The Gentleman

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  • #128231
    Charityanne
    @charityanne
      • Rank: Charismatic Rebel
      • Total Posts: 36

      One day when I was looking for a little peace and quiet, I saw a man with hat in hand and a small bouquet of violets, he introduced himself to me and I to him again and though his eyes said many things t’was little that was said. When he walked on I stood there long to ponder this young man, he was not unkind or rude to me he was a gentleman.

      #128233
      MineralizedWritings
      @mineralizedwritings
        • Rank: Chosen One
        • Total Posts: 3006

        @charityanne

        I liked that! I think some stanzas to separate it might help, I wasn’t quite sure how the flow was supposed to go.

        "And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."

        #128248
        Loopy
        @loopylin
          • Rank: Chosen One
          • Total Posts: 2441

          @charityanne

          I love that! It was super sweet and it flowed really well. I think Min is right with the stanza thing, but it was still fun to read. Also, you could maybe put a period after “rude to me” and make “He was a gentleman” it’s own sentence to make the ending more powerful.

          “Nothing says autumn like slurpin’ apples.” -my uncle

          #128254
          Orielle2023
          @orielle21
            • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
            • Total Posts: 173

            @charityanne

            Very nice!! 😍

            Elen síla lúmenn' omentielvo

            #128288
            Folith-Feolin
            @folith-feolin
              • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
              • Total Posts: 311

              @charityanne

               

              *claps happily*

              (British accent) Absolutely Splendid.

              #128372
              Esther
              @esther-c
                • Rank: Chosen One
                • Total Posts: 3480

                @charityanne

                I like it!

                *following @folith-feolin ‘s example* (British accent) How lovely!

                Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende

                #128462
                Felicity
                @felicity
                  • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
                  • Total Posts: 812

                  @charityanne

                  That was so sweet and lovely! Thanks for sharing!

                  He must increase, but I must decrease.

                  #128584
                  Charityanne
                  @charityanne
                    • Rank: Charismatic Rebel
                    • Total Posts: 36

                    @mineralizedwritings


                    @loopylin

                    Thanks for critiquing.

                    Yes the spacing is kinda off, I posted that from my phone so it came out kinda weird.

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