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@esther-c @freedomwriter76 @acancello @kyronthearcanin @whoever-else-is-welcome-to-chime-in
This is the autobiographical allegory that I’ve started. Please, what are your thoughts? How do the characters grab you? (Also is a Google Doc easier for y’all to read it?
This is a story of Little One and the ways she walked on her journey from her home village of Little Faith to her Guide’s mountain castle of Great Faith.
Little One dwelt in the village called Little Faith at the foot of the mountains. She had lived there since she was young. Some of her family lived there too, journeying out as merchants, tradesmen, and ambassadors for the King who reigned over the land. Some of her family had even journeyed out to Great Faith and back again, bearing epic stories of victories seen on the road and wondrous stories about the Guide and the King.
Little One served the King too, but from the village. She also served her family. Most days she went out and tended her little garden plot just outside the village. Two things consumed Little One’s time: one, this scanty garden, and two, her Bag of Entertained Thoughts. In this satchel, that accompanied her everywhere, she kept a journal of love for her family, a few of her favorite scripture verses written out on cards, memorized songs on pages, secret ambitions, books snuck in late at night, pages and pictures, and some things she’d be ashamed to sort through if anyone was around. She often took out the pages and read them over again or snuck secret guilty looks at them.
Young Little One was quite fond of growing her collection in the bag, her favorite souce being from Mailman Love. He brought all sorts of letters, packages, and news to citizens all throughout the Kingdom. He was the way that Little One kept in touch with her traveling siblings and friends.
One day, just after Mailman Love had come by with a delivery, Little One was settled on a boulder in her garden, with the freshly opened envelopes in her hands, eager to read the news. But this day was different.
Little One looked up from her letter, trembling. She didn’t want to read it again, but her eyes wandered back, hoping she had been mistaken about what she had read. Her heart sank and she felt sick. It was true.
How could Undiscerned have willingly sold herself to the enemy’s slavery? Yeah, there were evidences of the loss of hope in Undiscerned’s life, but yet it was so unexpected. Little One felt like she had been hit with a pile of bricks. Her heart was beating fast and her cheeks were rosy hot. As tears stung to come out, she thoughtfully fingered her best friend’s last letters. Little One and Undiscerned had grown up happily together in Little Faith. But just in the last couple months Undiscerned had oddly started camping on the outskirts of the village and coming into the village less and less. Although Little One had not seen Undiscerned for weeks, Mailman Love kept them connected through their letters.
“Slavery?” Little One shuttered the terrible word outloud, shuttering again as she remembered the slavery she herself had been bought out of. In an instant the nightmares of the blazing fires where she had once worked, half a lifetime ago, came back to her. The tears stung worse and some came failling. Why would Undiscerned do that willingly? She sobbed, “Oh, Undiscerned–”
“Little One!”Came a breaking call across the field.
Little One looked up quickly, a sudden shiver of guilt running down her spine. What would her parents Dear Encourager and Loving Prudence think if they found out their youngest daughter was best friend, or at least a former-best friend, to one of the enemy’s slaves, a deserter from the benevolent King? Then she mustn’t tell them.
“Coming!” She answered back, wiping her face and stuffing the letter in her Bag of Entertained Thoughts. She took a sweeping look around the garden. It was not emaculate by any means. Weeds speckled Little One’s beds of tomatoes, cucumbers, and peppers, almost ready to begin showing their wares. Rich ivy vines encircled the pear tree. Often times when Little One came out her she would just end up reading through her Bag of Entertained Thoughts and thinking rather than tending to her fruit.
Little One sighed and latched the little gate behind her with a squeak.Loving Prudence was there at the doorway of the family cottage, a basket of clean laundry on her hip. “How was the garden today?” She asked.
“Fine,” Little One ducked inside.
Loving Prudence looked thoughtfully at her youngest daughter. “Are you alright?”
“Yes,” came Little One’s reply, but it caught in her throat. She lowered her eyes and caught the corner of Undiscerned’s stationery hanging out of her bag. Quickly she tucked it back in and busied herself with supper preparations.I really like it! I really like the characters names and how they do seem real. I dont see any mistakes or anything wrong with it. (Reading on here is fine, I dont think you need a google doc. Are you posting more? 🙂
"Would you kindly...?"
Good work! I enjoyed reading it and would totally read more! 🙂
The names make me think of Pilgrim’s Progress (that’s not a bad thing lol), which makes sense, because they’re both allegorical. Makes me want to read it again.
Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.
I really like it! I could definitely get a feel for the characters.
I’ll totally read more if you post some more! 😀
I agree with Solfyre, that the names remind me of Pilgrim’s Progess. But of course that’s not a bad thing! 🙂
Keep up the good work!! 😄
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
Awh, y’all are so awesome! Thank you. That makes my day. I’m excited to keep sharing it with you!
Part 2!
All through supper Little One tried to focus on her siblings’ conversation. She tried to be normal, but her Bag of Entertained Thoughts felt so heavy, she kept figeting with it. If anyone noticed, no one seemed bothered.
That night Little One could hardly sleep, haunted by images of Undiscerned at work stoking and bellowing the burning fires in the enemy’s armory. Work Little One had tried to block from her traumatized memory. I have been rescued, ransomed, saved, Little One tried to silently remind herself in the blackness of her shared bedroom. The King bought me with a price. That’s not my work anymore. I am saved. Little One shivered. The room was too dark.
Stealing out to an empty room down the hall, Little One lit a lamp and huddled in a rocking chair. But I am saved, I am saved, I am saved, she repeated to herself, slowly, finally, wearily nodding off. But even sleep did not avail her, peace of mind giving way before tainted dreams. Nightmares, really.
In her dream, Little One was fighting in a battle, one of the enemy’s raids. Her friends and family were all warriors beside her. Even Undiscerned was there in the King’s colors, loyally fighting. But suddenly Undiscerned was stuck down. And, one by one, so was everyone else around her. Only Little One was left standing. Little One’s armor was scanty, hardly more than a leather sash. She barely had the strength to hold the shield and the heavy sword lay limply, rusty, at her side. An enemy soldier turned, looked her in the eyes, and stepped toward her; and hundreds of others appeared and did the same! They began beating their swords on their shields in a tormenting terrible clatter. Clash. Clash. Little One wanted to run, but her legs were putty. Clash. Clash!
Little One shook herself awake with a gasp, heart bursting her chest, her arm aching from her position in the rocking chair. The terrible clatter still echoed in her ears, morphing as her brain became clearer into its true source. Her older brother was simply making the morning fire and tapping the ash off the fire poker against the metal fire grate.
“I need help,” She groaned.
@esther-c @freedomwriter76 @acancello @kyronthearcanin @whoever-else-is-welcome-to-chime-in
Part 2 is out now! Thanks for reading! 🤗
@esther-c @freedomwriter76 @acancello @kyronthearcanin @whoever-else-is-welcome-to-chime-in
And here’s part 3:
All day long Little One tried to catch Loving Prudence alone, but the siblings always seemed to be around. Then just before supper Little One saw her chance.
As Little One stepped into the kitchen, Loving Prudence looked up from her stirring, “How are you, my daughter?”
Finally! Little One took an emboldening breath to answer and at that moment one of her siblings stepped into the kitchen. “Fine,” Little One sighed, letting go of her courage, and went about setting the table.
Finally Little One saw another chance as Loving Prudence was folding the last of the day’s laundry. Her heart sat heavy in her chest and she could not remember what she had rehearsed all day over and over to say. Before any doubt could stay her hand, she blurted out, “Earlier you asked how I was. I said, ‘fine,’ but…’ Little One paused, gulping and taking a deep breath as she knew she had to finish her sentence. She had gotten this far. She needed help. “…I’m not fine.”
Tears welled up in Little One as Loving Prudence sat Little One down on the edge of the bed and heard the whole story.
“I got a letter from Mailman Love the other day. From Undiscerned. She talked about– she talked about surrender. To the enemy.”
Loving Prudence pulled Little One close, “Awh, sweet daughter…” Little One could hear the heaviness in her voice, that someone would break the heart of her daughter.
Little One snuggled deep into the embrace and treasured the security, tears streaming. “There’s more. She’s went and done it. She’s– she’s in the enemy camp now. Doing the work that I used to do. And I can’t– I can’t stop thinking about it.”Loving Prudence held Little One close for a long time. It was so relieving for Little One to get that weight out of herself. To share the burden.
“Come with me,” Loving Prudence said softly, and taking Little One by the hand, she led her up to the second story study where Dear Encourager sat at his desk. Drawing up two chairs, Loving Prudence relayed the story to him and Little One sat down silently, tears still streaming.
“Do you have the letter?” Dear Encourager asked.
“Yes,” Little One drew it out of her Bag of Entertained thoughts and set it on the desk. Loving Prudence sympathetically took up Little One’s hand in her own. Dear Encourager looked at the folded letter. Then at his daughter. Then at the letter. He got up and walked to the window silently. Thoughtfully.
“O Little One,” He shook his head, turning toward his youngest, “It breaks my heart that this happened, not just for Undiscerned, though for certain it does; but it breaks my heart that your heart is broken. Your heart being tender, compassionate, and loving is a beautiful thing. It’s the character of the King. I love seeing that in you.” He sighed deeply. “I am so sorry that this means the end.”
Little One looked up, crestfalled, “Is there nothing I can do? Not even write her to explain? To convince?”“Any letter or reply would put our Mailman Love in danger to deliver it,” Loving Prudence explained, consolingly rubbing Little One’s hand. “Even if a knight could bring it through the lines, it would be intercepted and twisted by the enemy before Undiscerned read it, leaving you both worse off.”
“You can still write, though. Write a petition to the King for a rescue,” Dear Encourager added, “He alone can bring Undiscerned back, if she is willing.”
Little One looked sadly at the letter still lying folded on the desk. The end. The last letter from her best friend.
Loving Prudence looked to Dear Encourager, “What then of this letter?”
Dear Encourager took Little One’s other hand. “I want to protect you, Little One. Will you let me seal it again and return it as ‘undeliverable’?”
Little One looked up quickly.That seemed so drastic. But the influence of it was strong. Strong enough to pull Little One away. Too strong. All the friendship and happy years together in Little Faith flashed through Little One’s mind. All for not? Never again?
She looked up at her father and saw love shinging out of his eyes, teary like hers. It was wise. It was what must be done.
Little One leaned forward and gingerly picked up Undiscerned’s last letter. “Yes,” Little One breathed in a whisper and shakingly surrendered it over to her father’s hand.
I love part two and three! The storyline is really good, and I’m excited to see where it’s heading. 🙂
Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.
The next 2 chapters you wrote are amazing! I love how each chapter draws you in! Like @kyronthearcanin , I am excited to see where its heading!
"Would you kindly...?"
I’m getting more intrigued as I read. I love where this is going! 😄
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
@kyronthearcanin @acancello @esther-c
Thanks so much! XD Your encouragement means a lot.
@esther-c @freedomwriter76 @acancello @kyronthearcanin
@elanor @felicity @starshiness @whoever-else-is-welcome-to-chime-inHere’s the next part!
The days seemed lighter after that. The guilty burden of hiding the letter was gone, now what lingered was just grieving her best friend. Little One didn’t often journey out to her garden anymore or anywhere else alone, but stayed close by home, close to her family. She maskingly played with her siblings and always turned her gaze away from where her thoughts still wandered back to. Where the nightmares returned her. Away from the forests to the south. The forests where Undiscerned was. Out there somewhere. Lost.
“My daughter,” said Loving Prudence as she came in one day carrying a parcel to the room where Little One was sitting. “Come and see this.”
Little One set down her handiwork and moved over to where Loving Prudence stood. Loving Prudence handed the parcel to Little One, who curiously untied the strings and unfolded the cloth. It was a book inside.
“This is the Guidebook. Your very own.” Loving Prudence explained. “Our King sent out a history of the Kingdom. An Edict for It. A Map of sorts. In it too He…”
Little One looked up from the book, still with a quizzical expression. Loving Prudence smiled and started over, “Take your cloak and come with me.”
Loving Prudence took Little One through the busy streets of the village. Past the smithies shop, through carts and donkeys, down market street, and past the booths; until they reached a little stone wall around a domed building near the middle of the square.
It was a familiar stone wall to Little One who had ventured nearly every reach of this village. She’d never been inside, though. She knew that inside was an immaculate botanical garden and often caught the scent of sweet fruit wafting over the wall and saw faces come out beaming with peace and contentment. It was called the Sanctuary. Little One had never gone in because the door was always locked whenever Little One had tried before.
Now Loving Prudence flipped open the Book to the center pages and pulled out a key on a ring. She handed it to Little One.
“The Guide built this house for His people. I come here repeatedly. For comfort. For encouragement. To pray my deepest sorrow. To joyfully give my highest praises. To cleanse. That’s what I want for you, my daughter. For your mind to be cleansed.”
Little One cocked her head to one side as she took the key. She’d been in many of the Guide’s buildings before, but never had one affected her like Loving Prudence was describing.
Little One turned the key in the keyhole, opened the gate, and they stepped in together.
There drifted by such an aroma that Little One wondered how she had ever been satisfied by the faint sweet wiffs from the outside of the wall. Birds sweetly proclaimed their jeweled melodies and soft calls high above in the dancing sunlight beyond the rich canopy of emerald trees while below there wound a glorious swirled agate footpath and gentle clear springs rippled and followed along beside. Light hammer dulcimer strokes broke and enhanced the thick peace. Amongst the green of the floor were delicate white hooded lilies and brilliant orchids with butterflies floating about them like colored lace in the wind.
Little One took it all in and tears replaced her vision. It was what she didn’t know she wanted.
Needed.
Loving Prudence slipped her arm over Little One’s shoulders and walked them over to a white marble bench. Silently opening the Book, she read in the sweetest whisper, in slow reverent awe of the words,
“How blessed are all who take refuge in Him….
Thou, O Lord, art a shield about me,
my glory and the One who lifts my head.
I was crying to the Lord with my voice,
and He answered me from His holy mountain….
The Lord sustains me….
The Lord also will be a stronghold for the oppressed,
a stronghold in times of trouble;
and those who know Thy name will put their trust in Thee,
for Thou, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek Thee….
O Lord, Thou has heard the desire of the humble;
Thou will strengthen their heart, Thou will incline Thy ear….
Thou will make known to me the path of life;
in Thy presence is fullness of joy;
in Your right hand there are pleasures forever….
My steps have held fast to Thy paths. My feet have not slipped….
The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,
my God,
my rock,
in whom I take refuge;
my shield and the horn of my salvation,
my stronghold.
I call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised,
and I am saved from my enemies….
As for God, His way is blameless; the word of the Lord is tried;
He is a shield to all who take refuge in Him….”
Loving Prudence placed the open book in Little One’s hands. Little One read aloud,
“Thou has also given me the shield of Thy salvation,
and Thy right hand upholds me;
and Your gentleness makes me great….
The Lord lives, and blessed be my rock;
and exulted be the God of my salvation….
The law of the Lord is perfect,
restoring the soul;
The testimony of the Lord is sure,
making wise the simple.
The precepts of the Lord are right,
rejoicing the heart;
The commandment of the Lord is pure,
enlightening the eyes.
The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever;
The judgements of the Lord are true;
they are righteous altogether.
They are more desirable than gold,
yes, than much fine gold;
Sweeter also than honey and the drippings of the honeycomb.
Moreover, by them Your servant is warned;
In keeping them there is great reward.”
Little One read that section again to herself. She’d even read bits of this Book before, but it had never seemed to be for her. It never spoke into exactly what she was going through. But it did today. The wondrous words swirled around in her head as she got up and slowly followed the agate path. Light seemed to shine from under the agates displaying what a glorious kaleidoscope was found in the beautiful swirls and patterns. It was beautiful. For the first time, Little One felt what a great love the King had for her. Yes, she’d been rescued by the King from slavery years ago, but then the King had seemed far away in the mountains at His castle of Great Faith while Little One was just in the tiny village of Little Faith in the foothills.
Yet, if the King had built the Sanctuary in this little village, this peaceful place, this blessed place, what love! He had known His people needed this gift. He had probably known Little One needed it.
Memories of trouble faded away and the King was magnified, the biggest, all she could think about. All her mind was filled with. Just like what Loving Prudence had read, in His presence was fullness of joy.
Slowly, as Little One stood still and listened, there was a melody, shared by the dulcimer, water, birds, even the quiet flutter of the butterflies and silent blooms. An echo of the Book.
The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever,
Desirable far beyond refined gold
Thy judgments are true, righteous altogether
Sweeter than the sweetest honeycomb
Turning simple to wise
Righteous, rejoicing the heart
Purely the light of my eyes
Cleansing for a new start
Surety surrounds Thy glories
Perfection is the Law of my Lord
Walking in Psalmic Sanctuaries
I find rest and am restored.
I like this! The description of the Sanctuary is beautiful. Keep up the good work!
He must increase, but I must decrease.
I love this!!! 🙂
I agree with @felicity. The descriptions made it seem so real, without losing the style of writing. Well done! 😃
Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.
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