Short Story Critique? *hopeful glance around*

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  • #55623
    SleepwalkingMK
    @sleepwalkingmk
      • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
      • Total Posts: 179

      Hello! I was wondering if anyone would like to read over a little short story I wrote for a Christmas contest. (The criteria for the contest are: “anything Christmasy” and “under 800 words.”) This story is about 600 words. This is the link (I’m not sure if it would all fit in this text box): https://docs.google.com/document/d/1B0-tYspZd5NDCmeDdp6C8OwCJNFSXMF7Yap__-swMgY/edit

      Thanks to anyone who reads it in advance 🙂

      Read to explore worlds, write to create them.

      #55639
      Joy
      @dekreel
        • Rank: Chosen One
        • Total Posts: 2305

        @sleepwalkingmk *grins ear to ear* This is so sweet!! Let’s see… I like how you set the scene, but I also think you should spend more time talking about what the narrator is thinking. It’s a little idle right now, talking mostly about the things going on around her. It’s still awesome though! Also, “a while” is one word: “awhile.” 🙂

        Nice job!! 😉

        You can pronounce it however you want.

        #55640
        Ben Powell
        @supermonkey42
          • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
          • Total Posts: 273

          @sleepwalkingmk I like it. I actually enjoy the stillness of it. 👍

          A Kapeefer for life!
          Compendium of KP Literature: kapeeferliterature.wordpress.com

          #55642
          Jane Maree
          @jane-maree
            • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
            • Total Posts: 909

            @sleepwalkingmk Nice! I’ve put in a couple of comments on the actual doc for you. 🙂

            Writing Heroes ♦ Writing Hope // janemareeauthor.com.au

            SleepwalkingMK
            @sleepwalkingmk
              • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
              • Total Posts: 179

              @dekreel Thanks so much! I’ll keep that in mind as I edit it.


              @supermonkey42
              Thank you 🙂


              @jane-maree
              Thank you for your comments! They’ve helped so much! 😀

              Read to explore worlds, write to create them.

              #55673
              Ingrid
              @ingridrd
                • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
                • Total Posts: 830

                @sleepwalkingmk  *wipes away happy Christmas tears*   This is adorable and heartwarming.  I literally had one suggestion.  (Btw, I am “Anonymous” on the document.)  Brilliant work!  🙂

                A dreamer who believes in the impossible...and dragons. (INFJ-T)

                #55675
                SleepwalkingMK
                @sleepwalkingmk
                  • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
                  • Total Posts: 179

                  @ingridrd Aww, thanks! And thank you for your comment! It was much needed 😀

                  Read to explore worlds, write to create them.

                  #55736
                  Jane Maree
                  @jane-maree
                    • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
                    • Total Posts: 909

                    @sleepwalkingmk You’re very welcome! 😀

                    Writing Heroes ♦ Writing Hope // janemareeauthor.com.au

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