Fight Scene Critique— I got desperate

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  • #5565
    Hope Ann
    @hope
      • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
      • Total Posts: 1092

      Like everyone else here, I love the name Denholm. 🙂

      Question…is the watchman a girl? Clear young eyes; smooth cheeks; visor down; not speaking… He might not be, but I can see a possibility…

      Anyway, one thing no one else pointed out. At the very beginning of the scene, Denholm looks at the spear stuck in the wood. Reading the rest of the scene, it would appear he’s unarmed himself, so why didn’t he grab the spear? Even if it isn’t an ideal weapon, it’s better than a chair. 🙂

      Also…and this isn’t really a correction but just my thoughts, when I heard about the hall and the dais, I was picturing a place where people met to eat, and so was slightly surprised at the small table with ink and stuff on it. But if you’ve already described the room, then I suppose the readers will know what to expect and what you are talking about.

      • This reply was modified 9 years, 1 month ago by Hope Ann.

      INTJ - Inhumane. No-feelings. Terrible. Judgment and doom on everyone.

      #5573
      Kate Flournoy
      @kate-flournoy
        • Rank: Chosen One
        • Total Posts: 3976

        Glad you like the name! It’s Norse… 😛

        No, the watchman is not a girl— good guess, though! It could almost be that way, couldn’t it? But the watchman is what is technically called a ‘mook’. He doesn’t have a name, appears for only one scene, and then disappears for the rest of the book. These kinds of characters are usually the ones that die left and right— like they exist to be killed. They have my sympathy.

        Good point about the spear— I’d not thought of that. But generally I think he was in too much of a hurry to take the time to go and grab it— the floors are granite, after all, and hard to run on quick enough without slipping. 😛 He was hoping to get away without a fight, but apparently that didn’t quite work out.

        Yes, I had described that hall earlier, and just so you know it’s like a judgment hall— the table with the ink was the judge’s table where he sat and presided over the court.
        Thanks for your thoughts!

        Daeus
        @daeus
          • Rank: Chosen One
          • Total Posts: 4238

          That makes sense to me why the guy didn’t grab the spear, at least to a degree. I think I would have gone for it if I knew I could pull it out before the guard got to me. Just make sure your reader knows why he didn’t go for the spear.

          🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢

          #5585
          Kate Flournoy
          @kate-flournoy
            • Rank: Chosen One
            • Total Posts: 3976

            Yes, thank you both— I probably need to clarify that. 😛

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