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@folith-feolin ack I’m sorry! If it makes you feel better, I call everyone sis 😅 And I think your name is awesome! I have a naming system similar to that for one of my stories with an elf-like race.
Monsters creep
In the silent dark-deep
In the filling-eye hills
In the shriveled hand-keep@freedomwriter @loopylin @mineralizedwritings
So, I attempted a blurb. 😐 And KP won’t let me go to my profile page so I’m stuck here. Tell me what you think?! 😊
He took the maglev train.
Milo Trone has been living his life inside a simulation. Every part of his life feeds into it. It surrounded him in his childhood and stayed. He works a lowly job as a maintenance worker at Teclor, going home back to his Synthesis Pod. The pod is the centerpiece of his empty bedroom. His fear of relationships causes him to never reach out. His life is the simulation. Until he takes the train.
She took the maglev train.
Cammie Naihe hides in the Teclor Synthesis simulation. Her fear of failure causes her to not reach for success. She has worked at a desk at Teclor since the moment she graduated highschool. The pod is the centerpiece of her empty bedroom. Her life is the simulation. Until that day on the train.
He became a mentor.
Grant Jeane dreams of seeing his projects being used. He excelled in school, got a job at Teclor, and has been climbing up the ladder since. Every second he has to spare is spent thinking up new ideas and building gadgets. His life is his work. Until some maintenance worker becomes his intern.
She came back to the city.
Elissa’s life is filled with music. She has reached her dreams and is touring the country with her band. But occasionally, she thinks back to her friend from home, and his obsession with his life game. Her life is her music. Even when she goes back home.
These are my main character. Pretty much the only ones, actually, other than the parents and the one brother. Also, Elissa doesn’t have a last name so if you have any ideas I would gladly take them! Thanks!
@freedomwriter76
woops. I messed up your tag. Anyway, I attempted a blurb! And KP isn’t working so, yea. Tell me what you think!
He took the maglev train.
Milo Trone has been living his life inside a simulation. Every part of his life feeds into it. It surrounded him in his childhood and stayed. He has a lowly job as a maintenance worker at Teclor, going home back to his Synthesis Pod. The pod is the centerpiece of his empty bedroom. His fear of relationships causes him to never reach out. His life is the simulation. Until he takes the train.
She took the maglev train.
Cammie Naihe hides in the Teclor Synthesis simulation. Her fear of failure causes her to not reach for success. She has worked at a desk at Teclor since the moment she graduated highschool. The pod is the centerpiece of her empty bedroom. Her life is the simulation. Until that day on the train.
He became a mentor.
Grant Jeane dreams of seeing his projects being used. He excelled in school, got a job at Teclor, and has been climbing up the ladder since. Every second he has to spare is spent thinking up new ideas and building gadgets. His life is his work. Until some maintenance worker becomes his intern.
She came back to the city.
Elissa’s life is filled with music. She has reached her dreams and is touring the country with her band. But occasionally, she thinks back to her friend from home, and his obsession with his life game. Her life is her music. Even when she goes back home.
Thanks for reading!
@TheLoopyOne I love it! Can’t wait to meet Grant and Elissa 😄
“Nothing says autumn like slurpin’ apples.” -my uncle
Thanks!!!! 😁😊
They’re actually both in chapter six, which I am… working on. 😐 But I’ll send it to you once it’s finished! I think Grant is slowly replacing Cammie as my favorite, too.
(Elissa is the one we were talking about earlier. You gave me the idea, so thanks! 🙂
Yeah KP is being weird for me too lol
Love it! I’m so curious how the dynamic’s play out, and I love your names too! That’s great you can work on your book in chapters… LOL I have zero clue how to start XD
I have a sketchbook with a sheet for each character and possible plot points, and a couple word files for when I come up with a scene I’ve just gotta write.
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
A couple last name suggestions for Elissa:
Cromwell, McKay, Adler, Finnegan, Underwood, Halifax, Bancroft
Don’t feel obligated to use any, as you can see I kinda like unique names 😂 and they very well might not fit your story.
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
C’mon KP, work. It’s just one problem, though, I can still do most things!
Thank you! (I got a couple of them from name generators 😐 I live off of mithril and mages)
The only reason I’m getting anywhere on this is that it’s for my Novel in a Semester class I’m taking. 🤣 It’s making me push past procrastination. Or at least try, I’m a couple of chapters behind… I’m usually where you’re at, though. Procrastination is powerful.
Ooh, thank you for the name suggestions! I like Adler and Bancroft. I haven’t completely finished creating her character (I thought of her while writing the chapter before the one she first appears in) so I might have to consider how race might be a part of her last name too. Unique names are so much fun! Do you ever just make sounds and then turn those into names? 😆 Or smash a bunch of keys to make a name. I especially do this when writing fantasy.
Sounds like that novel class really helps with writers block lol.
I like Adler and Bancroft. I haven’t completely finished creating her character (I thought of her while writing the chapter before the one she first appears in) so I might have to consider how race might be a part of her last name too.
Hope you find one that works! That’s some short notice to add a character 🤣. What is her personality like?
Do you ever just make sounds and then turn those into names? 😆 Or smash a bunch of keys to make a name. I especially do this when writing fantasy.
I haven’t tried that! Honestly whenever I hear a name I like, I consider adding it to my story.
My character Tauren was named after Tauren wells, the previous lead singer of Royal Tailer, a christian band. I heard of a singer named Marlee awhile ago, and now a have a character in my story name Maylee. I also look at baby name lists 😂
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
Oh yeah, it does. It’s all for my grade. Although, at this point, I care more about the novel than the grade. I’m planning on writing it all in the semester and then going through and heavily editing it. And add a lot of chapters in the middle cause they are not giving me enough for my precious character growth!
Yup, short notice. 😳 I’ve always kinda doubted when authors say that a character just showed up, but now I’m in the same boat. I actually haven’t started writing her yet but she is literally later in the chapter I’m writing now so, I’ve got to figure it out. Ugh, personality. Also pretty underdeveloped. 😑💀 Why is writing so hard! I’ve been kinda thinking that she (explains a bunch in feelings that I can’t put into words). Uh, fierce, strong-willed, a little impatient? Yeah, I have to figure this out.
I know Tauren Wells, but I didn’t know he used to be in a band! But yeah, I do the same thing. Especially the baby names. Shh, don’t tell anyone.
And add a lot of chapters in the middle cause they are not giving me enough for my precious character growth!
Good idea!
I actually haven’t started writing her yet but she is literally later in the chapter I’m writing now so, I’ve got to figure it out. Ugh, personality. Also pretty underdeveloped. 😑💀 Why is writing so hard! I’ve been kinda thinking that she (explains a bunch in feelings that I can’t put into words). Uh, fierce, strong-willed, a little impatient? Yeah, I have to figure this out.
Ohh interesting. Something that has really helped me is the question of “What drives the character” or “what is their end goal” I have had a hard time fingering this out for my mc’s, but keeping the question in the back of my mind helps their growth stay a bit more in control. Different thing work for different people though 🙂
I know Tauren Wells, but I didn’t know he used to be in a band! But yeah, I do the same thing.
Yeah! I used to love their music. “Ready set go” might have been my favorite song of theirs. Looking back on it though, the music video is really outdated and makes me cringe pretty bad. Still sounds good regardless.
Especially the baby names. Shh, don’t tell anyone.
Lol 😂
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
I’ve actually been having a tough time with Milo and goals. Because he is addicted to the simulation he doesn’t really have any goals except level up on the simulation. So I guess I’m giving him goals. Shoving them in his face. Same with the drive. What drives him? Pretty much nothing except the simulation. So I have to give him a reason to try. Ya know? Writing is hard.
With Elissa I started writing a character study thing (instead of writing the actual novel). I think I’m understanding her more. I can share it with you when I’m finished.
I listened to Ready Set Go. I liked it!
Just some ideas about what could possibly drive him, of course you know your story better than I do, so don’t feel obligated to use any.
Maybe think about why he likes the simulation so much- obviously it is better than his usual life, but is there a emotion/experience he is seeking through using it? He is going on a date, so it seems like he is seeking love. If he is going to have a backstory of where he came from, you could include something like a experience in the real world that made him turn to the simulation. Perhaps he had a relationship that didn’t go the way he wanted in the real world (family or romantic) that made him feel like he couldn’t be fulfilled (emotionally?) through the real world. Idk, just some thoughts. Including a reason he started with the simulation might make his situation easier to understand. Like what was that moment that made him change his mind on his philosophy on living in the real world? Or what particular part of his life is he most trying to escape through the simulation?
You know a lot more about your story than I do, so use whatever works best, or don’t use any of it 😃. Just some thoughts that might help.
I’d love to hear more about Elissa! Character studies sound great, I have a page of my story sketchbook for each major character, and whenever I come up with a plot point or quote for them, I jot it down. Even if I don’t think it will end up in the book, it’s nice to see the journey each character took in becoming who they are, and who knows, maybe one day I’ll go back and use some of the early ideas.
Glad you liked it! 😃
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
Ok, so you are spot on with the relationship thing. Basically, when he was a kid his only friend was Elissa and then she moves away. He had already been using the simulation a little because his mom had one and so started using it more and more often. He just doesn’t try to build any more relationships and stays on the simulation. Skip ten or so years and he mostly lives on the simulation. Then he meets Cammie who also is addicted to it. Elissa comes back to the city for a week and the plot happens.
I’m not sure where the background story is going to be in the actual novel, but I am covering it in the character study I have for Elissa. This is what I have so far:
4 Times Elissa Couldn’t Help Her Friend and the 1 Time Someone Else Did (I’m only at three right now)
1.
Where was he?
Elissa stood at the top of the playground equipment looking out for her friend, Milo. She knew which street he would be coming from and they had agreed upon a time to meet here. Well, not so much agreed, as knew that this was the time and place they met every day after school. He should be here by now.
Elissa huffed then turned, quickly slid down the fire pole, and skipped over to the hover-horses. If Milo wasn’t here she might as well play without him. The metal horse floated half a foot above the rubber ground. Milo had once explained how a magnet placed under the rubber kept the toy in the air – similar to how the Maglev trains and personal Maglevs worked.
She pulled her long, black hair into a ponytail, then threw one leg over the side of the horse and started bouncing back and forth, hands wrapped around the faux-leather reins. Elissa imagined she was riding it through rolling hills and started singing a folk song her mom had taught her. She closed her eyes and delved further into her made-up world. The horse, with her on its back, reached the crest of a hill and galloped back down into the crevice. Wildflowers bloomed as far as she could see and-
“Elissa!” Milo was running down the street toward the park. “Sorry, I’m late!”
She crossed her arms and gave him the best stare-down she could, “Where were you? I’ve been waiting here for hours.”
His eyes brightened, “My mom let me try out her Synthesis! It was so cool, Elissa! You’ve got to try it!” Milo crinkled his nose as he continued, “She wouldn’t let me do the one where you fight robots-” he brightened, “-but I did get to do the race car! I went so fast, and I could feel it!”
Elissa shrugged, “Okay.”
His little eyes widened in disbelief, “That’s it? Okay! The Synthesis is the coolest thing ever! Way cooler than my tigers and sharks.”
Again, she shrugged, “I guess I’ll try it. Maybe tomorrow,” She put down her foot, “But we’re at the park right now, so we’re playing.”
2.
“And see, all you have to do is press this button and the virtual drum set pops up,” Elissa picked up the device and pressed the small button. Sure enough, a translucent set of drums appeared coming out of it. From behind her, she picked up a pair of drumsticks. “These come with it and watch-” Elissa tapped one of the drums with a stick and a sound came out of a speaker on the device, “-Tada!”
“Cool! How does it work?”
She was sitting on her bedroom floor with Milo, beside the small, black cube. Elissa raised her hand to pause him. “The only problem,” she said. Elissa took the drumstick again and hit one of the cymbals. It clanged. She took her hand and tried to tap the cymbal to make it still but her hand just went through it. It continued ringing. Elissa shrugged. “Well, nothing can be perfect. And I still have my best set.” Her grin dropped a little. “And I have no idea how it works.”
Milo went to grab it but Elissa quickly snatched it back, “No! You can not take it apart to find out.” She grabbed a box and tossed him a small chip. “There. The instruction manual.”
He grinned back at her, “Thanks!”
Elissa rolled her eyes.
Milo pulled out his phone and stuck the chip in, scanning the contents to get past the lengthy warning section while she played around with the drum set. She was in the middle of playing through some practice rhythms when the sound of a ding filled the room.
Milo looked down at his wristband and frowned. “Oh. I have to go home. My dad is going to be at work late. I have to feed Jolly.”
“Isn’t your mom home?”
“Yeah, I think so. But she works from home and won’t be able to come out of the Synthesis.”
Elissa furrowed her eyebrows, “Oh.”
“Mmhmm. So I have to go feed Jolly.”
“The turtle?”
“Right.”
Somehow, her eyebrows furrowed further. “Are you sure? You can stay here for dinner, I’m sure it will be fine.”
“She,” Milo corrected, “It’s fine, though. My dad can’t pick me up and he won’t want me to walk home in the dark.”
Elissa hesitated before offering, “We could drive you home.”
Milo gave her a small grin, “I know, next time. I have to feed the turtle.”
3.
Elissa stood before Milo’s house. If she took a few more steps the camera would
sense her and tell the inhabitants of the visitor. But she couldn’t just yet. So instead, Elissa stared at the ugly green door that contrasted the light, blue house in a terrible way. For some reason, though, she liked it. For as ugly as it was it was a beautiful shade of green and almost perfectly matched the shade of the bushes surrounding the small porch.
Elissa stepped forward once and then twice. She waited. The door cracked open and Milo’s dad greeted her, “Oh, hey Elissa. Milo is in his room.” He stepped back and let her in closing the door behind her. Like always, she slipped off her shoes and placed them on the bottom rack under the bench. He spoke up, again, “You can stay for dinner if you want. I can ask your parents.”
Finally, Elissa spoke, “No thank you, Mr. Trone, my grandma is coming over tonight. I just have something I need to tell Milo.”
“Ok.”
She gave him a small smile before heading down the hall that she knew went to Milo’s room. His bedroom door was sitting agar, a train track going out and toward his bathroom. She gingerly stepped over it and into his disaster of a room. Clothes lay scattered around covered by a layer of food wrappers. She spotted his 2nd place trophy for Bot-letes from 4th grade. On a shelf was his small, personal Synthesis. The toy Maglev train zipped past her, floating half an inch off the track. “Hey.”
Milo jumped from behind his bed, messing up the controls and sending the train off the tracks. It clacked onto the floor. “Oh! Hi Elissa!” His head popped up from behind the bed.
Elissa gave him a small, hesitant grin, “Hi Milo. What’cha doing?”
Her friend started spewing out information on his mini-Maglev train. He jumped up over the bed to grab it when he got a good look at Elissa and paused, “Are you alright?”
She slumped, “Milo… I have something I need to tell you.”
His eyebrows furrowed, “Okay.”
“I-” she sighed, trying to continue, “-Milo, ugh, I don’t know how…”
“Hey, hey, it’s alright. Just tell me.”
That boy was too nice. Elissa could already imagine what his face would look like when she finally tells him. She buried her face in her hands for a second before getting the courage to speak, “Milo, I’m moving.”
“What?” He whispered. There it was. His countenance was exactly as she had imagined. Pure surprise covering a small bit of fear. Creeping out was what she feared: hurt. “What do you mean? You’re joking, right?”
“No, Milo, I’m not,” Elissa told him gently, “But don’t worry we can still call each other! We can still keep in contact! And once I’m old enough I can move back here. Or maybe you can move to San Diego!”
His eyes widened even further, “You’re moving across the country?”
“Yeah,” Elissa winced. She had forgotten that part, “But c’mon, we’re thirteen! In a few years we can go wherever we want!”
“Right,” he whispered.
“Right.” She tried to believe it herself.
That’s all I have so far. 4 will be her POV of when she and Milo were in the cafe, chapter six. 5 will be a call from Milo thanking her and mentioning Cammie’s help. It will probably take place after the novel or at the very end. This definitely helped me figure out her character, though.
I also started attempting to draw Cammie and Milo, but it’s going to take a while.
@TheLoonyOne I love Elissa and this little backstory so much! Also the “Right.” “Right.” thing they do all the time is adorable.
“Nothing says autumn like slurpin’ apples.” -my uncle
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