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Here is a short story I wrote over Christmas break, so merry belated Christmas! I have always tried to imagine Joseph’s point of view, so I have finally put that into words.
Any thoughts or a full critique is welcome! Don’t worry about being to harsh with your feedback. 😉(the italicization is not working for some reason, so I am sorry if that causes any confusion.)
Thank you for reading!
For His glory,
Abigail(p.s. Is this the correct way to post a critique topic? I’m new to all this. )
Joseph’s Songbird
Joseph laid aside his carving tools on the table laden with sawdust and gazed upon the wooden creation in his hands. He smiled and rubbed his thumb over the wings and beak of the little sparrow. It isn’t perfect, but it is as perfect as I it can be for my sparrow. His eyes twinkled as he thought about his betrothed, Mary. How gentle she was— like a sparrow she was. And her voice, oh, her voice was even sweeter than a bird. He loved it when she would create a song about things she loved, or wonderful things that had happened to her.
He sighed picked up a chisel and made a scratch in the corner of his work table right next to the numerous other marks in the wood. Another day gone without seeing her. He counted the marks in the wood— about three months Mary had been gone visiting her cousin Elizabeth.
Joseph set aside the wooden bird and grabbed a tool to begin another project to keep his mind off of missing her— but that only made things worse. So often she would sit beside him as he worked and hum as she gazed upon the work of his hands. “God gave you such a gift Joseph,” she would smile, looking up at him with her big brown eyes.
He cradled the little bird in his hands, longing for the time that he can take her as his wife and cradle her in his own arms. “My little songbird,” he smiled, then kissed the top of the wooden bird’s head. “Though I miss you… you are well worth waiting for.”
“Joseph! Joseph!” a little boy came running through the door. “Mary! Mary! She’s back. I saw her at her house!”
Joseph let out a whoop and ran outside, still clutching carving in in his hands. He began running down the street, weaving in and out of the people. Some shouted, others laughed, but he did not care. He was going to see his Mary.
How long had she been home? Why didn’t she send word upon her return? He pushed that thought aside right away. She probably just recently returned home and had been visiting with her parents first.
He dodged a man pushing a barrel of fish, but then bumped into a merchant carrying a basketful of stringed beads and necklaces. Upon impact, the necklaces scattered all over the dust in the street. “My apologies, Marcus!” Joseph began to scoop up the necklaces. “What’s your hurry man?” The familiar voice of the merchant asked.
Joseph just grinned, putting picking up the last of the beads and tossing it into Marcus’s basket. “Mary is home!” He yelped and began running again.
He heard the merchant’s voice behind him, “But Joseph—“
Another man hushed him. “He must not know.”
Joseph did not know what they were talking about, he did not care. Three months was three months too long.
He reached the edge of town and ran faster as he saw Mary’s house in the distance. He saw Mary’s abba and ima tending to their garden at the front of the house.
“Shalom! Shalom!” Joseph called reaching their gate. “Is Mary home?” He asked, grinning from ear to ear.
Mary’s abba threw down his rake. “Home! She is indeed.” He snapped. “The harlot.” he growled under his breath.
Harlot?
Mary’s ima turned her back and began weeping.
“I-I’m sorry… I don’t understand.” What did all this mean?
“She’s in the house. You can go see her— if you so desire.” He picked up his rake and began to strike at a stubborn weed. “Stone her if you will.”
“Stone her? His Mary? What could she possibly have done?” Mind whirling, Joseph knocked on the door. Why was Mary in the house and not outside? She loved the outdoors and always was helping her abba and ima in the garden. And what did her father say about her? What did he all mean?
All those thoughts disappeared when he heard a timid voice say. “Come in,” though it was spoken so quietly that it sounded as though she did not want to be heard.
Why did she not run to the door and greet him as she usually did?
“Mary?” Joseph stepped through the door, searching for his betrothed.
“Hello, Joseph.” Mary’s eyes turned downcast, her voice quaking.
“Mary!” Beamed and rushed up to her. “How I’ve missed–”He stopped short a few feet away, a sinking feeling lurching at the pit of his stomach. His gaze fell upon Mary’s stomach— once slim and petite, it now pushed out against her tunic, swollen with child.
He looked back into her eyes, those once innocent eyes now reflecting with sorrow. For an instant she glanced away like she wanted to retreat, but she forced herself to look back into his eyes.
“M-Mary?” Joseph’s voice trembled, his mind whirling. “Darling…” he took a step closer to her and she hung her head. “Who— what monster brought such harm to you?”
Mary rested a hand upon her stomach. “There was no harm done, Joseph…”
Her words came as a kick to his ribs, nearly taking his breath away. “You mean—” tears brimmed, his voice shook. “You accepted this willingly?”
She looked down at the child growing inside her. “Yes.Yes I did.”
Joseph’s hands clenched into fists. He then realized he still held the sweet little sparrow in his hand. The bird he spend hours carving for his betrothed. His own songbird— yet she had sang for someone else.
“Who was it, Mary? Was merchant off the street?” His voice rose. “Or I bet it was a Roman soldier. A man who has wealth and honor?”
She looked up to him, eyes sorrowful, but not even a hint of guilt reflected in her eyes. “No, Joseph it—”
“Is it that I don’t have money? Because, darling,” his voice broke. “I could have worked harder, Mary. Why didn’t you tell me? I would have worked harder…” he repeated, tears brimming in his eyes. “If only I would have known…” he turned away.
“Joseph… This did not happen as a means to dishonor you.” Tears came to her eyes and began to course down her face. “I know… I know it’s hard to believe or understand— but I have no guilt because I know that this was God’s plan. He–”
“Do not speak blasphemy, Mary!” Joseph turned to face her. “This is a direct violation of His law! Do you not understand that? Don’t you not understand what this means?”
Mary did not look away. She did not shy. Instead, she looked straight into his eyes and nodded. “Yes… I do.”
The weight of the world seemed to weigh down upon him as the full reality of her sin began coming into light. “Mary— if anyone finds out… they will stone you!” The tears that had been welling up in his eyes spilled over, soaking into his beard. He hesitated before gaining the remaining distance between them. He wanted to put his hand on hers, or stroke her long dark hair, but he knew that was not proper— especially now. “Why did you do this, Mary? Why?”
“Oh Joseph—” she whispered, tears running down over her rosy face. Her shoulders began to shake as she began to weep softly, cradling the child growing inside her. The child that was not his own. How he longed to take Mary into his own arms and kiss her tears away, but she was not his to have. She had sold herself away to another man. She will never belong to him.
Joseph turned and began walking back towards the door. He could not bear to look upon her any longer. He rested on hand on the doorframe to steady himself. “I will not tell anyone…I—” he drew in a deep breath, everything inside him screaming to not speak the next words. But it was the only thing that could be done. The only thing that he would bear to to. “I release you from our engagement… We no longer belong to each other, we never will.” He drew in a deep breath, trying to gain enough strength to speak his next words. “I rather have you live… and be without me, than for you to die for your adultery…” a lump rose in his throat, choking out anything else he might have been able to speak.
Mary began to weep harder, her cries nearly shattering his already broken heart.
He turned his back fully and was about to step through the door, but he then remembered the sparrow in his hand. He started to turn back towards her but he forced himself to look away. He slipped the bird deep into his pocket and left.
The distance back to carpentry shop and house seemed like a journey that would never end. So many times he would walk that road and dream about the day that he and Mary would walk back to his house as husband and wife. He did not always have to dream, for Mary would still walk with him to see a project he was working on or sing him a new song that she had created.
Sweet, gentle Mary…
She would never sing for him again.
Joseph walked into his shop and let his gaze travel about the room, taking in various tools, and finished projects that would have been in their home…
He sighed and walked over to his work table and picked up his tools. I suppose now I have time to fill in all those orders.
He began to carve a heavy stump of wood, and it felt awkward compared to the delicate piece of wood he used to carve the bird for Mary.
Joseph’s hand clenched around the tool, his entire body shaking with grief and anger. He sank to his knees right there before his workbench. “Oh Lord— Give me the strength! I cannot endure this.” Joseph, the man who never cried, the man let anything get in the way of his work, the man who never admitted to grief, began to weep. His shoulders began to shake, his body trembling. Where Mary’s sweet songs used to fill the walls of the workshop as he worked, now soft sobbing sounded in the silence, no work being done.
Mary deserves death. She was unfaithful to him and deserved the price of committing adultery… But as he pictured her still, bruised and bloodied body with stones scattered around and on top of her, he pushed that thought away. He rested his head against the leg of his work table, overcome with grief. I can only divorce her secretly as I told her… That’s the only thing that can be one…
Suddenly a white light flashed and an angel of the Lord stood before him. With and loud voice proclaimed. “‘Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take you Mary your wife, for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit. And she will bring forth a Son, and you shall call His name Jesus, for He will save his people from their sins.’”
Just as quickly as he came, the angel disappeared. Joseph awoke and looked around the room. He still knelt in the same spot before his workbench, the tool still in his hand.
“Wow…” Joseph ran his hand through his thick hair, drawing out a long breath between his lips. The God who created the trees, the waters— God who created him… somehow, was now being formed inside Mary. Mary was not only innocent… God had chosen her to be the mother Jesus, and she had willingly accepted. This child— the Messiah. The savior was going to be born.
The prophecies of the prophet Isaiah were being fulfilled before his very eyes. ‘Behold, the virgin shall be with child, and bear a Son, and they shall call His name Immanuel.’
Joseph picked himself up and once again grabbed a small piece of wood. Flakes of bark began to fall away as a new wooden creation was underway.
~*~
A sweet voice became more clear as Joseph neared the garden. He secured the piece the piece of twine around the bundle in his hands as he walked closer.
He rounded a bush to then see Mary sitting upon a bench under a sycamore tree, her back to Joseph. She messaged her belly as her voice now carried through the garden as she sang to baby Jesus inside her.
My soul magnifies the Lord,
And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior.
For He has regarded the lowly states of His maidservant;
For behind, henceforth all generations will call me blessed.
For He who is mighty has done great things for me,
And holy is His name.Joseph’s feet carried him closer towards the beautiful sound, her words, touching his heart. The truth of everything settling deep within his heart. She continued to sing, exalting the Lord, eyes closed and smile spread wide.
He has put down the mighty from their thrones
And exalted the lowly…The lowly… Joseph mouthed. Like us, Lord?
He has helped HIs servant Israel,
In remembrance of His mercy
As he spoke to our fathers,
To Abraham and to his seed forever.
The last note carried away on the wind as Joseph seated himself on the bench beside her. She startled, looking to him. “Joseph—“ her eyes widened. “I thought—“
He set the bundle upon her lap.
“What is this?”
“It’s for Jesus.” He said looking deeply into her eyes, a slight smile spreading across his face.
Tears brimmed Mary’s eyes and she nodded. She pulled out the loop of the flopping bow of twine and the cloth fell, revealing a block of wood with the Hebrew alphabet scrawled across it.
She looked up at him, a sweet smile spreading across her lips.
Joseph took her hand in his own. “I’ll be with you every step of the way, my songbird,” he whispered. “And soon, we will be singing praises to our little Immanuel.”
Mary squeezed Joseph’s hand gently, then smiled, suddenly placing a hand on her stomach. “God is with us.”@Abigail-blomberg Wow! That’s a really awesome story!
☀ ☀ ☀ ENFP ☀ ☀ ☀
@Abigail-Blomberg I really love the idea of taking the story from Joseph’s perspective, and I love the symbolism of a songbird you chose to represent their love. Great choice. There were only a few things I noticed that actually needed work— for one, you seem to randomly switch back and forth between past tense and present tense. That can be confusing. Also, the story itself was very rushed in places. Specifically Joseph’s dream. That was his turning point— the whole story hinges on that moment, and it was gone in the blink of an eye. I would probably spend a little more time with that; descriptions and such. And Joseph went from complete doubt to complete faith in the blink of an eye as well, which doesn’t really resonate. He’d believe, yes, but it’d be more a dazed, wondering sort of belief than complete understanding and buoyant joy. That was to come later.
Otherwise I really like it. Lovely Christmas story. 🙂
And yes. This is the correct way to post a critique thingy. 😉 For the forum, at least. If you wanted an excerpt critiqued by the actual staff and posted on the home page, you’d have to submit it by email as stated in the submission guidelines.
@Abigail-Blomberg Coolio! It’s a nice twist, doing it from Joseph’s perspective.
The main thing I think you might want to work on is the grammar in some places. Some where typos, some where just words together that didn’t quite make sense.
It isn’t perfect, but it is as perfect as I it can be for my sparrow.
This line had me a little confused at first, besides the typo-ed I, because you didn’t specify that he was thinking. It seemed like you had randomly switched to first-person POV. This kind of thing occurred in several other places.
Like Kate said, Joseph’s dream was a little rushed. It’s like the climax, the big changing point of the story, and he didn’t even seem to bat an eyelash. I think there would be a little more shock, more dubiousness.
Finally, the speech didn’t fit the time period. And okay, I totally get that you’re not going to be able to write exactly the way they spoke back then. For one thing, it’s extremely hard, and for another, your readers probably would have a difficult time understanding what your characters were saying. But some things, like “darling” or “wow”, are a little too modern for the setting.
Besides these things, I think it’s a really great story! I love what you did with the songbird. Keep it up, and Happy New Year!
INTJ ➸Your friendly neighborhood mastermind. ➸https://thesarcasticelf.wordpress.com/
@Dragon-Snapper Thank you very much! And thank you for reading. 🙂
@Kate-Flourney and @Ethryndal Thank you both for your feedback! I am glad that you both mentioned that the dream seemed short because I was wondering if it was. The reason I strayed away from it was because the dream was not very detailed in the Bible, so I suppose I was lazy in coming up with a description. I will try to elaborate on that more because I agree that it is THE pivotal point in the story.
As for the switching tenses, that has to do with the copy and pasting method. What seems to be present tense is supposed to be highlighted because those are his thoughts, but the italicization did not carry over. 😉 Thanks for pointing that out though!
It was also good to hear feedback on the “modern” speech. I was also wondering about that, not knowing if it sounded too modern or if it helped people relate more.
Thank you all for your feedback. I greatly appreciate it!
Happy New Year to you too. 😀
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