Critique wanted for Snow White retelling

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  • #38652
    Northerner
    @northerner
      • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
      • Total Posts: 244

      I wrote a novelette for Camp NaNo. It’s woefully under the upper limit, which is kind of a good thing, and very unsettling, because that never happens to me. At the moment it’s a rough draft, somewhere around 12,000 words.

      This is intended for submission to Rooglewood’s contest, so if you’d like to read it but think you wouldn’t give fair criticism, there’s your warning.

      The main problem at the moment, besides the usual first-draft things, is that I don’t know how it ends. I have two possible endings sketched out, and I’m not looking for beta-readers just yet (though I will be soon, because this has to be submitted by the end of the year), but one person, maybe two if I get enough interest, to read it and tell me which end they think fits better, and why.


      @emma-flournoy
      , @dragon-snapper, @daeus, @hope

      You will draw water joyfully from the springs of salvation. (Isaiah 12:3)

      #38653
      Daeus
      @daeus
        • Rank: Chosen One
        • Total Posts: 4238

        @northerner I’m afraid I can’t read it, but if you’d like to summarize it for me, I could probably tell you which ending would be best. Endings are kinda my thing.

        🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢

        #38656
        Gracie
        @graciegirl
          • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
          • Total Posts: 889

          @Daeus

          Endings are kinda my thing.

          HA.

          You mean, like, endings that leave readers emotionally wrecked at 3 a.m.?

          *is probably geeking out about something*

          #38658
          Daeus
          @daeus
            • Rank: Chosen One
            • Total Posts: 4238

            @graciegirl I suppose so.

            🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢

            #38663
            Snapper
            @dragon-snapper
              • Rank: Chosen One
              • Total Posts: 3515

              @northerner I might be able to, if I could work on it next week?

              ☀ ☀ ☀ ENFP ☀ ☀ ☀

              #38664
              Northerner
              @northerner
                • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
                • Total Posts: 244

                @Dragon-snapper, sure! I can share the Google Doc with you, if that works? I think I’ll need an e-mail address for that, though. You can contact me here: https://ofdreamsandswords.wordpress.com/contact/.


                @Daeus
                , I have your e-mail, so I’ll send you a summary that way, so as not to spoil things for other people.


                @Graciegirl
                uh oh. . . is that his time-travel one? I shall be doomed. *Hardens already-emotionless INTP heart.*

                • This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by Northerner.

                You will draw water joyfully from the springs of salvation. (Isaiah 12:3)

                #38668
                Gracie
                @graciegirl
                  • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
                  • Total Posts: 889

                  @Northerner
                  No, I actually meant Edwin Brook. 😜

                  *Hardens already-emotionless INTP heart.*

                  😂 INTPs are awesome.

                  *is probably geeking out about something*

                  #38691
                  Kate Flournoy
                  @kate-flournoy
                    • Rank: Chosen One
                    • Total Posts: 3976

                    @Northerner welp, I’m entering that contest too so I’m afraid that disqualifies me. Good luck though. 😉

                    Emma Flournoy
                    @emma-flournoy
                      • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                      • Total Posts: 1352

                      @Northerner I’m obviously not entering the contest, but I really have NO SPARE TIME. Very sorry, but good luck anyway. 😀

                      #38800
                      Hope Ann
                      @hope
                        • Rank: Eccentric Mentor
                        • Total Posts: 1092

                        @northerner I would, but I already have more going on than I actually have time for. Besides which, I’m also entering the contest (If I get time to sit down and write). 🙁

                        INTJ - Inhumane. No-feelings. Terrible. Judgment and doom on everyone.

                        #38808
                        Northerner
                        @northerner
                          • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
                          • Total Posts: 244

                          @Graciegirl, aw, thanks!


                          @Kate-flournoy
                          , it is possible that both of us could win, but I understand. Same to you!


                          @Emma-flournoy
                          , @Hope that’s okay. The Dragon Snapper will take care of it.

                          You will draw water joyfully from the springs of salvation. (Isaiah 12:3)

                          #38989
                          Snapper
                          @dragon-snapper
                            • Rank: Chosen One
                            • Total Posts: 3515

                            @northerner I like how you called me ‘The’ Dragon Snapper.
                            Question about the contact page, it says I need to add a comment. Will that go on the website, or will it simply be sent to you?
                            If you want, we can also exchange emails by KP’s email. Your email does not have to go on the site. (and now the word email is overused) 😛

                            ☀ ☀ ☀ ENFP ☀ ☀ ☀

                            #38990
                            Northerner
                            @northerner
                              • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
                              • Total Posts: 244

                              @Dragon-snapper, the comment will be the body of the e-mail you send me, if that makes sense, not a public thing. It is confusing the way it uses the word there.

                              You will draw water joyfully from the springs of salvation. (Isaiah 12:3)

                              #38992
                              Snapper
                              @dragon-snapper
                                • Rank: Chosen One
                                • Total Posts: 3515

                                @northerner *nods*
                                I have done the thing for the thing. The thing is done.

                                ☀ ☀ ☀ ENFP ☀ ☀ ☀

                                #38994
                                Northerner
                                @northerner
                                  • Rank: Loyal Sidekick
                                  • Total Posts: 244

                                  @Dragon-Snapper Got it.

                                  You will draw water joyfully from the springs of salvation. (Isaiah 12:3)

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