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So, awhile ago scientists made the stunning discovery that men and woman were different. I still don’t know what sort of mental state I’d be in if they hadn’t figured that out for us. But, besides obvious physical differences, the differences between men and woman are fascinating, especially when it comes to writing and one is writing the opposite gender. Then it can get hard to make sure everything is realistic because men and woman think and react and see things differently.
Literally.
A woman will see colors and textures, while men see speed and distance.
Also, reactions to dangerous situations. A man’s body gets ready for ‘fight or flight’. A woman’s body shuts down and their reaction is to hid.
Anyway, the point of this topic is to discuss the differences between reactions and thoughts for writing purposes.
And I’d a question of my own that I still find hard to believe even though my brothers have partially confirmed it. It was a bit of a comedy, but the speaker was saying that a woman’s brain was like a ball of tangled wire, contently thinking about something and everything in an interconnected way. The man’s brain, however, he said, was like a series of boxes. A man thinks about one thing. Then he thinks about something else. Also, he has a ‘nothing box’ where there are times he’s not thinking anything at all. This is the part I can’t imagine, since I (and women’s brains) are always thinking all the time. So what I want to ask any of the men who see this…is it true? Can you really think about nothing sometimes? Also, is the compartmentalization of thoughts pretty standard too?
INTJ - Inhumane. No-feelings. Terrible. Judgment and doom on everyone.
ooh, I want to hear what you all have to say about this.
@hope For my part, I never think nothing. I’ve tried, I can assure you. I do have moments of blurred thinking though. It’s not easy to describe exactly, but I guess you could call it a sort of dull, wandering, fragmented thinking. That’s not super common though.As for compartmentalized thinking, I’d say that’s pretty true. That’s not to say we don’t see things in the big view, but we’ll switch from big view to specifics and not mix the two. Every thought is a categorical statement.
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@Daeus every thought is a categorical statement? Whew… lucky you. 😛 For my part, though my brain is more or less categorized (think computer browser with a million tabs open in a billion windows), I jump so rapidly from category to category it’s really difficult to keep a steady thread of thought sometimes. I digest information more subconsciously than not. That may be my overdeveloped intuition (it is overdeveloped; believe me— to the point where it starts crowding everything else out), but I’m pretty sure most women think more subconsciously than factually. We (I) process information so rapidly there’s no time for conscious thought, and consequently some of the info gets lost in the crossfire. I have noticed that women tend to be more scatterbrained than men— perhaps that’s the reason. We feel more than we think— or rather, our brains are usually called upon to agree with our hearts, not the other way around. Not that our hearts act without our brain’s consent (at least not most of the time) but that we feel about something before our brain has time to evaluate it logically.
So, awhile ago scientists made the stunning discovery that men and woman were different. I still don’t know what sort of mental state I’d be in if they hadn’t figured that out for us.
@Hope scientists are so helpful, aren’t they? 😛
This is a great topic. I haven’t got much to say right now, but I shall post all my people-watching comparisons here in the future. 😉Well, men have an emotional reaction first as well, but they’re more likely to put it on the back burner until they’ve thought it through unless circumstances make them succumb (make them succumb more easily) to reaction. Then the brain can follow along in a brutal logic that however is a slave to the passion and certainly isn’t rational when viewed from an outside standpoint, though it seems the excess of reason to them at the moment and may even be hard to answer without some time to think it through. Most likely this will appear in either anger or depression, but it could be extasy too. Maybe something else I’m missing. Hmm…
And the “categorical statement” thing was a slight exaggeration, but it’s relatively close.
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Here’s something. See if you all agree with it. In my opinion, women tend to be more communicative about it if they are offended, while men are more likely to react in offended ways without perhaps even being conscience that they are offended, or at least suppressing the distasteful idea. A woman might react in offended ways as well, but it would be laid out with the assumption of offence and then working towards what caused it, whereas a man might snap out with causes and then become suddenly aware that he is offended. I am not talking about mental processes here so much as verbal ones.
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@Daeus Hmm, you might be right though that’s a bit hard to confirm since I don’t know if I’ve ever been offended. Annoyed at siblings, yes, but not offended. Do you mean communicative as in talking about it to the other person or in showing they are offended?
INTJ - Inhumane. No-feelings. Terrible. Judgment and doom on everyone.
That seems about right, @Daeus… though I can’t say for certain because I don’t think I’ve ever been seriously offended. I might be too shocked to do anything at all coherently. 😛 But women are definitely more ones to talk over a problem and see if they can get it worked out that way than ignore it and move on, pretending (to themselves or others) that nothing happened. Also women are more in tune with their own emotions; better at identifying what they’re feeling, perhaps, and thus better at working it out verbally.
@hope I meant communicative as in talking about it.
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Well, this thread had gone much of anywhere. But I have a question. You’d probably be interested in this too, @kate-flournoy…considering out talk of certain characters. *smirks*
Anyway, my question is this. How does a man accept comfort? Each person is different, of course, but if a girl has suffered a devastating loss or is in a low place, it’s completely realistic for her to crumple in the arms of a friend and weep into her shoulder. Somehow, I don’t see a guy doing that. At least from what I’ve heard, men aren’t quite as emotional as women…by which I mean they don’t show it as much, not that they don’t feel anything. 😉 So, for you men here, what sort of comfort would you accept? Just knowing someone was there with you? A firm clasp of the arm? A, umm, hug?
Tagging @daeus and @timothy-young…surely there are more young men here than just you two? Where is everyone?
INTJ - Inhumane. No-feelings. Terrible. Judgment and doom on everyone.
@hope Good question. You’re right we aren’t really the type to collapse in a sobbing heap. Haha 😉 That being said, males are not indeferent to comfort. I have a bunch of random points here. First of all, jut from my impression, males tend to seek encouragment more than empathy, whereas with females there is more likely to be a preference for empathy. Another thing is that males are not likely to go looking for comfort (most of the time) even though they may want it. They also may want it without really knowing that they want it. Also, males are more likely to be able to handle trauma well. Impersonal disasters, even things like a family member getting murdered that they didn’t know very well, they are likely to take stoicly. More personal traumas can still have a huge effect on them, though likely less than it would on a female. They may really appreciate comfort in such situations, but are more likely to try to work things out inside their own brain by themselves. It’s kinda funny, but I’d say it’s the small but persistent trials that can really break down men. The two that really come to mind are feelings of mistreatment and feelings of constant faliure in some area. These are likely to lead to depression and the subject will probabbly consume their thoughts. In some cases, this can lead them to seek out the most sympathetic person they know (probably a wife or mother) and acting gloomy until they are asked what’s wrong, and then slowly breaching the subject as if it were only some small matter before unleashing what they feel. This isn’t going to happen more than rarely though. As a side note, if the matter isn’t too personal, the male is almost certainly going to try brainstorming his way out of the situation instead, maybe with another male, probably not with a female.
So now that I’ve covered the menatal side of things, I think you wanted to know about physical comfort. So here’s the thing. Men aren’t going ask for it, and most likely it might not even cross their mind they want it, but if they are given it, it can have a huge impact. Honestly, the more physical, the more impactful, so hugs on the top. This might not work thought if it is around other people or if the comfort is for somethign really trivial (like getting hugged for cuttiing yourself. Ha. Yeah. No way.)
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@daeus Thanks! That is very helpful…I’m fascinated by both the mental and physical side. So, about the physical side…I’m assuming it would be more natural to come from other men? Or would other men be less likely to think of a hug than a mother or sister? And while it’s natural for a mother or sister to hug someone who is suffering, what if it were another female friend. No romance intended or implied on either side, just comfort? Would that be too strange?
Also, while we’re on the topic, I’m wondering if the actions in the paragraph below are realistic. The character is a young man with a great responsibility that he feels like he’s been falling the past few months. He’s been captured, wounded, is exhausted, has lost a good friend, and has just seen his friend’s mutilated body…
A moment more and he was outside, leaning against the side of the cabin as his meager breakfast forced its way back up. Dry sobs shook his body as Ard followed, wrapping one arm about his unwounded shoulder and pulling him close.
INTJ - Inhumane. No-feelings. Terrible. Judgment and doom on everyone.
@hope I think that example could be fine.
As for men giving physical comfort to another male, I’d say it takes three stages. Stage one where the grief is relatively controlled will likely receive a sort of muscling encouragement, the comforter doing something like grabbing the grieved around the shoulders and shaking him. Stage two where the grief is more serious, but not quite overflowing will receive a somewhat reserved but more gentle comfort — probably a hand on the shoulder. Stage three where the grieved one is breaking down may receive a full out hug just as anyone might give it.
As for the female friend thing, I guess it depends on their relationship and the intesnisty of the comfort. If the guy is at the stage one I described above and the girl just full out embraces him, that’s gonna seem weird, unless it is clear that she is the one who is really seeking comfort, which often times may be the case. Girl seeking comfort by trying to comfort someone else. Also, any more verbal comfort than five words is probably going to seem excessive, unless there is an issue the guy is trying to work through and this girl is somehow the right one to help him work through it.
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@Daeus Seeking comfort by trying to comfort someone else, that is so true. With sorrow, probably, but especially with fear. If a girl is afraid, she’ll try to find someone more afraid to comfort, or someone who needs help to help, in an effort to control her own emotions.
INTJ - Inhumane. No-feelings. Terrible. Judgment and doom on everyone.
@hope-ann I am so glad you started this discussion. I have always wondered about things like that, because I have no brothers and don’t know any guys very well, so I’m always kind of guessing how a male character would respond in any given situation. @daeus, thanks for your input. I have question, too.
Do men really hate asking for directions?
I mean, that is one of the number one stereotype statements women will use about their husbands or other men. It happens that the men in my life (my dad and my grandpas) are all walking GPS units and never really need to ask for directions. (My mom always says that when God was handing out GPS units in heaven, she and I got lost while trying to get to the hand-out spot.) But as far as physical directions and emotional directions go, will a guy ever ask for help?
This applies to writing in the area of “quest” type novels. Is a guy good at strategizing a plan for completing the quest, or does he need help? If he needs help, will he ask for it?
I think that’s all the random clueless questions I have for now.YA Fantasy Writer
Obsessive Character Namer
Find me at hisinstrumentblog.wordpress.com@his-instrument I’m not really sure I can generalize about that. You might be right, but I wouldn’t be the one to say.
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