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Hey Everyone! I was just wondering what y’all thought about this idea for a story.
A young woman is to be executed for a crime she committed, however the King and Queen are curious as to the her behavior on the matter. She doesn’t seem to care about the execution at all, yet freely admits her crime. Instead of executing her, the Queen takes the young woman as her handmaiden. Through a series of events, attempted assassination, stumblings (some quite literal), and late-night conversations it is discovered that the young woman absolutely hates the King and Queen to the deepest depths of her heart. Turns out, the King is personally responsible for the death of her family. It was discovered a few months after the event that her family had been framed for the treason they were said to have committed, but the damage had been done.
So, what do y’all think?
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
@skredder I like it a lot! It kind of reminds me of a Tony Curtis movie from the 1950s where he played a boy who was raised by peasants not knowing he was the son of a knight. When he went to live in the castle learning to be a page and a squire he found his family’s crest and learned that his family was killed because his father had been thought dishonorable. He couldn’t let anyone know who he was because he would have been killed too, but in the end he fought to prove his father’s honor and killed the man who dishonored him.
That was too long of an explanation, but I just wanted to say I liked that, and your story sounds similar, so I would probably like it too. 🙂 The fact that they have already found out her family was innocent makes it even more interesting.
"Sylvester - Sylvester!"
@rochellaine Thank you! 🙂 Of course, during the story some bad people try to get the MC’s help in taking down the royal family, but she’s torn. She has come to care for those she once saw as only nightmares of her past.
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
@skredder Haha! Do we realize what being writers does to us? “She’s torn. She has come to care for those she once saw as only nightmares of her past.” We talk in “book blurb” language! 🙂
I found the same thing happening to me when I first started going to law school. After a year, my speech changed drastically, and I started saying strange things like “a reasonable person would have concluded you had given your implied consent to the taking of that pillow, and therefore the taking was not unauthorized!” 🙂 (I don’t remember ever actually using that sentence, but it’s a good example.)
"Sylvester - Sylvester!"
This is a very cool idea for a story! I’d love to read it 🙂 Write it!!
Silence! Silence everyone, for the king's speech!
@skredder *starts chanting* Write it, write it, write it, write it…! This has the makings of a brilliant story. 🙂
A dreamer who believes in the impossible...and dragons. (INFJ-T)
@skredder
Cool! I would read it. 😀and I was so confused
Here’s the beginning if anyone’s interested. Tell me what you think.
“But you just got back! You can’t leave!” Garrett of Mythrim leaned down to pick up his six year old daughter.
“Oh Casse, I got back over two weeks ago. That’s not just getting back.” He couldn’t help but smile at his little girl’s pout when he said that.
“I agree with our daughter,” Evelyn said. “You were gone for two months, only to stay for two weeks. Your children don’t get to see you as much as they need to.”
“Evelyn, you know I need to. It’s the only way I can make money enough money for our family. The money we get from our small harvest isn’t enough for us to live on.” Putting his little girl on the ground, Garrett walked over to his wife and kissed her on the forehead before enveloping her in a hug.
“I know, I know. I just miss you and worry about you when you’re gone. I hear such stories of bandits on the road and I just know that some evil befell you.”
“Look at me, my darling.” When Garrett pulled back a little from the hug, Evelyn looked at him. Though she shed no tears, her fear was in her eyes. “I will always come back to you. There is no way we will leave this world but together. I would give even the King a thrashing should he try to keep me from my family.”
Evelyn laughed at that last statement. She could just see her husband, who hadn’t been in a tussle since he was a boy, giving a thrashing to the King, who was a highly skilled warrior. She also knew of her husband’s dedication to his family. Perhaps he could win.
“Now, isn’t it time that someone was in bed?” He spied Cassandra trying to hide under the table. Maybe, just maybe if she hid herself her parents would forget about her having to get to bed. Alas, it was not to be.
Before Casse could scramble away, her father grabbed her from under the table and held her upside down. There she was at his mercy as he relentlessly tickled her into submission.
“Stop! Stop! Father, stop! That tickles!” Casse squirmed as much as she could in her position, but she couldn’t escape!
Garrett flipped her up again. The giant grin on his daughter’s face was too much for his heart. He loved to see his children happy like that. His wife did too. Even though she was shacking her head at him, she couldn’t hide the smile blossoming on her own face.
“Come on, little one. You need to get to sleep. If you’re awake in time, tomorrow I will take you to the town with me.”
“Really, father? Alright, I’ll go to bed then.” Casse left the room to head towards the room she shared with her brother…before popping right back in. “Remember, you promised.”
Just then the door to the house opened and in came Dalton, Garrett’s eldest child and only son.
“Hello, father, mother. I’m sorry I’m late,” he said.
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
@skredder I really like the idea! I read the beginning you posted too.👍 Garrett is actually my brother’s name, so, therefore, I like it. 😉
I'm a Kapeefer 'TIL WE'RE OLD AND GREY!
www.jennaterese.com@jenwriter17 Thank you! I’m glad you liked it! 🙂
I showed this beginning and the beginning of another story to my mom today too and she liked both of them. I really trust her opinion when it comes to my writing, so I’m pretty happy about all of it.
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
@skredder yeah it’s nice to have family you can trust to kinda critique our work ❤
I'm a Kapeefer 'TIL WE'RE OLD AND GREY!
www.jennaterese.comHey @skredder! Sounds like an intriguing idea you’ve got here! I’d tell you to go for it, but it looks like you’ve already got all the help you’ll need. 😉
Writer. Dreamer. Sometimes blogger. MBTI mess. Lover of Jesus and books.
@that_writer_girl_99 Thank you! 🙂
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
@skredder I told you before that I thought the idea was a good one. 🙂 The opening you posted sounds great, except for the fact that in the very first couple of sentences I had to read them several times before I figured out who was talking. I thought the little six-year-old girl was the one who had been gone, which obviously wouldn’t make sense. There should be a paragraph break in between the first quotation and when he picks up his daughter so you know it’s not Garrett speaking.
"Sylvester - Sylvester!"
@rochellaine Ah! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I will fix that straight away! 🙂
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
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