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@godlyfantasy12 Yeah, poor kids is right. My heart aches for them. I knew some of the personally…and I know they still have trauma. May Yahweh bring mercy onto them.
Content warning: references to sin and different kinds of abuse. Also, I’m kinda more frank about some situations in my books than normal. Lol!
Ahh…. Trauma. I honestly hadn’t really thought of what Alwin goes through as trauma. *Facepalm* Of course, it is. I think I like the term “toxic parent”, because his mother isn’t exactly abusive to him. She just exposed him to WAAYY too much bondage.
She was abused too. As a child she had a little verbal abuse, but it was in her teens that things got worse. Much worse.
And I really don’t like to talk about it, since it kinda scares me to have it in my book. But when I say Alwin doesn’t know who his father is, I should also say that she doesn’t either.
The reason is that she, like all our world, is starving for love. Only, even though she knows what she gets isn’t really love, she still looks for it. She believes she’s worthless and that this is the best she’ll get. (Plus, God is love and without him there is a huge lack of it.)
A lot of the abuse Alwin faces is from people coming into the home and those around him. From her it’s just… A really bad example, and very little real protection as a child. (She tries, but there’s very little she can do.)
But she wants better things for her son. So, she allows him to go to the instruction meetings held by Sir Winton. Then to other meetings held by another knight.
Also, I don’t think her lifestyle is dwelled on very much on the books, or even super clear. Alwin is the MC.
A big theme with Alwin is generational curses. The path laid before him is not a good one, but the One who gave him life never intended for him to stay on that road.
That’s one huge reason why I love the fourth book. (Especially a scene where he prays over Aethel a few days after she’s born. ❤️) The bondage of the past is broken, broken by the Blood shed Life given. The contrast between his own family and what he had as a child is like day and night.
Like @wilder-w said, I want to speak life.
You have listened to fears, child. Come, let me breathe on you... Are you brave again? -Aslan
@elishavet-pidyon that’s beautiful!!
So yes, toxic parent fits!
I watched a video in writing abuse the other day that was so informative. Sadly it had some language in this one part, but the lady gave some wonderful advice, and also gave the difference between Toxic and Abusive parents.
Thing is, a lot of times, Abusive parents are obviously toxic and Toxic parents can become/be Abusive (mostly mentally and verbally) and so it can become a twofold thing; but there are scenarios where there is a drawn line between the two.
So for instance in my series, November’s father Riven is a toxic parent but also Abusive mentally and verbally. He knows what he’s doing however, and you could even say he does it purposefully. (Also some of the punishments he gives to November are cruel and unjust)
Jocelyn’s guardian, her uncle, however, is a toxic guardian, that creeps into the mentally abusive area in that he sorta gaslights Lyn a bit, but in truth, he does love her, in a very twisted way.
Paxton’s family, however….is…ah…yea.
His mother is abusive (thus also toxic)
His brothers Abusive, minus Soren, and the rest of his people are also toxic, running into Abusive as well when it comes to him.
I can totally understand being wary when having these things in your books. When I first had these ideas for mine for Paxton…oh man I was like “I can’t do this. Nope!”
But now I’m not quite as worried. Maybe that’s a bad thing but….XD, maybe not. In the end, Paxton is rescued. He’s given a loving home. A family. Shown his worth. And he becomes a bringer of hope.
Same with November.
And Jocelyn.
OH…and I forgot about Corvina…
Oh…Corvina….she was….
yea. Her mother was abusive. She lived a very traumatic life, the worst of it “losing” (if you know you know 😉) her brother. Her mother’s death did not even bring any peace, as she’s still completely under her master, Eder’s harsh rule. So yea, my poor dear definitely also has baggage, more then most really.
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Sorry I’m late to respond, but . . . finals, uffda. Anyway, here I am!
*some sort of warning here, but I’m not sure for what . . . abuse I guess, but isn’t that what this forum is about?*
As I mentioned earlier, Elinor and Aedan were abused by their guardians. It’s made Elinor extremely shy, sensitive, afraid, nervous, etc. She’s afraid of making decisions on her own for fear of getting punished if something goes wrong. However, the abuse made Aedan the exact opposite–he’s a really tough-skinned, stubborn kind of guy. (Do you think that’s realistic??) So yeah, they’re glad to get away!
In my sequel (which is currently unwritten!), which happens three years later, Elinor has matured and begun to recover, so to speak. She and Aedan are living with their uncle (I’m not mentioning his name, just to avoid spoilers, but you could figure out who if you read the forum where I posted the first chapter), their father’s brother, who is stern and somewhat unemotional on the outside but caring and loving, and they have a healthy relationship. Elinor’s relaxed, in a way, and started to let down her barriers. She’s thrilled to be loved and cared for and just to have a real parent/father-figure in her life. Aedan . . . not so much. He probably does love his uncle, but he’s angry because he blames his uncle for letting them live with the Dickinsons so long (really wasn’t the uncle’s fault, but Aedan blames him for it anyway). Also Aedan hasn’t had any experience with good fatherly love, so where Elinor just tries to soak it all in, Aedan’s more interested in seeing how far he can push the limits, trying to prove that he’s a grown man now (he thinks his uncle’s treating him like a little kid), and generally being a big pain in the neck.
I’m trying to make this realistic and believable. It can be hard at times. I also don’t want to get too deep into details or make everyone lose sight of the hope, like Wilder mentioned.
I do have a kind of related question . . .
So Elinor and Aedan’s uncle is the commander-general of the Tinirian army. There’s a big war going on in the sequel, and Aedan is a soldier. His uncle’s been training him but it’s his first time in true army discipline. I’m thinking that Aedan and a few other soldiers do something wrong, I’m not sure what–maybe somehow failing guard duty?–and they all get sentenced to 20 lashes or something. Aedan’s uncle is the one to do it, and Aedan’s afraid he’ll get it worse or that his uncle would waive the punishment, he’s not sure which would be worse. Aedan gets the whipping, same as everyone else, and he gets really angry that his uncle treated his adopted son just like the other soldiers. So how do I write this? I don’t want gory detail or anything, but it just seems kind of awkward. Any suggestions?
Be brave. Be strong. Be bold.
-Christopher BlakewellHmm okay first off-
I think them reacting to the abuse differently is realistic. People are going to react in different ways to different things.
I would say, that when Elinor first meets her uncle, she will probably be eager to please/afraid of him due to his outward nature, but since you say three years have passed I’m sure some of this has been worked on. But trauma is obviously still there (as shown a lot in Aedan) but it would also still be there in Elinor.
This is something that will never fully go away, except obviously by the power and grace of God, but there’s always scars. It’s learning to walk with our scars, seeing the beauty in them, and living without God’s peace and love that we learn to live and trust and love again. In my opinion. (BUT, I do believe God can COMPLETELY change a person to the point their pasts are utterly erased and they won’t struggle anymore. He can do all things! However, that depends on if you want to go down that road, and you’ll need to make that miraculous change believable)
Now, as for Aedan, showing him to still be hardened I think is realistic.
For the soldier thing, I think I need a bit of background to understand.
Is he being forced to be a soldier? Or is this something he’s wanting to do to prove himself? This will tell you a lot on what to do…
If he’s being forced…well…that in itself is not necessarily a good situation unless it’s not technically being forced so much as it’s “I have to do this, otherwise people I love will die.” So I could use some background.
With the 20 lashes thing, the last thing you said doesn’t feel very realistic IMO. I don’t think he’d want his uncle to treat him like royalty if that makes sense, but I don’t think you meant it like that…
I have a feeling what you’re trying to portray is Aedan’s fear of past abuse coming back (correct me if I’m wrong)
Really, I don’t agree with whipping as a form of punishment…
But…I do have some ideas (and these are just suggestions…)
Perhaps the uncle is indeed a good general…however if he is a good man who cares for others, I believe his men would respect him, and he wouldn’t have to resolve to those kinds of measures. He could give just as harsh punishments without having to whip anyone.
but…perhaps there’s someone in the ranks right under him who doesn’t agree? Someone who is over the others and second in command only to the uncle? And he’s the one giving the whippings? Saying that it’s from orders from the uncle? When In truth it’s not?
Now again, this is just a suggestion, please don’t try to take this if you don’t like it!
But…
In truth….
You could really make this impactful…
By making this more of a struggle for his sister then anyone….
Because his sister seems to be doing fine.
However, if Aedan becomes angry of his uncle, afraid, and he’s already been pushing, trying to tell his sister that it’s only a moments notice until the proverbial “other shoe drops”
And then this happens, her brother is whipped, and she thinks it’s done under her own, loving uncle’s orders!
Why….what’s a girl to do?
And an angry boy, already bitter?
A girl heartbroken because she thought she finally found a home?
Now they’re right back where they started. Except, this time, it’s not true.
OK that was long but idk….that was just thoughts I had and you might absolutely HATE IT XD but umm… yea lol
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Wow! You just gave me great inspiration! 😄
so for about the 20 lashes punishment…
(as your first chapter seemed to be told from the 1st person pov I’m going to assume that your WIP is in 1st person (I’m also assuming your WIP is a multinarrative story (meaning it is told from the point of view of multiple characters))
If you don’t want your punishment to not be gory you have a few options based on what I have seen in other books/tv shows/movies (ranked in potentially most to least gory):
- Have the scene where he is whipped from Aedan’s perspective – not recommended for your purposes as this is the goriest and the potentially most jarring for your reader
- Have another character witness the scene – I’m not sure how many narrators you have or if you would be able to make another narrator be in this scene so I can’t recommend or not recommend this, although depending on how your character chooses to narrate what they are witnessing this could be significantly more or less gory and jarring to the reader
- Skip the scene – This means don’t include the scene of Aedan being whipped just include the aftermath of the scene (ie end of the previous chapter where Aedan is about to be wiped and then pick back up after the whipping. you can still inform the reader as to what happened in the whipping by having other characters talk or be informed about the event) this is the number one least gory option
Thanks for your response! And sorry, I don’t think my post was very coherent, I was writing it super fast before dinner and my brain was already very worn out from the day, so sorry about that! I’ll try to explain better. 😊
Is he being forced to be a soldier? Or is this something he’s wanting to do to prove himself? This will tell you a lot on what to do…
If he’s being forced…well…that in itself is not necessarily a good situation unless it’s not technically being forced so much as it’s “I have to do this, otherwise people I love will die.” So I could use some background.
Aedan’s not being forced to be a soldier. He wants to, mostly to prove that he’s a grown man now and hopefully get his uncle to stop treating him the way Aedan thinks fits a child better than a mature man (Aedan has a very high opinion of himself!) Also it’s kind of understood that since Aedan’s the son/nephew of a prince who is also the commander of the army, there’s a war going on, and Aedan’s old enough, he will fight . . . but it was still Aedan’s choice. I don’t think Aedan’s really thinking about the sacrificial “otherwise people I love will die,” he’s too self-focused to think about anything more than proving how brave and strong he is.
With the 20 lashes thing, the last thing you said doesn’t feel very realistic IMO. I don’t think he’d want his uncle to treat him like royalty if that makes sense, but I don’t think you meant it like that…
I have a feeling what you’re trying to portray is Aedan’s fear of past abuse coming back (correct me if I’m wrong)
Sorry, I really don’t think what I said made sense! I believe Aedan’s got very conflicting opinions at this point. He would be embarrassed if his uncle was like, “Well, you’re my nephew, so you get off the hook and everyone else gets what’s coming to them.” At the same time Aedan’s afraid that because he’s the general’s nephew, he would get a worse punishment, since his uncle might be angry at him for breaking the rules. Neither of those things happen.
So I don’t think it’s as much about Aedan’s fear of abuse as Aedan’s pride and ego. Although . . . Aedan was captured and tortured by the Enemy (my very imaginative name for, well, the enemy country) when he was 15, and the memories of that could make him very angry at his uncle for what Aedan views as acting like the Enemy . . . however, that was torture and completely Aedan’s fault for ending up in the Enemy fort in the first place, whereas this is a routine punishment given to several people and not nearly as severe.
Perhaps the uncle is indeed a good general…however if he is a good man who cares for others, I believe his men would respect him, and he wouldn’t have to resolve to those kinds of measures. He could give just as harsh punishments without having to whip anyone.
The uncle is a good general, and his men do respect him, for the most part. There may be some who don’t like him, and those are the ones I’m guessing get in trouble. I’m just struggling to think of a harsh punishment that is not “cruel and unusual” but still effective and in keeping with my medieval fantasy world. Also whatever it is needs to make life difficult for Aedan for a few weeks and get him to build up enough resentment to actually decide to desert the army.
perhaps there’s someone in the ranks right under him who doesn’t agree? Someone who is over the others and second in command only to the uncle? And he’s the one giving the whippings? Saying that it’s from orders from the uncle? When In truth it’s not?
That is a really interesting idea, I’ll have to think about how that could work! I still need Aedan to be the most angry at his uncle though . . . there is a general Aedan may be assigned to fight under who could do it, but he’s actually from an allied country and not evil, just annoying . . . and if he did it Aedan could get angry at his uncle for kind of allowing it or not getting upset at the general the way Aedan thinks he should . . .
However, if Aedan becomes angry of his uncle, afraid, and he’s already been pushing, trying to tell his sister that it’s only a moments notice until the proverbial “other shoe drops”
And then this happens, her brother is whipped, and she thinks it’s done under her own, loving uncle’s orders!
Yes, that’s the idea! Aedan’s “warning” Elinor, “our uncle isn’t who you think he is, just wait and see” and Elinor may be very heartbroken when she learns . . . unless she has the maturity to face it and tell Aedan, “Yes, you deserved it, it’s proof our uncle loves you as his son.” (Aedan does not have such maturity . . . actually it’s only recently that Elinor’s begun to see that Aedan really can do something wrong. (She’s tended to idolize him since he was the only family she had)
I hope that makes more sense!
Be brave. Be strong. Be bold.
-Christopher BlakewellThanks for the help!
(as your first chapter seemed to be told from the 1st person pov I’m going to assume that your WIP is in 1st person (I’m also assuming your WIP is a multinarrative story (meaning it is told from the point of view of multiple characters))
So this book (working title: A Dream Shattered), the sequel to A Dream Come True, would be have two POVs, Elinor and Aedan. DCT is 1st person POV, DS would be 1st person from Elinor’s and 3rd person from Aedan’s.
If you don’t want your punishment to not be gory you have a few options based on what I have seen in other books/tv shows/movies (ranked in potentially most to least gory):
I have not seen anything similar in movies or tv shows (actually I don’t watch many movies or tv shows like, at all . . .) but I’ve read several books in which a character was whipped. For all of them, I think it was just described, at least once in 1st person, but it wasn’t gory . . . that’s just what I’ve read though.
Aedan’s the only narrator at this scene and I think I could make it not gory by describing more of what he’s thinking than what he’s feeling, and obviously he can’t see the blood or anything. (Though this is not an extremely harsh, intense, or gory whipping–it’s uncomfortable, yes, but no one passes out or loses a significant amount of blood.)
As far as skipping the scene, I’m not sure how I could make that work while still describing Aedan’s thoughts and emotions (which is the most important thing in this scene).
Be brave. Be strong. Be bold.
-Christopher Blakewellusing someone underneath the uncle’s command, who isn’t supposed to be giving corporal punishments like whipping, but is anyway, under the guise of it being “The Uncle’s Orders” still points all blame back to the uncle, when I reality it’s not. This accomplishes both goals of having Aeden angry at his uncle, enough to eventually deser, and being able to convince Elinor too.
As for punishment the uncle can dole out, it’s just like with children. Yes they do get spankings, but they don’t get beat with whips (I would hope!!) and they also get grounded, chores, etc.
His uncle might give out extra duties, menial tasks, hard work, less free time, but not so excruciating it feels like torture (althought with a man underneath him, that he doesn’t know is handing out cruel punishment at the same time….we’ll…it does seem and is torture for Aedan and others, because the uncle doesn’t realize that they’re all hurt from the whippings, and being punished twofold, etc)
anyway that’s just a suggestion 😊
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