Don’t touch the ground, whatever you do
You’ll be burned by what’s there and you’ll die
And I’d keep to the couches if I were you
Or the end of your short life is nigh

The ground is now lava
The flooring is molten
The carpet is broiling hot.

Tie together a pillow raft
Scoot in a chair
Escape with whatever you’ve got

Socks won’t protect you and shoes will not save
The lava will burn through them all.
Balancing on the wall trimming works for a bit
Just be careful and try not to fall.

Climb up the stair rail
Slide on old toys
Make a safe path with baskets and books

Scootch away in a laundry bin
Row with a spatula
Don’t be fooled by the floor’s harmless looks

And if, heaven forbid, you do happen to fall
Your body falls splat on the ground . . .
I don’t think that counted
Guys, that wasn’t fair. We need to just restart the round.

And, because…

[Anonymous]

Love the studio c reference. 🙂

[Kate Flournoy]

Oh my, this brings back so many memories! I used to do this ALL THE TIME when I was younger, only it wasn’t lava— it was a river full of poisonous leeches. 😛

I noticed a few lines that could have flowed better. For one,

Balancing on the wall trimming works for a bit

Try ‘To walk on the wall trim will work for a bit’

Also,

Guys, that wasn’t fair. We need to just restart the round.

Try ‘Guys, that wasn’t fair. We just need to restart the round’. It distributes the syllables more evenly, and it doesn’t take away from the note of whininess you were trying to get across. That made me laugh, by the way. Oh, so many times…

I love humorous poems about family life. One of my favorite poets when it comes to that kind of poem is Edgar Guest. He does a lot of great stuff.

This is a great poem, Rosey. The ability to make people laugh is something not everyone has. Keep it up!

INFP. kateeverythingwriting.wordpress.com

[Rosey Mucklestone]

Thanks, @kate-flournoy! 🙂 Yeah, both those lines were not sitting quite well. I’ll make those changes.
Do you think there’s a better word with the same syllables I can use instead of “harmless”?

[Kate Flournoy]

Hm… try giving the floor a character. Benign. Gentle. Winning. Peaceful. ‘Don’t be fooled by the floor’s peaceful looks…’

I don’t know, what do you think?

INFP. kateeverythingwriting.wordpress.com

[Daeus]

Oh yes, that was so me.

I’d just point out a couple lines that don’t flow right other than those Kate mentioned.

Escape with whatever you’ve got
Just be careful and try not to fall.
“Scootch” in “Scootch away in a laundry bin”

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[Rosey Mucklestone]

Thanks, I see what you mean there. 🙂
But, I don’t see a problem with scootch. Does the rhyming not fit? Or are you just against its validity of being a word?

[Daeus]

Well, it depends on the way you say it I guess, but when I read/say it, it really jumps out at me and creates a disconnect with the rest of the line.

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[Rosey Mucklestone]

I see. Alright, maybe I could change that to “slide”?

[Daeus]

Slide would be much better. The only thing is that you already used it only a couple lines ago. Your call.

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