Help?

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  • #171783
    Esther
    @esther-c
      • Rank: Chosen One
      • Total Posts: 3782

      @rae

      Ooh, that’s hard.

      Um… I don’t know if this is too dark or not, or even what you’re going for, but I remember in Harry Potter that Bellatrix was torturing Hermione (in the seventh book) and Ron and Harry couldn’t see what was happening, but they heard her screams. Obviously, it sounds worse in an actual movie than reading it in a book. But that’s what I thought of right away.

      Hearing his friend’s pain but not being able to do anything about it could really break Nahim. I don’t know how “sensitive”, per se, Nahim is to violence (I assume not much XD) but it could be one of those things where he’s literally in the room as it’s happening, but he can’t bear to watch. Or, he could be watching, but you as author choose not to go into detail.

      I think there’s this balance that’s hard to find in scenes like this. Obviously, your goal isn’t to gross out readers or anything like that, you don’t want to focus on the violence part of it. I think you should just try to focus on how Nahim is feeling in the moment and how intense his desire to save his friend is. I’ve never written any scenes like this, but if you choose to focus on the emotional aspect of it, readers will get a sense of 1) what Nahim is like and 2) how bad Mandin is getting hurt.

      So yeah, that’s my two cents. Hope it could help you out some. 🙃

      Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende

      #171837
      Ruth
      @rae
        • Rank: Chosen One
        • Total Posts: 4198

        @esther-c

        Thank you for the advice!

        Nahim’s a Warrior, his life is kinda centered around violence. But, in this case he would be sensitive. He lost his home and his family five years prior, so he has this attitude of “protect what you have, because it’s all you have left”. Plus, Mandin just is such a nice guy!

        I believe focusing more on his emotions would help, thank you 🙂

        You're extra special <3
        #AnduthForever (💕)

        #171911
        Esther
        @esther-c
          • Rank: Chosen One
          • Total Posts: 3782

          @rae

          Awesome! Glad I could help! 🙃

          Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende

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