- This topic has 13 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 3 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
I created this new topic because I don’t want to get confused about where I am/my stuff is. And you don’t get bogged down in other groups.
So I wrote a piece directly into YWW–the site where I learned about this one–and I personally think it’s going quite well. What do you think?
<span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>Copyright is all mine, by the way</span>. *grins*
David walked over to Ruth and murmured about the possible danger he’d found at the shed. Her hands froze in their movements, the knife in her right hand held aloft as though being [brandished].
She lifted her eyes to his slowly, uncertainty shining in their depths. Her lips trembled upon hearing the news of *danger*, and she swallowed almost-convulsively.
“Are you – Are you sure it’s a wild animal?” David could see real [fear] in her eyes. The terror sounding in her question told him she was really, truly [terrified] of what it could mean. And David felt nervous seeing her [terror].
“It’ll be all right. I promise.” He didn’t feel as confident as he made himself sound. But he wouldn’t tell her that. Ruth was [scared] enough without having to see him cowering under the porch as he wished to be doing.
“It’s fine, Ruth.” He still marveled that she gave him permission to use her first name. It was something he had to get used to after being raised to respect women by referring to them as “Miss” or “Mrs.” instead of by name. When he left the city several years ago, that [show of respect] was rarely used.
“No one is in the shed. A wild animal got in there. I’ll chase it away when I go back out there.” Shaking her head, Ruth still didn’t look convinced. David sighed, knowing she wouldn’t easily change her mind about this.
He would just have to prove it to her.
Turning resolutely toward the door, he marched back outside. Ruth followed after him hesitantly, asking if he was *absolutely sure* he wanted to face [danger] alone like this.
What she didn’t ask was if he would willingly face her stepfather-in-name-only while holding only an ax and accompanied by his dog.
“People have been stopped by less.” He responded with certainty – again, it was more than he felt – and continued moving toward the shed.
He was still several yards away when Shadow leaped in front of him, growling at the shed door. It was only then he noticed it shuddering. He raised the **ax**, preparing to do battle with whatever [animal] he locked inside.
David knelt beside the [dog type], petting the animal.
“What is it, Boy? What do you smell?” He lifted his head to gaze at the [shed], continuing to rub the dog’s head as he eyed the door – now shuddering. It must be some animal in there.
And then he heard it. A grunt. He urged Shadow to quiet down, listening for more giveaway sounds from the [shed]. He was surprised the door stayed closed in spite of the apparent beating it was being given.
@kaymart I like it! I think it’s going pretty well. 🙂
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
@kaymart We’d actually ask you to post topics like this in the novel critique forum (I’m going to go ahead and move it there), but if you want to keep track of all your posts, you can click the hyperlink on your name and then navigate to “forums” where you will find all of the topics you have started.
🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢
@kaymart The green text right underneath your profile picture.
🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢
@kaymart I like it. This seems very well written. I would gladly read more. 🙂
A Kapeefer for life!
Compendium of KP Literature: kapeeferliterature.wordpress.com@kaymart I like the questions you brought up in this piece. About Ruth’s character. What might be in the shed, and what it was doing in there in the first place?
And what would happen to David? 😀
Definitely keep it up!☀ ☀ ☀ ENFP ☀ ☀ ☀
@kaymart This is really good! It asks a lot of questions really well, and definitely makes me want to read more. You did a really good job drawing the reader into the story.
Silence! Silence everyone, for the king's speech!
Thank you. Thank you, every one of you! Very encouraging to read that people like what I’ve written. I’m not the best at the male’s POV, so I’m pleasantly surprised.
I do plan to add more to the story and post it here (I do hope that won’t be a problem). Do you have a method of sharing that doesn’t take up as much space? Google Docs or something? I don’t want to hog anything.
@kaymart I like this! I would read more! 😀
And yeah we use Google docs around here all the time, if you’re wanting to post the link to your story. 🙂
I'm a Kapeefer 'TIL WE'RE OLD AND GREY!
www.jennaterese.comI sadly have not worked in this story very much since posting the bit I did at the top. But I think continuing will be a must now that I’ve reread the comments here. I hope you won’t be disappointed.
@kaymart I look forward to you continuing the story. 😉👍
I'm a Kapeefer 'TIL WE'RE OLD AND GREY!
www.jennaterese.comI’m sorry I haven’t been back except that one time a few days ago. I’ve neglected this site mostly because I forgot (let’s be honest). But also because I haven’t had much time for writing. No, that’s not right. Let’s just say I’ve been foolish and leave it at that.
The novel critique forum, you say, Daeus? I couldn’t find it when I looked before and just now. Maybe I was looking in the wrong place.
I’d love to know what people there might be saying about it. Can anyone update me on that? 🙂
GOD BLESS!
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.