Home Page › Forums › Fiction Writing › Critiques › Novel Critique Requests › PLEASE TEAR THIS APART–URGENT CRITIQUES NEEDED
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TheShadow.
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March 4, 2025 at 12:27 pm #198983
Thank you so much!!!!
I fixed the spelling!! Thanks for catching that XD
I appreciate you so so SO much, girl <3This lady thrives on the divine grace of Faith and the rich embrace of caffeine.
March 4, 2025 at 12:41 pm #198985Of course!! 🥰 I’m glad it’s all coming together so quickly!
Yep xD No problem.
Aw, so glad I could help! 💕💕
"Don't shine so that others can see you. Shine so that through you, others can see Him." ~ C. S.
March 4, 2025 at 1:22 pm #198993@savannah_grace2009 Arcane and Alder are good name switches! I like them. Also, are you going to keep the Payne and Pythonos references? I think you should; when you publish your book people will be like “oh, this is an expansion on that universe.”
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
March 4, 2025 at 1:29 pm #198994On the topic of the sixth story: My cousin went through a self-harm attempt once. I don’t know about the details, but she is still alive so that’s gotta count for something. That story is kinda personal to me now that I see something that could drive someone over the edge.
When I have bad days, days where it seems so dark and hopeless, I remember how much there is to live for. I live for the smell of rain, for the feeling of the sun on my face, for the wind in my hair. For the feeling of laughter and tears, for the crunch of gravel under my feet. I live for the feeling of just existing—for the steady rush of air through my lungs, in and out; for the feeling of my heartbeat in my chest. It feels so good to be alive, and sometimes I think you have to come so close to death to realize that.
This. This is something I live by. I don’t even give a passing thought about self-harm and it’s because of this. The world is so beautiful, even in its fallen form. God gave us this gift of life, why would we squander it?
also your brother’s name is Ethan? That’s funny, that’s my brother’s name too!
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
March 4, 2025 at 1:31 pm #198995Wow. That sixth story was dark, but I know it’s needed.
It’s sad how many people indulge in self harm just “trying to feel”, but since it looks “normal”, like tattoos, piercings, or extreme diets, other people don’t see it for what it is.
My warning wouldn’t be that it’s dark or violent, but that you don’t want to even accidentally imply it’s okay. You don’t want to give your reader an idea, or thought pattern they didn’t have, but you do want to reach for a kid who’s been there, or is there, and needs that lifeline. That they are loved, that they can make it with God’s help. That no, this isn’t right, but broken pieces can be put back together.
First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
Fork the GorkMarch 4, 2025 at 1:43 pm #199002As for the other stuff, I really appreciated the themes you worked with. That we can’t love ourselves as we should through our own eyes. We have to see us (and others) through God’s love, light, hope. That isn’t easy, but it’s worth it.
I liked the order, how you spliced poem and story together. It made it easy to read and follow.
First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
Fork the GorkMarch 4, 2025 at 2:06 pm #199020Arcane and Alder are good name switches! I like them. Also, are you going to keep the Payne and Pythonos references? I think you should; when you publish your book people will be like “oh, this is an expansion on that universe.”
I think I will keep the Payne/Pythonos. I agree, it would be cool!!!!
Thanks, they fit really well and I like them a lot too!!
My cousin went through a self-harm attempt once. I don’t know about the details, but she is still alive so that’s gotta count for something. That story is kinda personal to me now that I see something that could drive someone over the edge.
I know several people who have cut themselves before, or were suicidal, or have seriously thought about it. There was one girl who used to go to our youth group that committed suicide back in September, and my heart breaks for them all. I also used to practice self harm (not physical, but it was mental…like emotionally abusing myself, and I felt hopeless, like I was a mistake and like I shouldn’t even be alive. I even pondered suicide but praise God I never did!) It wasn’t as bad as some people’s stories, but I think God let me have a taste of that so I can be there for others that go through that.
At first I didn’t want to include that scene because I felt like it was too dark. However, the more I think about all the hurting and broken kids and even adults that have no hope, the more I want to keep this scene. God has given me a voice, and I want to speak for the broken, for the hopeless, and for those who cannot. Too many people are in the dark, and we won’t ever know. I want to raise awareness about this topic because as Christians we need to carry each other and LOVE FIRST. A lot of times we lash out or treat others horribly, not even knowing that they already are at the breaking point.
It breaks my heart…because it’s real.
This lady thrives on the divine grace of Faith and the rich embrace of caffeine.
March 4, 2025 at 2:08 pm #199021My warning wouldn’t be that it’s dark or violent, but that you don’t want to even accidentally imply it’s okay. You don’t want to give your reader an idea, or thought pattern they didn’t have, but you do want to reach for a kid who’s been there, or is there, and needs that lifeline. That they are loved, that they can make it with God’s help. That no, this isn’t right, but broken pieces can be put back together.
Yesss I agree!!! That’s why I’m glad I put a trigger warning, so that I don’t put ideas into people’s heads that weren’t there before. I don’t want to be the reason someone starts thinking that way.
As for the other stuff, I really appreciated the themes you worked with. That we can’t love ourselves as we should through our own eyes. We have to see us (and others) through God’s love, light, hope. That isn’t easy, but it’s worth it.
All of those themes were so personal to me…like pieces of my heart. They mean so much to me and I just hope that they can make a difference somehow <3
I liked the order, how you spliced poem and story together. It made it easy to read and follow.
Yay! Im so glad!
This lady thrives on the divine grace of Faith and the rich embrace of caffeine.
March 4, 2025 at 6:56 pm #199049At first I didn’t want to include that scene because I felt like it was too dark. However, the more I think about all the hurting and broken kids and even adults that have no hope, the more I want to keep this scene. God has given me a voice, and I want to speak for the broken, for the hopeless, and for those who cannot.
I understand that.
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
March 4, 2025 at 7:24 pm #199051Sara Sara Sara Sara Sara Sara….
Girl this is literally so good and I wish I had gotten to it sooner!!!
I can tell you poured your heart into this and can see it on every page. I’m so glad you decided to go on with this. It has already impacted me in little ways in the short time I read it and I know God will use it to impact others’ lives as well.
You did such a great job!!! 💕
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
March 4, 2025 at 7:26 pm #199052It also reminds me how God uses the same talents of different people for different purposes. For example, you tend to gravitate towards darker themes (not in a bad way!) and deal with difficult topics that need to be dealt with and seen in the light of God’s love. On the other hand, I tend to focus on the smaller, everyday struggles I personally face and some of my friends have talked about.
And although these are different, God can still use both in great ways!!! <33
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
March 5, 2025 at 8:35 am #199059Awww! Esther!!! That means literally so so SO much to me!!
I appreciate you so much, you’re amazing 🥺🥺💜💜💜💜
I never really thought about it that way!! But that makes a lot of sense!!
Honestly I’ve struggled a lot with the way that I just go to the hard things that need to be talked about…people like my parents have said that my writing is beautiful, but it’s really hard for them to read. I think my dad has low tolerance for violence and blood and things like that, so it seems really graphic to them. I couldn’t understand what was wrong with me, and while I was growing up my parents wanted me to write “happy things” but I couldn’t and I didn’t know why.
So for a while I stopped writing altogether, because even when I would try to write happy things that didn’t include violence or too much evil or darkness, somehow the topic would always shift. And my heart wasn’t in it. So thought I was the problem.
I’m learning to accept that God hasn’t really called me to write about “happy” things. I feel like He has given me a voice, and I was actually just thinking about this…I want to speak for those who cannot. So many people sit in darkness, and I’m not going to reach them with lighthearted stories. I want to go deep, show the spiritual battle between light and darkness, write words that can reach them where they are. And if some people don’t like it or they’re not into that kind of thing, that’s okay, because I’m slowly realizing that I’m not writing for them. I write for God, and I write what I’m passionate about and what He puts on my heart. I’m not writing to reach those who’ve been “set free”, I’m writing for those who are still enslaved to Satan’s lies.
It can be hard knowing that my parents are never really going to enjoy my writing as a whole or the topics it deals with. I think everyone seeks approval, especially from their parents, and knowing you might never get that is hard. But I realized that I’m not the problem, and even though my parents don’t really enjoy reading it, they’ve been supportive and encouraging me to keep writing. I’ve grown a lot with my relationship with words, and in my relationship with my parents, and it’s getting better. It is still hard to not feel left out when we start talking on KP and some girls have parents who edit their book, or are in love with every part of it. I’ve just never had that.
Sorry for ranting…you just kind of inspired a whole thought process and I needed to tell someone XD
This lady thrives on the divine grace of Faith and the rich embrace of caffeine.
March 5, 2025 at 8:36 am #199060Esther, I also think it’s so cool how you write about small everyday struggles. It’s hard to find beauty in the mundane, when it seems the same day after day.
But in your writing, you can make even the everyday struggles, the repeating tasks beautiful, and everything you write has a message, and I think it’s so cool!!!! And I know God will use you <33
This lady thrives on the divine grace of Faith and the rich embrace of caffeine.
March 5, 2025 at 1:13 pm #199095It is still hard to not feel left out when we start talking on KP and some girls have parents who edit their book, or are in love with every part of it. I’ve just never had that.
If it helps, I rarely share my writing with my parents anymore.
After Hunterclone Run, which was a disaster that we do not talk about, I started sharing my writing less and less with them because I felt they weren’t going to…..like being shoved in the face with a story they didn’t understand? IDK, I just didn’t want to subject them to always clean but usually kinda cringey romance, or plots that show up out of nowhere cause it’s a first draft and I haven’t worked out the true limits of a character’s magic, or a Warrior Cats rewrite of the Clone Wars that they’ll only get half of, that kind of thing.
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
March 5, 2025 at 1:15 pm #199096And I’m sure that won’t be the case, but there’s a TON of stuff I’d have to explain before I gave them, say, the 215-page fanfic I finished last year, and I don’t really feel like I want to have to do that.
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
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