Remembrance Poem-what do you think?

[BlueJay]

This is a poem I wrote in remembrance of the men who fought in World War II. I have had quite a lot of feedback on it, but I’d like to see what you guys all think. Here you go-

Bombs exploded, bullets stung
Orders were to fight then run
For the men who went to war.

Little food and dirty water
Life was sometimes just man slaughter
For the men who went to war.

Comrades fell and lay there dying
The enemy continued firing
At the men who went to war.

Some were young and some were old
All of them so brave and bold
Were the men who went to war.

Blood was shed, limbs were lost
This war they fought, it had a cost
For the men who went to war.

Stuck in brains; a nightmare’s there
A story that’s too raw to share
For the men who went to war.

Parents mourned and widows cried
When papers told which men had died
So many men who went to war.

Diggers buried at Gallipoli
Never to return to their home country
For many men who went to war.

The war was over, the living returned
They told a tale that helped us learn
About the men who went to war

So once a year, on a special day
We think of the sacrifice they made
Those men who went to war.

[Daeus]

Hay hay! You use rhyme. I’m a rhyme-aholic myself.

One of the best things about this poem is that overall the rhythm of the words is pretty smooth.

Personally, I don’t think I would have had the last line of every stanza a near or exact copy. That is a good poetic trick, but I would tend to only do that when there are at least four lines per stanza or preferably more. This would not work too well for a poem of this length, but for some of my shorter poems, I will often have a last line or two that is shared between the first and last stanzas but is not in the middle ones.

🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢

[David B. Hunter]

I like it, but don’t you mean World War 1?

[Anonymous]

I think it’s really good! I actually liked how you repeated the last line, but @Daeus knows a lot more about poetry than I do.

[BlueJay]

@dbhgodreigns Yes you are right. Oops 😉
@jadamae and @daeus that is what I’m getting all the time. 😀

[Author]

Posts