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Hey y’all! I’d love your thoughts on my new short story/novella I’m writing called Tears. It revolves around the MC who, just coming to Christ, undergoes a challenging situation called Aquagenic Urticaria, a rare infection in the skin; basically, it means the person is allergic to water. Jenna, my MC, has the symptoms and faces choosing Christ or avoiding him altogether. This is the first part of the story.
@godlyfantasy12 @freedomwriter76 @euodia-vision Any thoughts?Cold liquid pooled down my face, washing me clean as I emerged from the baptismal tank. Nothing like this had ever happened to me before. I felt new. Clean. Like I had woken up from a dream; a dream that had once been a nightmare but then I had returned to reality in a splendiferous state of exaltation and triumph.
Jesus loves me this I know.
The famous children’s worship song echoed in my mind as I rubbed my arms down with a fresh linen towel. Clean. There was that word again. It was brilliant. A bright light amidst my used to be dark self. I knew, for the first time with confidence, that I was loved. By Jesus Christ, the man who bled and died on a cross to save us all. I used to be a scoffer. Used to moan when my parents dragged me to church. Used to scream and kick in Sunday school. That was the old me.
Now, thirteen years later, my parents passed, I stood beside my pastor and my best friend, they both congratulated me profusely as I stood there damp, clothes sticking to my skin tightly. My pastor had the biggest grin on his face; that grin could have swept a whole congregation off their feet to say ‘amen’. And my best friend, well, her smile was nonetheless just as contagious.
Jesus loves me this I know. Little ones to Him belong…
My pastor placed his calloused hand on my shoulder, his eyes gently looking into mine.
“Jesus loves you, Jenna. He is going to work miracles through you, I can just feel it!”
I smiled, “Thank you, Pastor James. I really do believe that God is going to change my life now.”
Pastor James lit up and raised his hands, “Can I get an ‘amen’ in the house of the Lord!”
Amen. Jesus loves me.
I reached out and rubbed my arms down one last time, making sure I had gotten any spare drops off my body before I went and changed. Throwing the towel over my shoulder, I glanced up to see the Pastor looking at me weird.
“Pastor? Is something wrong?”
James stuttered, pointing at my exposed skin.
I looked down, frowning. What’s up with him?
Then I noticed it. The red, swelling mass that had taken over my body like a viral infection. It swarmed up and down my skin; a rash. A disease.
Unclean.——————————————————————–
Jenna stared into the shattered mirror, rubbing her raw hands underneath her blood-shot eyes. Welts of red swarmed on every inch of her cracked skin, pleading her to heal this nonsense. Jenna scratched her face roughly, dandruff peeling off in strips. You never should have cried. You know that the tears make it worse. You can’t cry.
Jenna picked up a yellow prescription bottle from the bathroom sink and shook it gently. Only two pills left. Reaching a finger inside, Jenna popped a white capsule on her tongue and swallowed. One pill left.
Pills.
They were the bane of her life.
It was the only way to ease the pain; the only way to ease the stinging that overwhelmed her whole body in a raging fire.
Jenna sighed. Aquagenic urticaria; Lord, how could you do this to me!? Placing her hands on her forehead, Jenna felt the tears forming. You can not cry. You can not cry! Balling her hands into fists, Jenna threw the prescription bottle on the floor, her breath hot and coming out in spurts. Why God!? You did this to me! You did this to me! If I had never gotten into that baptism tub to begin with, none of this would have ever happened! How could you do this to me? A sudden heat wave overcame Jenna’s legs, causing her to lose balance. Gripping the wall for support, Jenna grunted, trying to pull herself up. One knee gave out, then another. She was on the floor. Helpless. Tears streaming down her chin, making pools on her hands. Making hives break out on her white flesh. Jenna closed her eyes, letting the blackness take the pain away.——————————————————————————
“Do you know what it is?” I asked frantically to the blue-buttoned nurse. He nodded his head slowly. Too slow. “Well? What is it?”
The nurse exhaled a long breath, running his fingers through his mildly damp hair, “I know this all seems so sudden…”
“Don’t play with me. I want to know why in the world my skin is erupting in rashes? Did I eat something wrong? Do I need injections?”
“You do not need injections, and you did not eat something wrong. In fact, it had nothing to do with anything you put in your body. You told me that this happened directly after you had a bath?”
“A baptism, yes.” I corrected him.
“A religious bath, involving the dunking of oneself into water, correct?”
“Mhm.”
The nurse sighed again, tapping his pen on the clipboard in his gloved hands, “You have a condition, Jenna, that is…unusual. I have never seen one of these cases, however, my co-worker once heard of a very similar rendition of your story involving a two-year-old kid who had preformed one of these religious baths. His symptoms matched yours exactly. Hives, rashes, red patches of skin falling off. Do you follow?”
I nodded.
“You have what is called Aquagenic Urticaria, a condition where the person is allergic to water; it can come on all of the sudden, it is not solely based on genetics. Females are the common target, especially after or during puberty. But again, gender and age are not a limit to this condition. The symptoms include what I explained…”
“And the treatment?”
“There is no permanent treatment, unfortunately. I will prescribe you medication that takes away the stinging and topical ointment that will hopefully soothe your skin.”“So I’ll have to take these pills the rest of my life?”
The nurse nodded, “As long as you have this condition, you will have to take the prescribed medication. I will send it right away to your preferred pick-up location.”
————————————————————follow the one with fire in His eyes
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@livingwoodchronicles OH MY WORD
GIRLLLLLLL, this is AMAZING!!! So sad, but amazing!!! I literally cannot wait to see where this goes and what Jenna chooses in the end!!!!
BRAVO!!!! *standing ovation*
(also, I hope you are doing well. I’m still praying for you <3)
@freedomwriter76 Aww, thanks! I really hope this goes well and I don’t have to scrap it in the end like most of my stories turn out. Thank you!!
(and I’m doing okayyy…not the best, still in pain, especially after the last surgery but God is good, and has continued to be nothing but good!)
follow the one with fire in His eyes
Ahhh girl, I echo Freedom! This was SOOOO good!!!!! And so sad!!! I can’t wait to see where you take Jenna, I know there’s going to be a lot of pain but also a lot of redemption. ❤
(also, glad you’re doing good, even tho it’s not the best. continuing to pray for you)
I rolled the log over and underneath was a tiny little stick and I was like, "That log had a child
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