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@koshka thank you!!
#IfMarcelDiesIRiot
#ProtectMarcel
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@godlyfantasy12. 2,000 words!? GIRL!!!! THAT’S AMAZING!!!! CONGRATSSSS!!!!! *pops party poppers*
WHAT IS HE GOING TO DO TO NOVEMBER, THE PRECIOUS CINNAMON ROLL BABY!?!?!?!? 😫😱
IF HE SO MUCH AS DOES ANYTHING TO NOVEMBER, I’M COMING AFTER HIM!!!!!!
And @koshka, you can come with me. We’ll take Riven DOWN!!!! 😉
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@joy-caroline. @elishavet-pidyon. @koshka. @godlyfantasy12. Alright y’all, I wrote more!!!! More Riker!!! This may or may not make it into the book, but anywho!!! This takes place after the war ended, probably close to the end of the book. And this scene was heavily influenced by a song that I feel fits Riker very well, even though it’s sad. (except for towards the end…it actually becomes beautiful and makes me want to smile, thinking about Riker) It’s Would Anyone Care by Citizen Soldier.
These lyrics right here make me smile, thinking about Riker:
The world would be changed
If you left it behind
You can’t be replaced…From the aforementioned song. 🙂 Now, scene time!!!!
Oh, but first…
CONTENT WARNING: This scene contains suicidal thoughts and attempted suicide. If you are not comfortable reading that, please DO NOT READ!!!
Just thought I’d put that up there. 🙂
Riker’s fingers curled tighter around the dagger.
He closed his eyes.
“I wanted a son I could be proud of. A son that would be the greatest gift I could ever have. A son I could love. Instead, all I got…”
Riker closed his eyes tighter.
“…was you.”
Mistake.
Murderer.
Dirty.
Good for Nothing.
Monster.
Irredeemable.
Unforgivable.
Guilty.
Ashamed.
Unwanted.
Rotten.
Never Good Enough.
Riker’s dark blue eyes opened. Tears fell out of them. Rolled down his cheeks in droves. Riker hung his head.
Grasped tufts of his hair. Groaned.
It’s all he was…a mistake.
He had never been worthy of love.
He certainly wasn’t now.
No one would want him if they knew…if they only knew what he’d done.
How horrible he was.
How much of a mistake he was.
Iris said she loved him. Said God loved him.
But why would either of them love a mistake?
Everyone would be better off once he was gone.
No one deserved to have a mistake as big as him in their life. They deserved so much better.
So…so much better.
Riker looked up, tears blurring his vision.
He could make everyone’s lives better.
He could end it.
Now.
The moon shone, casting a shadow on Riker.
The dagger glinted in the moonlight.
Everything would be the same…no…everything would be better….once he was gone.
And he could make it better…so quickly. So easily.
He could turn off the light…permanently.
Maybe they would miss him…maybe they would cry. But their tears would be a waste.
After all, why waste tears on a mistake?
Riker’s fingers wrapped even tighter around the dagger.
He looked up at the moon…for the last time…and plunged the dagger towards his heart.
But he didn’t make it that far.
A hand grasped his wrist, twisting it slightly.
The dagger clanged against the cobblestone street.
Riker looked up, tears blurring his vision as they continued to course down his cheeks.
Slowly, Iris shook her head. “…No.”
Riker stared up at his wife.
And a heart-rending sob escaped, straight from the hole where his heart used to be. His arms wrapped around her waist. Her hands weaved into his hair.
Riker buried his face in her dress.
And cried.
So…yeah! Uh…any thoughts? I know that was pretty…sad. *sniffs, then sobs*
@freedomwriter76 😭 😭 RIKKKEEEEEEEERRRRR NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
AGGGGGHHHHHH!!! Poor baby!!!
But it was good! I too am considering 2 charries struggling with this as well in the end of the series.
(one probably for sure will, just not sure about the other)
and yes, it’s November and Corvina. But they’re also stopped, both by Arabella.
#IfMarcelDiesIRiot
#ProtectMarcel
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@godlyfantasy12. AGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I KNOWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭
IT’S NOT TRUE, BABY, IT’S NOT TRUE!!!!!! *sobs and hugs Riker tight*
Aww, thank you!!!! <3 <3 <3
Ahh…I see…I can see November and Corvina both dealing with that! And Ara stopping them. 🙂
@freedomwriter76
Wow. That was…so…
*Internal weeping*
First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
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@koshka. I KNOWWWW!!!! *sobs*
But thank you! <3 <3 <3
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@freedomwriter76
I never quite know what to say about scenes as raw as that one, because it feels wrong somehow to call it beautiful. But now I would like to go cry and I would also like to say thank you so much for handling these topics in your stories. We need more of that in Christian fiction for sure.
Ahhh, I love all the scenes you shared!
(Even though I am a touch mad at the cliffhanger. 😉 )
November is so sweet and perfectly awkward. I sympathize very much. XD and Ara…. Oh Ara.
And yes, Riven is dooming himself to major rewards…. But definitely not the nice kind!
And I think Ganesh us becoming a favorite character of mine, but we’ll have to see. (By the way, are y’all listening to General Conference? Just being nosy, you don’t have to answer. I haven’t been able to finish last night’s, but so far it’s amazing.)
@freedomwriter76
Firstly, Jonathan is adorable. Second, that last scene is horrible (I a wonderful way, if course. I love it, and you wrote it so well.) At first I was if course torn over Riker, and then I’m started seeing myself in Iris’s shies and… Ugh. It’s nightmarish.
I completely agree with @joy-caroline though. It’s hard to know what to say after reading that sort of stuff. Well done!
You have listened to fears, child. Come, let me breathe on you... Are you brave again? -Aslan
@joy-caroline. @koshka. @freedomwriter76 @godlyfantasy1
So, y’all, I need some thoughts on this scene in my rough draft. Does it make sense? Do I say too much or too little? It’s rough draft, so not my best writing, but I really need some thoughts on it.
(And I still need to plot and pray over Lennet, Alwin’s mother. I’m not quite sure about some parts if her character.)
(Also, Modor is Old English for Mother. Not Mordor, as auto correct wants to type it. XD and I haven’t researched Medieval cosmetics yet, since it only just dawned on me to do it.)
Fading sunlight filtered through the bare window to light various jars spread across the shelf. Alwin watched as his mother expertly applied their contents, studying her face in a polished brass bowl.
It had once been a beautiful face, sweet and innocent, but all that had been stolen away from it long ago. She frowned and applied more color till her face bloomed in false youth.
Thick blue shadows on her eyelids distracted from the dark rings beneath. Reddened lips and blushing cheeks appeared less thin than in reality, and covered a bruise on her cheekbone. She smiled at Alwin.
It was a good mask.
He smiled back from his place beside the hearth. Tonight there would be a feast in the tavern, with much music, drink, and laughter. She had spoken of it all evening with a sparkle in her eye.
“There will be many of us there, and we will celebrate life together till long after midnight.” She laughed at the thought. “We will forget our work and be glad.”
But he would stay at home, all alone as usual on nights like this, and in the morning, she would be back with a headache and an empty sound to her voice.
He couldn’t help but wonder what happened at these celebrations that made them worth the pain afterwards.
“Modor, can I come with you this time?”
She froze and her laugh died in her throat. Her hand fell from her jars to hang limply by her side.
Then it tightened into a fist and she spun around. Alwin shrank back, afraid of what wrath he had incurred.
In two steps she was leaning over him.
“Alwin, Dearest.” He looked up, startled to see tears glittering in her eyes. “Please, Alwin.”
She cupped his face in her hands, her gaze fixed on his. “Don’t ever let them have your soul. They’ll take it, then they’ll take everything. They did me.”
Then her hands fell away, and she turned back to her shelf, hastily wiping the tears away. Alwin sat helplessly by, uncertain of what to do. His vivacious mother had faded into herself, their ever present doom suddenly visible in every line of her face. Lynnette leaned her head against the wall and stood still, her eyes hollow. Empty like death.
The room was silent but for a muffled sobbing. Alwin slid from his place and crept to Lynette’s side. She didn’t see him, so he slipped his little hand into her inert one.
Instantly, her hand grasped his, and she knelt to gather him close.
“Someday, Alwin…” her voice fell away and she squeezed him tight. He looked up into the face bent so close to his, surprised by her sudden tenderness.
The sound of passing horses brought her back to the present. She flew to her powders to fix her mask.
All was well again in a world permanently upside down. She put on her thin cloak to go out.
“Alwin, you will stay here and be a good boy for Modor, won’t you?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
She smiled and closed the door tightly behind her.
Then, softly, Alwin crept to peep into the brass.
What would his mother think, if she knew what he had already done? Would she still love him?
He drew a trembling sigh and turned away.
You have listened to fears, child. Come, let me breathe on you... Are you brave again? -Aslan
@elishavet-pidyon Ahhh I LOVE IT!!!! It sounds amazing honestly!!!! I’m so intrigued now!!! Agh!!!!
also thank u very much, yes November is perfectly Awkward. And my poor dear sweet Arabella…
Ganesh is wonderful! Tho he doesn’t play a huge role….it’s more of a small side character role in this book and “maybe” (very very very large maybe) an appearance in another book.)
and Riven is terrible.
#IfMarcelDiesIRiot
#ProtectMarcel
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@joy-caroline.
Thank you so much!!!! 😀 Aww, girl, you’re SO WELCOME! It’s not easy to write, but I feel like for many it is relatable and it’s a sad reality for so many. Besides, God helps me through writing this book every step of the way. 🙂
@elishavet-pidyon. I know! He’s so cute! <3 Agh, that is terrifying. Thank you so much!!! 😀Oh, and y’all… @joy-caroline @elishavet-pidyon @koshka @godlyfantasy12, there is an important thing I just must mention. You see…back in the Concentration Camp…when Leon was ill…Riker had it arranged where he could work inside…and Riker supervised.
And…well…you see…Riker had his back turned…but out of the corner of his eye…he saw a knife.
So….yeah…uhm…
Riker stopped Leon from killing himself.
I know that may seem odd…stopping someone from killing themselves and then trying to kill himself…but you see…Riker has very low self-esteem…due to…well…his abusive childhood. And so thus…even if Leon’s family needed him…
Riker’s would be better off if he were gone…right?
*sniff* I’m gonna cry over here. *sobs*
@joy-caroline @freedomwriter76 (RIKER!!!) @godlyfantasy12 (Thank you! It means a lot to know you find it so. 🙂 ) @koshka
So, I promised a while back that I’d share this scene, but I had a lot left undone in it at the time. Now, while it’s still extremely rough and subject to change depending on how the story falls out, it is complete.
So, here it finally is.
Scene: solution
POV: Alwin
The door opened with a creak and Sir Winton stepped inside.
“Alwin, are you well?”
Alwin shook his head, but kept it buried in his arms. A moment’s pause and he felt the knight’s hand on his shoulder.
“What’s wrong?”
“I…I’m…” the words came out choked despite his hardest efforts to speak clearly.
“You’re?”
“I don’t want to be a bondman anymore.” Alwin gripped the table ledge and looked up. Winton was standing beside his chair, tears gathering in his eyes. “But I’m still… still….”
“Lad,” The knight knelt to look into his face. “When the King gave you your life, he never intended for you to stay a serf.”
Alwin opened his mouth to speak, but tears came instead. He hid his face, crying like a child. The shackle around his ankle bore down, cold and heavy.
“I… can’t…”
“Of course you can’t, Alwin. Not alone. The King knows that. He died to pay our redemption price. Yours as well as mine. For us, in our place.”
“Yes, sir.” Alwin gripped the table harder, his eyes closed tight. “But I’m not worth that.”
“He thought you were.”
Alwin’s gaze fell to his hands, then to his feet. To where the bitter iron claimed him.
He slid to the floor, his fingers twisting about the band.
“Alwin?” The knight laid a hand on Alwin’s shoulder.
“I want to live. To…to be… Free.”
“Then tell him that and let him set you free.”
Alwin wept, but slowly the tears coursing down his cheeks changed to words.
And then he realized someone else had entered the room. A presence at once so quiet that he hadn’t noticed it before, but also overpowering once he did. They were surrounded with royal majesty.
Alwin heard Sir Winton cry out in wonder, and couldn’t help but join him.
The King was there.
Then Alwin realized he had lost control of his tongue.
Strange words filled his mouth, words more natural than any he had ever uttered. They sank into his soul and filled it with light.
Someone wrapped him in a close embrace, but all he could make out through his tears was bright white mail and scarlet cloth.
This day is life come where only death has dwelled. Rise up servant, warrior reborn. Rise up child, son of the Highest King.
And he did, standing on swaying feet to raise his hands in victory. Beside him wept Winston, overcome with joy.
Finally, Alwin sighed and stepped back.
Crunch.
Something rolled beneath his heel. He blinked back the tears and squinted down at his feet in confusion.
Strewn on the floor about him were broken pieces of metal: all that remained of an iron shackle.
He looked up at the knight with a beating heart. “Now, may I take on the King’s name?”
Sir Winton laughed, wiping the tears from his face. “Yes, son. We can go to the river directly. Oh!” He hugged Alwin tightly. “I am so glad.”
So, what do you think? (About either of these scenes?)
You have listened to fears, child. Come, let me breathe on you... Are you brave again? -Aslan
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@elishavet-pidyon. AHHHH!!!! I LOVE THEM BOTHHHHHH!!!!!!!! ESPECIALLY THE SECOND ONE!!!! OH MY GOODNESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! THAT IS BEAUTIFULLLLL!!!!!!!!! 😭💖
@freedomwriter76
Yayyy!!!!!!!! I’m so glad!
And also, just to clear things up, the lines
This day is life come where only death has dwelled. Rise up servant, warrior reborn. Rise up child, son of the Highest King.
Were supposed to be in italics, because that’s the King speaking.
You have listened to fears, child. Come, let me breathe on you... Are you brave again? -Aslan
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