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So…my writing style is a very heavily emotional one. Not the crazy everyone is crying type of writing lah, but more the very deep dark heart issue thingy, if you get what I mean. My specific problem that I’m throwing out to all the guys here is this:
What makes you cry?
Because you see, I’m writing from a first person POV, and my character is a nineteen year old guy. A lot of things are going to happen in his life, heart-breaking and such. But what will make a man cry, and how do they cry? Obviously not tears pouring out like Niagara Falls, but will it be this little tear that comes out and he hurriedly brushes it away? And how embarrassed will a man be to cry? How do men show their emotions?
As you can tell, I’m pretty clueless on this, because I also need a right age group. So perhaps you guys could help me in this!
Well men don’t often cry over death so much, though if the person was very dear to them they might. They might also cry if they have felt very mistreated for a long time. You see, they won’t cry immediately, but they will sulk over it for a while. If they continue down this road, they will eventually feel the burden so heavily that they will seek out someone compassionate enough to listen to them and tentatively breach the subject. Having breached the subject, their emotions will begin to flow. While they may cry or not, it is nearly certain that they will come close to it. These occasions are of course very rare. For grown men, I do believe it is much less likely to happen seeing as at such an age one learns much about contentment in trials, else they are broken by them. Men may also cry in very traumatic circumstances. For instance, let’s say I’m walking down the road on a peaceful sunny afternoon with a family member or friend when suddenly a grenade goes off and kills my companions right beside me, leaving their body a mass of blood and gore. I would probably cry at that. Most anyone probably would. It is totally unexpected of course. If this happened in a battle, it might be different. You really can’t think about it much in a battle. You have to keep moving.
As for shame, it depends entirely on the fellow’s personality, why he is crying, and who he is crying in front of.
All this is to say that men cry, but it is an extremely rare and curious (oft times awful) thing.
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Hey this is a good topic, Sarah. I’ve often wondered this myself— thanks for breaching the subject! And thanks, Daeus, for the helpful insight. What about very young men? Say, fourteen or younger? Especially if they have very sensitive personalities?
Well, I wouldn’t know for sure, having about average sensitivity I think. Still, I would say that younger men are more likely to feel great grief over mistreatment and less likely to feel grief over someone else’s hurt or death, unless they actually see it happen in which case I think they would be most greatly effected. Very young boys (around ages 2-6) are the least likely to cry over great things and the most likely to cry over mistreatment – especially if someone took their toy!
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Hahahahaha! I completely know what you mean with that last part, Daeus! Oh boy… is that ever true!
How about happy crying? Do men cry over happy things? I cried at a happy ending to a movie a few nights ago, and Daddy (a very tough, manly guy) said it was all right to cry with that story because he had cried over it before.Obviously in any discussion like this there will be generalization, because everyone is different, but still.
Hmm … I don’t think I have ever cried over something happy personally, though I did come very very very near it at the end of It’s A Wonderful Life. I would have cried if no one else had been there, but then again, I don’t think any book or movie or anything else has ever gotten me anywhere near that close. A particularly brilliant happy ending may get me kind of emotional but not to that extent. I do think though that after severe mental and physical trial, if all of a sudden something positively amazing happened the sudden joy in contrast might break the fountains of a man a bit. In fact, that would be an great scene. Some small desperate remnant of an army, a brotherly band of heroes, smitten, afflicted, tried, depressed, hopeless – suddenly the unthinkable, the wonderful happens, and you have a couple hundred men crying. That could even make a good ending. In fact, I claim that. Look out for it in one of my books some day.
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Oh yes, ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ gets me every time. 😛 Great story. Just great.
Hey, that does sound like it could be a good ending. I’ll look forward to seeing it…Have you seen the movies of ‘The Lord of the Rings’? We already had the discussion about melancholy endings, but the last scene of the movies (like the last scene in the book, but with the added emotional impact of soul-stirring music and wonderful scenery) is bittersweet. My whole family cries at that one. At least, those of us who are old enough to watch it. 🙂
No, haven’t seen it. Just finished the fourth chapter of the book though. Very good. I fear it may replace Ben-Hur.
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@Daeus— the fourth chapter of the first book? Or the fourth chapter of the third book?
Oh, and how ’bout screaming? And gasping? And fainting? Just kidding about the fainting. 😛
The forth (well now it’s 6th) chapter of the first book.
As to screaming and gasping and fainting, I’m not quite sure what you refer to, unless they be suggested reaction to the demotion of Ben-Hur. If so, I am not to greatly shaken I think. Fourth is still a very noble position. I have no fear at least that any book will ever surpass my all time favorite. If you do happen to find one that does though, let me know and I may put it to the test. Anyways, I ought to have no sad thoughts when I am reading such a great book as I am now.
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Only the sixth chapter of the first book! It hasn’t even started to get good yet!
Oh, and with the screaming, gasping, fainting thing, I was talking about this topic. What makes men scream, what makes them gasp, etc. Sorry— should have clarified that. 😛
Ooohhhh, well they don’t scream gasp or faint over good books!
Scream? Well, they only scream if they’re being goofy (which is quite often). They might yell a warning or yell in pain. Still, they might make a frightened yellish the thing if they are suddenly frightened.
Gasp? Most likely going to happen when they see somebody about to get hurt. Say they see child walk right up to the edge of a cliff with half their feet sticking off or something. Otherwise, it would probably have to be something pretty extreme to invoke a gasp.
Faint? Well, I know boys who will faint at the sight of blood. That’s not very common though. Men have some amazing physical and mental endurance. They might faint from physical exhaustion, but that would have to be some very severe physical exhaustion. They might sink into a chair or something with emotion, but actually passing out? No, I think they would go mad before that.
As for my reading progress, I know, its bad. I’m a very slow reader. I like to enjoy my reading which means I positively can’t rush myself. And I have no doubt it is going to get even better. That is why I can’t wait.
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*Also stalking topic because I’ve been discovering that boys (excuse me, men) think very differently from girls and quite a few of my main characters are young men…*
INTJ - Inhumane. No-feelings. Terrible. Judgment and doom on everyone.
Thanks for the tips, Daeus. I have an… ahem… hypothetical case to present. Just a question, actually. Say a young man (sixteen, almost seventeen) was thrown into command of a tired, demoralized, losing army, while his father (who had been the commander) and his uncle (with whom he is very close) and his sweetheart (enough said) are captives of the enemy, and some of the top commanders in his tired, demoralized, losing army are out to kill him, and he is far from home in a strange land with no way to call for help, and enemies on every side… say all that happened, and one day he just sat down and cried. Would that be realistic? He didn’t bawl or anything— just sat down very quietly and stared in front of him with tears trickling down his cheeks. What do you think?
And no, your reading habits are not bad. Tolkien is best taken in long, deep, slow gulps, anyway.
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