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  • #183893
    freedom
    @freed_and_redeemed
      • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
      • Total Posts: 760

      @savannah_grace2009 @rae @koshka @elishavet-pidyon @ellette-giselle @keilah-h @grcr @whalekeeper @loopylin @esther-c @mineralizedwritings @anyone-else-idk-lol

       

      I realized I hadn’t shared these scenes I wanted to share😂 This is an earlier chapter in Broken Shackles, one of the first 10 chapters…and I just wanted to share it since I just edited it (and I’m not done with Broken Shackles btw…just editing bc idk what to add next🤷🏻‍♀️XD)

      Here you go

       

      Each hit threatened to steal his breath; every blow attempted to break his resolve to take the pain without complaint. His body screamed out in agony and his head pulsed in terror, but Riker couldn’t move.

      A boot pressed against his chest, robbing him of his breath. Riker moaned.

      The burly man chuckled and pressed a bit firmer; he leaned down to place his face just mere inches from Riker’s own. “Do you finally understand what pain feels like, Lieutenant?” The man spat mere inches from Riker’s head, every breath tainted with the smell of alcohol. “Are you finally beginning to understand just a little bit of what all of us have lived through?”

      The man released the pressure of his boot; Riker gasped for air. He swallowed hard, took several deep breaths, and spoke slowly, “I-I-I’ll never understand what you’ve…been through.”

      “At least someone isn’t completely ignorant. That’s the right answer, Lieutenant, but I’m afraid it won’t win you anything.”

      Riker’s gaze darted through the throng of men; all had been harmed in the camp or other camps, and angry as they were—as many as there were—there was no easy escape. Perhaps no escape at all.

      “…I’m sorry.”

      “Sorry? Sorry?” The burly man chuckled. “He is just as pitiful as you said, Aaron.”

      A man chuckled and stepped forward, his bearded and tan face slightly familiar. “I told you, Joash,” he tapped a club against the ground, “he is a sorry excuse for an officer and a man, for that matter.”

      The burly man—Joash—chuckled and offered Aaron a lightly sadistic smile. “You want to tell him what’s going to happen here, Aaron?”

      Aaron? Aaron—“You were at the camp until you escaped. You know Leon.”

      Aaron scowled and stepped forward, looming over Riker’s frame, which laid on the hard street. “You worked at the camp. You’re the one that I’ve heard killed Leon’s wife…I’m sure Leon would love to see this. Then again, he refused our offer…only for one idiotic shred of morality he insists on clinging to.”

      Riker had to escape—Joash gripped Riker’s biceps and held him down, holding him firmly on the ground even as he struggled.

      Aaron chuckled and leaned over Riker, crouching down to get close to his face. “You didn’t think we were going to let you go, did you? I’ll make sure you end up like all of the other Nazis I’ve been able to find…resting in the grave. For my Ruth, my precious daughter, every last one of you will pay with your lives.”

      The pain of losing a child had to be unexplainable. It was unfathomable and impossible to even think about, but so many must have been lost during the war in the bombings and possibly more so in the camps.

      Riker helped kill such children…children that did nothing wrong other than be born a Jew.

      Riker understood their anger, even their hatred. He felt as if it was justified, knowing everything he’d done…all of the innocent lives he’d stolen.

      How could he not blame, hate, himself for what he’d done? How could he ever forgive himself for the families he’d robbed, the husbands and wives he’d stolen, the children and babies he’d taken away forevermore? He’d never forgive himself—he couldn’t forgive himself.

      Tears burned Riker’s eyes, threatening to course down his cheeks. A harsh blow to his head with the club in Aaron’s hands brought his world back into painful focus.

      “You’ll never understand what we’ve suffered. You’ll never understand the pain of losing a daughter. You’ll never understand what it’s like to be treated like dirt under someone’s feet. You’ll never understand what it’s like to be degraded and beaten until you wish you would die.” Aaron snarled, standing back to his full height, tears coursing down his cheeks.

      A lifetime of abuse flashed before Riker’s eyes. Though not to the level the men around him understood, Riker understood pain, humiliation, and even degradation. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t—I can’t even imagine everything you’ve been through.”

      Aaron spat; saliva met Riker’s forehead. The cudgel in Aaron’s hands brought a blow to Riker’s chest, stealing his breath. Aaron spoke through grit teeth, “We’ll make sure you never harm another.”

      Several men closed around him, some holding cudgels and other such weapons, some merely readying their fists.

      Alone. Surrounded. Unable to win. Riker’s breaths came out in uneven, shaky gasps. His head pounded with the reality of what he faced, the truth of what soon awaited him. They wouldn’t leave the job unfinished—he knew they wouldn’t.

      They would finish the job they started. Though it was possible before, Riker wouldn’t escape death this time. His life would end, and he’d finally get what he deserved.

      Everything he knew—everything he’d been taught flooded Riker’s mind.

      And Hell terrified him more than anything else ever had.

      ~*~

             Leon’s boots pounded on the cobblestone.

      They had to be around somewhere—there was no way any of them were very far. Aaron and Joash returned with another offer just mere hours before, Aaron understanding how much Leon hated his wife’s murderer. But justice wasn’t up to their hands.

      Leon’s shoes slid; he tumbled but quickly righted himself, running. If he were only faster—voices echoed in Leon’s ears. Several voices…all masculine.

      Leon skirted around a corner and rushed into the fray. He shoved his way through the throng of men, ignoring their curses and shoving back against their pushes.

      “Leon, you made it. I knew you would change your mind.”

      Leon strode into the center of the mass of men, his eyes meeting Aaron’s. Leon crossed his arms across his chest and scowled. “How could I miss it?”

      Joash chuckled. “I’m glad to see you changed your mind.”

      “I want to take care of him myself,” Leon glanced around the area, “so where’s a dark alley?”

      Aaron smirked; he pointed off to the left. “That way. I’ll get the men to disperse.”

      Leon laughed, smiled, and turned his attention to a bleeding Riker, who laid on the hard ground. He lightly kicked Riker’s leg. “Get up. I’m going to take care of you alone.”

      Terror filled Riker’s dark blue eyes; he scrambled to his feet, wincing in pain. Leon waited for the men to separate before gripping the back of Riker’s white button-up. He shoved Riker forward, towards the dark alley. “Move. And don’t even think about trying anything. I have a knife on me.”

      Riker obediently stumbled forward, Leon following close behind. Leon pushed Riker into the alley. “Sit down.”

      Riker sat; he brought his bleeding hands up and ran his fingers through his hair. Leon leaned against the brick wall and glanced around the corner. Aaron and Joash laughed, clapped each other on the back, and called for the group of men to gather. Their voices raised to the air, indistinct. The group of men cheered and disappeared into the dark night.

      Leon released a breath.

      They thought justice was left to them—they thought they were judges. The men who’d harmed them so much…there was no doubt in Leon’s mind that they deserved to die. But it still wasn’t left to their hands.

      “They’re gone,” Leon turned and faced Riker, “they won’t be back tonight.”

      Riker, trembling, looked up at Leon. Confusion pooled in his dark blue eyes. “Why—what are you doing?”

      “It’s not my place to give justice. Just don’t expect me to do this again.”

      “I-I killed your wife.”

      “I haven’t forgotten about that. I never will.”

      Riker’s gaze cut away; tears brightened his dark blue eyes. “How did you know?”

      “Aaron and Joash offered me the chance to come with them to kill you. I refused, so they came without me.”

      “Why didn’t you just…why did you rescue me?”

      Leon crossed his arms and leaned back against the wall. He shrugged. “I already said it. It’s not my place to give justice, even when you did kill Aadelheide. If I start killing others, then I’m no better than you and every other Nazi.”

      Riker nodded. He trembled from head to toe and wrapped his arms around his raised knees. Blood trailed from small wounds that laced his body; more likely tortured him that Leon just couldn’t see.

      “I’d avoid Aaron and Joash if I were you,” Leon adjusted his coat, “but I’m returning home to my kids.”

      Riker raised his head slightly; he spoke slowly, quietly, “…Thank you.”

      Leon faced the man who’d refused to help him and Aadelheide escape the camp…the man who was responsible for his wife’s all too soon death…and merely nodded.

      #183895
      Sara
      @savannah_grace2009
        • Rank: Chosen One
        • Total Posts: 2588

        @freed_and_redeemed

        I LOVE THAT SO MUCH

        poor Riker <333

        Lukas&Livia
        #Lalbert
        Sef&Chase
        #HOTTOLINE
        LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333

        #183896
        Ellette Giselle
        @ellette-giselle
          • Rank: Chosen One
          • Total Posts: 2247

          @freed_and_redeemed

          Was my heart pounding or what!!!?? man that was so good!!

          And harsh. Poor Riker.

           

          Are you all done with that scene, or do you want any editorial comments?

          Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God

          #183901
          whaley
          @whalekeeper
            • Rank: Chosen One
            • Total Posts: 3610

            @freed_and_redeemed

            That snippet reminded me I have a question :] How did Riker kill Leon’s wife? Did he report her to the Nazis, or…? Was it on purpose or an accident?

            #ProtectAdolinKholin

            #183903
            -GRCR-
            @grcr
              • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
              • Total Posts: 1290

              @lightoverdarkness6

              Awww I’ve missed you too girl!! <33 How’s your art going? 😁

              😊😊😊💛💛💛

              Oh boy, my art? Very well, actually!! I recently got a new Wacom screen, and that has made drawing so much more fun, lol! Oh, and I’ve actually done some animating this past month, and one of the animations turned out pretty good—not trying to boast, but I am really happy with it, though it’s not done lol! 😅

              I completely understand that girl!. *extra big hug*

              😊😊😊 *extra big hug back*

              Oh my goodness, that’s so exciting!! Are you doing it for your school or something else? (can’t remember if you’re homeschooled or not 😭) I’ll be praying for you and your sister!! Y’all will do great.

              No, it’s just for fun! (We’re homeschooled lol) Aww thanks!! 😊

              oh noooo I hate it when my brain quits on me, especially when I need it most hahaha 😭😂 *big hug*

              You too girl!!! 💖💖 Love youu!!

              Yeahhh 😅😅😅 *big hug back*

              Love you too! 💛

               

              INTP.

              #183905
              -GRCR-
              @grcr
                • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                • Total Posts: 1290

                @freed_and_redeemed

                AHHH GIRL I love that scene!! 😭😭

                 

                INTP.

                #183924
                freedom
                @freed_and_redeemed
                  • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
                  • Total Posts: 760

                  @ellette-giselle You can add any comments if desired!


                  @grcr
                  Thx, girl 💖

                   


                  @whalekeeper
                  It’s….complicated😅 Reading Freedom’s Fire helps explain it, but basically….

                  Leon/Aadelheide were taken from the Ghetto, put in a truck, and were delivered to the camp (though Leon/Aadelheide didn’t know about the camp yet) but the driver of the truck stopped at the local prison for unnamed reasons.

                  Riker sees the massive truck outside and, merely curious, goes to investigate. He goes inside the truck, realizes everyone inside is Jewish bc of the stars stitched onto their coats/clothes, and suddenly has Leon (who he doesn’t know the name of or who he is at all at this point) begging Riker to help him and, even more importantly, Aadelheide. Riker tells them they’re all just going to prison somewhere and will all be fine, not knowing of the existence of the camp. He basically dismisses Leon’s concerns, doesn’t help, and gets out of the truck.

                  Only until after he’s transferred to the camp does Riker realize how huge of a mistake he made.

                  Months later he learns Aadelheide is dead when he’s looking through death records

                  Riker blames himself and Leon blames Riker

                   

                  And the rest is history

                  #183925
                  freedom
                  @freed_and_redeemed
                    • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
                    • Total Posts: 760

                    @savannah_grace2009 Thank youuuuuuu. and yes, Riker deals with a lot of trouble😅😅

                    #183926
                    Smiley
                    @smiley
                      • Rank: Chosen One
                      • Total Posts: 2210

                      @freed_and_redeemed
                      okay for half of that all I could think about was Bucky and Steve in the beginning of captain America the first avenger lol

                      and then my mind was like

                      someday Leon and Riker kids will be friends and they’ll be buddies and I was in too happy of place to think about the trauma an abused child like riker would be feeling in this moment and then I WAS SAD AND I LOVE THE SCENE BY THE BUT I ALSO HATE IT BECAUSE IT MADE ME SAD

                       

                      so yeah, that’s my reaction.

                      Do me a favor…. Tell Cress I meant it
                      -Thorne

                      #183930
                      Ellette Giselle
                      @ellette-giselle
                        • Rank: Chosen One
                        • Total Posts: 2247

                        @freed_and_redeemed

                         

                        Ok, two things. I would suggest reading this scene out-loud, because there were a few sentences that felt a little jarring and out of flow with the rest. They just needed a different word arrangement or different punctuation.

                         

                        The other thing would be a suggestion, and that would be this. When Leon is running toward the group trying to find them, what if you didn’t tell us his thoughts about saving Riker, only about being invited to come and about looking for the men. That way, we as the audience are as freaked out as Riker is when Leon shows up, and we’re like, “Wait, no Leon don’t do that! Don’t give in to revenge!”

                        Then when Leon saves Riker we can also experience a small bit of Riker’s relief and confusion.

                         

                        Does that make sense? That is just a thought though, and if you don’t like it that’s fine.

                        Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God

                        #184176
                        freedom
                        @freed_and_redeemed
                          • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
                          • Total Posts: 760

                          @ellette-giselle @keilah-h @smiley @mineralizedwritings @lightoverdarkness6 @koshka @whalekeeper @loopylin @kyronthearcanin @grcr @rae @savannah_grace2009 @euodia-vision @elishavet-pidyon @anyone-else @I’m-too-overwhelmed-to-remember-tags-lolllll

                          I’ve been inactive on KP for the past several days, I know XXD It’s been a crazy past few days, esp with adjusting to braces and just life in general being C R A Z Y !!!!!

                          Plus, I’ve been writing…

                          And that’s what I’m here to talk about.

                          Y’alls support for me and for Freedom’s Fire has been overwhelming, and it means so much to me. Without God, first and foremost, my family, friends, church, and y’all, idk where I’d be.

                          But I’m not here to talk about Freedom’s Fire, no, not today.

                          Today, I’m here to talk about Broken Shackles, the 2nd book in the Broken and Redeemed trilogy. Because y’all…it shall have to be edited, proofread, etc (y’all understand the complications of writing/publishing😂😂)…

                           

                          I have officially wrote the entire novel

                          😭😭😭😭

                          Yes…you heard that correctly. The first step to publishing Broken Shackles is finished. It’s overwhelming today, knowing that this book is finished, and esp overwhelming knowing I wrote two novels in a span of only 2 years😭💖 I wouldn’t be here today without my God and Savior and all of the people he has placed in my life, including every last one of y’all here on KP (even the ones I can’t remember to tag💀😂).

                          and Freedom’s Fire is sooooo special to me, but y’all, Y’ALL

                          Broken Shackles is so much better😭 My writing has improved DRASTICALLY between writing Freedom’s Fire and Broken Shackles, and tbh, Broken Shackles is prob my best writing ever so far😂😂 It’ll also be even more emotionally wrecking💀 But we’ll ignore that for now😂👀😅

                          But yeah. I just had to tell y’all the news <3

                          • This reply was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by freedom.
                          #184178
                          Keilah H.
                          @keilah-h
                            • Rank: Chosen One
                            • Total Posts: 5147

                            @freed_and_redeemed THAT’S AMAZING!!!

                             

                            "When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers

                            #184183
                            Ellette Giselle
                            @ellette-giselle
                              • Rank: Chosen One
                              • Total Posts: 2247

                              @freed_and_redeemed

                               

                              Congratulations Freedom!!! I’m so excited for you, (and so excited for me, because I want to read it!!!!!!! lol)

                              Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God

                              #184186
                              -GRCR-
                              @grcr
                                • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                                • Total Posts: 1290

                                @freed_and_redeemed

                                HEEEEYYYY That’s AWESOME!! 😃😃 Like, wow. It seems like you finished Broken Shackles really fast! 💛💛 Congratulations and good job! 😄😄

                                 

                                INTP.

                                #184188
                                freedom
                                @freed_and_redeemed
                                  • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
                                  • Total Posts: 760

                                  @ellette-giselle @keilah-h @grcr

                                  Thank y’all so much!! And just as a note…

                                   

                                  EVERYONE, THIS NEWS IS STILL A SECRET TO EVERYONE OUTSIDE MY FAMILY AND Y’ALL. So don’t mention it if you’re on social media, in reviews, etc. You can mention that you’re excited for the 2nd book, just pls don’t give the title or say that it’s finished

                                  Thank you✨️😌

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