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Alrighty, guys…
I could use some help on this front. I’ve learned pretty well over the past few months how to show and not tell, but I actually am using that too much.
Don’t get me wrong. Always show over tell, but my problem is that I’m focusing way too much on the emotion. And Ike… Zelaya, they’ve all gone dismal.
How do I refocus my writing so that it’s not all gray all the time?
@daeus @kate-flournoy @aratrea @ethryndal @clairec @epicaddie2 @dekreel☀ ☀ ☀ ENFP ☀ ☀ ☀
@dragon-snapper If you feel like there’s too much emotion bogging your story down, your scene sequel ratio may be off. K. M. Weiland has a series of articles about structuring scenes that may be helpful.
If it’s smaller scale that you’re dealing with, my advice is to write the first draft and then do adjustments in revisions, when you can evaluate whether the emotions are strengthening the story and characters or softening them up.And he said unto her, Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace.
@Dragon-Snapper Is this problem arising in the current story you’re working on, or all of them as a whole? Because child, I’m almost finished reading your book, and I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about. If anything, I was going to say that you need to focus more on the emotion, not less. Is this a response from beta-reader feedback, or just your own opinion of your writing?
INTJ ➸Your friendly neighborhood mastermind. ➸https://thesarcasticelf.wordpress.com/
@dragon-snapper do you mean on a scene to scene basis, like too much reacting, or just in general when you’re describing emotions? Just having one emotion indicator can help, like if your character is scared, only mentioning her rapid heartbeat rather than her wide eyes, her rapid heartbeat, and her clammy hands.
I think it’s still fine to have a lot of emotion in stories, as people are emotional, but you can also use descriptions of surroundings and how characters view things to set the mood, rather than describing body language and internal sensations.
Did that answer the question? 😛
@dragon-snapper If the problem is just that your story seems too dismal, make sure there’s always an element of hope mixed in with the chaos and strive to focus on your characters’ yearnings/ambitions that drive them forward. If you’ve got that all down, I bout your story could be too dismal. Problems tend to intensify stories. It’s only stories with really depressing worldviews that end up totally dismal.
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<p style=”text-align: left;”>https://pinterest.com/pin/840765824158672061/?source_app=android</p>
Don’t know if this answers your question or not but I found this and it helped me. Sorry its not in picture form but it kept freaking out everytime I tried to post it as a picture.
HC
@dragon-snapper, uuuuuummmmmmmm.
yeah.
I’m not going to be much help with this, cause I do the same thing.
One of the things I’ve found helpful is, like @daeus said, insert hope. Your characters should be driven by their goals.
Unless your MC is like mine, who is just plain hurting and miserable, and kind of takes it out on everyone else. ????? Like, WHY? Why is she doing this to me? I used to think that when writers said “My character isn’t cooperating!” they were making it up, ’cause, come on, it’s a fictional character, you have control. Um…no. They do what they want!!!!
Anyways.
I’ll figure it out eventually. 🙂
Official Member of the Certified Club of Aussie Kapeefers
Oookay, that’s a lot to catch up on. XD
@introvert_girl Right. The emotions in my character should be strengthening them… I’ll try to keep that in mind…
@ethryndal This is for the third book in the trilogy, so I can understand why you’re not seeing it. I think one of the problems might be that I’m focusing too much on characters and not enough on story in this book, whereas in the first book, I mainly focused on the story. It’s feedback from myself and my sibling… not anyone else, though. I’ll probably re-evaluate it soon though….
@audrey-caylin That’s actually one of the problems. When I describe the scene, the entire mood is dismal. Like… here, read this:Understand? Ike choked and squeezed the shirt in his hands. Everett wouldn’t—couldn’t—understand this! The pain, the one in his soul, couldn’t fade. It just made the world gray.
Gray.
Ike’s ears began to tingle, but he clenched his fist. He turned his shoulder back toward the window. With a cut sigh, he said, “Understand…?”
Everett shook his head, a movement that Ike could barely see in his peripheral. “Never mind,” he muttered. Then he straightened, brushing his fingers through his nearly-white hair. “I thought you might appreciate those.”
A knot mounted in Ike’s stomach. The clothes blurred in and out of focus, and Ike rubbed his face with his hand. Hard enough to try to wipe off whatever was making him frown, but not hard enough to scrub off the gray.
*hides* Tell me Kapeefers, if that is too much… 🙁
@daeus *notes to add in hope* I keep forgetting all this stuff while I’m writing… do you have any way to remember while you’re writing?
@clairec Goals. Goals. Goals. *repeats it over and over* I’ll try to remember that. XD Yep, the characters pretty much do what they want. Ike is being grumpy.See Kapeefers, I’m a bit stuck. Because sometimes I think it’s too dismal, and other times I think it’s just right. Then other times it’s too much. Should I try to fix this now, or do you guys think this is something I can wait until I edit to fix… Or is it fine. *headdesk* I CAN’T FIGURE THIS THING OUT!
☀ ☀ ☀ ENFP ☀ ☀ ☀
@dragon-snapper well without actually knowing what the story is about or what you are trying to achieve, I think its good. I mean, a little bit of dismal is good for a story. It pulls at the empathy cord in your readers.
HC
Hiya @dragon-snapper! Nice to see you. I saw your questions, and as I’m in a bit of the same spot, I’ll go ahead and be extravagant and share all my answers. (Because we all know how much I like giving advice….*sighs* It’s a habit I can’t break.)
Anyway…your story feels gray, you say? Ya, so does mine. I’m… rather deep and depressing to be around when you start talking about the world, so I’ll save you that rant, and instead focus on the question.
My favorite thing to do when my characters are feeling gray or the weight of the world gets to be to much for them is to pull an inside joke. For example, my MC was dumb enough to jump off a waterfall in the beginning of the book, so when he gets all depressed I’ll probably add a little gag about that in. It’ll help lighten the mood a bit.
Another thing I have in my arsenal is my “sidekick” character. It sounds cliche, but my “sidekick” has a love for practical jokes, and he’s also very good at them. Plus, it adds to his character.
Also, here’s a note on darkness and “gray” in stories that I find to be helpful. The gray is supposed to show. It’s supposed to be important. The darkness is supposed to drag the characters down, to hurt them, to break them. But that’s not what makes them heroes. What makes them heroes is not that their broken, or flawed, or beaten down, but that they have the strength to stand up again, and say, “No. I won’t let you beat me.” That’s what makes a person a hero. So don’t be afraid to let the darkness show, to make your characters fight and hate and love and live and die. People don’t learn through peace, they learn through pain. You must be broken before you can be remade.
I hope this helped! It was a bit of a rant(But honestly, when is it ever not a rant with me?).
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~Sarah
Writer. INTJ. Dreamer. Thinker. Reader. (And Dragon.)
*vader vibes*
@dragon-snapper First of all, nice example. 🙂
I don’t think that it’s too dismal by itself. Even a lot of that can be good. It creates tension, you know.
It just takes a little bit of hope to keep the reader on the right track. Simple things too. Depression works because it pretends to be immense. Little, pleasurable, “childish” (quote on quote) details can help pierce through the cloud.
I’m not sure how I remember to include hope while I’m writing… Sometimes I don’t remember. I’ve had practice though and I often spend an hour or so thinking about a chapter before I write it, so I think that helps me avoid some issues.
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@daeus Thankee. *bows* Well, I tried incorporating small ‘good’ things and it’s been a lot let dismal lately. I think I just let Ike gnaw on dismal’ness’ for too long. XD
@sarah-anson I really like the italicized bit you said there. *nods* I agree. Thanks!☀ ☀ ☀ ENFP ☀ ☀ ☀
@dragon-snapper I honestly think it’s perfect. I want to write emotions like that!
But I understand why you might be concerned about an overload of cold cloudy grayness. (I can’t seem to get enough of that in…but then again, I’m not to the gray parts yet….anyway.)
I’ll take some examples from my Aislinn Mollisong: Hero! roleplay for this, because I haven’t gotten past the happy beginning in Embers yet.
Aislinn gets into trouble a lot. Like, a lot, as @ariella-newheart, @xonos-darkgrate, @lady-iliara, and all the other Aethasians can attest to. Only yesterday, she basically hit her emotional breaking point. She had just taken two month’s worth of Automaton viruses, sibling-enforced house arrest, getting betrayed several times, and even time travel (which involved meeting a younger version of her childhood friend that gave his life for her).
It all came to a head when Xonos’ sister (aka alternate account Sonox) tried to kill her. She just couldn’t handle it anymore. She was in a pretty good deal of pain, her little sister had been captured and she didn’t know if her friends had even made it to rescue her.
And then Nikko. He gave her a truth-bomb (Oh, how I love those…) which gave her hope, and then joked about her sense of adventure. I think the exact words were,
“You do get into plenty of adventures, don’t you?”
“Of course! What is the point of life without adventures like this!?”
“Oh, I like to think helping people is a good one. Also maybe you not almost dying every two minutes.”
So yeah. I probably just rambled for nothing, but there you go.
(Also PLEASE PLEASE let me beta-read the second one!!!!!!! And the third one!!!!! PLEASE!)
ENTP, Aether-borg Hero with cape obsession and fascination with swords.
https://forums.theaetherli@aislinn-mollisong
Wow… that is a hard life. 😛 One of my characters used to be like that… no wait, there still are some.(Of course! Once I edit those, but I’ll probably want people who’ve already read the first book. @dekreel You too)
☀ ☀ ☀ ENFP ☀ ☀ ☀
@dragon-snapper Yes, it is indeed. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. (Also it’s a really good thing that Aislinn is me because if she wasn’t she would mutiny.) (I still can’t figure out whether to refer to her in first- or third-person.)
Thank you. I must read it. SOON.
ENTP, Aether-borg Hero with cape obsession and fascination with swords.
https://forums.theaetherli
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