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@highscribeofaetherium @thearcaneaxiom @hybridlore @savannah_grace2009
It’s been two weeks since I originally tried to make this post, so I’m just going to try again.Here’s a “brief” overview of my WIP. It is set in my fantasy universe, Celestiar (I made a thread about it three weeks or so ago, in case you’re interested and didn’t see it.) It takes place on the planet Adonial.
h ttps://docs.google.com/document/d/173zypJIS9VpjPJ5e_vFYLOtOuh_UT1gefa2DSEdR0vw/edit
(REMOVE the space between the ‘h’ and ‘t’ at the beginning.) (Thanks for the tip, @thearcaneaxiom.)I’ll appreciate any feedback on this.
PS. (I know some people have already read this and given some feedback, so if you don’t have anything else to say that’s totally fine.)
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📚 Appreciator of BooksOk, I have just gotten around to reading this, sorry I took so long.
I really like this! It actually feels a bit nostalgic for me, bearing much more of a classic medieval fantasy vibe from the setting to the characters to the plot itself.
I didn’t guess that Gwidigrand was a wizard, but I was close, guessing that he was along the lines of some sort of Tom Bombadil character. It sounded like a humble goodly unexpecting name, but would also bear great wisdom and knowledge.
Your using the occasional cliche, but the good thing is that you’re aware of that. A cliche isn’t always automatically a bad thing, as long as your aware of it, you can actually use the fact that it’s a cliche to your advantage, because your audience will gain expectations for the cliche with its set up, and you can play with that, knowing where there thoughts will be.
The talking swords are fun, but they are also a bit tropey, is there something else you could add or do with them to create a more unique mechanic, or their character as objects? They work as they are if not, but I think there’s a lot of possibilities with the magic sword tropes. I love the magic/cursed blade trope, and one of my favorite characters bears a sentient cursed sword named Kirrtes. The character’s name is Liren, and he basically forms a very Szeth type of character.
Anyways, I once again really like what you’ve shown so far. Though the way you talk of killing off characters and potential love interests makes me think that your making those characters to serve just those purposes, is that right? If so, that sort of thing can ruin the investment of a character if you let it, so just be careful if you weren’t aware of that already.
I can’t wait to see your next update!
He is perfect in Justice, yet He is perfect in Mercy, even when we fail Him. For this, He is good.
Thanks for all the feedback!
The talking swords are fun, but they are also a bit tropey, is there something else you could add or do with them to create a more unique mechanic, or their character as objects?
Good point. I’ll see what I can come up with.
the way you talk of killing off characters and potential love interests makes me think that your making those characters to serve just those purposes, is that right?
I don’t think that I’m killing off any characters without reason. I think the main ones I talked about killing off were Arvolis, Dalaman, Ridril, Thulac, Cadmus, and Edward. For Ridril, Cadmus, and Edward, their deaths are in my mind the perfect conclusion for their characters arcs. I already listed several reasons why Dalaman’s death makes sense. Arvolis is the tricky one. His death is intended to really force Ellis into the story, by at once essentially destroying his home and giving him motivation to seek justice. I do worry, however, that that won’t work, because the readers won’t have known the character long enough to feel anything.
I’m not quite sure what you mean by this:
that sort of thing can ruin the investment of a character
Anyway, thanks again!
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📚 Appreciator of BooksI don’t think that I’m killing off any characters without reason. I think the main ones I talked about killing off were Arvolis, Dalaman, Ridril, Thulac, Cadmus, and Edward. For Ridril, Cadmus, and Edward, their deaths are in my mind the perfect conclusion for their characters arcs. I already listed several reasons why Dalaman’s death makes sense. Arvolis is the tricky one. His death is intended to really force Ellis into the story, by at once essentially destroying his home and giving him motivation to seek justice. I do worry, however, that that won’t work, because the readers won’t have known the character long enough to feel anything.
That’s good, I just thought I’d point it out. What I meant is essentially what you said, that readers might not feel much when a character they didn’t really know dies. However, when you make a character, and your purpose for making them is to have an emotional death, it can often shine through in the writing, even if subconsciously, and the readers can pick up on it, and just not care about the character. There’s obviously exceptions to this though, but it is something to be aware of.
Your welcome, I think I might start posting some of my writing for the first time on KP, I’ve only posted quotes and blips before.
He is perfect in Justice, yet He is perfect in Mercy, even when we fail Him. For this, He is good.
Some art I did for Ellis. (I originally drew it on paper. The colors don’t come across to well, so I tried to go over it again on the computer. That’s why the cape looks so splotchy.) It didn’t turn out great, but it gets my idea of him across.
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📚 Appreciator of BooksAnd here’s one of Kate. This one came out a lot better, but the colors still are a bit pale.
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📚 Appreciator of BooksNice! What’s the red thing in Kate’s hair?
Also, Ellis looks like you lol XDAny noun can become a verb if you don't care enough.
A gemstone.
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📚 Appreciator of BooksAlso, Ellis looks like you lol XD
Thank you. I’m flattered. XD
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(This didn’t work the first time, so I have to repost)
Here’s some concept art I made for each of the swords. I didn’t color anything in, except the gemstones, because I couldn’t really figure out what color each part should be.Any thoughts? Favorite design? I like some of them, but others I don’t care for much. I’ll take any feedback on them, whether it is on their aesthetics or practicality. While I’m not going for completely utilitarian designs, I am also trying to avoid the ridiculously impractical swords that often appear in fantasy. The swords are designed artistically, but they also are supposed to work well. Being magic and extremely durable, they can have some things that wouldn’t make sense on a real sword, though.
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📚 Appreciator of BooksI like them all! I think my favorite would be midnight. It’s cool that they all seem to all seem to have different cultural influences, but all bear the same style at the same time, like they are united in their differences.
I think that with the idea of magic making them extra durable means that you can play with the blade shapes a little more though. It can be impractical in regards to the question of would this make the blade more prone to breaking if you can magic out of that, which allows you to make it a little more extravagant. You just need to consider things like weight and precision, but those can also be broken depending on what magical metrics you pray with.
Also, maybe you could make them all longer and slimmer? That might just be my taste.
He is perfect in Justice, yet He is perfect in Mercy, even when we fail Him. For this, He is good.
I think Conviction, Skyshard and Midnight are my favorites. Retribution looks a little boring and blocky, and I think it’s because of the square edges on the cross-guard. Also, it does seem a little odd that there’s only one single-edged sword.
Any noun can become a verb if you don't care enough.
It’s cool that they all seem to all seem to have different cultural influences, but all bear the same style at the same time, like they are united in their differences.
Yeah, I kind of want each one to be based on a different sword. I did these without reference, so I’ll probably get some reference and redo them.
I think that with the idea of magic making them extra durable means that you can play with the blade shapes a little more though. It can be impractical in regards to the question of would this make the blade more prone to breaking if you can magic out of that, which allows you to make it a little more extravagant. You just need to consider things like weight and precision, but those can also be broken depending on what magical metrics you pray with.
True, but I don’t want to go to the extent of shardblade, where magic basically removes all limitations on design.
Also, maybe you could make them all longer and slimmer? That might just be my taste.
Yeah, definitely. Some of them look really chunky and silly, particularly Skyshard.
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📚 Appreciator of BooksRetribution is intentionally designed to flatter, because so many of the others have a curved or jagged look. It’s one of the more solid ones in my opinion. Each of the swords is supposed to look pretty different, so that’s why only one is single edged.
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