Home Page › Forums › Fiction Writing › Critiques › Novel Critique Requests › Final book in the The Flames of Hope Saga: The Dawn Will Come
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Ellette Giselle.
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May 23, 2025 at 3:47 pm #203356
maybe.
super busy.
trying to.
Fires will rise to testify that 2+2=4. Swords will be drawn to prove that leaves are green in summer
May 23, 2025 at 3:48 pm #203357Okay, that’s fine.
"Don't shine so that others can see you. Shine so that through you, others can see Him." ~ C. S.
May 23, 2025 at 7:31 pm #203366@freed_and_redeemed @hybridlore @koshka @keilah-h @elishavet-pidyon @linus-smallprint
no section today.
Super busy.
Sorry!
Fires will rise to testify that 2+2=4. Swords will be drawn to prove that leaves are green in summer
May 23, 2025 at 11:27 pm #203382It’s okay!
"Don't shine so that others can see you. Shine so that through you, others can see Him." ~ C. S.
May 24, 2025 at 2:36 pm #203413@freed_and_redeemed @hybridlore @koshka @keilah-h @elishavet-pidyon @linus-smallprint
Ugh! I posted two hours ago, but KP ate it!
NEXT SECTION!
Extra long to make up for yesterday.
It was several hours later that the sound of steps echoed in the hall outside. Julian and Leon stood as the door opened.
The guards led them up the stairs and through the halls. They reached a door at the end of the hall, and one of the guards knocked. A voice from within commanded them to enter. The first guard opened the door, and the two others escorted Leon and Julian inside.
Sunlight streamed through several windows. Standing in the center of the room was a figure dressed in a carefully embroidered scarlet tunic, and over his face was an elaborately gilded mask with a ruby in the center.
The two guards bowed low, but Julian and Leon only dipped their heads in a gesture of respect to their new prince.
The prince stood very ridged and stared straight at the two. At last, he spoke without shifting his gaze. “Guards, leave us.”
The two moved backward–– still bowed–– and left the room. The doors closed, leaving the two young men alone with the prince and his two bodyguards, who were standing in the shadows.
There was a long, tense silence. Leon watched the prince, wondering what he was doing here and why he had taken the time to come and speak with two prisoners. Oh Lord, let us be a light to him. Open his eyes and heart
At last, the prince broke the silence. “So, you are Leon and Julian.”
“Yes, your highness,” Leon replied.
The young ruler nodded slowly. “It seems you have caused a grate stir within my kingdom and Ardenta.”
Leon spoke carefully. “Your highness, it was nothing against you or the emperor. We were only bringing the Word of God to––”
“Silence!” the prince commanded. His eyes hardened and he spoke through his teeth. “You have reduced this country to a place of violence and blood. You have destroyed all that our ancestors fought for, and you murdered my cousin!”
Leon took a step back, glancing at Julian in confusion.
“Your highness, we did not choose the violence and bloodshed that have stained this country,” Julain exclaimed. “We have wept over it and prayed for it to stop. It is the emperor and the priests who have ordered this. They have killed and destroyed, taking the lives of many dear friends and brothers. This was not our choice! All we ask for is the ability to worship in peace and, one day, for this country to turn from the idolatry that stains it and come back to the One True God.”
The prince struck Julian in the face. “And what of my cousin! What of Dietrich!” he yelled. “You killed him for the sake of your God!”
Julian looked up, startled. “Your highness, I don’t know who told you that, but it is false. We loved Dietrich as a dear brother, and Leon and I mourned his loss deeply. We did not raise a hand against him. I give you my word that I would have died for him if I could. It was the priests of the gods who took Dietrich and killed him in their temple to rid themselves of a ruler who sought the truth.”
The prince took a step back, his face going white around the edges of the mask. For a moment, he was silent. Then his mouth tightened. “Lies,” he hissed. “It’s all lies!” he moved swiftly and shoved Julian to the ground. “How dare you lie to me!”
Leon moved forward, but one of the bodyguards grabbed him and yanked him back.
“You killed my cousin!” the prince screamed. “You killed him, and you would kill me if you could! You are tearing this land to pieces! I will not stand for it!”
Julian pushed himself back from the enraged prince.
“Your highness, that is not true!” Leon cried. “We have prayed that you would have life! Not death.”
The prince spun on Leon. “Both of you lie!”
Looking up, Leon could see the tears slipping under the prince’s mask. Oh Father, please touch him! Reach out to him and heal him. Show him Your salvation. Let him find you!
“Do you think me a fool,” the prince said in a low voice.
Leon looked at him in surprise, wondering if he had spoken out loud.
“Do you think that I would believe these stories of hope, and love, and caring, and trying to unite this Empire?” the prince continued. “No, I don’t. I do not believe one word you have spoken, because I see all to clearly what you are trying to do. You want this country. You tried to sway Dietrich. My cousin always had a good heart, and I am not surprised he may have listened for a time. But he saw the truth, and when you lost him, you killed him. What a strange coincidence that directly after the prince’s death my country is covered in strife and blood. You are raising up rebels to take this country over, united under your God.”
“But it is the soldiers who hunt and kill us! Not the other way around!” Leon cried.
The prince backhanded him across the face. “How dare you talk back to me! I see through these lies and ploys! It is not what it seems!”
“Your highness, with all respect, you have not been here. You have not seen what they have done to us! We have done nothing!” Leon pleaded.
“You are right,” the prince agreed through clenched teeth. “I have not been here while the lies and deception build, so now I see with clear eyes. My Uncle is fading. He will soon die, for the loss of his son has made him old before his time. The priest care for him night and day, but the gods are letting him die. I now understand why. When my uncle is dead, I will take the throne. I, one who sees clearly, one who is strong, and one who is ready to take action. I will avenge my country, and I will avenge my cousin. I will never stop until my country is at peace.”
Leon could only stare at him in horror.
The prince turned and walked away to stand by the window. He made a motion with his hands, and one of the bodyguards moved to the door to call the soldiers. It was then that Leon found his voice. “Your highness, you will never find peace for your kingdom. Not like that. There is only one way, and that is if you bow the knee to the Prince of peace.”
The prince was silent for a long time. Then, a low laugh escaped him. He turned and straightened, the sunlight from the window flashing off the gold of his mask. “I bend the knee to no one. I am the beginning of the Empire’s glory, and the end of your rebellion. I am the Empire’s savior, and I am their god! I am the son of the gods, and I am the chief of the gods. I am the promised one. I am the prince of peace.”
***
It was cold and dark in the cell. Leon coughed, pulling his hat down farther. Julian was leaning against the wall, his cloak wrapped close about him. They had not spoken since the guards left them.
It was Leon who finally broke the tense silence. “I fear for the Empire.”
“So do I,” Julian replied. “If this young man tries to claim God’s power, there will be punishment. We both know God does not allow such things.”
Leon leaned his head against his hand. “I had prayed and hoped that we would be able to reach him, but I am afraid we did nothing but enrage him.”
Julian sighed. “He is so caught in a web of lies, and every time he turns to free himself, he becomes more and more entangled.”
“We lost so much when Dietrich died,” Leon said quietly.
Julian nodded, a thoughtful frown on his face. “I wonder, could it be that God knew that so many viewed him as the hope and salvation of the Empire? Perhaps God saw that if he had become Emperor, many of us would believe that it was Dietrich, and not God, who had delivered us. Maybe God is still going to deliver our country, but he is going to do it is such a way that not one man could say that anyone, but God had done it.”
“Perhaps,” Leon agreed. “But I don’t think it’s for use to try and understand.”
“It’s so cold and dark down here,” Julian said.
“I know,” Leon replied, forcing his teeth not to chatter.
“Do you think the prince is really going to do as he says?”
“I have no doubt he’ll try,” Leon said.
Julian let out a deep breath. “Then we need to pray for the believers, and pray that they don’t sway like in Clonabay, or cower like they did here.”
Leon nodded, and the two bowed their heads. “Oh Lord, You know the evil in this prince’s heart,” Leon said. “Please Lord, stop him in his tracks. Protect Your people God. If the prince does come to power, then guide and guard those who trust in You. Give them the strength and courage to stand up for what’s right and to follow the path You have set before them. Help them to trust You and to make no compromise. Oh Lord, help this country! Bring the people out of darkness and into light! Help them to turn away from the false gods of this land, and turn back to You, the One who created them and redeemed them. Lead Your people and help them to trust you. Give them strong faith and strengthen their arm for the fight before them. In the name of Your Son, we pray, amen.”
***
Julian woke from an uneasy sleep. For a time, he lay still, wondering if it was night or day. Then, he heard Leon talking. Julian turned his head and pushed himself up on an elbow, wondering who Leon was speaking with. Leon was turned partially away from him, and his head was bowed.
“… And Lord, help Ian to hold fast to his faith and be a light to those around him. Help him to find strength in you. Save Albee, Lord, and teach him to believe. Touch his heart Lord, and help him to find true joy in You, even in slavery. Bless Master Omar for the work he is doing trying to free the slaves. Help him to find peace and rest in You. Lord, open Hassan’s eyes. Show him the evil he is doing and turn to You. Let him know that You are God. I pray for my old master, and each one of the overseers. Let them find You! Send someone to be a light to them and use whatever part of You they saw in me to bring them to the truth. Help them to turn and seek You, Father.
“Oh Lord, I pray for the emperor. If he truly is near death, then fill him with fear, Lord. Fill him with such terrible fear that he will remember the peace his son had, and he will turn from his gods and find salvation. Oh Lord, put the terror of Your name in this young prince. Let him see the evil of what he has done and will do. Let him see the pride of his heart and turn him to You. All these things I ask in the name of Your Son, Jesus Christ, the Prince of peace.”
Julian felt tears burning his eyes. He had never known that Leon not only prayed for the friends he had made, but the enemies who had caused him so much pain and had been so cruel to him.
After a long moment, he spoke quietly. “Leon, how did you get the scars on your back?”
Leon looked over at him but didn’t answer. It was a long time before he replied. “It was when I was captured by the slave traders. There was a boy, Ian. He was rebellious and had given up. He was ready to do anything rash, but he was terrified of the overseers. I tried to reach him, but he evaded me. Then, one day, a basket of fruit was tipped over by accident. The overseers saw it as a perfect excuse to beat Ian. They would have killed him, so I took the blame.”
Julian smiled slightly. Leon was someone who would do that for anyone if he saw a way to save them. So many times, he had put his life in danger to save a soldier under him… sometimes men he didn’t even know. “Did he believe?”
“He tried to take his life to escape what he knew they would do to him,” Leon replied. “I stopped him, and he was glad of it. After that, we had a long talk, and then yes, he believed.”
“It’s things like that, which make me so blessed to know you,” said Julian.
Leon shrugged “You would have done the same. Besides, it was God who gave me the strength to do it.” He smiled. “You should get some sleep.”
Julian nodded and rested his head against his arm.
When Julian woke again, Leon was already awake. “Did you sleep at all?” Julian asked.
“A little,” Leon replied evasively. “I wonder if we get breakfast here.”
“Oh Leon, don’t do that. Now I’m starving,” Julian groaned.
Leon spoke seriously, but there was a mischievous glint to his eyes. “It’s been two days since our capture. I am famished and absolutely thirsty. Oh wouldn’t I love a nice, cool drink of water. Maybe I’ll take a nice hot bowl of soup and some of Liesl’s fresh bake bread–– light, fluffy, and steaming.”
“Leon, if you don’t stop, I will get up and choke you, broken ribs or no,” Julian growled.
Leon snickered and opened his mouth to reply, when steps echoed on the stairway. The two froze and listened as the steps came nearer and then stopped at the door. The keys rattled in the lock and the door opened. Someone shoved a plate of food into the room, turned, and slammed the door. The lock clicked, and steps faded.
Leon whistled “Well, well, would you look at that.”
Julian had already sat up, wincing at the pain in his side.
“Ah, look at this!” Leon exclaimed, pulling the tray over. “A cup of lovely, musty water, with who knows what floating in it to give us a lovely surprise, and some rock-hard bread seasoned with just enough mold to make it delightfully poisonous.”
“Leon, stop it,” Julian said.
The two thanked God for the meal and then ate the plate clean in a matter of moments.
“Now what do we do?” Julian asked.
Leon leaned back against the wall. “We could count the breadth and width of the cell in steps and then count how many stones are in the wall, and then we could count the stones in the floor.”
“Leon, I’m going to throttle you,” Julian threatened.
“And after that we can count the stones in the roof, and then we could add it all up, and then divide them between us and we could assign half the stones to you, and the other half will be mine, and then we’ll count how many steps it takes to––”
Julian threw his hat at him.
***
Time passed slowly for the two captives. They didn’t know what time of day or night it was, and the hours dragged. It was hard not to go crazy in the small, confined, underground space. Leon and Julian passed the time in prayer, thought, and reciting scripture to one another. They relived events of the past together, talking fondly of dear friends and favorite memories.
Leon found a loose piece of stone on what they guessed to be their fourth day of imprisonment. After that, the two spent hours carving verses into the crumbling outer layer of stone that covered the walls.
Julian carved his and Leon’s names along with the date of their capture and the number of days he guessed they had been there.
One night, the two awoke to the ringing of many bells. The sound was low and mournful, echoing from above into the depth of the cell they were held in. The two exchanged looks and then Leon hung his head. “Oh God help us,” he whispered.
For a time, they listened to the sound, and neither of them knew what to say. Grimly, Julain picked up the stone and scratched out the grim truth on the wall.
The first year of Emperor Dietrich’s reign.
Emperor Haidronias is dead
So ends the 17 years of his reign and begins the rulership of the prince.
If only the true prince Dietrich had lived.
Oh God help us all.***
When the morning came, Leon and Julian were exhausted. Neither had been able to sleep after they heard the bells, and with their weariness came fear. Fear of what would the young Emperor do, and what was going to happen to them were the foremost thoughts in their minds.
The day passed slowly, and when night came, the two drifted into uneasy sleep. But they did not sleep long.
Julian was jolted from deep sleep by someone grabbing his arm. He tried to pull away but was dragged to his feet. He squinted against the lantern light and saw two soldiers tying Leon’s arms behind his back. Julian felt his own arms yanked behind him, and he winced at the pain that tore through his side. A blindfold was yanked over his eyes, and he was shoved forward. Julian felt panic welling up inside him. Oh God, what are they going to do to us?
Julian moved blindly, praying desperately the whole time. They ascended several fights of steps, and suddenly, Julian felt something cold against his face. It took him a moment to realize it was a light breeze. He drank in the smell of fresh air. There was a sound of horses shaking against their bridles, and then Julian found himself dragged up onto something made of wood. Someone tumbled down beside him, and there was a loud slam. A horse whinnied, and then they were moving.
“Leon,” Julian whispered.
“I’m here,” came the reply.
Julian relaxed slightly.
Neither captive knew how long they were in the wagon, but it came to a stop, and they were taken inside again and brought down a winding staircase. Julian felt something cold against his wrist and fought back a shiver. His bonds were cut, and the blindfold was removed. He looked up to see Leon a few paces away. The two were taken to a barred cell and locked within. Then, the soldiers left.
Julian went to the bars and looked out. There was no one in the room, though the chamber their cage-like prison was in was very large. Across from them was a wide window with bars crisscrossing it. Moonlight came through it and landed on the floor in strange patters. Down a hall to the left, a torch flickered, casting eerie shadows about the room.
“What is this place?” Julian whispered.
“I don’t know,” Leon replied from behind him, his voice tight with anxiety. “At least… I hope I don’t.”
Julian spun to face him. “What do you mean by that?”
Leon looked up at him from where he was seated, his back against the only stone wall of their cell. “I may have been here before… when I was young.”
Julian’s throat tightened and he leaned against the bars. “You don’t mean…”
Leon nodded.
Julian let out a long, shaking breath. He slid down into a sitting position and looked at Leon. “Tell me about it.”
For a long time, Leon was silent, and Julain knew he was decided whether or not to speak. At last, he looked up. “I was just a boy, Julian. A foolish, stubborn, wild boy. You know I ran away with the soldiers at a young age.”
Julian nodded.
“Well, I served many years with them. When I was sixteen, I left. There wasn’t enough action and glory for me. I want something more. I wanted something that would fill the emptiness in my heart and give me purpose.” Leon slowly shook his head. “I had tried everything, Julain, and all that I knew was that glory and action buried that hurt.”
“What did you do?” Julain asked.
“I went to Landstraten. The slave trade was rampant there, and that was the training ground of the fighters for the games. I began to learn with the slaves. There were several young nobles and lords who trained there, but they were the champions of the gods, not the fighters for the blood games. Only one of noble blood could champion the gods in the tournaments.”
“Then how did you become the White Knight?”
Leon looked down and ran a finger over the stone floor. “That was all Flavia’s doing.”
“Who was she?” Julain asked.
Leon smiled slightly and a tear streaked his cheek. “She was the daughter of the governor. She saw me training one day…” his voice trailed off and he blinked. “She…” He cleared his throat and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “She became very interested in me. We talked a lot and started to spend a good deal of time together. I didn’t tell anyone who I was, for I was little better than a slave in their eyes. She and I used to meet secretly, but she finally convinced me to come to her home. Her father was a very busy man, and she could do as she pleased. We had many wonderful days there.”
Julian just stared at Leon.
Leon cleared his throat and blinked again. “We loved one another, but we both knew that when my training was complete, I would be sent to the capital to compete in the blood games, and it would be to the death.”
“What did you do?” Julain asked.
Leon smiled. “She was a clever girl, Julain. There was a painting we both loved of a lady and a knight. There were from some far-off country— we don’t have knights here. But she and I loved it, and she used to tell me stories about what must be happening in the characters’ lives. Well, she was determined to save me, but I didn’t see a way out. I just wanted to spend as many moments with her as I could. She, on the other hand, was planning. She secretly commissioned a smith to make me a suit of armor like the knight in the painting. White armor. One day, only a few months away from the games, she presented it to me.”
Julian leaned forward, intent on the story. “And then?”
“And then I put it on. There was a helmet that completely covered my face so that no one could ever recognize me or tell how old or young I was. She gave me a white horse and chose her very own bodyguard as my herald. She swore him to secrecy, but even he didn’t know who I was. Then, I disappeared. I went a lived in a secret place and trained. I was already a skilled warrior, but I had to become better. She came and taught me the manners of a nobleman, but with both decided that none should ever see my face. The mystery of an unknown warrior would carry me farther than anything I could do with my sword.”
Leon smiled gently, and Julain knew he was thinking of her. After a time, he continued. “When the games began, I road in only announced by my herald. The crowd was all astir as everyone exclaimed over the appearance of an unknown champion. I chose Flavia’s favorite goddess to champion. I won my first fight, and from then on there was no stopping the story from spreading. I was so foolishly swept up in it all, and I let that fame completely control my life. I was practically worshiped in Landstraten, and the governor said that I had his blessing to marry Flavia. He shook his head. “I should have known… I shouldn’t have been so foolish and blind.”
“You were a champion for three years, weren’t you,” Julian said.
Leon nodded.
“Did you ever lose a fight?”
He shook his head. “No, I had trained since I was a boy as a soldier, and we had a different style of fighting. Theres was a way of fighting that had many sweeping flourishes and flashing moves. I had been trained to kill quickly, and it wasn’t hard to hone those skills so that I could disarm or knock down my opponents with ease. They hated me.”
“Who did?” Julain asked.
“The other champions.” Leon sighed. “During my third game— the last one I fought— one of my opponents was easily disarmed. But when I turned to accept the crowd’s cheers, he tried to stab my in the back. His knife glanced off my armor, for it was strong. He turned to fight him, and I killed him. The crowd was enraged that he had tried to stab me, and I was cleared of any charges and even praised for my actions. But I made bitter enemies.”
Leon looked down, his hand tightening into a fist. “I was offered an escort of guards, but I laughingly refused. I was the White Knight after all. One evening, as Flavia and I were out riding with her bodyguard, we were attacked. He was killed, and my horse was struck down under me. I fell, but instead of fleeing, Flavia rode back for me. I leapt onto her horse, and we escaped into the knight, but they shot arrows after us and… and Flavia was wounded.” Leon pressed his hand against his eyes. “I prayed so hard for her— to the false gods I believed in, of course. I did everything I could to stop the bleeding, but it was no good. She died while I held her.”
Julian moved closer and laid a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”
Leon drew in a shuddering breath. “After that, I turned my back on the gods, sank my armor in a river up in the mountains, threw away my sword, and returned to the army… the only place I knew to go. It wasn’t long before I was made an officer, but I didn’t care. It wasn’t until I met you and Adrian that things changed. I felt a sort of connection to you, for we had both lost the only family we had. After that, my purpose was to protect and lead you both, and soon I found meaning in caring for the soldiers under me. But it wasn’t until Ardenta, Aaron, and everything that happened after, that I finally found what I had been searching and fighting for my whole life.”
Leon lowered his hand, tightening it into a fist once more. “I was so foolish back then. If I hadn’t been so prideful she wouldn’t have died.” He let out a long breath. “I will always regret the decisions I made during that time.”
“I know you do, Leon, and I’m sure you do have things to regret,” Julain said. “But God was able to use your fame as the White Knight in Landstraten to end the slave trade. I’m not saying what you did was right, but I am saying that God used it for good.”
Leon smiled slightly. “The thing that hurts me most is that Flavia saved my life by creating the White Knight, and then she died for me… and now I can never tell her the truth of the Salvation I have found.”
Julian nodded. “There are people who died before I believed in Christ that I wish with all my heart I could have told the Truth to.”
Leon rested his head on his bent knees. “I’m tired, Julian.”
“What do you mean?” Julian asked.
Leon sighed. “I don’t know. It’s like all the years of running and travel have finally hit me all at once.” He was silent for a long time. At last, he spoke, his voice a low whisper. “Despite what happened and the mistakes I made, I wouldn’t trade this life for any other. God has been merciful… I look forward to seeing Him at last.”
Julian looked up sharply. “Then, you think they will kill us?”
“It is certain,” Leon replied.
Julian felt a cold shudder run down his back.
Leon looked at him. “Do you remember when the men of Aelic’s village tried to kill us, and we both knew something wasn’t right?”
Julian nodded.
“I don’t feel that way now. Do you?”
Julian slowly shook his head.
Fires will rise to testify that 2+2=4. Swords will be drawn to prove that leaves are green in summer
May 24, 2025 at 2:47 pm #203414Julian slowly shook his head.
Oh no…
Good section. The new prince’s beliefs make more sense now.
And we got to find out Leon’s backstory!! I’m glad, but… it really feels like you’re setting it up for him (and Julian?) to die. 🥺🥺
"Don't shine so that others can see you. Shine so that through you, others can see Him." ~ C. S.
May 24, 2025 at 2:47 pm #203415And I totally called the gladiator fighting.
"Don't shine so that others can see you. Shine so that through you, others can see Him." ~ C. S.
May 24, 2025 at 3:38 pm #203432Good section. The new prince’s beliefs make more sense now.
Yeah, he’s a character you almost feel bad for.
And we got to find out Leon’s backstory!!
I thought you’d like that.
Does him getting angry when Julian was all excited about him being the White Knight in the last book make sense now?
Did any of it surprise you?
And I totally called the gladiator fighting.
What gladiator fighting?
Fires will rise to testify that 2+2=4. Swords will be drawn to prove that leaves are green in summer
May 24, 2025 at 5:44 pm #203436Does him getting angry when Julian was all excited about him being the White Knight in the last book make sense now?
Yep.
Did any of it surprise you?
No, I don’t think so. Not really.
Julian and Leon are now in the bottom of the arena.
"Don't shine so that others can see you. Shine so that through you, others can see Him." ~ C. S.
May 24, 2025 at 5:45 pm #203437Julian and Leon are now in the bottom of the arena.
That doesn’t mean they’ll fight.
Fires will rise to testify that 2+2=4. Swords will be drawn to prove that leaves are green in summer
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