- This topic has 5 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 1 year ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Alright, So @jonas just presented Blade of the Void, which has reminded me heavily of my story The Blade’s Will, so I thought I might as well share it as well. It currently functions as a short story, but I intend to use this as a beginning of a Novel. Love to hear y’all’s thoughts!
I’m sorry… the only thought that remained in my mind as blade pierced flesh. The aching sting fading as I looked up at the man looming over me. I’m sorry… Maria would have to raise our child alone now. I doubt that I could have served as a good father anyway, but I hoped that I could still show my child, girl or boy, the world. Teach them, save them from the mistakes I’ve made.
The man just stood there… holding the blade embedded in my chest. He didn’t twist or pull the sword… he just stood there. I’m sorry… abyss crept around the edges of my vision. I could only make out the man’s face, details fading, yet one emotion in the expression remained lucid… pain. I saw a light, all pain was gone.
I’m sorry…
I pulled the blade from my… I mean, his chest. He slumped to the ground, dead eyes still facing me. The surge of emotions and memories the poor man had, still vivid, seeping into the darker crevices of my conscience. I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m sorry… the continual replay in my mind, haunting. I looked at Kirrtes, the blade clean despite its sudden spree.
“Why? This was a man who cared” I whispered, only seeing my reflection on Kirrtes’s metallic surface. I always seem to think the wound would hurt more, but no, the pain of emotion was always far greater. The inner screams of my victims had always terrified me, but it was the thoughts of men such as he that would truly follow me.
He didn’t deserve to die, but who was I to question the Blade’s Will?
Kirrtes urged me, pointing to Great-Sea knows where. Luckily, at least this time, It didn’t seem to care to go after the man’s wife, or anyone else in the village. Poor thing, Maria, that was her name, apparently. In the morning, someone would likely find the bodies on the road, then would run back to the village in alarm. The mourning would begin, and they would ask ‘what kind of monster would do this’ but they’ll never get the chance to meet that monster.
Kirrtes urged me. “Why?” I asked. I could still hear the audible screaming in my ear, and the mental screams in my mind as the Weapon stole lives… as I stole lives.
Kirrtes’s urges became impatient, threatening to take full control. I turned to follow Its prodding. tears began to well up in my eyes as I walked away. They were pointless, they didn’t stop the death, but it was one of the few freedoms Kirrtes allowed me. Thus I wept. I looked back briefly, it felt strange to quote a man’s thoughts after killing him, but it seemed appropriate:
“… I’m sorry…”
He is perfect in Justice, yet He is perfect in Mercy, even when we fail Him. For this, He is good.
Yep, that is the intention. The question, however, is why?
He is perfect in Justice, yet He is perfect in Mercy, even when we fail Him. For this, He is good.
Nice! Would this actually count as a full short story? I couldn’t detect any full plot, but maybe it’s there. One piece of advice my writing teacher gave us for our short story assignment was ‘make sure you write a short story and not just a scene.’ Putting aside whether it counts as a short story, it’s a really good snapshot/scene at least. Your use of first person narrative worked really well with what you were trying to convey. It’s interesting: I usually don’t think of different perspectives being too different, but this really wouldn’t have worked in 3rd-person. And as HighScribe said, Kirrtes is indeed horrifying.
🏰 Fantasy Writer
✨ Magic System Creator
🎭 Character RPer
📚 Appreciator of BooksNice! Would this actually count as a full short story? I couldn’t detect any full plot, but maybe it’s there. One piece of advice my writing teacher gave us for our short story assignment was ‘make sure you write a short story and not just a scene.’ Putting aside whether it counts as a short story, it’s a really good snapshot/scene at least.
Thanks! Great point, it definitely is just a scene, but I regard it as a complete concept, because it has a rounded and closed off structure, so adding anything else would be jarring, and I simply had a goal of explaining the concept well, and maintaining intrigue, so I put it up as a short story because it has a narrative structure that presents my concept, although said narrative structure is too small to constitute an actual, well, narrative. I have written more legitimate short stories before, like Life through the Eye of Yesterdays, which is still pending to potentially be published on KP.
Your use of first person narrative worked really well with what you were trying to convey. It’s interesting: I usually don’t think of different perspectives being too different, but this really wouldn’t have worked in 3rd-person.
Indeed, I really enjoy experiential writing, despite being a very hard worldbuilder at the same time. Stream of Consciousness is a favorite style of mine, which only really works with first person (usually), and it’s perfect for this story, because we experience Liren’s experience of experiencing other’s experiences😂 Third person is great for show not tell when it comes to the actions of characters, and it can switch prospective easily, but it doesn’t really work as well when it comes to show not tell of the character’s perceptions. And again, these are more guidelines than rules, there can be a style of third person that could convey perception really well, it would just look and feel very different.
And as HighScribe said, Kirrtes is indeed horrifying.
Yeah, I want Kirrtes to be a truly terrifying concept on multiple levels. It’s very sentient, It has cosmic level plans, and is mercilessly evil, but I plan to make it scary in more ways as well, not the kind of monster in the closet scary, but the kind that shatters the mind, and the whole sense of self.
He is perfect in Justice, yet He is perfect in Mercy, even when we fail Him. For this, He is good.
I regard it as a complete concept, because it has a rounded and closed off structure, so adding anything else would be jarring, and I simply had a goal of explaining the concept well, and maintaining intrigue, so I put it up as a short story because it has a narrative structure that presents my concept, although said narrative structure is too small to constitute an actual, well, narrative.
Yeah, I figured that was the idea.
🏰 Fantasy Writer
✨ Magic System Creator
🎭 Character RPer
📚 Appreciator of Books
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.