The Books of Leifer! (My trilogy needs help)

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  • #43249
    Aislinn Mollisong
    @aislinn-mollisong
      • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
      • Total Posts: 445

      @Catwing. Please don’t, they are my first draft and actually pretty horrible.

      That is a good idea, I can totally see that happening!

      Here is the prophecy….

      Ember-girl only will find the heir,
      Leaf-boy only will enter the Ne’er,
      Both will be needed, to put all to rights,
      Both will be needed, in justice’s fight,
      With the hearts of dragons, they shall arise,
      To save all of Leifer and mend severed ties.

      Wind-girl will save you, when all seems lost,
      Water-girl keep you, from storms as they toss,
      Though one be weakened and one led astray,
      Together they conquer, and light up the way,
      Both dragons at heart, and loyal, and kind,
      Though some may reject them, their light will still shine.

      Dragon-boy guard you from unfriendly skies,
      From desperate battles, victorious rise,
      He will protect you, the weak and the small,
      He will protect you, from tragedies all,
      Even in ending his stories you’ll sing,
      Of Dragon-boy’s power, as long reigning king.

      ENTP, Aether-borg Hero with cape obsession and fascination with swords.
      https://forums.theaetherli

      #43345
      Catwing
      @catwing
        • Rank: Chosen One
        • Total Posts: 2557

        Please don’t what? Critic? @aislinn-mollisong Okay, I’ll limit myself to one thing. Omit the words ‘boy’ and ‘girl’. I think it would add to the mystery… And confusion.
        I like it. *wonders if she should do a thread for her book.* Muh ha ha!
        I read your first chapters (to get to know the characters a bit better). The black thing was intresting. Anyway, if you still need middle ideas…
        They get separated and realize they need each other to complete their mission.
        Another guy comes along that Brendan thinks him and Amber like each other But Amber is acually annoyed by them.

        IMMA KAPEEFER! Til we're old and gray!

        #43428
        Aislinn Mollisong
        @aislinn-mollisong
          • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
          • Total Posts: 445

          @catwing I didn’t mean critique, I meant….don’t read it at all. Too late, but whatever.

          1. Good idea, I can see how that would work.
          2. This actually happens more toward the end, when Amber gets captured. She gets really mad at Brendan for some reason (I will figure it out) and so she goes off on her own, thinking she doesn’t need him. And then, she does. Of course.
          3. Hmmmmm……Not that this isn’t a good idea, but it wouldn’t really work with this particular story. This isn’t really a love-triangle kind of a book. This is more of a two-people-working-toward-a-common-goal-and-falling-in-love-along-the-way type book. Or something like that.

          Thanks for the feedback and ideas! I am now almost 5 pages in! How great is that?!

          ENTP, Aether-borg Hero with cape obsession and fascination with swords.
          https://forums.theaetherli

          #43445
          Catwing
          @catwing
            • Rank: Chosen One
            • Total Posts: 2557

            @aislinn-mollisong I thought you said something about him liking her so I was just thinking he could be worried she might like someone else… He could doubt himself.
            You’re welcome. *realizes you don’t need any more ideas* Glad to help.

            IMMA KAPEEFER! Til we're old and gray!

            #43446
            Catwing
            @catwing
              • Rank: Chosen One
              • Total Posts: 2557

              @aislinn-mollisong But if you posted it then why would you not want me to read it?

              IMMA KAPEEFER! Til we're old and gray!

              #43467
              Aislinn Mollisong
              @aislinn-mollisong
                • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
                • Total Posts: 445

                @catwing ehhhhh….

                Cuz that was my first draft. And it wasn’t my best work.

                Also, its fine about that idea! Just doesn’t quite fit, that’s all.

                Thank you for all the help! I’m on the second chapter now!

                ENTP, Aether-borg Hero with cape obsession and fascination with swords.
                https://forums.theaetherli

                #43469
                Catwing
                @catwing
                  • Rank: Chosen One
                  • Total Posts: 2557

                  @aislinn-mollisong Okay. 😉 You’re welcome.
                  Yay! Progress!

                  IMMA KAPEEFER! Til we're old and gray!

                  #45838
                  Aislinn Mollisong
                  @aislinn-mollisong
                    • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
                    • Total Posts: 445

                    I probably should have figured this out by now, (what with being 6 pages in and all) but I am having second thoughts about my perspective choice. I have been writing third person, but I think it would be better as first person. Does anyone have any thoughts?

                    ENTP, Aether-borg Hero with cape obsession and fascination with swords.
                    https://forums.theaetherli

                    #45839
                    Elizabeth
                    @that_writer_girl_99
                      • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                      • Total Posts: 1819

                      No worries. I’ve gotten several chapters into a story before realizing that I needed to change the perspective. If that’s what you think is best, than I say go for it!

                      Writer. Dreamer. Sometimes blogger. MBTI mess. Lover of Jesus and books.

                      #45842
                      Anonymous
                        • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
                        • Total Posts: 859

                        @aislinn-mollisong, I hate to say it, but I really have little or no experience with fantasy…I don’t have any advice to give you unfortunately. I guess I will just have to sit this one out. Sorry about that!


                        @daughteroftheking
                        Nice to know I’m part of the calvary! 😉

                        #45843
                        Daeus
                        @daeus
                          • Rank: Chosen One
                          • Total Posts: 4238

                          @aislinn-mollisong First of all, I just read your prophecy and had to say you did a great job with it.

                          As for writing in first person, I think that could work great. Of course, third person could work great too. I’d recommend trying them both out and seeing which one you like better.

                          🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢

                          #45883
                          Aislinn Mollisong
                          @aislinn-mollisong
                            • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
                            • Total Posts: 445

                            Thank you @daeus and @that_writer_girl_99 ! I was rethinking it because I just read two amazing fantasy books where they were in 1st person, and it was epic! The characterization was so much better because you were inside Crisa’s/Mina’s mind, thinking their thoughts. And I write in first-person most of the time anyway, so I might be better at it.

                            ENTP, Aether-borg Hero with cape obsession and fascination with swords.
                            https://forums.theaetherli

                            #46076
                            Aislinn Mollisong
                            @aislinn-mollisong
                              • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
                              • Total Posts: 445

                              Ok, @daeus @catwing @daughteroftheking @that_writer_girl_99 @dragon-snapper I have progress! Which of these is better?

                              ENTP, Aether-borg Hero with cape obsession and fascination with swords.
                              https://forums.theaetherli

                              #46082
                              Catwing
                              @catwing
                                • Rank: Chosen One
                                • Total Posts: 2557

                                Which of what? @aislinn-mollisong

                                IMMA KAPEEFER! Til we're old and gray!

                                #46085
                                Aislinn Mollisong
                                @aislinn-mollisong
                                  • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
                                  • Total Posts: 445

                                  Uhh, let me try that again…
                                  Chapter 1
                                  Fire in Tirnagh

                                  Amber straightened, putting her hands on her back and stretching. She paused like that a moment, basking in the sunlight, her eyes closed against the brilliancy of the sun, drawing the heat into herself. Then she relaxed, and shook her head. She glared down at the wrinkled, droopy plants before her. Her tiny garden plot was already mostly dead, with a few hardy shoots still desperately clinging to life. Oh, well. She could never get anything to grow, not even weeds. Terah, on the other hand, could grow incredibly healthy, beautiful flowers almost overnight. Amber was, to be honest, a little jealous. But then again, she didn’t much like gardening anyway.
                                  She surveyed the landscape, the rolling hills to the east, the vast ocean to the west, the plains to the north, and the dense forests to the south. Her island. The land of Tirnagh.
                                  She bent down to gather up her tools, pulling her thick dark hair out of her face as she did so. Teine? Come here, girl. she called to her dragon. She looked around, but didn’t see Teine. She must be at the creek, Amber thought. Then she heard, Ember. I am coming. Teine always called her Ember. Amber could feel her dragon approaching, and from the trees emerged a brilliant scarlet dragon, her crimson scales glistening in the sunlight. “Were you swimming in the creek, darling?” Amber asked, caressing Teine’s wet muzzle. Teine hrrred and flicked her tail, sending water droplets flying through the air. “Well, we should start home. We can’t be late for our own party, now can we?”

                                  ENTP, Aether-borg Hero with cape obsession and fascination with swords.
                                  https://forums.theaetherli

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