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  • #173979
    Anonymous
      • Rank: Chosen One
      • Total Posts: 8156

      @lightoverdarkness6 @smiley @mineralizedwritings @savannah_grace2009 @rae @keilah-h @hybridlore @anyone-else-lol-idk-XD

      Here’s the first scene from Fallen Dreams, my WW1 WIP with 2 MCs…

      anyone wanna read it? 👀

      ngl, I really like this beginning…really sets the tone for the rest of the book tho, which is…sad in a way

       

      April 1917

       

      If his brother wasn’t dead already, Felix Baumann was going to kill him.

      Rain pelted his coat; he pulled the wool tighter around his shoulders.

      His brother’s stupidity was unfathomable. Why would he ever go to the part of town where mere beggars lived?

      War was on the horizon for them both, and his brother acted like a child.

      Jeering German echoed in Felix’s cold ears; angry words spewed out of a familiar mouth right after the jeers, partnered with crude words Frau Bakst would no doubt wash his brother’s mouth out for if she ever heard about them.

      Felix squared his shoulders and marched into a dark, desolate alleyway.

      Rain landed on his coat like teardrops, and a cruel wind pulled at his body. “Are you attacking that young man?”

      A middle-aged man turned to reveal a face etched with scars. His threadbare clothes barely clung to his frame, and his eyes widened before raising up high to meet Felix’s dark eyes. “Ja, but what’s it to you?”

      Felix’s fingers curled around the man’s collar; he pulled the man up, yanking his feet off the dark ground. “Hands off my brother, or your life ends tonight.”

      “You’re the Baumann brothers; we’ve all heard of you around here. Men like your father have made our life nothing but hell on earth. I’ll be off to war soon, and I got nothin’ to give to my family and no one to provide for ‘em either. So Ja, I was fighting your brother…your kind don’t belong here.”

      Felix shoved the man out of the cramped space. “Leave, and don’t you dare lay another finger on my brother…ever again.”

      The man’s nostrils turned up, he muttered a low curse beneath his breath, and he marched away, mumbling to himself.

      Dummkopf.” Felix muttered; he turned to his brother. “Are you safe?”

      Using his thumb to wipe blood from his chin, Hans Baumann rose a small, easy smile. “Of course. He didn’t even leave a wound.”

      Felix’s rough hand met the side of his brother’s head. “What were you thinking!?”

      “Ow,” Hans rubbed his temple, his fingers running through his blonde locks, “what was that for?”

      “What was that for? What was that for?! You could’ve gotten killed, Hans. You don’t know your way around here, and one man almost took you down. You wouldn’t have stood a chance against several of them.”

      “I can take care of-“

      “There’s a war going on, both of us will soon have to ship out for training, the Amerikaner have declared war on us, and you’re out starting fights? Why would I even dare to think you can take care of yourself?!” Felix cried, exasperated, desperate for his brother’s assured safety.

      Hans’ coal eyes met Felix’s dark blue. Hans’ eyes narrowed, dark as ever. “I’m not incapable.”

      “That’s debatable. You better be grateful I’m the one that found you.”

      “I should be grateful when you hit me?”

      Felix scoffed. “You deserved it, and you know full well it would be much worse if he found you. You might be twenty-four, but that doesn’t mean you can do whatever the heck you want whenever you want, especially when you know the consequences.”

      Hans bristled, and his eyes blazed with dark fury.

      “Now,” Felix laid a hand on his younger brother’s shoulder, “we should get home before Vati and Mutti arrive. They’ll never know you were gone if we go home now.”

      Hans pulled away from his touch, and he crossed his arms across his broad chest. “You can’t tell me what to do.”

      “You could have died, Hans, and I can tell you what to do. We’re going home, and that’s final. At least you’re alive, even if you do get in serious trouble.”

      Hans’ gaze strayed away, drifting out to the setting sun and dim horizon. “I think dying would have been better.”

      #173984
      Smiley
      @smiley
        • Rank: Chosen One
        • Total Posts: 2210

        @freedomwriter76

        Hans!!!

        Why do you have to go make your villain sympathetic???!!!

        Also it’s really hard to imagine Felix as the one abusing his son’s, like seriously that’s the saddest parallel, cause he never wanted to be like his father, but tragedy led him to that point

         

        Do me a favor…. Tell Cress I meant it
        -Thorne

        #173985
        Anonymous
          • Rank: Chosen One
          • Total Posts: 8156

          @smiley

          I’m sorry.

          His backstory formed without my permission, and now I feel so connected to Hans it’s not even funny😭

           

          I knowwwwwwwwwwww. I hate it so much, but it really does show what can happen when generational things/curses continue *sobs*

          although unlike his own father, Felix has his kind moments, some of which will be shown in The Bois’ book :3

          #173994
          Light
          @lightoverdarkness6
            • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
            • Total Posts: 1647

            @freedomwriter76

            Oh my goodness I am crying 🥺😭😭

            This is not allowed to be this sad, they are not allowed to be this lovable 🥺🥺😭😭💔❤

            I love this even tho I’ll probably go into a slight depression reading it 🥺🥺

            #HugRikerSquad

            #173997
            Smiley
            @smiley
              • Rank: Chosen One
              • Total Posts: 2210

              @freedomwriter76

              His backstory formed without my permission, and now I feel so connected to Hans it’s not even funny😭

              *cries*

              I knowwwwwwwwwwww. I hate it so much, but it really does show what can happen when generational things/curses continue *sobs*

              although unlike his own father, Felix has his kind moments, some of which will be shown in The Bois’ book :3

              ooh good for him, but stillllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll it’s so sad!!!!

               

              also, have you listened to “Piece by Piece” by Kelly Clarkson

              It’s in a girl’s perspective but it reminded me of Riker and his sister

              Do me a favor…. Tell Cress I meant it
              -Thorne

              #174002
              MineralizedWritings
              @mineralizedwritings
                • Rank: Chosen One
                • Total Posts: 3027

                @freedomwriter76

                Oh interesting…

                "And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."

                #174003
                MineralizedWritings
                @mineralizedwritings
                  • Rank: Chosen One
                  • Total Posts: 3027

                  @smiley

                  yess that song!!

                  "And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."

                  #174013
                  Anonymous
                    • Rank: Chosen One
                    • Total Posts: 8156

                    @smiley YESSS, that song!!!!


                    @lightoverdarkness6
                    *cries with you and offers cookies and tissues*


                    @mineralizedwritings
                    Thanks! I’m pretty satisfied with this being the beginning…although it’s still bound to change lol XD

                    #174027
                    Esther
                    @esther-c
                      • Rank: Chosen One
                      • Total Posts: 3572

                      @jonas

                      I’ve never tried to create a new setting for a story that is already well under way. (I almost always create the setting first.)

                      Yeahhh, I did create the setting in the beginning stages of the book, but I just now noticed that I don’t like it as much as I did before. XD

                      Ok! Thanks so much!!

                      Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende

                      #174029
                      Esther
                      @esther-c
                        • Rank: Chosen One
                        • Total Posts: 3572

                        @freedomwriter76

                        Aww!! 🥺 I can’t believe how much detail you put into your villains’ backstories. It makes them so likable in a way I love as a writer but hate as a reader. XD

                        Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende

                        #174083
                        Light
                        @lightoverdarkness6
                          • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                          • Total Posts: 1647

                          @freedomwriter76 *gratefully takes the cookies and tissues* Ty ❤️🥺


                          @esther-c

                          Aww!! 🥺 I can’t believe how much detail you put into your villains’ backstories. It makes them so likable in a way I love as a writer but hate as a reader. XD

                          Awww oh my goodness yes sameeee 😭😂

                          Also how are you doing girl?? We haven’t chatted in a while ❤️

                          #HugRikerSquad

                          #174086
                          Esther
                          @esther-c
                            • Rank: Chosen One
                            • Total Posts: 3572

                            @lightoverdarkness6

                            Hey!! It has been a while. I’m doing good, thanks for asking! ❤️ I can’t remember if I was telling you this or someone else, but our family joined our new church a couple months ago (I can’t even remember when anymore XD) so we’re trying to make connections with people and find ways in which God wants us to serve there.

                            I’ve also noticed lately that I’ve grown a lot in my relationship with the Lord. It’s hard to notice the change over a short period of time, but compared to last year, my relationship with Him is much deeper. Not to brag or anything, cuz I’m far from perfect, I just thought I’d share that. 😊

                            Ohhh, and speaking of, I just finished an awesome book called Praying for Your Future Husband by Robin Jones Gunn and Tricia Goyer. If you get the chance, you should totally read it. I had already been praying for him, but this changed my whole perspective on it. And it’s helped me grow in the area of prayer.

                            Writing’s going pretty well, too! I’m making really good progress on my trilogy and I’ve been figuring some things out to make it better. I really should be editing my NaNo project since I promised that I’d let my parents read the second draft, but… yeah, the going’s slow on that one. XD Let’s just say editing’s not my favorite 😂

                            What about you? How are you doing??

                            Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende

                            #174089
                            Anonymous
                              • Rank: Chosen One
                              • Total Posts: 8156

                              @esther-c @lightoverdarkness6

                              I’m sorry.

                              Trust me, I’m making myself love Felix and Hans too😭💖🖤

                              #174091
                              Esther
                              @esther-c
                                • Rank: Chosen One
                                • Total Posts: 3572

                                @freedomwriter76 @lightoverdarkness6 @mineralizedwritings @savannah_grace2009 @smiley @anyone-else!

                                Just want to share a little snippet that I recently wrote… Spoiler, it has Everdala. 👀

                                🤭

                                  “You really think it’s worth it?” Fynn raised an eyebrow.

                                “Yeah. I think so.”

                                “Then I’m in.” He gave a firm nod.

                                One by one, the others agreed. Ev grinned. “You guys are awesome.”

                                “Wait, you forgot pretty,” Ami said.

                                “Alright. You’re pretty.”

                                Her cheeks turned bright red and she dropped her gaze. “You know that’s not what I meant,” she mumbled. Her younger siblings snickered and even Destry cracked a smile.

                                Ev laughed. “Ok. You guys are pretty awesome.”

                                She finally looked up a smidge, only to meet his eyes and smile. He offered a smile and a wink back.

                                Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende

                                #174092
                                Anonymous
                                  • Rank: Chosen One
                                  • Total Posts: 8156

                                  @esther-c soooo cute!! They really are adorable XD😍💖

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