Prophecy Critique

[Hope Ann]

I’ve written a prophecy for a book of mine and, since poetry is not my strong point, I decided I’d post it here and see what you guys thought, and if you had any suggestions:

Ancient sign, bitter fate,
Scar and oath and quest;
Revealing name brought to light
Power from destroyer wrest.

Ancient weapon, bitter foe,
Shield and spear and doom;
Legend shattered, victory claimed,
The sign reveals Firstflowing’s tomb.

Ancient battle, bitter bane,
Night and war and fear;
Uniting victor ends the age
Or destruction will the nation sear.

Ancient beginning, bitter end,
Pride and power and fame;
Uncover the riddle of the nameless shield,
For there is nothing in a name

INTJ - Inhumane. No-feelings. Terrible. Judgment and doom on everyone.

[Daeus]

@hope Not sure if this will work for your prophecy, but this is what sounded good to me.

Ancient sign, bitter fate
Scar and oath and quest
Name revealed by righteous power
Shall poison’s power wrest

Ancient weapon, bitter foe
Shield and spear and doom
Legend shattered, triumph claimed
A sign will show the tomb

Ancient battle, bitter bane,
Night and war and fear
Unite, the victor ends the age
Or brings a wounding sear

Ancient starting, bitter end
Pride and power and fame
Solve the riddle of a nameless shield
For there’s nothing in a name.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 3 months ago by Daeus.

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[Anna Brie]

I like it, Hope. But I’m not that good with poetry. There are a few bit’s that don’t quite flow well, in particularly this line: The sign reveals Firstflowing’s tomb.
Perhaps you can incorporate some of what Daeus has done. I like what he’s done with the third stanza as well.

[Hope Ann]

So, @daeus and @anna-bria, this is what I have now. I like most of it, I’m just not sure about the final line in the first and third stanza. The line in the third stanza, by the way, needs to hold the idea that the nation will be destroyed if the victor (from the line before) doesn’t unite the countries.

Ancient sign, bitter fate,
Scar and oath and quest;
Revealing name brought to light,
Power from destroyer wrest.

Ancient weapon, bitter foe,
Shield and spear and doom;
Legend shattered, triumph claimed,
Sign reveals Firstflowing’s tomb.

Ancient battle, bitter bane,
Night and war and flame;
Uniting victor ends the age,
Or ashes will the nation claim.

Ancient beginning, bitter end,
Pride and power and fame;
Solving riddle of the nameless shield,
For there’s nothing in a name.

INTJ - Inhumane. No-feelings. Terrible. Judgment and doom on everyone.

[Author]

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