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Hi, Kapeefers!
So, there’s a contest that I’m entering this month, a songwriting contest, and I’ve not really done this that much before.
Yep, you guessed it, I’m asking for help. 😀
I can’t decide between these two songs, so all you music lovers out there, I could use some critiques. 😀
Which song do you like better and why? And if there’s anyway I can make it better, i.e. rhythm, rhyme, how you relate to it, authenticity and all that good stuff. Thanks!
@daeus @kate-flournoy @rolena-hatfield @perfectfifths @warrioroftherealm @aratrea @graciegirl @jane-maree @winter-rose @that_writer_Girl_99 @anyone else
(I posted the songs in the following posts)☀ ☀ ☀ ENFP ☀ ☀ ☀
I’ve been searching and looking and wandering,
Waiting for far too long.
I’ve been stopping and going then turning,
Wondering what went wrong?
I’ve been watching and staring and blinking,
Trying to remain strong.The forest is knit around me,
Stretching talons to the sky.
Roots, they trip me in my doubts,
I’m thinking someday I can deny.
The canopy clouding the sun,
My hope climbs to high.So let me ask where,
Let me wonder when.
So let me ask how,
Will you accept me home again?Between hills, the path blurs beneath me,
Wrought from the memories I have clung,
Beneath stone clouds above me,
The life when we were young,
Bringing to mind who I love,
The only way to climb
Below every height and above every low,
I cannot undo the string where our love hung.
So I’ll come back to you.I’ve been wondering and circling and turning,
Every morn’ I’m still loving from afar.
I’ve been scoping and asking and probing,
Hiding every scar.
I’ve been prying and marching and hiking Everest,
Gasping, because I don’t know where you are.Don’t turn or blink or wait for me,
I will be there soon.
Don’t think or hesitate or shy away,
I promise that before noon,
I’ll be there with you.
Trust the promises of a new June.
I will be home before the moon.
Very soon.☀ ☀ ☀ ENFP ☀ ☀ ☀
1: I’ve been many places in my life,
Hawaii, D.C., Californian borders.
And searching the rooftops and signs,
None of them were called home.V2: I’ve seen many things in my life,
Confusion, sorrows, American dreams,
And piling high through their skies,
None of them brought me home.V3: I’ve heard many things in my life,
Truces, losses, Alexander’s victories,
But among all of these things,
None of them could describe my home.CHORUS: My home is the element of green,
The mountains striking through the horizon.
My home is the beautiful unseen,
The trees painting, weaving scenes.
Each ray of sun, a new one,
Humid skies,
Small town,
This alone calls me home.V4: I’ve touched many things in my life,
Fur, sandpaper, Takamine strings,
And grasping this to me,
The little things call me home.V5: I’ve smelled many things in my life,
Smoke, grass, a simple air freshener.
But these things are noth’n to me,
Cause home is home.Repeat CHORUS–> BRIDGE:
Home is where they are,
Home is where my heart lies,
Home is more than a house,
Home is my song’s cry.CHORUS–
OUTRO: (softly) I’ve been many places in my life,
Hawaii, D.C., Californian borders.
And searching the rooftops and signs,
None of them were called home.☀ ☀ ☀ ENFP ☀ ☀ ☀
*blinks at the silence*
Are the songs really that bad?
😛
Thought I might throw out there that I need any replies or comments you do have by the 9th.
@daeus @kate-flournoy @rolena-hatfield @perfectfifths @warrioroftherealm @aratrea @graciegirl @jane-maree @winter-rose @that_writer_Girl_99 @anyone else☀ ☀ ☀ ENFP ☀ ☀ ☀
Sorry @dragon-snapper but I’m in Canada on a trip at the moment, and my wifi connection is extremely unreliable. I’m afraid I won’t be able to respond to this adequately, but wish you luck in the competition!
Writer. Dreamer. Sometimes blogger. MBTI mess. Lover of Jesus and books.
Those songs are great! What genre of music were you thinking of? The second song definitely describes me. I love the woods. 🙂
*snorts* @Dragon-Snapper no! Of course not. I just want to make sure I study them both properly before I say anything. 😛
@Dragon-Snapper noooo they’re not bad. I just normally sleep at midnight. XD (it was about 2 am when you posted that so I was faaast asleep in bed XP)
Personally I prefer the first one. (possibly because it doesn’t have so many ‘America’ references. xD) One thing to note is that it’s always good to have a set syllable pattern for your verses. For exacmple you could have a four-line verse with the pattern of 5 syllables, 7, 7, 6. And every verse will follow that pattern. (that was just a random example there) When you’ve got that consistency it helps a whole heap with the flow of the song. And it’s SO much easier to put to music without smooshing words together. (As a songwriter myself, I can confirm this 😛 )Writing Heroes ♦ Writing Hope // janemareeauthor.com.au
@Dragon-Snapper I’m afraid I don’t have any experience with songwriting so…XD Not much here.
I kinda like the second one better simply bc it is structured more like the songs I like to sing.
The only thing I can think of is what @Jane-Maree said. Having consistent syllable structure usually helps a ton of you find yourself having trouble with flow. And having a smooth flow makes singing it so much easier.*is probably geeking out about something*
@Dragon-Snapper Hi! Figured I’d toss in my vote/ advice. I say the First
THe First one has a better pattern, plus, I guess as an Aussie I understand it more. It has a cool structure too. More unique, less repetitive than the ones one hears today.
But yes, I concur with both @Jane-Maree and @graciegirl. Syllables help it flow. The rest is cool though, so, good luck, and good job!!!Writer | Freelance Editor
Inspiration<@jess-penrose @jane-maree Ooh, right…I forgot. 😛 @graciegirl
I think you’re right about the first one, because the contest is international, and I have no idea who the judge is…be kinda strange if I entered the second one and he ended up be Australian too. 😀
@warrioroftherealm Thanks! Which one do you like best?
The first one is going to be a bit of a slower song…played with by a fingerstyle acoustic guitar in Bb. The second is more upbeat, also with guitar, but heavier strumming, which is in G. Not really sure what genre though…Chris Tomlin mixed with country, except without the country twang??? That’s the best way to describe it… 😀☀ ☀ ☀ ENFP ☀ ☀ ☀
@kate-flournoy That makes sense. 😀
@that_writer_girl_99 I gotcha. Have fun, somewhere there… *stares into the distance*☀ ☀ ☀ ENFP ☀ ☀ ☀
@dragon-snapper @kate-flournoy
Yeah, you know Kate, it takes her a million years to get around to actually doing anything. Especially when it comes to writing. 😉😉
Writer. Dreamer. Sometimes blogger. MBTI mess. Lover of Jesus and books.
@That_Writer_Girl_99 yup. Sad truth. XD
@Dragon-Snapper I really, really like both of them. They’d be better with the music, but as that’s not quite the point… 😛 I probably like the first one a tiny bit better, just because I’m an INFP and it’s more mysterious than the second, but they’re both good. The others gave great advice; I’ve got nothing else to say. 😉 Good luck with the contest.@kate-flournoy Well, I’ll likely be recording them and entering that into the contest…So yeah…people seem to be liking the first one better as of now.
☀ ☀ ☀ ENFP ☀ ☀ ☀
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