DRAFTING FORUM!!!

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  • #118333
    Anonymous
      • Rank: Chosen One
      • Total Posts: 8156

      @joy-caroline. @godlyfantasy12. @elishavet-pidyon. @koshka. So…another (part) of a scene I wrote yesterday. Only part of it, and it is completely unedited, so excuse the possible poorness of it. XD Anywho, here’s a possible part of a scene for one of my WIP Novels, Still Good. 

      Isabel and Albert were strolling around, Isabel talking to Naja, Albert with a few of the other young men.

      But Elias didn’t feel like talking.

      Everyone wearing black only helped that fact.

      Isabel and Albert were finding comfort talking…but he couldn’t.

      “I’m sorry” wouldn’t bring Daddy back.

      He was happy in Heaven with the mother Elias never remembered. But what about them?

      He walked away, as people were picking up trays of the leftover food and bringing them back to the kitchens.

      He finally stopped beside a table far away from the other people…far away from the kitchen.

      But all too late…he noticed there was still a tray.

      Someone started to come over to grab the tray.

      No.

      Elias didn’t want to talk.

      He didn’t want to hear “I’m sorry for your loss” again.

      The man grabbed the tray.

      Elias was about to walk away, when the man stood up straight and gave him a smile.

      “Are you okay?” Riker asked quietly, holding the tray.

      “Me? Oh…oh…yeah…I…I’m fine.” Elias replied, rubbing the back of his neck.

      Riker’s smile faded.

      He didn’t believe him.

      Not for one second.

      Elias inwardly groaned. Couldn’t he be left alone?

      “…Are you sure about that?”

      “…No.” Elias quietly admitted. Tears sprang to his eyes.

      Riker gave him a small, reassuring smile. “Come on…we can talk somewhere more private…once I put this tray back in the kitchen.”

      “I’ll take that.” Iris said, suddenly coming around, taking the tray from Riker’s hands.

      Elias blinked and watched her walk away.

      Riker laughed softly. “Come on…let’s talk.”

      Elias silently followed him outside, where, thankfully, no one was. “…I don’t really want to talk.”

      “You need to. I won’t tell anyone. Talk about whatever you like.”

      Elias looked away. He couldn’t.

      “Here, follow me.” Riker offered, walking away.

      Elias followed him…but Riker couldn’t make him talk.

      He enjoyed being out in the wilderness…the woods.

      Elias stopped as Riker stepped into the woods. “Are you coming?”

      Elias nodded.

      What was he up to?
      Riker stopped by a tall tree.

      Elias raised an eyebrow. “What are you…?”

      Before he could even finish, Riker had hoisted himself up onto the lowest branch, which was fairly high, without any difficulty.

      Elias looked up at him. “…What?”

      Riker laughed. “Guess I’m not as old and fragile as all of you assume.” He winked.

      And Elias couldn’t help but laugh.

      And…it felt…good.

      Elias climbed the tree, taking Riker’s offered hand when he got close, and sat on the branch beside Riker. “Will this hold?”

      “It should.” Riker replied with a smirk.

      Elias laughed, still in shock that Riker had climbed the tree with ease. The man was almost fifty years old.

      Riker smiled. Brushed his dark brown, now graying, hair back with his hand. “Now…what do you want to talk about?”

      Elias bit his lip.

      He couldn’t.

      “Come on…talk to me.”

      Riker’s voice wasn’t commanding, it was…pleading. Like…like he wanted to hear.

      And the softness of it was Elias’ undoing.

      It poured out.

      What he had seen in Vietnam, the brutality, the bloodshed, the senseless violence.

      Alan.

      The homesickness.

      And then…all about Daddy.

      How he was happy with the mother Elias couldn’t remember. How Daddy was finally reunited with her. How Daddy no longer had to suffer anymore.

      “…But what…what about…me?” Elias whispered.

      And before he knew what was happening, tears were falling. And not just crying. He was relentless, openly, sobbing.

      Something he hadn’t done in months…almost a year.

      Where soldiers and officers would tell him to suck it up…Isabel and Albert would try to comfort him to get him to stop crying…Riker…let him cry.

      Just like Daddy used to.

      #118339
      Anonymous
        • Rank: Chosen One
        • Total Posts: 8156

        So…it’s not a scene, but I just wrote this down and thought I’d get some thoughts! (bc technically…it’s still a draft, right? XD) @koshka. @elishavet-pidyon. @joy-caroline. @godlyfantasy12.

        So…I present to y’all…the idea for the back cover for my Novel, Truth’s Cost. 

        1863. It’s been two years since the attack on Fort Sumter sent the United States of America spiraling into a Civil War, and Adrian Lee Roberts, a Southern Pastor, is torn. He loves his family and his community, but his brother and many of his church members are slave owners, and Adrian is an abolitionist. But in war, one must choose a side. And Adrian can’t stand for something he knows is wrong. But standing up for what’s right can come at a cost, and he’s soon on the run from a wealthy slave trader that wants him dead. Will his family and church understand, or will they label him as a traitor and spy?

         

        And in the end…

        Is the cost of speaking the Truth truly worth it?

        I wonder if anyone can make the connection between two of my books… 😉

        #118340
        GodlyFantasy12
        @godlyfantasy12
          • Rank: Chosen One
          • Total Posts: 6645

          @freedomwriter76 ELIAS!!! *yeets into protection squad!* 😭

           

          AND GURL THAT BLURB/SYNOPSIS IS AMAZING!!!! LIKE K STRUGGLE SO MYCH WITH WRITING THOSE XD

          #IfMarcelDiesIRiot
          #ProtectMarcel
          #ProtectSeb

          #118352
          GodlyFantasy12
          @godlyfantasy12
            • Rank: Chosen One
            • Total Posts: 6645

            HEYOOOO!! Soooo just wondering if anyone wants to read the scene I posted last night and see what they think?? XD (me searching for affirmation ROFL)

            #IfMarcelDiesIRiot
            #ProtectMarcel
            #ProtectSeb

            #118381
            Koshka
            @koshka
              • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
              • Total Posts: 1558

              @godlyfantasy12

              Sorry! I read it this morning, but life happened and I haven’t been able to get back on.

              GAAAHHH!!!!! ARA, DON’T TRUST A SNAKE!!!!!

              Okay so…is this where she gets her purple scar?

              And she’s so cute as a darling childs.

              First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)

              #118382
              Koshka
              @koshka
                • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                • Total Posts: 1558

                @freedomwriter76

                Oh Elias… that’s definitely one of those situations where all you can do is just sit with him, lend an ear, and pray for the Comforter to heal.

                First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)

                #118383
                GodlyFantasy12
                @godlyfantasy12
                  • Rank: Chosen One
                  • Total Posts: 6645

                  @koshka AHH THANK U!! And yes, yes it is!!

                  it also leads to other pieces of trauma in her life. It’s quite an ordeal that my poor little Ara goes thru. She’s around 8 I’m thinking when this happens. Something like that…

                  #IfMarcelDiesIRiot
                  #ProtectMarcel
                  #ProtectSeb

                  #118387
                  Koshka
                  @koshka
                    • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                    • Total Posts: 1558

                    @godlyfantasy12

                    Oh Ara…*sob* She’s just a kid.

                    First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)

                    #118388
                    GodlyFantasy12
                    @godlyfantasy12
                      • Rank: Chosen One
                      • Total Posts: 6645

                      @koshka Yerp 😢

                      #IfMarcelDiesIRiot
                      #ProtectMarcel
                      #ProtectSeb

                      #118545
                      Anonymous
                        • Rank: Chosen One
                        • Total Posts: 8156

                        @godlyfantasy12. ARAAA!!!! I’M SO LATE TO READING THISSSS!!!!!!! I LOVE CHILD ARA!!!!

                        And also…I love the representation. 😉 Ah…so this is how she gets her scar…very intriguing. 🙂

                        Oh, and thank you! Yes, Elias is in the protection squad now. XDXDXD

                        AHHH!!! THANK YOUUUU!!!!! I JUST LOVE MAKING BLURBS!!!!! THEY’RE SO MUCH FUNNN!!!! I’m sure yours are AMAZING! 😀


                        @koshka
                        . Yes. And that’s exactly what Riker is doing up there. Poor, sweet baby Elias. I know he’s not a baby anymore at that point…but still. XD

                        #118607
                        GodlyFantasy12
                        @godlyfantasy12
                          • Rank: Chosen One
                          • Total Posts: 6645

                          @koshka @elishavet-pidyon @freedomwriter76 @joy-caroline HEYO!!! So I have some more of some scenes written! Still not finished yet but yea XD

                          I wrote some more onto the scene for Ara’s Catalyst moment- That scene where Ganesh enters and is telling her parents something

                          And some more of the scene after Ara wakes up from the dream where some of her past is revealed (the last scene I posted on here)

                          SO YA! thought id share.

                           

                          Scene: Catalyst (picking up where it left off when I posted)

                          POV: Arabella

                           

                          Her father’s eyes turned to the right, peering through the window of his study. He pursed his lips, brows and beard furrowing. Cleared his throat.

                          “Ganesh has come to bring us some…rather disturbing news.”

                          Ara studied her father’s face before turning to her mother, hoping for a bit more detail. Why was Abba being so secretive?

                          Her mother offered a sad smile, gently giving her husband’s shoulder a squeeze. “What your father means to say is,” She began, “Ganesh has brought us a message. From the Light One.”

                          Ara’s eyes widened as she turned hastily on the red-haired man. “The Light One!?” She winced at her sudden outburst, placing a hand over her lips. Ganesh merely smiled.

                          “Yes, Bellie.” Ganesh said, affectionately calling her by his own nickname.

                          “But…He…He hasn’t given us a message since…” Ara’s fingers trembled and she licked her now dry lips. She pulled at her sleeve, not meeting anyone’s eyes.

                          “We know,” her mother said.

                          Ara pursed her lips, an uneasy feeling gripping her chest. “Wh-What did He say?”

                          The adults glanced at each other. Ara’s heart plummeted at their expressions.

                          “He…brings a warning.” Ganesh bowed his head, the seriousness of his tone making Ara tense.

                          “A…A warning…” She repeated. “A warning of what?” Her fingers clenched around her right arm.

                          No one responded.

                          “Abba? Ama?” Ara prodded. Both parents looked at each other, faces pale and eyes drawn. Ara’s breathing quickened. “Gan?” She looked up at the tall figure, his skin glowing in the naturally lit office.

                          The messenger let out a deep breath, setting his palm on the desk behind him. He glanced at her parents, a silent question passing through his eyes, and then back at Ara.

                          “Arabella,” She straightened, unused to hearing him call her by her given name, “What I am about to tell you must remain…within these walls.” Ganesh’s eyes ticked to the door.

                          Ara swallowed, goosebumps prickling through her skin. She nodded.

                          Ganesh continued, “The Light One has sent me here, to warn your family, because a great evil is coming to A’Grend. And…” Ganesh paused, as if searching for the right words, “This time…the light protecting this land, will not keep it at bay.”

                          Ara’s breath hitched and a prickling pain ran through her shoulder. She glanced over and found she was still holding onto her arm. She released it, leaving nothing to hide the trembling in her hands.

                          Nothing had ever broken through A’Grend’s barriers before. The mountains that surrounded the peaceful valley were usually enough to keep intruders at bay. And even if those should fail…The invisible force that hovered over the kingdom allowed no one passage…unless accepted by the Guardians of Light.

                          By Ara’s knowledge, nothing could get past the Guardians.

                          And nothing ever had.

                          Except…the beast.

                          But that had been it.

                          In all of A’Grends history, nothing else had dared step through without the Light One’s blessing. Who would dare try now?

                          As if in answer to her unspoken question, Ganesh let out a grave whisper, turning his attention back to the adults.

                          “It is Eder.”

                          The air grew stiff and Ara watched as her her father’s hand went to his belt, reaching for something that wasn’t there. His face contorted in so many different ways that Ara couldn’t keep up. Her mother went rigid, her fair skin now ghostly pale. A shaking hand reached out, gripping Ara’s shoulder. It was a weak grasp, not the comforting one the girl was used to. As if her mother were the one asking for comfort this time.

                          Ara’s blood ran cold.

                          The name had sucked the energy out of the room, leaving nothing but a tense cloud in it’s wake. She knew the name, and the weight it carried. Knew from the stories she’d been told from a child. Of the Light One, and the founding of A’Grend. The Creation, The Dawning.

                          The Death.

                          Ara shuddered, remembering the tales her grandparents would tell her, of her lineage. Of the Light One, and His creation. Of the one who’d tried to rise against Him and his creations. The one who’d become the epitome of evil and darkness; leading people to violence and death.

                          Eder.

                          How that Eder hated The Light One, and His creation.

                          How the Light One had saved them, by creating their kingdom. Their home. A’Grend. How He’d protected them from Eder, and cast him away.

                          But now…

                          Eder was coming here…

                          Something warm touched her skin and she looked down to find a hand in hers. She looked up, meeting her Ama’s large green eyes. Ara squeezed the woman’s hand.

                          “What…what do we do?” Ara asked.

                          #IfMarcelDiesIRiot
                          #ProtectMarcel
                          #ProtectSeb

                          #118608
                          GodlyFantasy12
                          @godlyfantasy12
                            • Rank: Chosen One
                            • Total Posts: 6645

                            Scene: Dark Night Of The Soul (Picking up after dream sequence) Unfinished still XD

                            POV: Arabella

                             

                             

                            (This one’s gonna leave ya on a cliffhanger again ya welcome XD

                            Ara’s head buzzed. She groaned, swallowing the large lump in her throat. Her mind was heavy; tired, and her ears felt like they’d been stuffed with cotton. Blurry vision greeted her as she blinked, and her muscles ached.

                            She groaned again, this time louder.

                            Everything ached.

                            She rolled her shoulders, wincing as she did so. Her hands reached for her soft, silk blanket, but were instead met with an irritating bristling under her nails. She frowned, narrowing her eyes. Her ceiling was pointed downwards, and her room was much darker then she remembered it being.

                            Her hair rustled beneath her head, scratching against the ground.

                            Ara went still.

                            The ground…

                            Not her pillow.

                            Nervous heat swarmed her skin, making her sweat as she rolled to her side, her outfit scraping against the stone she lay on.

                            Stone.

                            Dirt.

                            Rocks.

                            Her mouth was dry, making it nearly impossible to speak. She grunted, forcing herself into a half-sitting position. She winced, wrapping an arm around her sore abdomen. Her grime-covered palms grit against her bodice, and she looked down, understanding she wasn’t dressed in her nightclothes either.

                            She breathed, shoulders heaving as her memories fogged, the dark sea of unconsciousness threatening to take her once again.

                            Her eyes closed.

                            Ah…

                            She was so…tired.

                            She lay back once more, staring upward. Her right hand lazily fell to the side, reaching over the stones. Her eyelid fluttered, countless dreams wishing to come alive behind them. She sighed, a small smile sprouting from her lips as her chest rose.

                            Perhaps…perhaps she could sleep.

                            Would that…would that be so bad?

                            She was oh, so tired, after all.

                            And it was…so quiet here.

                            Ara’s eyes grew heavy, her shoulders relaxing. Her fingers stretched, feeling the rock beneath them. The twists of the stone under her nails. The beating of earth under her palm.

                            A new sensation tickled her fingertips as her hand slid against something foreign. Something soft. Warm. She brushed her tips against it, reveling in the way it made her feel. The gentle heat it sent through her arm.

                            Her body instinctively inched closer to this foreign object and her head turned to meet it, eyes blinking open once more.

                            She smiled, her blurry vision searching for whatever had given her the small comfort. Ara’s hand enclosed around it, vision clearing. She squeezed, eyes glazed and mind fuzzy.

                            “November…” It came out as a sigh, her hand now wrapped around his own.

                            She didn’t understand why he was here, or why he hadn’t said anything, but she was thankful.

                            Thankful she wasn’t alone.

                            Wherever she was.

                             

                            #IfMarcelDiesIRiot
                            #ProtectMarcel
                            #ProtectSeb

                            #118609
                            Anonymous
                              • Rank: Chosen One
                              • Total Posts: 8156

                              @godlyfantasy12. Ooh, I LOVE THEM!!!!! 😀 <3

                              #118610
                              Anonymous
                                • Rank: Chosen One
                                • Total Posts: 8156

                                It might just be about time to put Ara in the protection squad. 😉 XD

                                #118611
                                GodlyFantasy12
                                @godlyfantasy12
                                  • Rank: Chosen One
                                  • Total Posts: 6645

                                  @freedomwriter76 thought all ma charries were already in there XD

                                   

                                  also I wanna put a scene on here that’s been written for a long while. It was one of the first scenes I wrote in this draft

                                  #IfMarcelDiesIRiot
                                  #ProtectMarcel
                                  #ProtectSeb

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