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Hey, everyone. I wrote a poem called “Forever Perfect” and would like some feedback on it… let me know what you think in all honesty! Dark chocolate style! Be ruthless.
Forever Perfect
The pixie child went out to play
Betwixt the grass and trees one day
With the wind at her back, and soft earth underfoot
Her sight: it was caught, one mere step forth she put
For ’twas a young boy, eyes pure emerald green
His hair jet-black, waving in a breeze unseen
His eye caught hers, and the pixie ran
But it was too late, he held her heart in his hands
The boy came forth, and the little pixie peeked
‘Round the tree, and she gave a small squeak
The boy, he had seen her, the chance was now to run
But her feet were rooted to the spot, she couldn’t move one
The boy now stood beside her, and gave a hello,
He asked the pixie her name, he wanted to know
The pixie tilted her head, and murmured her name,
The most forbidden of things, but she felt he was the same
She stared into his eyes: pools of purest jade,
His smile a dream, only goodness it bade
He reached for her hand, and the pixie shrank back
For if a human ever touched her, her magic she would lack
But this boy, he was different, he was a friend
She somehow knew he was goodhearted, truthful ’til the end
The pixie fought against every rule she could know
Then she took the boy’s hand, and felt herself glow
She knew the power of friendship, stronger than magic
And stronger than that; love, too, she felt ecstatic
She had something for herself, someone to love
Someone to lean on when life became tough
The pixie felt complete, her hand in the boy’s
And they played in the woods, the pictures of joy
From the two children sparked something between
A tender relationship, still buried, unseen
As they played in the wood that day and times more,
The pixie knew it had opened a door
And she knew it was right when her boy she had told
“I love you,” and took his hand to hold
They walked and they played
Over the grasses’ green blades
And shared happiness between the trees
They were forever perfect, ethereal, and always would be.staring at the fields
if nothing's really real
i'll make the winter now my home- Rank: Eccentric Mentor
- Total Posts: 1789
@scripter-of-kingdoms Gurl, you know I love this poem! I ain’t got a single negative thing to say! Fabulous job!
@gracie-j Awww, thank you! What’s your favourite part of it? <3 🙂
staring at the fields
if nothing's really real
i'll make the winter now my homeAwwww, this was SO SWEET! I love every line of this poem! *heart eyes* And thank you for having a happy ending; I was hoping nothing sad happened because that would’ve broken my heart and I already feel so connected to these characters and it’s just so sweet and… *inhale* Sorry about that. I just love this so much! I don’t have any critiques, so take that as a very well done!!! 🙂
@writerlexi1216 Thank you so very much; you have no idea what that means to me. I really tried to express the emotion through it and how the characters felt!! Haha np for having a happy ending, these two deserve it! I could never break their small character bean hearts 💕(yes i love them and they have pet names and everything, these guys are like the new owners of my heart) I’m actually writing a short story about these guys, based off of the poem, so if you want when that’s done I can contact you for beta reading!! <333 Nono, it’s fine XD This made me so happy to read!! Thank you very much!!! ❤️✌️
(p.s. you still like the idea of making a kp book club/writer’s collective? i actually really wanna do it lol <3)
staring at the fields
if nothing's really real
i'll make the winter now my homeNo problem, girl!! 🙂 I’m happy that it means a lot to you, and you definitely expressed the emotion very well!! Oh, I give my characters little nicknames/pet names all the time, and they’ve owned my heart as well, so I totally understand XD) Oh, really??? Yay, I’m so glad, because I feel so connected to these characters and wanted to know more about them!!! Yes, please contact me! I’d LOVE to beta read! 😀
(Oh, oh, oh, yes!!! Thank you for reminding me! I’d love to make a writing club/collective! <3 *fistbump* Let’s do it!)
@writerlexi1216 Awww, thank you again!! XD I’m glad that I was able to show a story through that <3 Lol really?? The boy’s name is Kodia actually, but to me he is koko <3 I’m still considering names for the pixie, but the three I’m leaning towards are Lumenne, Luma, or Aerya/Aera. (Which one do you like most? Do you have any other pixie names? What would you picture the pixie’s name as being? XD sorry I need a few ideas for her name) Yayayayayay! I am glad that you like these guysssssss I will 10000000000000000000000000000000000% contact you when the story is doneeeee!!!
(YESSSS! Wanna exchange emails or something like that? idk how we would contact, but i’d love to do it
…
i promise i’m not really a criminal like my tagline says and i won’t steal your email, i just like to pretend i’m a criminal mastermind >:3 XD)
staring at the fields
if nothing's really real
i'll make the winter now my homeOf course!!! <3333333 Yes, and I adore those names!!! (Koko is so cute, oh my goshh!) Oh, I love those names! Personally, I think my favorite is probably Luma. That’s sooooo pretty, and, I mean, Kodia and Luma sound so adorable together!! *fangirls* Okay, I’ll stop now… I think that’s a good name, but if you’re still indecisive, you could go with Lumi, Nia, Nyx, Lyra, or Plume… Things like that, idk. And YES, I do, and I’ll look out for the story!!
(Oh, sure!! That sounds fun!! We’ll figure something out 🙂 Haha, that’s good to know!! Sometimes I like to pretend I’m a criminal mastermind too 😉
But don’t tell anyone!>:3 lol!)@writerlexi1216 Thank youuuuu <33333 (ikr??!?! he’s so cuteeeee) Yes, I like Luma- I’ll probably go with that 🙂 (Yes, they dooooo they’re the best couple ever
reeeeeeeeeeee can i be in their world-) Yay! I will definitely let you know then :3(Yesss, what do you think we should do about contact or whatever? XD
AND CRIMINAL MASTERMINDS ARE UNDERRATEDDDDDD)staring at the fields
if nothing's really real
i'll make the winter now my homeYeah!!! It’s the cutest name eveeeeeer!!! 🙂 Yay, I really like–no, I LOVE that name!! You should totally use it if you like!! Awwww, they are the best couple ever!!! Sorry, I get all fangirly-ish when there’s romance involved… *sigh*
We could use email, if you’d like? Here’s mine (it’s pretty basic, and I’m prolly gonna change it soon because my brother made it for me when I was, like, a teeny-weeny child): alexalouwilliams@gmail.com
Lou isn’t my middle name, btw, everyone just calls me that for no reason XDAND YES! CRIMINAL MASTERMINDS/LEGEND OF ZELDA FANS/KP BOOK CLUB MEMBERS/FAIRY LOVERS UNITEEEE!!!@writerlexi1216 He is just the sweetest li’l thing!
(Don’t tell my other charries but he might be my fave XD)I picture Koko as kinda looking like a younger Ferdia Shaw(google him he’s really cute)but with really, really green eyes. Lolllll, same. I am very much a fangirly person too XDSure!! Lol, I don’t actually have my own email, but my mom said it was 👌 for me to use hers. I’ll email you right-a now-a! *attempts to type in italian accent*
XD Lou is a cute name, I like it! And I have a cousin named Alexa lol.
yES! CRIMINAL MASTERMINDS/LEGEND OF ZELDA FANS/KP BOOK CLUBBERS/FAIRY LOVERS UNITE FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVERRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
staring at the fields
if nothing's really real
i'll make the winter now my home
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